Who is wrong?

andrea2473 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:66c7f33e-b48b-47d7-a261-c5439d4105f8">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]But you WOULDN'T be bending. It's not like it was YOUR idea and you told sister and she said "Oh, I was going to do that, you can't!" She probably would have gone to the jeweler and bought already made rings or had a jeweler custom design them if her sister had never said anything. I'm clearly in the minority, but seriously think about if it's worth alienating your sister over your wedding rings.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

True. How do you feel about OP's thought of doing it anyway and not telling anyone? Even her sister? You've changed my opinion a little bit, but I do stand behind the thought that she is probably more concerned about the credit for the idea, rather than someone actually doing it. Do you think that's a reasonable compromise, or is it deceitful and going behind her back?

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:529c86f5-4f73-47e2-9b9c-8ee98a7f50f6">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Summer, I feel like you're arguing semantics. They were discussing. OP's sister was saying "here's my idea." That does not automatically a suggestion make. Yes, the sister is being a turd. But to go against her clearly stated wishes is also a diiick move. Do you REALLY want to alienate your sister over RINGS? I mean, if you do, then have at it. But it's 100% not worth it IMO.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

So if I said, "We're thinking of buying a car but have no idea what to get." And you said, "Well Toyotas are good cars," then that's not a suggestion? Just because I didn't specifically say, "What do you suggest?" To me, it's more about the pattern of conversation. OP said she had no idea what to do for wedding bands and then her sister said, "Well here's what I'm doing but you can't do that."

We are in agreeance that if it would hurt her sister's feelings that much, I probably would just scrap the idea. But I think it's equally immature of her sister to offer up an idea and then say, "But you can't do this."

J&K10910 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:2969b49b-1df3-4986-a862-de59cef93189">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who is wrong? : True. How do you feel about OP's thought of doing it anyway and not telling anyone? Even her sister? You've changed my opinion a little bit, but I do stand behind the thought that she is probably more concerned about the credit for the idea, rather than someone actually doing it. Do you think that's a reasonable compromise, or is it deceitful and going behind her back?
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't lie to someone that important to me. Sister is going to ask where they got it. She'll have to lie.

Summer, I think there's a huge difference between your example and what i'm thinking. You'll probably think there's a huge difference between my example and what you're thinkig too, but for me, it's like this:
"Hey, pregnant sister, got any name ideas?"
"Oh, not pregnant yet but plans on someday having children sister, no, we haven't made a decision yet."
"Yeah, I've always loved the name Olivia for my own daughter."
"Oh! Great name! I think we'll do that!"
"WTF?"

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:e84c2be8-05b2-4663-a9cb-7daeac404ec7">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who is wrong? : I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't lie to someone that important to me. Sister is going to ask where they got it. She'll have to lie. Summer, I think there's a huge difference between your example and what i'm thinking. You'll probably think there's a huge difference between my example and what you're thinkig too, but for me, it's like this: "Hey, pregnant sister, got any name ideas?" "Oh, not pregnant yet but plans on someday having children sister, no, we haven't made a decision yet." "Yeah, I've always loved the name Olivia for my own daughter." "Oh! Great name! I think we'll do that!" "WTF?"
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I didn't understand what you were saying in the bolded. But yes, I think we just have different ideas about the nature of the conversation.

And OP I would definitely not do this secretly.

J&K10910 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:017ed711-4724-4265-97e4-4d1162e006cb">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who is wrong? : I didn't understand what you were saying in the bolded. But yes, I think we just have different ideas about the nature of the conversation. And OP I would definitely not do this secretly.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

The pregnant sister is OP. The not pregnant but planning on having kids someday sister is OP's sister. Take those words out and read it again.

annieoldfield · July 2012

As i said in the first post, my sister said it would be like the baby name.

But its not. Of course two sisters cant name their child the same name, but they can have wedding rings they made themselves.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:a8bc1156-82af-4c36-9e3b-1743d583a4cb">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who is wrong? : The pregnant sister is OP. The not pregnant but planning on having kids someday sister is OP's sister. Take those words out and read it again.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Ah I think it was just missing a quotation mark which threw me off. I read everything from "Oh" to "yet" as one person saying all that. It makes more sense now.

J&K10910 · July 2012

Ok, well I'm sure that will work out well for you!

J&K10910 · July 2012

PS, when your sister finds out you went behind her back and then lied to her and she's pissed and punches you or something? Please come back and tell us so I can laugh.

J&K10910 · July 2012

Going off the rails on a crazy train?

andrea2473 · July 2012

Eagles, J: I totally get what you're saying. I think my only residual issue is that just because you didn't come up with an idea, doesn't mean it can't be special to you, too. Sister is being silly, but this is a lot of drama over rings when there are a kajillion of them out there.

ETA: I'd give it one more talk with sis in a few weeks and if she still insists, just let it go. Eagles and J&K make valid points.

lyndausvi · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:8d875a55-1085-4013-9c4d-13645164c600">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]As i said in the first post, my sister said it would be like the baby name. But its not. Of course two sisters cant name their child the same name, but they can have wedding rings they made themselves.
Posted by annieoldfield[/QUOTE]

Sure they can. My sibling cousins both names their sons Michael. Both fathers were named Michael and both insisted on having a junior. ::rolls eyes::

I didn't say it ideal, actually it was down right annoying because the younger Michaels were born about 5 months apart. But yeah, it can happen.

annieoldfield · July 2012

Oh i understand they be named the same, but i was trying to make the point that both making rings isnt as much of an issue as naming children.

I guess in a couple months ill just casually bring it up again and see how she reacts, if shes still adamant it would be terrible of me to do it i guess i just wont.

lyndausvi · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:664533e8-9fd0-4583-b723-cbdc6205ecba">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]That awful car commercial with the knockoff Jolie-Pitts singing in the backseat of a Kia or Hyundai or whatever it is really ruined that song for me. Try to figure out that run on sentence.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I so agree with you.

jessicabessica · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:17b06b33-e1d0-4e8d-b796-f997455a07db">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Technically, two sisters can have the same baby name. It would be confusing, but it's not illegal to each name your daughter Annabelle. I'm just trying to take this thread further off the rails, yo.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>Dude, you might want to grab the disclaimer from the who is right thread, throwing legal advice around like that.</div>

devonnajamie · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:529c86f5-4f73-47e2-9b9c-8ee98a7f50f6">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Summer, I feel like you're arguing semantics. They were discussing. OP's sister was saying "here's my idea." That does not automatically a suggestion make. Yes, the sister is being a turd. But to go against her clearly stated wishes is also a diiick move. Do you REALLY want to alienate your sister over RINGS? I mean, if you do, then have at it. But it's 100% not worth it IMO.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I completely agree. I think it would be wrong to go ahead with it, especially after the sister made her feelings clear.

J&K10910 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:48d8c709-2842-436b-b4e3-1ac86828cf1c">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh i understand they be named the same, but i was trying to make the point that both making rings isnt as much of an issue as naming children. I guess in a couple months ill just casually bring it up again and see how she reacts, if shes still adamant it would be terrible of me to do it i guess i just wont.
Posted by annieoldfield[/QUOTE]

Right, to you, to me, to Summer, to everyone else in this thread.

But to HER it is. She told you as much. And you're blatantly disregarding that, and it sucks and is hurtful. That's the point I'm trying to make. Like, there are some things that aren't a big deal to my H on their own. But they're a big deal to me, so he's sensitive to that, because, you know, he has to live with me. And he loves me, so he tries to care about things that matter to me.

And with that, I take my leave, because I'm getting a headache from banging my head against a wall that isn't really all that big of a deal in the first place.

mbrischoux · July 2012

The whole "Who Is Wrong" title is pretty petty, as far as I'm concerned.

Anywho, I don't think EITHER of you are wrong, nor do I think either of you are RIGHT. This fight, on both of your parts, is silly - they're RINGS. Even if both of you decide to make them yourselves with your significant others, they will most likely be very different rings anyway. So who cares?

Die on a far worthier hill.

Kate61487 · July 2012

I don't think this is quite to the extreme of naming a child, but I also don't think it's as cavalier as "toyotas are good cars". Maybe more like one person saying they want to get a new tattoo; the other saying "oh I've always planned on getting this tattoo that has special meaning to me" and the first saying "ohh I like that, I'll do it too". It's something personal to her, and clearly it will upset her, so just drop it. Not "oh I'll see if she still cares in six months" just let it go now.

ootmother2 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:66c7f33e-b48b-47d7-a261-c5439d4105f8">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]But you WOULDN'T be bending. It's not like it was YOUR idea and you told sister and she said "Oh, I was going to do that, you can't!" She probably would have gone to the jeweler and bought already made rings or had a jeweler custom design them if her sister had never said anything. I'm clearly in the minority, but seriously think about if it's worth alienating your sister over your wedding rings.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I'm 100% agreeing with J&K. Go argue about something important if you must

HTH

TheBaney · July 2012

At this point, it's not about whether or not using the same idea is the wrong thing to do. It became the wrong thing to do when your sister said that it would be hurtful to her. I'd imagine that your sister is an important person in your life, whom you care about? If she said it is important to her that her idea remain unique to her family, then you should respect that, regardless of whether or not she should make that claim.

mizutamababy · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-is-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9a484e6-31d4-471d-a675-ee50e7874018Post:fa00c2fd-56b8-4c12-92d1-1cbd99f6eab1">Re: Who is wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who is wrong? : But you're in Florida. I'm sorry, but this is a tempest in a teacup.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

TK won't let international brides sign up without a U.S. local area. I live in Japan but have to use my DFW, which is the closest thing to my hometown.

As for the post, I think the sister is making a mountain out of the molehill, but at the same time kind of ridic to post it here to ask who is right.

Who is wrong?

Re: Who is wrong?

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