Is it weird/rude to ask guests to not take centerpieces?

ShadowAP · September 2010

I had no idea this (people walking out with the centerpieces) was so common until I read this thread. Wow! I've only been to one wedding where people did this, and it never occurred to me until the mother of the bride walked around to all the tables and made announcements that we could and should take the centerpieces if we wanted them.

Our venue is providing the centerpieces (one less thing for me to worry about, yay!), so hopefully they'll keep an eye on them. Ours are fishbowls, complete with water and floating candles, so I imagine they'd be a little cumbersome to wander out with... lol

pminerof · September 2010

Everyone has different customs, and at some wedding, guest are encouraged to take home the centerpieces. I thinks it's an unclear situation.
If you have a personal attachment to/would be upset if some were taken, affix a note under the piece that will only be seen if it is lifted: "If lost, please return to X.", attach a ribbon with "Reserved for X"., or "Personal property of X" NOT rude, and will solve the problem.
Good point, I was thinking of using some of my personal glassware as table decor. I will now label them!

Also alert the venue to watch for this or collect them near the end of the event.

Good Luck with the DIY, wish I were that brave.

Leolady78 · September 2010

I'm a bit surprised to see some of these responses. I've been to dozens of weddings in my life and have seen people take centerpieces while others have left them. My impression was that it was traditionally ok to take centerpieces which I can only assume became an issue once renting became an option. I think that in our parent's generation and before, it was more typical for the bride or friends to make the centerpieces and since they didnt want to end up with 10 plus centerpieces sitting around their house after, they would allow guests to take them home. I would guess that if people do try to take a centerpiece with them at your wedding, it is not because they are trying to steal something that isn't theirs but rather because they are used to that tradition and do not realize that they are no longer welcome to do so.
Alerting staff to keep an eye out is a good idea as is placing a note beneath them which should only be visible if the centerpiece is removed. Neither is a guarantee that one or two won't end up missing but give your guests the benefit of the doubt. It will probably be your Aunt Betty or your old family friend Mary who walks off with one thinking they are doing you a favor:)

Mikki&Hector · September 2010

I am in a similar situation as I am renting my vases from my florist who was REALLY CLEAR that she wants them back. I went to a wedding a couple years ago that put a little tag on every centerpiece stating that the centerpiece was a gift for a specific person for their help in the wedding. If I were you to would put a tag on your centerpieces stating that they are a gift for someone, just make the someones all members of your immediate family who know you want to keep them. This way you don't have to be insulting and you don't have to worry about them walking off at the end of the night. I am sure there will be people who don't agree with this, but I actually think it is genius!

estelalima · September 2010

                 I personally have been to weddings where people have taken rented centerpieces, even the brides boquet!!!..... its terrible, but if your worried that people will take them i think it is a good idea to let the guests know when everyone arrives at the reception that the centerpieces arent to be taken. you can say that theyre rented.
                but i dont think you should write that on the placecard, just because not everyone may read it. what you could do, and ive seen done, is while the food is being served, you take the mike and thank your guests for coming and whatnot, then just poiltely ask that nobody take them as theyre being rented and you'll have to pay for the ones that are missing..... j
              ust remember, it is your wedding. you spent money on these centerpieces and you have the right to want to keep them, dont feel embarrassed about it.

angeredmonkey · September 2010

Florists loaning/renting vases is a relatively new concept. Before they began doing this the bride/groom/parents purchased the centerpieces and the whole thing was theirs to keep. It was thus customary that the guests would take the centerpieces at the end of the wedding. I have been to many weddings where the centerpieces were bought with people taking them in mind. i.e. Planted flowers and trees that would live on long past the wedding. It isn't about people being rude or thiefs, it was just a normal custom that the older generations are used to.

I would just put the word out to the wedding party that you don't want the centerpieces taken and have them keep an eye out at the end of the reception to be sure people understand that they shouldn't take them.

chewyjam · September 2010

While I'd hope that you aren't inviting folks to your wedding who you would expect to rudely steal things, I do think it is customary in a number of weddings to take home centerpieces (either as parting gifts or as a thought to help the 'clean up process'-i have been at a number of weddings where folks are encouraged to do this). Whether this is correct or not, it occurs frequently enough that I would expect some otherwise well meaning and confused guests to think of taking centerpieces as a normal and expected part of the wedding (rather than as an intentional act of stealing or blatant rudeness).

I really liked the suggestion of placing a placard next to the centerpiece that says 'centerpiece reserved'-that will politely inform guests that they should not expect to take one home unless offered-without being rude yourself. This will also avoid embarrassing them with a more blatant announcement or directly accusing them of stealing.
For those cases where the guests either dont see the placard or do rudely ignore it, you can ask the venue staff to keep an eye out. If they see someone walking away with it, they can simply direct their attention to the 'reserved' placard.

YThis way, you keep your centerpieces and no one feels rude or embarrassed.

garcias1 · September 2010

I haven't posted before, but the responses to this post are irking me, so I thought I'd chime in. I have been to plenty of weddings. Some where there were games played at the table and the winner takes the center piece (like who's anniversary is closest to the wedding date, who's been married the longest, etc). I've been to weddings where brides and grooms are chasing after people to give them centerpieces to take home because they don't want them after the wedding. I've been to weddings where people tried to take the centerpieces, but were stopped by someone because the centerpieces were rented (obviously understandable). I've never been to a wedding where someone prevented someone from taking a centerpiece that wasn't rented.

In my opinion, if you haven't rented all or part of the centerpieces from a company, you should NOT stop someone who is trying to take it home. If you rent beautiful vases from a florist and fill them with fresh flowers, and someone tries to take it, give them the fresh flowers. They are just going to die in a week anyway, so why fight to keep them. If you didn't rent the centerpices, chances are, you're going to end up with at least one or two, probably more like five or six, anyways, so what is the point in keeping all of them? As for selling them to make some money back, unless you are in a really bad financial situation, that is not a great excuse. Chances are you are going to get tons of checks from your wedding guests (who can drop hundreds to thousands of dollars attending your wedding, from shower gifts, to bachelor/bacheloretter parties, to wedding gifts, to dresses/suits/tux rentals, to hotel rooms), and this should be all of the compensation you need for your wedding. It is rude to ask them to spend so much money to attend your wedding and then deny them of something because you're going to try to make every last penny you can out of the wedding.

Ok, it's a long post, but those are my thoughts. I thought I'd put it out there.

Amandag985 · September 2010

I've never seen guests take centerpieces without them being offered (sometimes the DJ will announce they are up for grabs at the end of the night and once I was a guest at a wedding where each table played a silly game and whoever won got the centerpeice). In fact, most of the time I don't think they are anything that anyone would truely covet to the point where they would feel they wanted to take it without being told it was OK to do so.

However, it is very rude on the part of potential guests to take your centerpieces without your consent. If you truly feel this will happen then I think you could possibly consider putting a note on the bottom side of the centerpiece (where it will not be seen by guests unless picked up) saying something very simple like: "As our centerpieces were created using vintage keepsakes special to our families we respectfully request that they remain on the tables." That way no guests would ever even see the note unless they had the intention of taking the centerpiece and therfore I wouldn't think it would offend them as they were bold enough to consider it in the first place.

aacobs · September 2010

I can't imagine taking a centerpiece. I don't even take the favors, because I personally don't care about them - no offense to those of you who do! I like the ideas of telling the venue to keep an eye out for sticky fingers. And I also think putting a little note underneath the jar is a good way to communicate that you don't want them taken.

I feel like if I were a guest and there were notes just out there about not taking something, I'd be a little insulted. But if you are feeling nervous about this particular problem, obviously there's a reason for that. So I think a note underneath is a good way to approach the subject without assuming people will just take what's not theirs.

I'm sure everything will work out just fine. Good luck!!!

What are the centerpieces you're putting together anyway? I might have to steal... the idea, that is! jk

ladyamanuet · September 2010

I asked this question a few months ago, and got some great responses. While it may not be something that occurs in all regions, if you know you'll have guests that think it's the norm to take centerpieces (like mine will) then you need to do something about it. We are leaving notes below the centerpieces (We love that you liked our centerpieces so much that you wanted to take it home! However, the bases are being used in the couple's new home, so we'd appreciate it if you left them. You are free to take the flowers however.), have the centerpieces removed (but the flowers left and wrapped to take home on the table) during dancing after dinner, and our venue staff is being alerted that only flowers and not bases can leave with guests.

Here's the post:
http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_centerpiece-etiquette

kelly4976 · September 2010

Go with the note under the centerpieces. Make it bright orange or yellow so it's noticable when someone picks up your centerpieces. People, for some reason, feel entitled to take decorations at weddings. My sister-in-law set her bouquet down while she was getting ready to leave a wedding she was in, and a guest picked it up and walked out with it. By the time she got her coat on, and turned around, the woman was walking out the door with it! When confronted, the woman said, oh I just wanted one.

garcias1 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_weirdrude-ask-guests-not-centerpieces?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:293dbd58-8a6e-4c8e-b9f5-274574a8c302Post:0853e8f9-8e7c-400b-bb95-8198ee87c6be">Re: Is it weird/rude to ask guests to not take centerpieces?</a>:
[QUOTE]Go with the note under the centerpieces . Make it bright orange or yellow so it's noticable when someone picks up your centerpieces. People, for some reason, feel entitled to take decorations at weddings. My sister-in-law set her bouquet down while she was getting ready to leave a wedding she was in, and a guest picked it up and walked out with it. By the time she got her coat on, and turned around, the woman was walking out the door with it! When confronted, the woman said, oh I just wanted one.
Posted by kelly4976[/QUOTE]

<p>In this particular experience, it does seem like the woman was rude. But another thing that guests realize is that often the bride and groom (and immediate families) are burdened with transporting a bunch of stuff right after the reception is over. Brides and grooms have to collect up all gifts (cards with checks and giant, wrapped gifts), leftover favors, centerpieces, you-name-it after the wedding (especially if the venue is hosting another wedding the next day). Sometimes guests feel that by taking the centerpieces and other mementos, they are relieving the bride, groom, and families of the responsibility of cleanup/relocation.</p>

mrs.unumb · September 2010

I do not think you should leave a note. But if you do see someone taking one then you should deal with it. Have someone like your wedding coordinator or maid of honor tell them that the centerpieces actually belong to your venue or that the bride and groom wanted to keep them.

pawsha · September 2010

LOL!!! Miss_Reed that sounds like the people attending my wedding!! I hope they do not take the centerpieces as my mother paid for them and would like the vases back.

Babyblue033 · September 2010

It looks like a lot of people feel like it's rude for the guests to take the centerpieces, but both in my region and my culture this is a rather common practice. Almost all of the weddings I've been to, there were guests taking the centerpieces and it was not an issue.

Also, it must be more common than even I think because my florist specifically told me that the vases are included in my purchase, so it would be ok if the guests wanted to take them home.

That being said, I do like the idea of offering the centerpieces to specific people, either by a game or to thank those who helped with the wedding. I might just do that with mine rather than have random guests clamoring for them

samantha1008 · September 2010

Hmm I understand where you are coming from. I have heard of people being like that. I wouldn't put a note just because most people wouldn't understand and get all offensive about it. I would tell some of you closes friends and family about it, so they could just maybe keep an eye out for it.

jcamm11 · September 2010

Half guests at my sisters wedding insisted on blowing out the votive candles on the tables during dinner (for something to do I guess?) which totally drove me nuts for some reason. I'd love to put up a sign asking people not to blow out my candles, but unfortunately, it would be tacky. I am one vote for no, don't put out the notes.

TTiger03 · September 2010

To all those who have never heard of decor drama at weddings....

I helped my co-worker/friend with all the decorations for her wedding. She had a bunch of nieces and nephews whose parents didn't give a care in the world about what their children were doing. Among other bad behavior, half way through the reception the kids were taking all the favors and centerpieces to one table, pulling apart them and making little wads of paper, candy, flowers and ribbons.

- At the start of the night one of the girls said "I want that" pointing to a huge vase of flowers by the entry. I told her that she couldn't have the vase, but to let me know when she was leaving and I would help her get some flowers. I told her mother the same thing. When they were leaving I helped her get the flowers and was going to put the vase away. Drama ensued and I was distracted. (The groom was being escorted off property.) When I turned back the mother was walking out the door with my vase. Sure, I didn't rent it, but it didn't belong to the bride and groom, so essentially they were borrowing them. They did not pay for my expensive loss. They didn't pay me anything for the decorations (parts that would have otherwise been reusable.... vases, etc) that were destroyed let alone for the supplies and time it took to set it all up.

Sometimes people just have no idea how to behave in public. Sometimes these same people don't teach their children how to behave in public and the cycle continues.

If you are worried about your centerpieces walking away, your best bet is to follow advice above with notes under the centerpieces, but if you think they will ignore them, have someone from the staff at the door.

ETA: There should be staff available (usually there to clean up or help guests if you are at hotel or larger venue). Unless absolutely necessary, I wouldn't ask your family or friends to be the guards - unless you ask those most likely to take the centerpieces. You want your guests to enjoy the evening, not police your other guests.

joanna93003 · September 2010

I don't find it rude at all. My family is Mexican, and at every wedding I've ever been to, the centerpieces go home with guests at the end of the night. The sad part is that some guests actually hoard a couple of them or have their kids grab an extra one, which I don't think is fair. (I've read some of the comments where this is a strange practice, so I'm inclined to believe it may be a cultural thing.)

However, you said that you're using vintage ball jars for your centerpieces, and that you're going the DIY route. Why not have the DJ announce some thank you's to your bridal party? For example, you could have him/her say something like,

"And the newlyweds would also like to thank [name] for helping create these beautiful centerpieces, which will be used afterwards to decorate their new home."

Or

"And the newlyweds would like to give a special thanks to [name] for generously lending/allowing the use of their vases for the centerpieces."

Hey, whether or not you're using them in your home is none of their business, but it'll get the point across that the centerpieces are to remain at the tables. The guests don't need to know what's a rental and what's not, but they do need to respect your wishes, as well as others' personal property. I feel that this would be a tactful way to not only let your guests know not to take the centerpieces, but also a great opportunity to thank the people that have helped you bring your wedding to life.

I hope these ideas help. Congrats on your wedding, and good luck.

mazinggrace · September 2010

I think most everyone is correct when they say that they never knew centerpieces were up for grabs. I have taken centerpieces from weddings ONLY when I was told or asked if I wanted one. I would say no to the note but why not put a little sticker on the bottom that says property of ... and put the name of your event company so people who may take them do not think "how rude."

I know my centerpieces are also gifts to people and I will be having my DJ announce that they can take them home because they are drinking glasses and vases made from wine bottles.

hagstrhe · September 2010

I'm in a similar situation and I have no idea how to handle it!

My mother passed away from cancer 2 years ago and as a rememberence to her I will be donating all of the center piece flowers and vases to patients at the hospital she was cared for at. It is very important to me that the flowers go there and I paid more money for longer lasting flowers. Should an announcement be made?

In my past wedding experience I as well have seen people walk off with flowers & centerpieces...

armigal23 · September 2010

Thank you for this post... we were wondering the same thing! I can't wait to see what the responses were. We are renting the vases from the florist and if any get taken we will have to pay for the replacement and we don't want to have to worry about any extra cost.

Good luck with your planning.

jeblan0 · September 2010

I would just get other little things for them to take so it makes it more obvious what they can and what they cant. You can usually expect some drunken guest to not follow the rules, but I don't think most people feel comfortable helping themselves.

kylesgurl · September 2010

I don't think it would be rude if you had a small, nice-looking notecard that said something about not taking them, and maybe explain why! "We would like to use these in our new home...but please enjoy them while you're hear!" ...or something like that.
I agree with one of the other posts that most guests won't take a centerpiece unless it's offered, though.

Jangelis · September 2010

Very true. I livein the Caribbean and many weddings Ive been to Ive seen people leaving with the centrepieces at the end. Most likely a cultural thing in some places

gator86girl · September 2010

I find this whole topic mind-boggling!!! I can't believe that ANYone would just take off with an entire centerpiece. I mean, sure, take one of the flowers out of the 20 as a memoir, but the whole thing??? This kinda freaks me out! I am thinking of using a small grouping of different vintage vases at each table with the same flowers to try to keep a coordinating/seamless look. But now I'm scared that I'm going to spend all this time & money finding all these vases to just have them disappear! Its not like I'm going to need every single one of them for my house, but I would like to be the one to make the decision of which one I want to keep, and where the others go...

missyof3 · September 2010

I'm amazed at how many people have NOT ever thought or seen people take center pieces from tables. My family...ALWAYS makes or buy cetnerpieces just because we know for a fact that people will want to take them home as a piece of memorbilia. We are making the centerpieces for our wedding...using soup cans and icing containers...covered in fabrics matching theme/colors. (as for the person who paid $700 for apothacary jars for center pieces...are you crazy??)

It's almost like a guest tradition... For those of you who never heard of that...man are you in for a rude awakening. But if you do not want (or do want) to have your center pieces taken home by guests then have the DJ make an announcement. saying what you want.

TTiger03 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_weirdrude-ask-guests-not-centerpieces?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:293dbd58-8a6e-4c8e-b9f5-274574a8c302Post:3b635837-aaa1-4263-bae6-6860f8710451">Re: Is it weird/rude to ask guests to not take centerpieces?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm amazed at how many people have NOT ever thought or seen people take center pieces from tables. My family...ALWAYS makes or buy cetnerpieces just because we know for a fact that people will want to take them home as a piece of memorbilia. <strong>We are making the centerpieces for our wedding...using soup cans and icing containers...covered in fabrics matching theme/colors</strong>. (as for the person who paid $700 for apothacary jars for center pieces...are you crazy??) It's almost like a guest tradition... For those of you who never heard of that...man are you in for a rude awakening. But if you do not want (or do want) to have your center pieces taken home by guests then have the DJ make an announcement. saying what you want.
Posted by missyof3[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I think there is a big difference between someone taking a covered soup can and someone taking a heavy vase or antique glass. </div><div>The centerpieces for my wedding are going to be heavy glass pilsner vases filled with flowers and wrought iron candle holders. I will not be happy if these walk away.</div><div> On the other hand, for FI's grandmama's birthday the family threw a huge party (100+ guests). I did the centerpieces there, but I knew the guests would mostly be older hispanic ladies from the church. FI and I went to the garden supply off season and got 3 small terra cotta pots for each table and filled them with different herbs. The ladies were all admiring them and asking each other if they thought they could have them. The minute we told one of grandmama's sisters they could take them there wasn't a single one left on the tables. We were glad we had thought to hide a few for grandmama to keep for her garden.</div><div>
</div><div>My friend said her MIL (also hispanic) always claims the centerpiece at every event they go to. Even if it is something heavier that shouldn't be taken, she can always be seen walking out the door with it (and sometimes the pieces from the neighboring tables) under her arm.</div><div>
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kittykatwi13 · September 2010

I want to keep my center pieces because my fiance is taking the floral pictures that will be framed. I want to put up a mural around our signed guestbook frame on one of the walls in our new house. In my family and area it is very customary for the centerpieces to walk away. I like the idea of putting "centerpiece reserved" but also might put a note that says "This picture will become a mural at our new home, please enjoy the miniature version to share in your home" because our favors will be smaller frames with the same picture in it. Any thoughts?

Is it weird/rude to ask guests to not take centerpieces?

Re: Is it weird/rude to ask guests to not take centerpieces?

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