Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(

KarleeKrause35 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:e7a8af9e-ece8-44a9-bcb9-7ce82b06cce5">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree, she was misinformed and should return to her doc. She might not have asked enough questions, being so embarrassed. I know I'm always very reluctant to ask questions at doctor visits and I have to force myself to get over my ebarrassment. But maybe she's also just looking for personal opinions. Maybe she's trying to find some other way to justify her having the disease aside from contracting it from her FI? I know that's what I would be doing.
Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]

Right, and that's normal. But in the case that she is still wondering, I'm telling her to ask her doctor rather than become even more overwhelmed by the responses from an online message board that may not have any credibility. If it looks like I'm being a bag, so be it. But I don't want to think about someone walking around in confusion about their sexual health. That shiit needs to be addressed, ASAP.

sonya+adam · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:70150691-d5da-4526-a7cd-dbcda2845d1a">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : Right, and that's normal. But in the case that she is still wondering, I'm telling her to ask her doctor rather than become even more overwhelmed by the responses from an online message board that may not have any credibility. If it looks like I'm being a bag, so be it. But I don't want to think about someone walking around in confusion about their sexual health. That shiit needs to be addressed, ASAP.
Posted by KarleeKrause35[/QUOTE]

<div>Alright, I gotcha. I agree, it needs to be addressed very soon. If her profile's correct, she's only got 15 days until her wedding.</div>

TiffannieF · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:6add1b11-601f-4a5a-bed6-69cab48bb95b">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : Yeah, gonna have to disagree with you on this. While I'm sure it's an embarrassing and emotional process, seeking medical advice on the internet is NOT the answer. I don't really understand how you think that this message board is any more reliable than wikipedia. While some people may be doctors, there isn't a way to know for sure. If she had asked for support, that would be different. But it sounds to me like she doesn't even know if she HAS herpes, because she is wondering if she could have contracted it from someone else's beverage. Also? Someone just asked if she could have gotten it from a toilet. So yeah, I'd say she should look elsewhere for advice on her genitals. I didn't find it unecessary in the least. Thanks for that, though.
Posted by KarleeKrause35[/QUOTE]

I said you are RIGHT in what you said but it was insensitive. She has already been diagnosed as she had mentioned in her original post. What has more than likely happened, as I have seen from other people who have contracted STDs, she received the results and went into shock which lead to her leaving with out asking other questions. Now that she has calmed down a bit she is realizing her questions. Since it is easier to ask questions on a social network with people who potentially have experience she can get answers quicker than waiting for another appointment with her doctor.

I am most definitely in agreement she needs to make another appointment to see a doctor but I am not surprised that she has come on a social network site to ask a questions to millions of other woman who might know what she is experiencing.

And don't insult those who are ignorant. Ignorance is not the same thing as stupidity.

KarleeKrause35 · February 2012

Oh, FFS. You are reading much too far into this than you need to, I assure you. I'd certainly like to know what part of the statement you bolder previously was insensitive. You're acting like I called her dirty or something. Get over your bad self. I realize that it's "normal" to seek advice and be anonymous on the internet- but that doesn't make it a constructive source. Excuse me for not coddling her. I can assure you that if she said "Hi guys, I've just been diagnosed with herpes virus. I'm still in shock and could really use some support," my response would have been a lot different. Even then, I would encourage support from a therapist to help her come to terms with her situation. There was nothing in my response that was cutting or rude, just honest. And actually, I was full of concern. It's great that you're a social worker, but you don't need to get all butthurt on someone else's behalf. And please, point out to me where it was that I called anyone stupid, I'm curious. I'm well aware that not everyone has infinite knowledge about the herpes virus. But it still didn't make her response credible. Which is why I said she should get her info from a legitimate source. So while I'm busy trying not to insult the ignorant, maybe you could busy yourself with sticking to what is relevant in a conversation instead of reaching to prove a point.

eck036 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:bd7356a7-aa8e-440e-a1cc-35146d3c0a42">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd like to know who thinks women rub their vagina on public toilet seats. Because that's pretty much the only way to get an STD from a toilet seat.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

This comment is amazing. Rational thought, ftw.

caterpillar85 · February 2012

It might be like HPV, where if it's a non-serious case you can get warts from it, and sometimes it can take months/years for it to physically show.
To try to make you feel better, here's some stats I just got off a website... it says CDC so must be legit??
Number of people in US with genital herpes: over 50,000,000
New cases per year: 1,000,000
New cases per hour: 114
New cases per minute: 1.9
Percent of US population affected: 20%
1 in 5 persons age 12 and older
Number of people unaware they are infected: Millions: Most of the population

got it from this website=http://www.herpescounter.com/

so you aren't alone.

RebeccaB88 · February 2012

OP, I'm so sorry. That must have been a shock to you.

Herpes Simplex Virus can ONLY be unquestionably diagnosed by a blood test. So, back when you and your FI started dating and got tested, if you didn't have a blood test specifically for HSV, then you weren't tested for it, and either one of you could have had it at the time and not known. It can lay dormant and asymptomatic for many many years, even a lifetime, and never become symptomatic. It could very well be something one of you picked up before you knew each other, and never knew. You can contract it from the other person even if they don't have any active lesions or symptoms (it's much less likely, but definitely possible), and even with condom use. Because of this, I would caution you to keep this in mind when you talk to your FI. It doesn't automatically mean he's cheating. But if one or both of you DID have the blood test, and were negative then, well... that's entirely different.

llarwood13 · February 2012

I have herpes, I've had it from birth. And I'm pretty knowledgeable about how it can be contracted. I'm sorry to tell you this but your fiance needs to be checked and chances are you probably got it from him not being faithful. Also, herpes does lie dormant for years. Years meaning up to decades. It is possible that either of you had it from an experience in the past and it is just coming out now.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:62876585-2df7-4ca1-92a4-bccb669a957f">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I have herpes, I've had it from birth. And I'm pretty knowledgeable about how it can be contracted. I'm sorry to tell you this but your fiance needs to be checked and chances are you probably got it from him not being faithful. Also, herpes does lie dormant for years. Years meaning up to decades. It is possible that either of you had it from an experience in the past and it is just coming out now.
Posted by llarwood13[/QUOTE]

So, first you say "chances are you probably got it from him not being faithful" and then you go on to say that it can lie dormant for years. Which it can. Which means he wasn't necessarily unfaithful. You are a walking contradiction.

Kimster 05 · February 2012

Hello everyone,

I didn't mean to stir up any unnecessary drama. I am well aware that I should seek out professional medical advice which is what I did. Sometimes it's much easier asking 'silly', uncomfortable medical advice on an online forum where you're anonymous. I have another appointment with another doctor today for a second opinion.

Yesterday my MOH came over and we had a long chat. She filled me in on a few minor details that I was unaware about that ultimately changes up the situation. I have arranged to meet with our Pastor this afternoon and then this will be discussed will with our couples councilor this evening (we've been going through pre-marital counseling through them) Because of the new details I've learned, I'm now nervous of what may be the outcome but I'm most concerned for my overall health and future well being.

thank you again ladies for your input, it is greatly appreciated.

KarleeKrause35 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:cafce68d-71d0-4d3d-b87c-ffc33a6d1da2">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone, I didn't mean to stir up any unnecessary drama. I am well aware that I should seek out professional medical advice which is what I did. Sometimes it's much easier asking 'silly', uncomfortable medical advice on an online forum where you're anonymous. I have another appointment with another doctor today for a second opinion. Yesterday my MOH came over and we had a long chat. She filled me in on a few minor details that I was unaware about that ultimately changes up the situation. I have arranged to meet with our Pastor this afternoon and then this will be discussed will with our couples councilor this evening (we've been going through pre-marital counseling through them) Because of the new details I've learned, I'm now nervous of what may be the outcome but I'm most concerned for my overall health and future well being. thank you again ladies for your input, it is greatly appreciated.
Posted by Kimster 05[/QUOTE]

Hey Kimster, good luck with everything. Hopefully this doc's appointment will ease your mind a bit and answer all of your questions. And if I didn't say it before, I AM sorry that you're going through this. It can't be easy.

redheadfsu · February 2012

I'm assuming your MOH gave you bad news and you now assume he cheated. I'm so sorry. However, I would caution you that unless she had first hand knowledge (as in she slept with him) to still be cautious about accusing him of cheating. Of course discuss it, but don't accuse or reach a decision until you talk everything out with him. I think counseling is a great idea and is a great first step. And if you need support, to vent, or anything these boards are here for you. Hugs and good luck.

KarleeKrause35 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:cafce68d-71d0-4d3d-b87c-ffc33a6d1da2">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone, I didn't mean to stir up any unnecessary drama. I am well aware that I should seek out professional medical advice which is what I did. Sometimes it's much easier asking 'silly', uncomfortable medical advice on an online forum where you're anonymous. I have another appointment with another doctor today for a second opinion. Yesterday my MOH came over and we had a long chat. She filled me in on a few minor details that I was unaware about that ultimately changes up the situation. I have arranged to meet with our Pastor this afternoon and then this will be discussed will with our couples councilor this evening (we've been going through pre-marital counseling through them) Because of the new details I've learned, I'm now nervous of what may be the outcome but I'm most concerned for my overall health and future well being. thank you again ladies for your input, it is greatly appreciated.
Posted by Kimster 05[/QUOTE]

TK must have eaten my post, but I wish you all of the luck in the world, and I hope these appointments give you a little peace of mind and answer all of your questions. I'm sorry that you are dealing with it at all- I know it can't be easy.

sonya+adam · February 2012

Good luck. I hope everything turns out well. While at the doc, make sure you ask every question that you want answered, no matter how embarrassing it is for you. It's really important, and your doctor isn't going to judge you for it. They're there to help. Sending lots of good vibes your way!

AshnRobo · February 2012

I hope everything turns out well in this situation.

I feel like something that isn't mentioned is whether or not OP physically saw her FI's test results.

My best friend contracted herpes from her (now) FI and it evolved into ovarian cancer. Her OB/GYN was not clear with her that HPV comes from herpes or that it could grown into ovarian cancer. Her doctor assumed she knew all that or would do the research on her own. She found out she had cancer the day after they got engaged.

They got tested before they became sexually active, but he lied. He never actually got tested. He just told her he had gotten tested. My friend was very naiive and trusting in this situation. When she told me all of this I was furious with her for being so dumb.

Luckily they were able to remove the cancer very quickly and she is doing well. Their relationship is not the same. While they remain engaged, she is reluctant to set a date or even discuss wedding stuff. I don't blame her and we talk about it from time to time. She has never said it, but I feel like she feels trapped b/c he has given her this STD.

It is a horrible situation, and I hope that you never have to go through what she does. I hope that you're able to manage it and it doesn't turn into HPV. Please, no matter what don't feel trapped in this relationship b/c you have and STD. If he cheated, you have a right to leave. If he lied, you have a right to leave. Just because you have an STD does not make you leper. Be responsible and take care of yourself, and anyone else you may come in contact with sexually.

No matter what though, you have to talk to your FI.

J&K10910 · February 2012

Uh.... AshnRobo? I think you're takling about genital warts. HPV causes genital warts and cervical cancer. Herpes is a totally different animal.

StephBeanWed61502 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:b2dda21e-d544-423d-a84d-33d6b5abb82c">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : As in, her friend has genital warts, not ovarian cancer? Oh my. That's actually a really plausible line of thinking. But how the eff does one confused genital warts with an extremely lethal cancer?
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

No, I think she meant that the poster's friend had genital warts <em>caused by HPV</em> rather than sores caused by herpes, and then also had cancer (which is also linked to HPV).

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:b2dda21e-d544-423d-a84d-33d6b5abb82c">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : As in, her friend has genital warts, not ovarian cancer? Oh my. That's actually a really plausible line of thinking. But how the eff does one confused genital warts with an extremely lethal cancer?
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

I guess I assumed she had genital warts, therefore had HPV, and got cervical cancer, and OP was confused on the type of cancer as well.

That's what made the most sense in my head. But my head is a scary place.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:ad8fbd52-245a-4543-9460-706c119a26cb">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]AshnRobo did say ovarian cancer, so I assumed she was talking about ovarian cancer, not cervical. (Ovarian cancer is not linked to HPV.) If she was talking about cervical cancer, then at least her post would make sense, minus the stuff about herpes. But then she's just talking about HPV, which has nothing to do with the OP's original question at all.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

I don't think you're following me at all. I assumed she had her cancers confused, which isn't a terribly far stretch, considering she doesn't seem to know much of anything about STIs either.

Because if you sub genital warts for herpes, and cervical cancer for ovarian cancer, her post makes perfect sense. And that's the ONLY way it makes sense.

And the reason it would have nothing to do with OPs question is because she (the HPV vs herpes girl) has no idea what she's talking about and is really confused and THINKS it has to do with OP's question.

AshnRobo · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:1a4c6322-184c-4317-b3ce-5ab593ead3ab">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : I don't think you're following me at all. I assumed she had her cancers confused, which isn't a terribly far stretch, considering she doesn't seem to know much of anything about STIs either. Because if you sub genital warts for herpes, and cervical cancer for ovarian cancer, her post makes perfect sense. And that's the ONLY way it makes sense. And the reason it would have nothing to do with OPs question is because she (the HPV vs herpes girl) has no idea what she's talking about and is really confused and THINKS it has to do with OP's question.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

That's what I did. Sorry.

My friend's situation happened so fast a lot of the information I got was guessing and filling in gaps. She literally called me on a Tuesday and asked if we could have coffee the next day. She said she needed to have surgery two weeks from that Tuesday (the day before we got coffee). Our conversation was less about the disease and more about the lies he had told her.

She's a very private person and I was the only person (besides her FI) that she told about the situation. She asked me to be her emergency contact during the surgery. She was concerned that worst case scenario the docter would want to remove her ovaries. Which is where I got ovarian cancer, but you guys are right it was cervical cancer. I'll assume you're right it is warts not herpes and therefore not valid to this post. So, sorry about that.

TiffannieF · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:99e0848f-35e6-4cff-9db3-68d2a684f4c3">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, FFS. You are reading much too far into this than you need to, I assure you. I'd certainly like to know what part of the statement you bolder previously was insensitive. You're acting like I called her dirty or something. <strong>Get over your bad self</strong>. I realize that it's "normal" to seek advice and be anonymous on the internet- but that doesn't make it a constructive source. Excuse me for not coddling her. I can assure you that if she said "Hi guys, I've just been diagnosed with herpes virus. I'm still in shock and could really use some support," my response would have been a lot different. Even then, I would encourage support from a therapist to help her come to terms with her situation. There was nothing in my response that was cutting or rude, just honest. And actually, I was full of concern. It's great that you're a social worker, but you don't need to get all butthurt on someone else's behalf. And please, point out to me where it was that I called anyone stupid, I'm curious. I'm well aware that not everyone has infinite knowledge about the herpes virus. But it still didn't make her response credible. Which is why I said she should get her info from a legitimate source. So while I'm busy trying not to insult the ignorant, maybe you could busy yourself with sticking to what is relevant in a conversation instead of reaching to prove a point.
Posted by KarleeKrause35[/QUOTE]

Statements like this, Karlee. But yes, I will now busy myself with other things. :o)

KarleeKrause35 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:a815f41c-4249-4180-ab15-d07e18750675">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : Statements like this, Karlee. But yes, I will now busy myself with other things. :o)
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

Well, if you really, really want to dig into it. I AM insulting you, because I find you insufferable. It wasn't the case with the others.

NuggetBrain · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-this-belongs-begging-for-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1621510c-5b19-415a-8126-0292a6c95516Post:a815f41c-4249-4180-ab15-d07e18750675">Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :( : Statements like this, Karlee. But yes, I will now busy myself with other things. :o)
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

You are so f*cking obnoxious.

Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(

Re: Not sure where this belongs... begging for some advice :(

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