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Wedding Party
Bride wants to kick out MOH
The bride chose her best friend from high school as MOH. Their relationship was fizzling and she thought all the activities and planning would bring them closer again. But it hasn't, its made all their issues worse. Aside from general selfishness and disagreeableness the biggest thing is that the MOH knowingly bought her dress 2 sizes too small and is refusing to have it altered or buy a new one in the right size. It's only 3 weeks until the wedding now.
The bride knows that etiquette says you can never fire a member of your wedding party, but why should you be forced by etiquette to have someone in your bridal party that is making you miserable? Even her pastor during marriage counseling thought the MOH should be kicked out. And their friendship is dead either way, at least that's how the bride says she feels about it.
What should she do? What would you do?
The bride knows that etiquette says you can never fire a member of your wedding party, but why should you be forced by etiquette to have someone in your bridal party that is making you miserable? Even her pastor during marriage counseling thought the MOH should be kicked out. And their friendship is dead either way, at least that's how the bride says she feels about it.
What should she do? What would you do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bride wants to kick out MOH
[QUOTE]The bride chose her best friend from high school as MOH. Their relationship was fizzling and she thought all the activities and planning would bring them closer again. But it hasn't, its made all their issues worse. Aside from general selfishness and disagreeableness the biggest thing is that the MOH knowingly bought her dress 2 sizes too small and is refusing to have it altered or buy a new one in the right size. It's only 3 weeks until the wedding now. <strong>The bride knows that etiquette says you can never fire a member of your wedding party, but why should you be forced by etiquette to have someone in your bridal party that is making you miserable?</strong> Even her pastor during marriage counseling thought the MOH should be kicked out. And their friendship is dead either way, at least that's how the bride says she feels about it. What should she do? What would you do?
Posted by bhamric[/QUOTE]
If the friendship is dead, then whatever, boot her.
</p><p>But don't look at it as being forced by etiquette to keep somebody in the bridal party; look at it as being an adult and and acting like an adult by living with (and hopefully learning from) the piss-poor decision she made and the reason(s) she made that decision to begin with. "We're drifting apart and maybe if I ask her to help tie ribbons on my bubble wands we'll go back to being BFFs like we were during our senior year of high school" is an example of a piss-poor reason to ask somebody to be your MOH.</p>
[QUOTE]The bride chose her best friend from high school as MOH. Their relationship was fizzling and she thought all the activities and planning would bring them closer again. But it hasn't, its made all their issues worse. Aside from general selfishness and disagreeableness the biggest thing is that the MOH knowingly bought her dress 2 sizes too small and is refusing to have it altered or buy a new one in the right size. It's only 3 weeks until the wedding now. The bride knows that etiquette says you can never fire a member of your wedding party, but why should you be forced by etiquette to have someone in your bridal party that is making you miserable? Even her pastor during marriage counseling thought the MOH should be kicked out. And their friendship is dead either way, at least that's how the bride says she feels about it. <strong>What should she do? What would you do?
</strong>Posted by bhamric[/QUOTE]
Who is she? You? If the friendship is already over, why waste the time to "make it work"?
I didn't have bridesmaids in my own wedding specifically because of how many issues having a wedding party seems to cause. But that was me, my friend the bride happens to be a person that has to have the picture perfect wedding; every BM will match exactly from dress to nails, same numbers on each side etc...
[QUOTE]No, I am not the bride. I am a bridesmaid and actually her closest friend. That is why I know the details because I'm the one she's vented her feelings to. I didn't have bridesmaids in my own wedding specifically because of how many issues having a wedding party seems to cause. But that was me, my friend the bride happens to be a person that <strong>has to have the picture perfect wedding; every BM will match exactly from dress to nails, same numbers on each side etc...
</strong>Posted by bhamric[/QUOTE]
There are two sides to every story and honestly the bride sounds like a peach!
But to answer you question. If the bride is truly over being friends with this person because she didn't buy the right size dress then yes, by all means kick her out. But asking someone to be in your WP to mend the friendship is a dumb move and she needs to learn from her mistakes.
But in all honesty I don't know why it has got to this point. The bride probably was making her do a bunch of wedding crap that they MOH didn't want to do...if that was the case I think the bride put herself in this position. I would have recommended for the two of them to hang out with out talking about the wedding (no one cares for the bride's wedding as much as her).
At the same time, I REALLY can not stand women who insist on buying dresses too small for them...that is so ridiculous.
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Well, nobody "forced" the bride to ask her friend to be in the wedding. So the bride is "stuck" with this girl through her own fault. The bride is at fault here for being naive enough to think that this friend would magically fulfill all of her expectations and they'd become close again. How is it anyone else's fault besides her own?
And it's not "etiquette" that's saying that kicking the friend out is a mean thing to do ... it's just plain common sense and being a mature adult with basic manners. It's not the same as Emily Post's advice on how to word your wedding invitations. "Don't kick your friend out of your wedding" is pretty basic advice for how to behave like a decent human being.
If she wants to kick her out, then that's on her. She needs to realize that the friendship will end as a result, and also that the action will risk making the bride look like a huge biitch to people outside the situation. Even with an explanation of why the friendship was almost over. It just makes the bride look like a pretentious and self-important person who'd rather lose a friendship than have a glitch in her precious wedding plans.
You should stay out of it at all costs. If the bride presses you for an opinion, personally I'd just say, "If you kick her out, you're ending the friendship and possibly making yourself look very bad to other people. Are you sure you're prepared for that?" But, really, don't get involved in this trainwreck.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bride-wants-to-kick-out-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:364eb4c9-ae3d-425b-95e7-38877d86097aPost:c8e533fb-064d-4744-897b-88fbb89b9f7a">Re: Bride wants to kick out MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]my friend the bride happens to be a person that has to have the picture perfect wedding; every BM will match exactly from dress to nails, same numbers on each side etc...
Posted by bhamric[/QUOTE]
Well, then, she's in for an absolutely miserable life, because life ain't perfect and her wedding is no exception.
[QUOTE]Actually the MOH has done absolutely nothing with helping the bride plan. One moment she says she wants to be involved and helpful but when the bride has asked her to do something the MOH backs out. And to put icing on the cake of irritation the MOH posted on facebook that she couldn't wait for the wedding to be over because she felt her title didn't mean anything and the whole thing was stressing her out too much. Neither the bride or myself can figure out what she's so stressed about. I have alot more on my plate than she does and I'm not losing my mind and acting like that.
Posted by bhamric[/QUOTE]
The MOH doesn't have to help with anything. Although, yes, it is flaky and irresponsible to commit/volunteer to help with something then back out.
I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she has A LOT going on personally and just can't hold her commitments. Sucks for her but maybe this is what is stressing her out.
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[QUOTE]<strong>Actually the MOH has done absolutely nothing with helping the bride plan.</strong> One moment she says she wants to be involved and helpful but when the bride has asked her to do something the MOH backs out. And to put icing on the cake of irritation the MOH posted on facebook that she couldn't wait for the wedding to be over because she felt her title didn't mean anything and the whole thing was stressing her out too much. Neither the bride or myself can figure out what she's so stressed about. I have alot more on my plate than she does and I'm not losing my mind and acting like that.
Posted by bhamric[/QUOTE]
<div>So? It isn't her job to help plan.</div><div>
</div><div>It sounds to me like you need to mind your own business. I think you are jealous that you weren't asked to be MOH.</div>
If the bride doesn't want to be friends with the MOH anymore, she should end the friendship (and that will, naturally, lead to MOH dropping out of the wedding). If she wants to stay friends with MOH, she needs to leave her as MOH.
[QUOTE]If the relationship is truly dead/finished then I say the bride should just go ahead a excuse the MOH. But in all honesty I don't know why it has got to this point. The bride probably was making her do a bunch of wedding crap that they MOH didn't want to do...if that was the case I think the bride put herself in this position. I would have recommended for the two of them to hang out with out talking about the wedding (no one cares for the bride's wedding as much as her). <strong>At the same time, I REALLY can not stand women who insist on buying dresses too small for them...that is so ridiculous</strong>.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]
I just watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids and in the episode a BM ordered her dress in a size 4 because she just could not imagne ordering the size 10 they measured her as. When they went for their fittings that dress was skin tight, but she was all "It fits!! I now just can't eat for a week!"
I was secretly hoping the dress wouldn't fit and the nasty bride she was friends with would go by the statement she made of "I don't want any susages in my wedding". It would have made for a lot more interesting of an episode.
Yes, the bride made a stupid decision chossing her MOH for the reasons she did. At this point I was just looking for some nonbiased thoughts on the issue since she is asking for my opinion and I like to tell my friends the truth when asked not serve them vagueness.
[QUOTE]If the dress doesn't fit on the day of the wedding she'll have removed herself from the wedding party. Then she'll look awful instead of the bride.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
That's what I was thinking. If I were the bride, I would just let it go. MOH will have to squeeze into a too-tight dress and look absolutely ridiculous, or will have to drop out and look like a jerk for agreeing to be MOH and not getting the dress.
1 Or, why can't the bride say, "I've been asking too much of you. I'll stop asking you for so much"? Replacing the MOH is just piling the unfair requests onto some other poor girl.
2 Why is this girl not deserving of MOH, but it's AOK for her to be a bridesmaid? Either she's a friend or she's not ... Inbetween B.S. like this is what makes brides look like aholes.
[QUOTE]In Response to Bride wants to kick out MOH : If the friendship is dead, then whatever, boot her. But don't look at it as being forced by etiquette to keep somebody in the bridal party; look at it as being an adult and and acting like an adult by living with (and hopefully learning from) the piss-poor decision she made and the reason(s) she made that decision to begin with. "We're drifting apart and maybe if I ask her to help tie ribbons on my bubble wands we'll go back to being BFFs like we were during our senior year of high school" is an example of a piss-poor reason to ask somebody to be your MOH.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>hahaha omg this is so true and i love your little informative facts at the bottom
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The point is I feel you. I am not three weeks away from the wedding (I have 8 months) but I am confused on what to do. I am afraid to hurt her feelings but I am frustrated. Your bride needs to decide what is best for her and healthy for her. If the relationship is to stressful and the MOH is stressed also then maybe she should offer her an out. Sit down and talk it out. Maybe it is a miscommunication or maybe the MOH wants out also. She needs to be open and not angry just have an HONEST discussion. Once again I am sorry for the hardship, but you have to believe it will all work out and hey why does it matter who is standing next to you on your big day? All that really matters is who your bride is deciding to spend the rest of her life with. . .
I hope that helped!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bride wants to kick out MOH: 1 Or, why can't the bride say, "I've been asking too much of you. I'll stop asking you for so much"? Replacing the MOH is just piling the unfair requests onto some other poor girl. 2 Why is this girl not deserving of MOH, but it's AOK for her to be a bridesmaid? Either she's a friend or she's not ... Inbetween B.S. like this is what makes brides look like aholes.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>I see your points ... but sometimes not everything is black and white. I have been blessed with some fabulous people in my wedding party. I have not asked nor expected everything they have done for me. If one of them was truely having a hard time because of the stress of the wedding, I would do whatever I could to make it easier on them ... and I would expect that they would do the same for me.</div><div>
</div><div>this entire scenario is second hand. It is not even the bride who is posting the issue. I feel a lot of judgement happening here (through out this thread), and all most people really wants is a happy day for everyone. </div>
[QUOTE]I am honestly in the same situation. My MOH was a great friend in college and after a year out we seemed to have lost touch but she was still my closest friend at the time. Now she has moved far away and will not return my phone calls or texts. When she came up to see me (2 months ago) to pick out the BM dresses she wanted a dress that was two sizes to small. But she insists it was the right size. That was the last time we talked. Now my other BM near by is planning the shower and party and she won't answer her calls either. The point is I feel you. I am not three weeks away from the wedding (I have 8 months) but I am confused on what to do. I am afraid to hurt her feelings but I am frustrated. Your bride needs to decide what is best for her and healthy for her. If the relationship is to stressful and the MOH is stressed also then maybe she should offer her an out. Sit down and talk it out. Maybe it is a miscommunication or maybe the MOH wants out also. She needs to be open and not angry just have an HONEST discussion. Once again I am sorry for the hardship, but you have to believe it will all work out and hey why does it matter who is standing next to you on your big day? All that really matters is who your bride is deciding to spend the rest of her life with. . . I hope that helped!
Posted by rivereyesblue[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>This is good advice!! You are a very smart bride!</div>