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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Is this normal?
Hi everyone,
I lurk often, but this is my first time posting here. I have a question regarding ceremonies. I know this is not the ceremony/religious weddings board, but I think you all give good advice and hope some of you can help me out.
I was raised Catholic, and FI is Lutheran (ELCA). I have decided to convert to Lutheranism, and we plan to have our ceremony at FI's church.
We have received a booklet of information from his church. The church will be charging us $850. This includes the pastor, pianist, and essentially any other costs incurred with the ceremony, except for decorations. Our photographer is not allowed to use flash photography, and our guests are not allowed to take pictures at all. Our programs must be pre-approved before we send them to print, and the programs must include something about the guests not being able to take pictures.
To me, this seems really strange and very rigid. I was always under the impressions that churches do not charge a fee, but that you are to make a donation to the church. Also, the no guest photography seems a bit strict to me. All of this does seem strict, and in my mind, the price is pretty outrageous. However, I don't know if this is normal or not, because I am new to Lutheranism. I was always under the impression that ELCA Lutherans were the more "liberal" of the Lutherans, so I am surprised by the requirements of the church.
Is this normal?
Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is this normal?
I'm a Catholic and I found out there are some churches that do not allow you to use real flower petals for the flower girl, they do not allow flash photography, they do not allow certain dresses, etc.
Again, I'm not Lutheran so I'm not 100% but I'm just saying there are Catholic churches with similar rules so it may be more about the specific church.
The price doesn't sound as odd. My mom's church is free for members, but if you aren't an official church member, you have to pay to hold your wedding there. I'm not sure how much.
I haz a planning bio
If you really want to marry at this church, you'll have to bow to their rules. If the rules are too much, you're going to have to find a new church.
At the same time, as the costumer, you have to be prepared that your photos may not look exactly like some of the beautifully lit photos in the photographer's portfolio. Their is only so much the photographer can do with the restrictions they are given.
Also, my venue requires that all printed material be approved ahead of time. (programs, menues, invitations, everything) It is not a church. I thought it was weird, but it was no big deal to me so I went with it. I guess it is not too odd if your venue requires that as well.
Most churches charge fees to my knowledge. It is a smaller fee for members usually. At least all the ones I looked into- Catholic and Methodist. One of the Catholic churches charged $400 for members, but then there were several other fees for classes, etc. that made it almost $1000!
Those photography rules are not uncommon in a church. We are getting married in a Methodist church and they have the same rules, although not sure about the "no photography" printed in your programs- that one seems a little strange because what if you're not having programs (I'm probably not). So what would it matter then? They shouldn't be able to dictate to you what to have printed in something that is completely your decision/optional to begin with, but then again, if you want to get married there and they insist, you will have to bend.
Our wedding date is November 12, 2011
RSVP Date October 12th, 2011
There are additional charges for the organist and choir although, as we're part of the choir, they were offering to perform free. It's another £60 for the organist and £50 for the choir.
There is no photography during certain parts of the service - we're having a full Marriage with Holy Communion - and no flash photography during any of it, with the possible exception of register signing. The vicar liasises with the photographer so they both know the boundaries! Most of the 'no photography at all' bits are the religious elements of the service - during prayers and so on. This was also the case at the church I previously sang at and the case at the Catholic Cathedral that my fiancé's brother recently married at.
Our programmes/orders of service are being printed by the church and therefore they will get approval by default! Again, this is something they're doing as a gift with no charge because we are so heavily involved.
We also had to have our programs pre-approved before printing them. They not only looked over them to make sure they were in the correct order in which the ceremony was going to take place, but they also wanted to make sure we didn't put anything in there about things we were not allowed to do or have such as the lighting of a unity candle.
I do know that my local church charges for use of the church and I though almost all did as I was supriesed at the one on Cape Cod.
As far as the church fees, that likely covers the electricity, the cleaning of the church before/afterwards, staffing(someone has to be there to open/close the church for you), etc.
I would not fret over the programs - that seems pretty standard. As far as the guests' photography, put something in the program that says, "No photography during the ceremony is allowed, per church rules" or something of that nature. If you can, you might also want to put up a small sign in the foyer as the guests are entering, since not everyone takes a program or reads them.