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Wedding Etiquette Forum
anreynolds
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Wedding invite addresses - a feminist version
I don't believe in addressing a woman by her husband's name (i.e. Mrs. John Doe). How should I address the outer envelope:
1) Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe
2) Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe
3) Mrs. & Mr. Jane & John Doe
Also for a family
4) The Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe Family
5) Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe Family
Help Please
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Re: Wedding invite addresses - a feminist version
You're not actually supposed to use "and family" on the outer envelope, but if you want to, I'd follow the format of Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe & Family
Planning!.....Married!
But she's just saying she wants to list both first names, which I fully support.
Planning!.....Married!
[QUOTE]It seems to me (and I am a feminist) that if a woman chooses to take her husband's last name, she's made the decision to be addressed in the more traditional fashion. As a feminist, wouldn't you want to support another woman's choice?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
Get out of my head! I was thinking the same thing, and then I read what you wrote. :)
I don't think I'd notice if someone addressed something
Mrs. Nick Diane or Mrs. Shelly Diane.
I see Mrs. and automatically know its me. There's no other Mrs. in the house.
Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe
Sarah and George Doe
123 street
city, state 12345
Married
Planning
Married
Planning
[QUOTE]Shelly I wouldn't notice either and really don't care.
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]
Cool. Its not like I'm anti-feminist or anything. I am glad I can vote. I just couldn't give two poos about it.
I certainly don't think it's impolite or used with ill intent. But it bothers me that it's still considered acceptable for a woman to be absorbed into her husband's name upon marriage. Just one of those things.
Planning!.....Married!
[QUOTE]It actually does bother me.. Not in a "what a rude person to address it like that" sort of way, but more in a "wow, we still have a ways to go in changing gender equality in our culture" sort of way. My name is my name, and when I marry FI, I'll become as much a part of him as he becomes a part of me. I certainly don't think it's impolite or used with ill intent. But it bothers me that it's still considered acceptable for a woman to be absorbed into her husband's name upon marriage. Just one of those things.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]
To each his/her own I suppose :)
[QUOTE]It actually does bother me.. Not in a "what a rude person to address it like that" sort of way, but more in a "<strong>wow, we still have a ways to go in changing gender equality in our culture</strong>" sort of way. My name is my name, and when I marry FI, I'll become as much a part of him as he becomes a part of me. I certainly don't think it's impolite or used with ill intent. But it bothers me that it's still considered acceptable for a woman to be absorbed into her husband's name upon marriage. Just one of those things.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]
I agree with you, I just don't think that how wedding invitations are addressed is the biggest manifestation of that problem and would rather save my anger for more important things. Like unequal pay for equal work. Or sexual harassment. Etc.
Married
Planning
If it's address soley to me then yes I would give a side eye to it being address to Mrs John Doe.
Oh I had some widows. I wrote out them out as Mrs Jane Doe (like I prefer) and 3 of 4 came back on the RSVP as Mrs John Doe... I guess some woman still prefer Mrs John Doe???
Married
Planning
[QUOTE]It seems to me (and I am a feminist) that if a woman chooses to take her husband's last name, she's made the decision to be addressed in the more traditional fashion. As a feminist, wouldn't you want to support another woman's choice?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
EXACTLY thank you. We all make choices in life. I'm as feminist as they come but seriously? Who gets bent out of shape over someone properly addressing a social invitation?
40/112
Married
Planning
[QUOTE]It actually does bother me.. Not in a "what a rude person to address it like that" sort of way, but more in a "wow, we still have a ways to go in changing gender equality in our culture" sort of way. My name is my name, and when I marry FI, I'll become as much a part of him as he becomes a part of me. I certainly don't think it's impolite or used with ill intent. But it bothers me that it's still considered acceptable for a woman to be absorbed into her husband's name upon marriage. Just one of those things.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]
It would actually sort of offend me if someone took the time to specifically call me out separately than my DH (once we're married and i take his name). I'm traditional and so is my social circle, so I guess that's why it'd be unexpected. but that's just my opinion, i don't really care if other people do that. i guess if i knew they wanted to be called out separately, i would... but i definitely wouldn't do it to everyone. just my two cents.
[QUOTE]I don't believe in addressing a woman by her husband's name (i.e. Mrs. John Doe). How should I address the outer envelope: 1) Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe 2) Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe 3) Mrs. & Mr. Jane & John Doe Also for a family 4) The Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe Family 5) Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe Family Help Please
Posted by anreynolds[/QUOTE]
<div>Why not just Mr. and Mrs. Lastnamehere.</div>
Ms. HerFirst and Mr. HisFirst TheirLast
Also, as a PP said, it's incorrect to separate the man's first and last name.
Personally, I think that using Ms. seems silly, but it's technically the way to do it.
[QUOTE]Mrs. is the designation that the person is the mistress/wife of the named person. Since one can't be one's own wife it's technically incorrect to use Mrs. Herfirst Last, even if the woman is married. So if you want to list the woman's first name, for a married couple it should be: Ms. HerFirst and Mr. HisFirst TheirLast Also, as a PP said, it's incorrect to separate the man's first and last name. Personally, I think that using Ms. seems silly, but it's technically the way to do it.
Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]
huh! Never knew that one.
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe
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