Was it worth it?

squirrly · October 2010

I enjoyed the planning. There were some stressful moments, but overall the planning wasn't a burden. I probably would do programs that required less hand cutting, especailly because it was freakin' cold and the "fan" purpose of them was completely lost on people.

In terms of telling your vendors, I think it's fine to say here's the budget, here's the colors, do something pretty. If you don't care either way about the flowers, then tell them that. You don't have to be super into each detail. I was, but because I was trying to get A LOT out of every floral dollar I had.

leah2b · October 2010

I am the type that did not really enjoy the planning and my main issues really pertained to the cost. For one thing, we paid for the entire affair on our own - everything. Considering the area I live in, it was quite a bit of $$. We saved it up and had it paid off prior to the wedding but I sometimes think about what we could have done with that money instead. Had someone else paid for the wedding, I would have said, hell ya, it was worth it. We had a great time, but as they say, it was over pretty fast. I must admit that my husband, who loves a great party, did most of the legwork on planning.

It was funny - we had our wedding and reception at a resort that is owned by Native Americans. According to their rules, you must be married by clergy in order for the marraige to be legal. We didn't want a religious ceremony, as our good friend, a judge, was marrying us. That morning of the wedding we went off-site to a local church with just a close friend and my sister and her fiance as witnesses and had a quicky legal ceremony at a gazebo in the park so that we would be "legally" married the same day as our cremony with guests and reception. Afterward, my husband said, "see I would have been just fine with this and a BBQ in the park."

golden1215 · October 2010

Sort of on the opposite page I always dreamed that I'd have a huge princess wedding. When it actually came down to it we had a tiny 30 person wedding at a restaurant with a lot of the traditional stuff left out- no dad walking me down the aisle, no first dance, no dancing at all until later at a pub after party... I didnt even book a lady to do my hair/make up til 2 weeks before and I ran to Target the morning of to get my hair accessory off the clearance rack. It was probably the most laid back, none stressful thing I've done.

People who know me were afraid I'd regret the small wedding since I'm sort of a diva at heart and am normally kinda high strung.

I could not be happier with how everything went down and I am so so sooooo glad we had a small, simple wedding. Our bank accounts, and sanity, are still intact and we had just as much fun as I assume most B&G have.

Knot Annie · October 2010

This is a great post with a lot really good (and honest) responses. I'm going to put this in our newsletter so expect new answers on Friday.

*I'll also give you my response since I'm using you for your post. (And I've been married since the days of powdered wigs.) I felt exactly the way that you did. Our parents contributed some and we paid for most. In the end (especially after some of the family members who were there and no longer are), I realize how a wedding can really bring your family together. I think your parents will be just as happy as you are on your wedding day. GL!

FutureMrsDeP · October 2010

I'm finding this just absolutely hilarious! Everything that I am reading I am relating to somehow or in some way. Everything anybody has said, pros and cons, I've thought. Which is comforting. Since I've been engaged, I've thought literally every other day about calling it off and going away! Literally! The only thing in all of this that I am sure of is who I am marrying! I've been a hairstylist for almost 13yrs and about 90% of the brides I've had sit in my chair on their wedding day say "Never again!" So I've always felt that I knew what to expect. I never thought that I'd be doing this. Regardless, for what ever reason we decided to, not wanting to regret not doing it I suppose. I am a planner and I wanted to get it all done "right now" so I feel less stress before the wedding...yeah right! And for 6 months now, and for another 6 months, I get to feel like I'm Christmas shopping for a bunch of people and feel like I have one gift for one person, three for another, and none for someone else. I feel like nothing can be completed and checked off as done! It's driving me batty. I'm constantly having breakdowns feeling like I don't even know who I am. The person I knew would never wanted any of this! And the next day I feel like I'm so excited I could pee my pants! What I realized, is that as women, our opinions change with the wind! We want it all, we want the ease and intimacy of going away and we also want a traditional wedding to share and celebrate with our loved ones. All I do know is at the end I will be married to the love of my life and that's all I ever wanted...the rest is a crap shoot!

polichik · October 2010

Most people on here know how much blood, sweat, and indecisive tears I put into the wedding. And yeah, I'd say that every second was worth it.

But then again, I'm a super meticulous mega-planner who tries to plan a party 10 years in advance. Ok, not really, but still. However, I thnk it's important to be able to delegate stuff to your FI if you get overwhelmed. It can't just be a one-woman show.

BewitchedBeckatha · October 2010

Ok, I HAVE to answer this. I'm a 2nd bride. For my 1st wedding I did a traditional ceremony even though there's nothing traditional about me. it didn't feel like who I was, and it didn't feel genuine. However, there were aspects of it that I loved. For example I did a lot of DIY stuff and had a ball doing that. Did all the planning pretty much by myself and actually enjoyed it. The only thing that really irritated me was that I caved to convention too many times. I didn't feel like I was really myself. Oh, and we paid for everythning.

Flash forward; this is my 2nd marriage and we're doing every crazy thing we've ever wanted. Both of us are very excited to get married and just having fun with everything. Lots of our stuff is DIY, because we're creative, silly people. Our goal is for us and our guests to just have a great time. As long as you do that, and you feel like you're being true to yourself I think you can't go wrong.

Oh and a word of advice to brides: make sure you eat at your reception!

Becky

StargazerLily07 · October 2010

I am still planning actually, with 2 weeks left to go. At this point in time, I do not have a cake, or flowers yet!! I'm working on them, I think I have actually found a bakery who will do the kind of cake I want.. and I believe I know of a flower shop that will still do my flowers, I just have to go in and talk to them. I am a HUGE procrastinator, obviously! Also, I got engaged August 12th, and am getting married November 7th, so I already didn't have much time. When I first got engaged I felt that I had lots of time to do things, and I just wanted to enjoy being engaged. BIG mistake.

Most things are falling into place for me, but the things that aren't.. are causing me to rip my hair out and have long sessions of both screaming and cursing, and crying for hours on end. I've come to the conclusion that not everything can be perfect for me, but I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff. I am trying desperately to enjoy this time, even though it is very VERY hard to do so. Especially since my dear FI and I have been arguing like crazy lately.. and we hardly ever argue or fight. I have learned a lot planning my wedding though.. and it certainly is a time I'll never forget.

In the end though, I think it will all be worth it. It will be beautiful, I am positive of that.. everyone will enjoy themselves (it's an open bar ;]), and the best part, is that you can remember all the silly little details and arguments that turned out right or terribly wrong.. with your new loving husband, for the rest of your lives together.
And isn't that all that counts? Because I think so.

StargazerLily07 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:115ae837-8450-4878-bf84-c2ecfd5597db">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was it worth it? : Right, cause all women are the same. :eyeroll:
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

MEOW! Lady, there is no need for such cattiness!

She's talking about how she can relate in some way or another to each and every bride out there.. and it's true, So can I. Most brides are quite a like in the way they feel while they are planning their weddings. I don't know how many times I have wanted to call the whole thing off, because I just couldn't handle all of the stress, or fighting. But after just seeing my FI I endured it all, and HE endured it all.. the screaming fits of rage and cursing at him and everyone that stepped foot in the room, days where i stayed in bed refusing to eat anything but chocolate, and watch sappy love sotry movies, etc etc. WE STUCK IT OUT.. And now I'm 2 weeks away, still stressed as ever... but also excited, because I get to marry the love of my life..

asallen · October 2010

Because we're not married yet, I can't answer from personal experience, but I think it completely depends on your frame of mind... My bff got married 4 years ago with a very very tight budget, so as her MOH and only maid, I helped her DIY a lot of things. While she loved every minute of it and still does dispite the DIVORCE, as I helped her the only thing that kept going over and over in my head was, "I don't want this!" So, now my turn, we're doing JOP after we move into our new house which my parents gave us a good down payment for instead of footing a wedding bill. We'll have a reception/housewarming! I don't forsee any regrets planning this because we are starting our lives together in a home we bought together. I'm super excited!

Leah121011 · October 2010

I'm getting married in December, and my friends and family are slightly annoyed with how calm I am. That doesn't mean I'm not getting things done, but really.. I just want a beautiful day that my quests enjoy.. to me its not about all the fancy hoopla details that make people crazy. The only time I get stressed is when one of my friends or sisters/mothers tell me their opinion about my decisions (and its not a good one). I've been to the fanciest weddings and stood up for girls who let the wedding stress get to them, and at the end of the day- I do not think it is worth all the stress.

emilyinchile · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:c997e905-889f-4939-bff5-7918969d3005">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was it worth it? : MEOW! Lady, there is no need for such cattiness! <strong>She's talking about how she can relate in some way or another to each and every bride out there</strong>.. and it's true, So can I. Most brides are quite a like in the way they feel while they are planning their weddings. I don't know how many times I have wanted to call the whole thing off, because I just couldn't handle all of the stress, or fighting. But after just seeing my FI I endured it all, and HE endured it all.. the screaming fits of rage and cursing at him and everyone that stepped foot in the room, days where i stayed in bed refusing to eat anything but chocolate, and watch sappy love sotry movies, etc etc. WE STUCK IT OUT.. And now I'm 2 weeks away, still stressed as ever... but also excited, because I get to marry the love of my life..
Posted by StargazerLily07[/QUOTE]

No she isn't. She's saying that she was indecisive and emotional and was stressed by every wedding decision, and then she says that all women are the same. It's not true, and it's perpetuating a stereotype that women are flightly, unstable creatures who don't know what we want. I find it offensive to lump me and every other woman into that category when I am proud of that fact that I'm actually nothing like that.

If you want to disagree with me or say I was too harsh, fine, that's your opinion, but at least disagree with me based on what the poster actually said.

loveatfirstsight10 · October 2010

Honestly I too am wondering if it is worth it. Fortunately, We haven't spent much money on anything yet ( we still have a while to go) and we can still choose to elope. My FI and I talked about it the other night, he agrees that most of the flowers and expensive food, etc. seems really pointless. We are probably going to elope or have a very simple wedding. (no band or dj, just an ipod, no fancy food, maybe a potluck; no huge centerpieces or other expensive flower arrangements, no tuxes, just suits the guys already have, etc. We will save a lot of money and stress that way.

adrop · October 2010

We're still 6 months out from our wedding and had to make some of the bigger decisions a few months ago because we're getting married on Easter weekend in a small town, a popular time but also a weekend where there is a big airshow in the same town (problems with accommodation for out of town guests). However, in order to reduce the stress in the next few months, my fiance and I sat down last night and started planning. i.e. we're using google calenders and putting in reminders for things we want done by certain dates. This will (hopefully) help us not to feel too overwhelmed by everything. Even at the last minute, perhaps you could try it? It can clear your head (ok, today I'm deciding / am doing this and this, I don't have to worry about that until tomorrow etc.).

pinamt143 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:61edbee5-3ecf-4808-b2de-50adcbe8699b">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
[QUOTE]I leave for Jamaica to get married in 14 days and I haven't done jack. I mean I should be doing stuff (I think) and I get stressed thinking about doing stuff so then I just don't do it because it's easier that way. I have a dress, a groom & wedding bands so we should be ok. I am practically eloping since only handful of people are coming and yet I still wish we would have just done it alone because I keep worrying that people won't have a good time or the food will suck or it will be really hot and everyone will hate me for sweating. AND to make the situation even more stressful, FI's dad passed away so he never will get to see us married or be a grandpa someday. BUT if there is a brightside to his passing, we definitely want to have a baby sooner than later (who would have thought, I only like dogs!) life is too short LC so just enjoy the family time & memories you'll make at your wedding.
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

In rememberance to his father you should place something where his seat would of been at the ceremony and/or reception, or mention him in your program just so your fiance will know you cared about that important detail of his.

audluck · October 2010

I can relate to the is it worth it feeling. I feel guilt and stress about planning a wedding, so much money, so much time that I should be spending on other things. But ultimately this is for our family and friends as much as it is for us. I keep telling myself that although it may not be that important to have a big wedding to me, it is to my mom and others, so I should try to enjoy the exhaustive planning. For me, not waiting until the last minute to do everything will make it less stressful.

jones3ac · October 2010

I am in your same sitch now, too, except 7 months out and planning TWO weddings within a week of each other! I always said I would rather have a car or a down payment on a house versus a big wedding, but that obviously didn´t hold up...My FH is Nicaraguan and we live in Nicaragua, so we decided to have two ceremonies so that both of our families can be at each one. We started up our own non-profit here a year and a half ago, and spending so much money just seems ridiculous, but there are so many details you just can´t avoid! I am so excited to get married, but this whole planning two weddings thing, one long distance, has definitely caused some sleepless nights and lots of stress thinking about how much my parents will end up spending. Let´s hope we can just relax and enjoy the day when it comes, LC!

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