S/O Money Issues

mwhitson14 · December 2009

After reading the post below by Rach, it got me curious how other people handle their finances. FI and I have been trying to figure this out (just not sure of the best solution) and we haven't really come to an agreement.

I will make more than FI (once I finally start full time teaching), but FI could eventually make more than me. How do y'all handle things, where one partner makes quite a bit more than the other? How do you "split" the bills, even if there's no way it can be an even split?

Thanks

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

We make almost the same amount (except for his 2 bonuses for AP and National Board). Even if we had a significant gap in income, we would still share everything equally because we both create the bills.

LesPaul · December 2009

We opened a joint account to handle the household stuff, vacations, major purchases, etc. Because of our individual pre-existing obligations, we both kept our own accounts and put a set amount each month into the joint acct. Cash gifts generally go into the joint acct too.

Nebb · December 2009

We dont. All of our paycheques go into one account and I manage our finances - I pay all of our bills, set aside cash for incidentals (gas, coffee money, booze, entertainment, etc), and then transfer into savings whatever has been discussed. My husband has ALWAYS made more money than me, and weve been doing it this way for a few years now. Were just in the habit now of running purchases past eachother (larger than 20$ or so), and generally my husband always asks me if we have money for this or that before he buys things just in case.

SarahnVinny · December 2009

We have a shared bank account, savings and checking. We split rent and utilities equally. We also have our own seperate accounts and pay our own personal bills (cell phone, credit cards) individually.

betrothed123 · December 2009

I make quite a bit more than my H. We have completely combined finances (all of our accounts are combined). We pool our money, and are very transparent about how that money is spent. All bills are paid out of this pooled money. We don't really think of it in terms of "I make $X and he makes $Y." It's more "We make $Z."

It doesn't work for everybody, but it works for us.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

I should have clarified: to us "split" means joint account. Both checks go in so we are both responsible for what goes out.

bbyckes · December 2009

We each maintain separate accounts, along with a joint checking and savings. We split the bills 50/50. Actually, we'll generally split everything 50/50. It's easy for us to maintain our own accounts.

suedoe · December 2009

In my house whoever has the money for the bills pays them. We both pay for everything and no one has a set amount they pay. We just pay the bills and move on.

lilgina64 · December 2009

so I make literally more than 5 times as much as Mr lil.... his salary is a pittance.

We agreed that we would put a percentage of our salaries into our joint account to pay the household bills/wedding and whatever is left over, is our money to pay gas, spending money etc.

One thing I'm adamant on is that my student loans are taken out of my private checking account, I don't think he should be paying off my debt that I incurred before I met him.

But he puts in like X and I put in Y and we both manage the rest of the money on our own. He's never had a credit card and is very good at living within his own means.

we agreed that when he starts making more money with his work authorization that we'll continue the percentages method. but if he makes more he can contribute Z and ill still contribute Y but we can push whatever is left over at the end of the month into our savings account.

he is very upset that he can't be "the provider" but I told him that his emotional support is more important to me and the things he provides me with that arent monetary have no price tag. I also made sure that whatever apartment we lived in,car we had, etc was within my means so that if god forbid he left me, I could maintain the lifestyle I was accustomed to without relying on someone else's money. But that's what everyone advised me to do because we moved intogether 6 months before we got married and I figure its always a good thing.But I prefer to know that we could live on one salary if need be. it makes losing a job or something much less daunting. Even if he died tomorrow, I'd be ok financially. emotionally... well that's another story.

[Deleted User] · December 2009

H makes double what I do currently but we have a joint account and a savings. I think no matter how much either of us make that this is the way we will handle our money, it works for us.

beatlesgirl25 · December 2009

I think it's best to have one of you manage the finances (as in, actually pay the bills or monitor direct deposit), and both of you should be involved in decisions on how the money is spent. H and I have a joint checking/savings that we use for most bills since getting married, but we still maintain our own accounts with a small portion of salary going into them (H does this, and I am between jobs right now but will do this too). He has always made a lot more than me, which will hopefully change once I finish my degree and can reset the balance.

Before we were married and had separate accounts, we used my account for groceries, dinner out, and gas for my car. He paid rent and I gave him a check for half when I could. He paid utilities and cable, and I gave him a check if I had some extra money that month. And incidentals were generally paid by him. The discrepancy in our income wasn't a big deal because he knew I was paying all I could, so him absorbing the bulk (and the rest) was fair and what he signed on to do by partnering with me. He knows I will continue to contribute this way as my income increases.

Even though he manages all the money now, I have access to all our accounts, direct deposit info, online banking passwords, etc. We had a sit-down discussion about that once we were getting married and it was nice to get everything all set up and understood. And if he wants to go to lunch with someone, he'll give me a heads-up to see what I think. It's a pretty healthy system now, but boy was it uncomfortable to talk about in the beginning!

mwhitson14 · December 2009

Good ideas.

I like pooling everything into a joint checking, Nebb. While I will make more, I also have quite a bit more bills. I have credit card debt and student loans debt, while he has almost none (maybe 1K total? almost paid off, yay!).

ggmae · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de1c1f02-6795-412b-b939-6d583e0562e5Post:5e96dd95-bc7f-46ad-8de9-93e469ecd867">Re: S/O Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]...We pool our money, and are very transparent about how that money is spent. All bills are paid out of this pooled money. We don't really think of it in terms of "I make $X and he makes $Y." It's more "We make $Z." It doesn't work for everybody, but it works for us.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

This. We have the "What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours" mentality. I have a separate account for myself, but it never has much money in it. We use the joint account most often.

EDIT - If you count the stipend DH gets from the GI Bill as his individual income each month, then he makes more than I do. But, not by much and only because the money he gets from the government is not taxed.

squirrly · December 2009

Right now our finances are entirely separate. I've been paying the wedding stuff as we've gone along. His wedding contribution is in savings to pay to the venue/caterer when the time comes.

Once we're married, we'll likely each have an account of our own plus a joint account. I will be making considerably more, so we'll likely deposit both checks to joint checking and then transfer an equal allowance for each of us to our separate accounts each month.

lilgina64 · December 2009

oh I should mention that I'm in charge of paying ALL bills, but I sit down with him when I do it and let him know how much we spent. We also always get together on pay days and go over how much the deposits are. He always knows what's going on with the money but I'm in charge of making sure shiz gets done.

That being said, he has his own checking account for paying gas and eating out and gifts etc and he is in charge of that.

I have my checking account that I pay for student loans, t-pass, eating out, gifts etc.

Major purchases are always discussed beforehand and the wedding budget was a very long discussion of how to get the biggest bang for our buck. I don't like leaving him in the dark so I bore him with my endless spreadsheets (marrying an accountant can be boring

)

mwhitson14 · December 2009

lil, that's FI's biggest concern right now. It REALLY bugs him that he's not the main contributor, but I keep telling him he needs to stick with his job and one day it will pay off.

Brie2010 · December 2009

FI and I have a household account. Both our paychecks are deposited there, and we pay pretty much everything out of it.

He also has an individual savings which we're going to add my name to after the wedding, and we each have individual checking accounts if we need to buy something like a birthday gift for the other without them knowing.

Nebb · December 2009

I will also point out that we pay all of our own individual debt out of our joint money as well. We kind of see it as OUR debt now, not just a specific persons.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

FI makes a lot more than I do. He pays more bills. He pays rent and car insurance. I pay all the utilities/cable/internet. He pays for most groceries, though I routinely stop and pick things up throughout the week. We are both paying down credit cards and I also have a car payment.

Its what works for us. I would really be struggling if we split everyting 50/50, but we are both comfortable with this arrangements (and discussed it before we moved in together).

After we get married, we'll probably continue like this, but do a joint savings for a house, etc.

lilgina64 · December 2009

That what I keep telling Mr lil. I tell him that providing does not always mean $$$.

basically I said as long as we can pay our bills I don't care if you make $5 or $5 million. He still whines sometimes but he does extra stuff for me, like cooking, or cleaning, or comforting me, or driving me to work when it's cold. It's those little contributions that mean the world to me. Not the $$.

If I had married for $$, I'd have no credit card debt, no student loans, and be a SAHW eating bons bons and working out ...hahahaha that's a sorry mental image.

mwhitson14 · December 2009

Thanks Mery. 50/50 is not possible for FI at all. He could afford to cover, say rent, but I'd be responsible for the rest.

Let me also add, he'll end up taking care of our health insurance too. His plan with the post office is really good, and we recently found out he can add me to his policy for not very much, so he'll keep paying that.

[Deleted User] · December 2009

We keep everything seperate and will most likely keep it that way after we are married (except for a joint savings account). Having Ben adds a level of complexity to our finances that just makes it easier for me to maintain financial independence with regard to my checking account.

We split all of the household bills, so he typically just writes me a check each month for his half.

amalama · December 2009

Well he makes all the money, so we keep our accounts together. Before we had a baby and I went back to school full time, everything was seperate and bills split down the middle even though I made more.

We were doing a set "allowance" each month for each of us as spending money for individual purchases. But with Christmas and some other extra expenses we stopped doing that for now. We had a set budget for what we could spend on Christmas for each other, and everything else we run by each other right now if it's more than a few bucks.

When I am done with school and get a job, he might go back to school, depending on his job situation at the time. Then we will have the same situation, just the money coming from me instead of him. And a million years from now we may both actually have good jobs at the same time, and then we will probably have the same thing, just with more money for our "allowances" each month.

As far as managing our money (and this part makes little sense but it works for us) we both do it seperately. He gets nervous if he is not the one balancing the checkbook, but he has weird systems so I do it too. He keeps a running tally in a datebook, and I mostly use online banking. So we both know what we have and have access to the information. And our savings account is actually linked to my checking (with him on it too, I just already had one and he didn't), so he doesn't really pay any attention to it, although he does have access.

brookelynpaisley · December 2009

I make about 25% more than him, and we just split the house bills evenly. Because our apartment was mine, everything is automatically drawn from my account, and he transfers money to me. To put us on more level playing field, I take care of the groceries and the regular pet stuff. I'm also able to save more, but I definitely don't think of it as mine - it's for both of us. We take turns with dinners out and any joint shopping trips like Target and WalMart when there's stuff for both of us in the cart.

NuggetBrain · December 2009

We split household expenses - rent, utilities, cell phones (we're both on a family plan together), cable, etc. We added up how much it is (and averaged out things like utilities that change according to season) and I just give him a check every paycheck for half of it.

We have a joint checking account for the wedding, and we put whatever money we can into that. Once we get married, that will become the account we pay all household stuff out of (so instead of a check, I'll just have X amount DD'd into there). Otherwise we'll have separate credit cards, and a separate checking and savings account for each of us to use on fun stuff. Noodle usually pays for the fun stuff, because he makes signifigantly more money than I do.

mwhitson14 · December 2009

[QUOTE]And a million years from now we may both actually have good jobs at the same time, and then we will probably have the same thing, just with more money for our "allowances" each month[/QUOTE]

Hopefully we will too ama! Of course, teachers will never make a lot, but at least it's one job with a steady income for me (instead of 3 making minimum wage) and one full time for him (instead of a part time only job).

ggmae · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de1c1f02-6795-412b-b939-6d583e0562e5Post:2191f05a-4011-461a-9b6e-59780a9abf51">Re: S/O Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I will also point out that we pay all of our own individual debt out of our joint money as well. We kind of see it as OUR debt now, not just a specific persons.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

I was going to add this to my response as well - DH and I do the same. My student loan debt and the money that I owe my parents is taken out of the joint account each month. Luckily, DH has no debt but if he did, then I'd consider it mine as well.

amalama · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de1c1f02-6795-412b-b939-6d583e0562e5Post:b0896aaf-c56f-4c0f-9ee4-a62dcaf11cf6">Re: S/O Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Hopefully we will too ama! Of course, teachers will never make a lot, but at least it's one job with a steady income for me (instead of 3 making minimum wage) and one full time for him (instead of a part time only job).
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

One of our few disagreements about money issues is because BF wants to be a teacher eventually. His job now pays about the same as a first year teacher here would probably get. By the time I am done with school and have a job that would make it possible for him to finish school to be a teacher, he will probably have gotten at least 1 or possibly 2 promotions (with raises) or at least a couple raises. But his job is not a job that I see as a good "career" for him, so I want him to go back to school to start out making less money than he does now. I will (hopefully) be making enough money for us to be comfortable anyway, and he's wanted to be a teacher since he was a kid. But he just doesn't see it that way and thinks that making more money is more important.

So basically, it blows that teachers don't make enough.

lpstl · December 2009

I bring in about 80% of our household income. I pay all the bills out of my account, and pete writes me a check out of his. We don't have a joint account right now because we just haven't had a chance to go to the bank to add him onto mine. We setup our budget together, but I maintain it. I'd actually like to get Pete more involved, but he's not into it, he's just rather I take care of things.

Right now we're working on saving money for my maternity leave, so his entire salary goes into savings and we live off of mine. Right now I'm just giving him cash or lending him my debit card until we can get to the bank to add him onto my account. It's just a pain because of my hours.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

Oh yeah, and when I go back to school full time I'll be making HALF of what I make now (but my credit card and car will be taken care of). I have some savings for things like car repairs, but FI is definitely willing to help out. And vice verse, though I can't help monetarily very much.

Its kind of sad that he can afford our rent all on his own, but I would have trouble coming up with half. Guess it shows how little money I actually make!

And I totally understand the splitting bills in half thing - it's just that FI makes several times what I do, and that's why I mentioned that we both agreed on it and are very comfortable with it. We wouldn't do it this way if he felt taken advantage of.

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