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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

EXPIRED

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Re: EXPIRED

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:7e04b441-995b-4926-b206-ecb0b339c32d">Re: (Super Long!) H & I are both disappointed (Not with each other)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to (Super Long!) H & I are both disappointed (Not with each other) : oh my. Well I read the entire post and Im sorry for everything that happened. I know a few people said you did not have a right to be upset but if you paid for something, you should get what you want. Yes i would be very upset if things that were paid for did not come out the right way. You have the right to want your wedding be a certain way and not settle, especially if you are the one paying for it. Im even sorry for the responses you are getting and since they seem to think that "your life is not as interesting to people and you seem to think", hopefully they will not be posting their recaps because other people will not think that their wedding day is not as interesting either. I thought members can post their recaps regardless of how long/or negative but I guess it only applys to certain people. I would also think that as soon as opening your post they saw the length and would just simply exit out of it. Making comments to how long it is was kind of rude and could have been kept to themselves. This is supposed to be a community and instead of helping or even giving useful advice, the comments seemed mostly catty.  Either way, Im sorry for what happened to you during a time that was supposed to be fun and relaxing.
    Posted by gmg75241[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Nor do people have to use paragraphs, use proper capitlization, and spell things correctly. However doing so makes it more likely that their posts will be read and responded to. Now THAT was catty.</div><div>
    </div><div>And I think the advice that concentrating on the negative won't help you move forward with positivity IS good advice. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:7e04b441-995b-4926-b206-ecb0b339c32d">Re: (Super Long!) H & I are both disappointed (Not with each other)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to (Super Long!) H & I are both disappointed (Not with each other) : oh my. Well I read the entire post and Im sorry for everything that happened. I know a few people said you did not have a right to be upset but if you paid for something, you should get what you want. Yes i would be very upset if things that were paid for did not come out the right way. You have the right to want your wedding be a certain way and not settle, especially if you are the one paying for it. Im even sorry for the responses you are getting and since they seem to think that "your life is not as interesting to people and you seem to think", hopefully they will not be posting their recaps because other people will not think that their wedding day is not as interesting either. I thought members can post their recaps regardless of how long/or negative but I guess it only applys to certain people. I would also think that as soon as opening your post they saw the length and would just simply exit out of it. Making comments to how long it is was kind of rude and could have been kept to themselves. This is supposed to be a community and instead of helping or even giving useful advice, the comments seemed mostly catty.  Either way, Im sorry for what happened to you during a time that was supposed to be fun and relaxing.
    Posted by gmg75241[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thank you for your kind words, understanding, and taking the time to read my vent. Since posting I do feel much better. Also, there was much to our wedding that was wonderful and beautiful which we are truly grateful for. :)</div><div>
    </div>
  • Holy cow. I get being disappointed in SOME of this stuff, but really? Getting upset that a vendor got pregnant? Here's the thing: a lot of your disappointments came from either having unrealistically high expectations (no, your WP is not responsible for cleaning up after your wedding reception) to just things that are out of your control (it is out of your control that you got your period twice or tripped on your dress, etc). Either way, it is not worth the time and energy to nitpick this many things about your wedding day. It just isn't.

    And I'm sorry, but I do find it ridiculous that you went into debt over your wedding. That is 100% in your control and I definitely side-eye that. It is a party. A big party, but just a party. It is not worth it to have to pay off a party for over a year.


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    Vacation
  • ....she picked the ONE post that sympathized with her to comment on.
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  • You had me at 510 invited to the shower.
  • I actually read the whole thing, I am sorry you are so disappointed, and I understand to a certain extent that when you are spending $55000 that you are entitled to have some expectations of  what will happen that you also must be realistic, people get pregnant, that happens, you cant get mad at them for that! I also definitely dont agree with putting yourself $15000 in debt, personally I would have taken the $40000 you said you paid in cash and made that my overall budget. Also when it comes to gifts, when people pay the expense of traveling to Hawaii and the expenses when they are there, I think them being there should be considered a gift! At the end of the day what means more, your friends and family seeing you get married or a set of new pots and pans??
    At the end of the day just remember that you are married to your best friend and that is all that matters

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:6a2156b4-d854-4321-b8fb-5e58ad1bc697">Re: (Super Long!) H & I are both disappointed (Not with each other)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I actually read the whole thing, I am sorry you are so disappointed, and I understand to a certain extent that when you are spending $55000 that you are entitled to have some expectations of  what will happen that you also must be realistic, people get pregnant, that happens, you cant get mad at them for that! I also definitely dont agree with putting yourself $15000 in debt, personally I would have taken the $40000 you said you paid in cash and made that my overall budget. <strong>Also when it comes to gifts, when people pay the expense of traveling to Hawaii and the expenses when they are there, I think them being there should be considered a gift! At the end of the day what means more, your friends and family seeing you get married or a set of new pots and pans?? </strong>At the end of the day just remember that you are married to your best friend and that is all that matters
    Posted by bridetobemo[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>A thousand times, THIS!! ^^ I've been to a few DW were I spent THOUSANDS to get and stay there, so no, I didn't give an actual gift, just a card. My presence is your present. And then to not get a thank you card after traveling and spending all that money - well let's just say I was a little hurt. Be sure you send a thank you card to EVERYONE who made the trip to Hawaii, as that was your gift.</div><div>
    </div><div>And am I the only one who noticed that she posted this, but then posted her wedding video in like 10 different places? Yes, I'm so upset that I'm going to share my wedding video with everyone! 

    </div>
  • I hope you're over it at this point because I don't believe this was healthy at all - this was a pick fest at everything you were disappointed about in the hopes of getting some sympathy.

    No wedding is perfect or goes according to plan - it's unrealistic to expect it will. If your friends and family walk all over you, it's because you let them. Stop seeking sympathy for that as well.

    Jachelle, I hope your future endeavors will be more productive than this, but in all reality - get over it.
    Vacation White Knot
  • I just watched your hi-lite video.  You had a beautiful wedding - there was so much in that video to be absolutely thankful for.  I can't believe you chose to focus on so much negative.
  • Just...wow...

    I'm stuck on the details.  510 people for a shower and only 2 came.  Even the week before, that just seems to say something about how folks feel about more than a schedule.  Just sayin.

    You drag people all the way to Hawaii for a wedding and you serve cheese and veggies?  Even with cake...that's not an awesome way to treat people.

    It would be nice if they could have done something about the cloudy sunset.  Bummer

    This is going to sound harsh.  I saw the video also.  It looked beautiful, and you need to build a bridge and get over it.  Bad things happen...every single day.  You are both alin=ve and married.  Excellent.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited July 2012
    Okay, here's what I will say first. I am very sorry about your cousin. That is an awful tragedy, and to deal with that so close to your wedding without your family there must have been hard. 

    Okay, now that I've said that.

    Sorry you felt like you had a crappy day. But JESUS H. CHRIST, STOP WHINING.

    Sorry, I don't usually shout. But good gravy, you're being a brat.

    No one's wedding is perfect. No one's. There's always something that goes wrong. And your rant here may be therapeutic, but there are plenty of brides on here that have gone through WAY MORE crap than you. And they don't write the equivalent of two term papers on it. And FYI, complaining about gifts, or lack thereof, will earn you a one way ticket to Brat Town. Like a PP mentioned, some people get NO gifts. So, you didn't get as many presents as you wanted? Sorry, hun, that's just the way it goes sometimes. They came to your wedding. That's your present when you have a DW.

    And it could have been much worse. Like Hoboken (who I think has a trump card), your  house could have burned down. Or, you could be like me. My FMIL may not live to our wedding day, and my FI is currently stressing out to a point where his hair is falling out over it. But your vendor was pregnant? Sorry, I don't have a lot of sympathy for you.

    Pack up your baggage and move on.

    ETA: I watched your highlight video. Funny, it looks like one of the most picture-perfect, beautiful weddings I have ever seen. You are most definitely choosing to pick on the negative. You looked beautiful, so I don't know why you're complaining about the hair. Also, I noticed you wrote that you have much to be thankful for. You really do. So, stop being bratty. Clearly, you have seen what that gets you by the comments you've already received. I am actually offended that after such a beautiful wedding day, you choose to complain. Many brides don't get half what you got, and they have nothing but happy and grateful things to say afterwards. Be thankful, please, because ungrateful isn't a good color on anyone.
  • Let me start by saying this: I do honestly hope that you and your husband go on and have a blessed and happy marriage.


    It baffles my mind that you even expected anyone to fly to Hawaii. Just to start with, the average cost of a flight, hotel and food for a trip for two to Hawaii is 2,043 dollars FOR ONE DAY!!!!!!! Why would anyone (outside of your parents) even consider paying that much to come to a wedding that last ONE HOUR and THREE HOUR RECEPTION. So in theory, they would have paid 510.75 dollars per HOUR of your wedding, if they flew in for only one night. Next why would you wait till two weeks before the wedding to send out the invitations, that leaves people ZERO time to take off from work and try to budget in such an expensive trip. There is only one person in the world (my sister) I would pay that much money to go see married. I am honestly surprised that eight people did come. Another thing, who are you to be upset with your maid of honor for getting pregnant? Is the world supposed to stop and people put thier life plans on hold because you are getting married? Simple answer: NO. And lastly are you honestly complaining about the gifts your received??? That blows my mind, you should be grateful for the gifts. There thousands of brides who would give anything for the gifts you received. And Im not talking about around the world, but in the USA. To complain about anything, let alone gifts, after getting married in Hawaii is beyond obsurd.

    I could go on with more things I read in the post, but its not worth my time.


  • edited July 2012
    Def super long. And given how much money you must have spent on all of it, I certainly don't blame you for needing to vent every last detail. I'd want to do the same thing, especially if my friends and family were nowhere nearby. I can understand many of those items probably don't bother you as much now, but I bet the total SUM of everything just made it difficult to enjoy! :(

    Distance and expense are major factors for anyone, so a destination wedding to Hawaii - I wouldn't expect many to attend. That's something where you can anticipate a small number of people who would actually go thru all of it.

    One thing I'm trying to keep in mind with my own wedding is that I need to be clear with my bridal party and everyone else what, if any, my expectations are of their involvement with the wedding. One bridesmaid lives 4 hrs away and is getting married before me, so I only expect her input on the bridesmaid dresses. My MOH lives 9 hrs away and is having financial and work troubles after just moving back home, so I don't expect a lot from her either besides moral support. So anyway, that's something for all of us to keep in mind to avoid getting disappointed later on.

    Hopefully now since there's been some time since all that craziness, you've had some time to just enjoy being together and starting your new life! :)
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  • rsannarsanna member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    It was my understanding that they had an at home reception after their Hawaii ceremony. She even said when my H and I got home and were walking around trying to find our truck, we realized we had our reception in a week.

    OP, I'm really sorry this all happened.  Like PPs have said, just try to think of all the good things and hopefully venting helped.
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  • I fairly certain OP meant 5 to 10 people invited for the shower. TK mobile deletes some special characters. That being said, people came to Hawaii for your ceremony and you hosted a one hour cocktail party? That's how it sounded anyhow. I agree with PPs that you are picking everything apart and a lot of your disappointments are based on skewed expectations. The decorator didn't set up right because there were no instructions? Well that's on you for not giving them. People aren't mind readers. I do hope you can move on past all this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:975d3597-dc2a-47e9-aeb0-2beba50981d2">Re:Super Long! H amp; I are both disappointed Not with each other</a>:
    [QUOTE]I fairly certain OP meant 5 to 10 people invited for the shower. <strong>TK mobile deletes some special characters.</strong> That being said, people came to Hawaii for your ceremony and you hosted a one hour cocktail party? That's how it sounded anyhow. I agree with PPs that you are picking everything apart and a lot of your disappointments are based on skewed expectations. The decorator didn't set up right because there were no instructions? Well that's on you for not giving them. People aren't mind readers. I do hope you can move on past all this.
    Posted by ZeroOrchestra[/QUOTE]

    Good God I hope she didn't type all that on her cell phone.
    Anniversary
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:975d3597-dc2a-47e9-aeb0-2beba50981d2">Re:Super Long! H amp; I are both disappointed Not with each other</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I fairly certain OP meant 5 to 10 people invited for the shower. TK mobile deletes some special characters</strong>. That being said, people came to Hawaii for your ceremony and you hosted a one hour cocktail party? That's how it sounded anyhow. I agree with PPs that you are picking everything apart and a lot of your disappointments are based on skewed expectations. The decorator didn't set up right because there were no instructions? Well that's on you for not giving them. People aren't mind readers. I do hope you can move on past all this.
    Posted by ZeroOrchestra[/QUOTE]

    <div>Nope. We on the June 2012 know that it was indeed, the entire wedding guest list of 510 people invited to the shower. No missing hyphen.</div>
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I read the whole thing.  Frankly, 90% of your problems were caused by your own wildly inappropriate expectations and behavior.  It sounds like you built up a perfect pretty princess day image in your head and now you're throwing a temper tantrum because (shocker!) reality and vision bore little resemblance to one another. 



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:29a3a546-8cf0-4384-999a-f0dea6f0fadb">(Super Long!) H & I are both disappointed (Not with each other)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Over all, there was good and bad. But for whatever reason, we feel so let down and disappointed by several different aspects of our wedding and celebration, we're almost angry about it and we both feel strongly that we want to "un-friend" quite a few people  <strong>The only one I can see you wanting to unfriend is the one you already ended the friendship with, so who else are you talking about?  </strong>1) Events prior to our big day. a) Wedding party never helped with anything. <strong>And?  They weren't required to.  The only people who were required to work on your wedding were you and your FI, and anyone you hired to do so.  It's no one else's job.   Why is this leading off your complaints about your wedding?</strong> b) I'm from NY living in TX so everyone I wanted in my bridal party couldn't make it due to work and financial constraints. :( I didn't have any of my friends and family around during this special time. I had been really home sick, so this was hard. <strong>Bummer.  But nobody's fault and not something you should be fixating on.  </strong>c) First MOH got pregnant (which I was happy for her) she was due the week of the wedding and therefore could not attend :( A blessing I know, but I wish she could have been there.  <strong> Bummer.  Again, why are you even listing this?</strong>  <strong>This is not something that someone did to you. </strong> d) Second MOH (Who requested to be MOH) bailed after admitting that she is jealous of my now Husband and she couldn't deal with giving me up! Friendship ended.  <strong>This is your first mistake.  You should not have replaced your original MOH.  Bridal party members are not interchangeable props</strong>. e) Bridesmaid requested to be bumped up to MOH- okay, but she said she never heard of having a bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding program, and so on. <strong>You definitely shouldn't have replaced your MOH twice!  Way to show your friends that they're uber replaceable.  Also, why are you talking about bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and wedding programs?  None of that was her responsibility, either when she was a bridesmaid or when you made her MOH Part 3. </strong> She and my one other bridesmaid constantly talked about one another and how neither of them could ever get in contact with the other. I could hardly ever get in contact with either of them and when I could I was always stuck in the middle. It was so stressful!!! <strong>Why did you let yourself be put in the middle?  Middle of what?  What did they need to get in contact with each other for, and why did you repeatedly need to get in contact with each of them?</strong> f) Bridal Shower: MOH waited until the week of the shower to mail out invites- out of 510 people invited, 2 were able to make it. I simply wanted to cry. <strong>Bummer.  Sounds like she's not a good planner in general (with later details).  Did you already know this about her?  </strong>Oh and the hoast was late when we got there and we had to stand out side of her house until she arrived. <strong>Was the host the MOH? </strong> Oh yeah and the other bridesmaid didn't even show up! <strong>Bummer, but since all pre-wedding events are optional she didn't have to.</strong>  Again, none of my family or friends could attend. <strong>Bummer, but you need to get over it. </strong> G) Bachelor party: H had 2 best men. 1 was his brother who is useless. Useless?  <strong>What a nasty thing to say about your husband's brother. </strong> The other was his cousin who lives in KS but has recently had some personal issues. Long story short: I waited and waited for ONE of them to organize the party and it never happened so I took matters into my own hands so my H could have a decent party. <strong>You were major league in the wrong here.  NOBODY owed him a bachelor party (or you a bachelorette party, or shower, for that matter).  All of those parties are presents that anyone can choose to throw, and no one is responsible for throwing.  You should not have thrown a party in honor of your future husband getting married to you.</strong>  I organized the whole thing and spent a ton of money getting a party bus and buying food for all the guys I got to come. Cousin- BM couldn't make it, even though we offered to pay for him to fly down.<strong> Again, optional.  </strong>H was very disappointed with that. Overall the party went great and H had a wonderful Bachelor Party experience.   <strong>Then why are you focusing on it? </strong> H) The bachelorette party: Ha! MOH waited and waited to email a list I gave her months in advance. <strong>Did she offer to throw you a bachelorette party, or did you  just assume and give her a list of people? </strong> She emailed people with about 4 days notice!  <strong>Like I said, looks like she's not a great planner.  Oh well. </strong>Other bridesmaid couldn't make it again.  <strong>No big deal, again.  Pre-wedding parties are optional.</strong> MOH rented a party bus which made me feel bad because I saw she was trying- but if she planned it better or in advance, it would have turned out. Not One Single Person Showed!!!! <strong>Bummer.  Get over it. </strong> It was just she and I. I didn't even want to go at that point but I felt guilty like I had to fake being happy because she invested financially in the bus that night. She tried but it was a flop. <strong>At least she tried.</strong> I) There were other countless issues that just stressed us out everyday. We wanted nothing more than to enjoy this time but we were always so stressed. I bought my wedding gown and got scammed the first time. The second time the shop I ordered through was hit by a snow storm when she ordered it and the order didn't go through then when they checked on it, the gown was discontinued. The gown I ended up ordering my H picked out of a bunch I was considering. It came in late and I rushed it for alterations, the place I took it to was way over priced and then also did unnecessary work- destroyed the dress then I had to argue with them to put it back to original condition. They never hemmed the dress ( and I kept tripping over it as I walked down the aisle) and charged me $400 of a bustle (they did wrong twice and I never even used).  <strong>How is it their fault that you never used the bustle?  And if you knew they didn't hem it, why didn't you make sure that was fixed? </strong> J) Oh our wedding was in Hawaii, and the first wedding planner we hired was a nightmare! She was a liar, and so unprofessional! We sent her money to secure our choice of venue. We found out months later that she never paid them or signed a contract with them for our date! We were planning a simple cocktail hour with cheese, cracker, fruit, and veggie platters, of which she kept quoting us for other foods more than 5 times our budget! We fired her. <strong>Okay, you fixed the problem.  Why are you still thinking about it? </strong> Our next planner was great but I had already single handedly planned everything- she just needed to tie up a few loose ends and run the day of event.  <strong>Okay.  Why is this in your list of complaints?  </strong>K) Hired someone for my hair and makeup- a few months later find out she too is pregnant and due the week of the wedding and had to cancel.<strong> </strong> Hired a second person- she ended up being double booked off island which we found out just a month before the event. We then ended up with another company that was terrible! :-/  <strong>Bummer, but that happens sometimes.</strong>  L) MUSIC!: The first guy we chose was already booked. :( Then we hired two others that we went with and in the end it was great but they gave us a hard time about playing the music we chose, very basic traditional classical music. <strong>Neither of these are big deals at all.</strong> M) Time to leave for wedding: A lot of things we were working on were not done in time. :( Then we were running late to get to the airport. We were going to take H's pick up truck so we could fit all the luggage in the back. The moment we were ready to leave, it started to down pour! We had to put all our luggage in large trash bags. We get to the airport and they tell us our flight does not exist! I showed them a recent confirmation I received just three days prior- they were shocked. (We had a party of 17 going with us! and no flights!!!!) This really stressed us out! Eventually we got a flight but we were all put of different flights. It was a nightmare. <strong> I'm glad you were able to sort it out and get everyone to Hawaii in time for the wedding.</strong>  N) We get to Kauai and we had to meet with our bakery to finalize our cake and give them our topper and ribbon and such. When we get there we started talking about flavors and H and I were informed that they made our cake in Vanilla (which I hate vanilla!!!) three days prior! Our event was in 2 more days! Who makes a wedding cake 5 or more days prior? <strong>A lot of bakers make cakes days early and refrigerate them while they're being decorated, especially if the decoration is elaborate.</strong>  Eww stale cake and a flavor  hate. Ugh. I let it go though and said okay don't worry. A few hours they called me and said that they were going to make a fresh cake in the flavor I requested which was coconut. I was happy with this.  :) And the cake was delicious the day of! <strong> Sounds like it worked out fine.  Why are you complaining?  </strong>O) Our resort: We reserved an ocean front suite and receieved a twist your neck to get a poor ocean view. Considering we had so many people there with us, we were really unhappy about this but whatever.  <strong>Why does how many people you had with you have anything to do with being upset about the view? </strong>2) The ceremony: Mostly wonderful. Few complaints there.  a) The hair and make up artists were down right mean and rude. And my girls did not like their work at all. They refused to put my head piece on and I had to completely re do my make up. (Even though I gave them pictures - several- of the exact look I wanted) They made me look like I had raccoon eyes- all black. So I had to rush to redo it as best as I could on top of what they already put on me.  <strong> Bummer, but it sounds like you looked lovely in the end.</strong>  b) Because of this, we ran about 1/2 an hour late. I know weddings running late is common but in Hawaii when you're renting your venue by the hour, it makes a big difference.  I<strong> don't think weddings running late is all that common, and shouldn't be widely accepted.  I hope your guests had somewhere comfortable to wait. </strong> c) We get to the venue and I am waiting in position for another25 minutes and I can not understand what the hold up is. Well, my MOH had to go find her ex bf because they missed the turn! ugh!  <strong>There seems to be a whole exbf thing that I don't understand here, between this and your comment about the MOH pausing your wedding video so that he isn't seen. </strong> Finally we start the ceremony and as I descend on the stairs to the lower garden, my dress keeps getting stuck on the steps to where I had to keep stopping and unhooking it from this and that which it was caught on. Not so elegant. Then once on flat ground, I kept tripping on my unhemmed paid $400 for alterations dress! UGH! Even walking down the aisle I had to stop and fix my dress- sigh.  <strong>Well, you knew it was unhemmed.  I don't know what to say about that.  Maybe you should have gotten it hemmed one way or another. </strong> d) But when I was at the beginning of the aisle, about to walk down to meet my H, looking around and seeing him, nothing could ruin that moment! I was elated- overflowing with joy! e) I messed up on my vows and had to read them from the paper I wrote them on. H recited his vows so loudly it felt like he was shouting them at me.  Oh and my hair this one piece was in front of my face the whole time so it looks terrible in pictures bc you can not see my cheek or eyes. Then when it was time to walk back down the asile as H & W, H was looking at the ground worried I was going to trip the whole time so there are no pics of us walking down the aisle smiling together. Also no one remembered to toss the petals in the petal cones we slaved over making. I really wanted a picture of us kissing half way down the aisle with petals flying all over. :( <strong> This is all normal wedding stuff, and frankly normal life stuff.  I don't understand why you're fixating so much on all of this normal run of the mill 'things don't go quite according to plan' stuff.</strong>  f) We were running out of time because we started an hour late, we had to hurry up and get just a couple photos in as fast as possible. We never got a single shot of my bridesmaids with me and all our parasols or any shot of just the girls together for that matter. We got very  few family photos. And were not as thrilled with our photos as we had hoped. I wish someone would have fixed that dumb hair and pulled my train out and fluffed my dress but no one did. I wanted to take my veil off but the photographer said not to that she liked it- but now looking back at the photos, I really wish I did. Didn't get a lot of pictures I wanted.Also there is no one to blame but my self for this one--- I make a lot of weird funny faces, not even trying to make funny faces. Ugh the double chin, the smerk, the half smile, the raised eyebrow- ugh I had no idea I make so many weird faces! <strong>It's not the photographer's fault you started the wedding an hour late. </strong> g) Our cocktail hour reception was rushed to a short 30 minutes before it would have cost us an additional $600 for another 30 minutes! WHich was not in our budget. With that said we had no time to get our photos taken, and had to kick our guests out.  <strong>You only hosted a half hour cocktail reception for your destination wedding?  WTH?  </strong>h) We had planned to take sunset photos at the beach of H and I where all of our guests would participate in sending off chinese sky lanterns. Only problem was, MOH kept flirting with BM and playing in the background of all the pictures- delaying the photographer again and again. <strong>Huh? </strong> The sun set was extremely clouded. <strong>That darn sun, how dare he! </strong> Oh and bystanders that saw us posing on the rocks over the water kept holloring "Fall FALL!!!" because they wanted to seem e fall into the water in my wedding gown. .<strong>..and? </strong> H couldn't really pick me up for a nice picture you know when the Groom picks up the bride and gives her a kiss. I don't really know why. He is 250lbs and I am 120.  <strong>Okay, now you're just being ridiculous.  Darn that husband of yours for not being able to pick you up!  Doesn't he know that a marriage is not valid if there's not photographic evidence that the groom can pick up the bride? </strong>Then it came time to light the lanterns, well the two lighters we had were both out of fluid!!! UGHHHHH!!!!. <strong>Maybe you should have brought a box of matches too, just in case?  </strong>Our videographer had already gone over his contracted time and was an additional $600 per hour. So I was worried about this. As he went over by 3.5 hrs! <strong> Who are you going to blame this one on?</strong>  We only hired him to go to the beach with us to get a few romantic sunset shots of us and the sky lanterns. Eventually we got two lanterns out of twenty set off. Sigh what a disappointment.  I) A few more photos and then we called it quits for pics.  j) I was starving and wanted to go get something to eat with my new Husband, I wanted to stay in my dress but ended up changing out of it because everyone else changed into shorts. <strong>So?  You need to grow a backbone.  If you wanted to stay in your dress you could have stayed in your dress.  What the other guests did had absolutely no bearing on your clothing choices.  Also, if you were starving, how do you think all of your guests felt?  Why didn't you make plans to serve everyone a real meal?  </strong>There was no where open to eat anymore. We found one place and it was okay. <strong>You should have planned this one out ahead of time.  That is all on you and your husband.</strong>  Oh did I mention I got my period on my wedding day! Thanks randomness of an IUD. Bummer. Oh yeah and I wanted all of our ($2000) ceremony flowers put in our room so we could enjoy them during our stay. But MIL put them in her FREEZER!!! ??? They all died. <strong>Another bummer.  Did you know she was doing that?  Did you ask where the flowers were?  Did you try to get them and put them in your room, or did you just expect someone else (or the Keebler elves) to do it?  Judging from your comment about cleaning up after your AHR, I'm guessing you just expected someone else to anticipate that and take care of it, which is your bad.  </strong> k) I also forgot that I had my face waxed two days before the wedding and had an allergic reaction which totally stressed me out the day of.<strong> That was a bad idea on your part.  Never get a facial or waxing or other treatment that might cause irritation or a bad reaction a few days before an important event.</strong>  l) The day after we go scuba diving and my left ear drum bursts. I couldn't go on the second dive and stayed on the beach while H went. 25 minutes on the beach, I ended up with sun poisoning and blisters all over my face. <strong>Did you wear sunblock?  Did you look for shade?  You talk about this like it was something done to you.  And I say this as someone who is ghostly pale and wears SPF 100 and avoids the sun like the plague.  It's my job to make sure I'm taking care of my skin, no one else's.  Regardless, I'm sorry that you were in pain.</strong>  This caused trauma to my face which caused me to break out in cold sores. It was a nightmare. On our honeymoon, We went to visit a lavender farm and as I was joking with my H I said I was hoping the lavender would be really high so I could take advantage of him out there- as he began to jokingly say "yeah imagine that we would be in the middle of it and you- being allergic, would get stung by a bee" in that instant, I was stung by a bee. I was in tears and collapsed to the ground.  <strong>Luckily you survived.  Bee allergies are scary things.  I hope you had an epi pen with you. </strong> 3) Back home: As we get to the DFW airport, (remember all the problems with the airport before?) I ask H where he parked the truck. He didn't remember. We spent 3 hours walking the airport looking for his truck with 6 pieces of luggage in tow! <strong>...</strong> a) we finally get home and realize that we have our wedding reception in a week and a half and still a ton to do for it. And people are still replying that they will and will not make it. ??? RSVP deadline was 5/2 people!!!! <strong> Had you contacted all those people who missed the RSVP deadline?  </strong>b) last minute things drive me crazy! I like for things to be structured and organized. There were too many last minute things going on. <strong>Whose fault is it that you still had a ton of stuff to do for your wedding reception? </strong> c) The Saturday before our wedding reception, my cousin who I grew up with, was killed in a horrible boating accident by a drunk boater. I could not get my head around this and still can't. I wanted and needed to be in NY with my family and friends and couldn't :( My heart was breaking- there is so much I wish I could tell my cousin but can't. <strong>That's so sad, I'm sorry for your loss. </strong> The only member of my family that was going to be coming to the reception couldn't com now and I understand. I didn't even want to have the reception at tall at this point. I couldn't find any joy. Every single day leading up to and including the day of the reception people were sending messages on Facebook and text saying that they were not going to be able to make it for either  a lame reason or they didn't bother to give a reason.<strong> Unfortunately this happens, to everyone. </strong> This really pissed us off. We paid over $100 for each person that said they were coming to attend and already paid in full.  <strong>Again, it happens.  To everyone.  You just have to get over it.  </strong>Oh yeah and the bridesmaid that didn't come to the bridal shower or the bachelorette party also bailed on the reception!!! Frigging seriously!!!!!!!!! <strong>Did she come to the wedding in HI?  Asking her to come to another wedding event is a lot to ask for.  </strong>Oh and Our photographer went out of business so we had to hire another at the last minute. He was terrible!!!   I couldn't imagine anyone is still reading at this point- but I think this is good therapy for me... The night before, H and I were supposed to go to dinner with our out of town guests but instead I was still completing unfinished projects delayed to guests who didn't give us names and photos as requested many times over the past year.  <strong>Why on earth were your guests supposed to give you photos?  And what do you mean about giving you names? </strong> I did not sleep or even blink a long blink for the three days prior to the reception. Oh MOH yeah she didn't even show for my hair appointment. <strong>Why was she supposed to?  Was she getting her hair done too?  </strong>And she never picked up our bouquets like she was supposed to. <strong>Why was that her job?  Did she volunteer for that?  You've already established that she's not very good at planning, so why did you rely on her for that? </strong> So I had to wait for the florist to deliver it to our venue which delayed our photos 2 hours- but that didn't matter because H and I had to decorate the venue for 5 hours instead of taking photos because our decorator couldn't get it all done alone and there were no instructions. <strong>Who was supposed to provide the instructions?  Why couldn't your decorator get it all done?  Something's missing from the story here. </strong> Oh this is where I lost it. I can not tell you how much thought went into this part and all the detail that should have been done that wasn't.<strong> It frankly sounds like you didn't plan this very well. Or any of it very well.  </strong> Makes me want to scream! So now 5 hours later than we were supposed to be taking pictures, MOH still isn't even dressed!!!!!!!!!! OMG are you kidding me!? SO we spend about 30 minutes taking pictures- still didn't get the ones we wanted- photographer sucked. We get to the venue and I go to peek at the room (oh yeah and the flowers were not what they were supposed to be- even the girl that delivered them said she didn't like them and she usually makes all the wedding arrangements but the owner said he wanted to make ours special so he did them.) Still the room looked pretty. No one was doing their job as far as the ushers and all that we had planned.  <strong>What are you talking about?  "All taht we had planned?"  Who did you give a job to besides the ushers? </strong> We are introduced and our dinner is put in front of us. We are then bombarded with people- normal- I know but I have not eaten in three days!!!!! <strong>And this is their fault how?  And they were supposed to know this how?  Oh the horror of reception guests wanting to talk to the happy couple!!!</strong>!  We then have to do our first dance which we have been working on for months, the first half was great- however we recently changed the second half and I messed up on a few things which really pissed me off because I know we have this down. <strong>Why did you do an elaborate, choreographed dance?  You have no one to blame for this but yourselves.  Still, I'm sure it was lovely and no one noticed your mistakes as much as you did.</strong>  Our photographer kept this big flood light lit almost the entire time washing out our led uplighting and killing the romantic feel of the 500+ candles we had lit.<strong> Did you ask him about it? This is another place where that backbone thing comes in handy.</strong>  It also kept people from wanting to get on the dance floor since this is where he stationed this light. Drove me crazy!  <strong>So why didn't you do something about it?!  </strong>OMG and  the wedding video which we went too great lengths to have it in time for and rented equipment to play it during the reception- Our MOH had it paused so it wouldn't play- intentionally! So her parents wouldn't see that her Ex Bf was at the wedding!!! Are you friggin kidding me!?<strong> Here with the ex bf again...doesn't make sense without back story. </strong> What pissed us off the most is that in the end we paid for about 160 people to attend our reception and maybe 90 showed- maybe!  <strong>Bummer.  It happens.  You really just need to get over it and stop wallowing.  </strong>After the reception is over, H and I are left to clean and break down and pack up everything. His parents helped but where the hell was the bridal party? Is the B&G really supposed to be doing that!? <strong> YES.  It's YOUR party.  YOU are the hosts.  YOU neglected to make arrangements with (paid) people to clean up after your event.  It's NOBODY else's job to do so for you, especially not your closest friends and family members, who are likely dressed up and wearing heels and nice clothing. </strong> And you're never going to believe this- but I decided to try to wear my wedding lingerie for the night of the reception since I got my period the night of the wedding- but guess what--- I got my friggin period again!!! In the middle of the reception!  <strong>Probably because you were working yourself into apoplexy over unimportant and minor details. </strong> Ultimately we were not happy with the reception and feel it was a complete waste of money. We could have used all that money we paid for empty seats to visit my family in NY or vacation or put new floors in our home. <strong>Way to be glass half empty.  So the 90 people who came to spend time with you and celebrate your wedding don't mean anything because 60-70 people weren't able to make it at the last minute?</strong> It just really pissed us off. How Rude! Then as far as cards and gifts go- We can only assume someone walked away with most of them. I know for a fact one guest handed me a card and we can not find it for the life of us! <strong>Well, where did you put it down?  Did you have a secured card box?  If not, why not?  This is one of those details that someone else isn't going to take care of for you. </strong> We received cards from Less than 1/2 of the guests in attendance and of those less than 20% gave any sort of gift. So in other words less than 5% of our total guests gave gifts and 10 gave cards.Get over it.  <strong>No one owes you a present.</strong> I just don't understand that mentality.  Back on the home front- I am back at work and our house is a wreck! There is wedding crap everywhere which drives me crazy. But I get up for work at 6am and get home about 7pm. By the time H and I eat it is near 9pm and I am so pooped - I don't know how I am going to get my house back!  <strong>I guess you and your husband are going to have to devote some weekends to it. </strong> So overall, H and I were disappointed severely with the reception and somewhat with the ceremony. The wedding planning process as a whole has been a complete nightmare for us and we are thrilled that it is over! Now we just have to spend the next 15 months paying it all off.  SO SORRY this was so long. I can't even believe I wrote all of that! 
    Posted by jaschelle[/QUOTE]
    Really, most of this was much ado about nothing.  Time to start focusing on the positives and let go of the negatives.  And don't end any more friendships than the one you already did.



  • edited July 2012
    I just really need to know if your sons were able to attend any of your wedding events. It seems like you spent an awful lot of time nitpicking every detail, but you didn't mention any of the happy moments. Your sons gained a stepfather, but were they even there to see the events? It seems like you spent a ridiculous amount of money on things that didn't turn out the way you wanted when you have a lot of bigger and more important responsibilities to worry about.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:b73fc61c-cb49-4516-be7a-18ce94dbd96e">Re:Super Long! H amp; I are both disappointed Not with each other</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Super Long! H amp; I are both disappointed Not with each other : Nope. We on the June 2012 know that it was indeed, the entire wedding guest list of 510 people invited to the shower. No missing hyphen.
    Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

    <div>Dang.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>That's all I got.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_super-long-h-i-are-both-disappointed-not-with-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:97fd3fe9-f82c-4970-95bf-aea55c95a4ecPost:a9f252e8-0670-47f5-93a5-4916482708f1">Re: (Super Long!) H & I are both disappointed (Not with each other)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  Just, wow.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't read the whole thing, because I'm not insane.  Seriously, that thing was almost 4000 words.  That's longer than some term-papers I've written.  I have news: no one finds you as interesting as you find yourself.  (It's a sad fact for all of us.) That having been said, I skimmed it like I do most of the things you post, and I can't shake the idea that your problems often seem to be a result of your unrealistic expectations or your choosing to focus on negatives. Your life is going to be as hard as you make it.
    Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

    DITTO!
  • It's kinda normal to be a lil upset about mishaps or things that didn't go as planned. But you have managed to pick apart your whole wedding, from prewedding event through the reception. You come across as an entitled spoiled brat. For someone who went in debt for their wedding, I guess maybe you were more into the details of glitz, glam and all that money could buy that you totally missed out on what the day SHOULD have been about. Ever heard of "counting your blessings"?! You should give that a whirl. A bride I know almost lost her husband in a horrible car accident mere weeks after they were married. A co-worker of mine attended a funeral day for a man who died way too young and left behind a young wife and 3 young children. Life is short. It's way too damn short to be complaining about superficial things like what you did in this 4000 word post. Get over yourself.

  • I read the whole things and i am happpy you told us about it because i know now , not to invite too much people or expect too much and an over elaborate wedding, simple and reasonable is the key and appreciate the occasion for whatever it is not necessairly what I want it to be, cuz i dont know what will come of it. 
  • edited July 2012
    I read the whole thing! I don't care what other people say about you un-friending someone. Most of the time, you don't actively have to do anything to un-friend someone. You can just become less distant because you have now figured out that they are not a very good friend to you.

    I'm so incredibly sorry about what happened to your wedding. It sounded like a huge financial lost. But you know what, you and your FI made it through it. If you can make it through that together then you can probably make it through a lot of other things together. If anything, I think it's amazing that your relationship was not sacrificed and perhaps strengthened. 

    I'm sure good will come in the way to you. Have faith! 
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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    What is WRONG with you?
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • First world problems are the worst...
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
  • What the actual fuckballs. How are you real?
    image
  • I don't know how someone could complain so much about a $55,000 wedding in Hawaii....
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