How to handle requests for a +1?

Carla1019 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_handle-requests-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93b7ceda-a7d7-426d-bc75-04f20b635a95Post:5d860c79-1342-4f0b-9b6c-9d3281271d41">How to handle requests for a +1?</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, most of our guests know someone else at the wedding so it's not like people will be all alone. I<strong>just got an email from an OOT cousin</strong>I'm not particularly close to but who's company I enjoy when I see her every few years. She asked if she can bring her boyfriend. I didn't know she had one. What's a nice way of saying no, or of saying that I'll let her know in 5 months when RSVPs come in... I have a feeling this is a situation I'll be facing a lot and need to know how to handle it. Thanks!
Posted by JJJ625[/QUOTE]

The fact that she is OOT (out of town correct?) she should be allowed a + 1 even if she were single. It is a nice gesture to allow all OOT guests a plus one so they don't have to travel alone.

Birdie1483 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_handle-requests-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93b7ceda-a7d7-426d-bc75-04f20b635a95Post:57376a6f-9e25-48ee-b486-843a93677d19">Re: How to handle requests for a +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]I budgeted assuming that every single person on my guest list would bring a date. And their children. If they do, everyone is happy. If they don't, then YAY WE GET MORE ALCOHOL!
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how we did it.

annakb8 · December 2011

I am in a life long feud with someone because they invited my H to their wedding but didn't include me even though we were in a very serious relationship (we got engaged a week later). Not including SOs is an asshole move.

stefaniewattie · December 2011

Were 5 months out right now and my guest list has changed a MILLION times.. Anytime someone I knew started dating someone..or broke up with their SO..it changed, we will have been engaged for 14 months when we finaly get married....in that time period one of our friends has started dating someone, and gotten pregnant! My guest list has fluctuated probably 50 people with all the adding and removing since the original list.
Our "rules" are -
our wedding party gets to bring a date no matter what..
If at the time the invites are sent out a guest was-to our knowledge- seeing someone..they will be invited, by name...not "and guest".
We are not giving ANYONE an "and guest" they will be invited by name-if they dont have a name (therefore dont exist...8 weeks before my wedding) I am not paying for their meal. I refuse to have my FI's buddies bring a random girl..especially when they all know eachother and at the cost per person were paying...no.
But to summarize..yes, if she is still dating him when you send out the actual invites...his name should be on the invitation.

lizw1013 · December 2011

I understand the money situation, but the thing, it's not very nice to not allow people a +1 unless they specifically request not to have one (I actually had some of my girlfriends tell me not to give them a plus 1). If you did this on the save the dates, then you may want to think about reconsidering when you send out your actual invites because just because you don't think someone is seeing anyone, it's incredibily rude to just assume that since they're single that they wouldn't want to bring anyone, so I would look to see if there would be anyway that you may be able to fix this. And also keep in mind that not everyone is going to take advantage of the plus one, many of your guests may choose to come alone if they're single or not in a serious relationship, but I think it's a choice they should make, rather than making it for them.

mica178 · December 2011

When making a guest list (and planning budget and room size), you should have at least a little flexibility for your single guests to be in new relationships. It might not happen, but then you'll have extra money in the end. At least then you won't be in a panic over not having enough room or having to give up your DJ for an iPod if it turns out that your second cousin fell madly in love and is already engaged to someone she met two weeks ago.

RanwaP · December 2011

I still think this is overkill and let me explain why....

Lets say someone is inviting 200 people to their wedding and 25 are single. This person is budgeting for 200 people even though there's no way every single person invited is going to show up. Because you have to budget for your entire invite list showing up no matter what.

Statistically 150 people will RSVP yes. For agruments sake lets say this bride has 175 RSVP yes. Then in another crazy turn of events every single single guests gets into a relationship. Now we're up to 200 people which was what they intially budgeted for anyway.

I think the chance that every person invited will come and every single single guest will get in a relationship is just a little bit far fetched.

redheadfsu · December 2011

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_handle-requests-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93b7ceda-a7d7-426d-bc75-04f20b635a95Post:0984cb3e-7507-4c66-96c8-1bd65e09b0aa">Re: How to handle requests for a +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still think this is overkill and let me explain why.... Lets say someone is inviting 200 people to their wedding and 25 are single. This person is budgeting for 200 people even though there's no way every single person invited is going to show up. Because you have to budget for your entire invite list showing up no matter what. Statistically 150 people will RSVP yes. For agruments sake lets say this bride has 175 RSVP yes. Then in another crazy turn of events every single single guests gets into a relationship. Now we're up to 200 people which was what they intially budgeted for anyway. I think the chance that every person invited will come and every single single guest will get in a relationship is just a little bit far fetched.
Posted by RanwaP[/QUOTE]

Yes it is far fetched that EVERY single guest will get a SO by wedding time.

However, people's point is that as a good host if the single person starts dating someone you must invite them (If it is a monogamous relationship, then they are a SO and needs to be invited); therefore, to plan properly (and to not go over budget without an ability to pay the wedding bill) that for <u>saftey's sake</u> you plan that everyone has a SO. Will it happen? Probably not. But if it does happen, you will have the cash to pay for it. See our point now?
</div>

MyUserName1 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_handle-requests-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93b7ceda-a7d7-426d-bc75-04f20b635a95Post:0984cb3e-7507-4c66-96c8-1bd65e09b0aa">Re: How to handle requests for a +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still think this is overkill and let me explain why.... Lets say someone is inviting 200 people to their wedding and 25 are single. This person is budgeting for 200 people even though there's no way every single person invited is going to show up. Because you have to budget for your entire invite list showing up no matter what. Statistically 150 people will RSVP yes. For agruments sake lets say this bride has 175 RSVP yes. Then in another crazy turn of events every single single guests gets into a relationship. Now we're up to 200 people which was what they intially budgeted for anyway. I think the chance that every person invited will come and every single single guest will get in a relationship is just a little bit far fetched.
Posted by RanwaP[/QUOTE]

<div>Or she could have just budgeted for 225 in the first place and not have had to stress out.</div><div>
</div><div>Now she has extra money in her budget to add more flowers or more booze or just to go out to a fancy dinner with her new husband on their honeymoon.</div><div>
</div><div>Doesn't that sound nicer than having to stress out over how to pay when 205 people rsvp yes?</div>

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_handle-requests-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93b7ceda-a7d7-426d-bc75-04f20b635a95Post:0984cb3e-7507-4c66-96c8-1bd65e09b0aa">Re: How to handle requests for a +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still think this is overkill and let me explain why.... Lets say someone is inviting 200 people to their wedding and 25 are single. This person is budgeting for 200 people even though there's no way every single person invited is going to show up. Because you have to budget for your entire invite list showing up no matter what. Statistically 150 people will RSVP yes. For agruments sake lets say this bride has 175 RSVP yes. Then in another crazy turn of events every single single guests gets into a relationship. Now we're up to 200 people which was what they intially budgeted for anyway. I think the chance that every person invited will come and every single single guest will get in a relationship is just a little bit far fetched.
Posted by RanwaP[/QUOTE]

<div>But what happens when 190 RSVP yes and 15 of the singles couple up? Now you're 5 people over budget and you have to scramble. No one wants to have to cut something they already decided on. If she'd planned for 225, now she has 20 extra and she can either pocket the cash or upgrade something. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, your percentage is a little off. There have been tons of surveys and polls on these board about this, and many, many people say they've had 95-100%. While 100% is rare, 75% is certainly not average.</div>

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