4:30 Friday Ceremony Rude?

B&JSackett2011 · October 2010

Help Brides and Etiquette People!
My wedding is planned and scheduled to be on a friday next summer and my fiance and I have decided an early 4:30 ceremony time. We did this because our location we have for the reception closes at midnight so clean up has to start around 11. My future in-laws are pushing that the wedding ceremony be not until 5:30 though since they think it would rude to ask people to come to an early ceremony. Help me!!! I don't think this is rude or inappopriate and my inlaws are smothering me about changing the time.

HELP!

baystateapple · October 2010

It's not exactly rude, but it does make things difficult for people who have to work on Friday and can't take it off. Can you push it back even an hour? That would make things a little easier on your guests who have to work.

SarahPLiz · October 2010

Its not rude, but don't come back here whining that no one showed up either.

AliGirl11 · October 2010

We had our wedding at 6:30 on a Friday, and many people still had difficulty making it or didn't make it because of work. With a 4:30 ceremony, I would think that a lot of your guests will be inconvenienced or won't make it. We also had a few guests just make the reception, so be prepared for that scenario.

mgietler76 · October 2010

I also don't find it rude, I have a very lenient boss so if I need to leave a bit early or take the whole day it's never a problem so I'm a little biased. What about your OOT guests? That is something to consider as they will most likely have to take the entire day off.

MyNameIsNot · October 2010

I find it rude.

On a Friday, you need to set your ceremony time so that people can get off work and get there, so no earlier than 6:30. Asking people to take off work to come to your wedding is rude.

Push it back.

SarahPLiz · October 2010

To me, an invitation to a 4:30pm Friday ceremony might as well be one for 2am on Sunday. Yes, you invited me, but do you really want me to be there? Probably not, or you would have made it a more convenient time.

Liberty27 · October 2010

Honestly I wouldn't make it to a wedding ceremony on a Friday unless i was after 6, and even that is pushing it. I work in a manufacturing facility so I have to go home and shower after work, and FI is a mechanic so he also has to shower also, and the dogs need to be let out. Not to mention the last thing I want to do after being at work since 6 am is stay out and party until 11. Overall I just think Friday weddings are a PITA.

angiebear11 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_430-friday-ceremony-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38570b43-e990-49b2-b847-51727cc952e1Post:636ca784-6420-442f-9cb6-e82c53e33c34">Re: 4:30 Friday Ceremony Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the PP's. I don't necessarily think it's rude but I do think that it will be difficult for some people to attend. <strong>However, you know your friends and family best so maybe this is feasible for your situation.</strong> Is your ceremony at the same place as the reception or somewhere different? If it's a short ceremony at the same venue maybe you can compromise and move it to 5?
Posted by mrscarter052011[/QUOTE]

But some of her family (her in-laws) has already mentioned that they think she should push the ceremony time back.

I think a 4:30 ceremony on a Friday is way too early. I'm getting married on a Friday and my ceremony doesn't start until 8:00pm. I think you should push it back to 5:30.

KatyRoseM · October 2010

I find it rude. It makes your guests feel unimportant and seems like you don't care if they are there or what they have to do to get there. I tend to jump the gun a bit on that feeling, but I would find you rude.

Mrs.B6302007 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_430-friday-ceremony-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38570b43-e990-49b2-b847-51727cc952e1Post:b08cdc95-2834-4479-b9f8-5fe35927c681">Re: 4:30 Friday Ceremony Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]To me, an invitation to a 4:30pm Friday ceremony might as well be one for 2am on Sunday. Yes, you invited me, but do you really want me to be there? Probably not, or you would have made it a more convenient time.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

this. It does imply that you don't really want people to be able to attend.

shaydenise · October 2010

I would have to take off work to attend a 4:30 ceremony, so unless you were a family member or extremely close friend I probably wouldn't attend. At least with 5:30, if local guests get off work at 5, then they could probably make it just in time for the wedding. Though it does make people feel rushed so I personally would push it back even further than that.

SparrowSong · October 2010

It's not convenient for most of your guests who would have to leave work early our use one of their personal days. If you can honestly accept a lot of people may not be able to make it at all, and a lot of people will be walking in to your ceremony late, then it's fine.

My sister had her wedding on a Friday but they chose to make it work by starting with cocktail hour from 4 - 6, then dinner until 7:30 or so, and then everyone moved together out to the ceremony site for a sunset ceremony. Cake, champagne, and dancing came after the ceremony. It worked out really well, people who couldn't get there at 4 were able to join the party without feeling too awkward or like they missed anything.

opalsky007 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_430-friday-ceremony-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:38570b43-e990-49b2-b847-51727cc952e1Post:254e1132-7f34-455a-b551-4e23238e9182">Re: 4:30 Friday Ceremony Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I wouldn't be able to get to a 4:30 wedding. 5:30, yes, but I would probably grumble a bit b/c I would have to go directly from work and wouldn't be able to go home to shower to get ready for an evening out. If you have a 5:30 ceremony, the reception would be able to start by 6:30, wouldn't it? Are you having some really, really long ceremony? 6:30 - 11:00 is 4 and a half hour reception time -- which is PLENTY long enough to celebrate.</strong> I really don't expect many of our guests to be around after 10:00 (we're having a 5:30 ceremony, cocktail hour until 7:15, dinner 7:30, cake 8:30). Bottom line -- if you have a 4:30 ceremony, be prepared for a lot of 'Nos'
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

I typed out a long response to this effect, but it got eaten. *Shakes fist*

So yeah, I agree with this.

Beachy730 · October 2010

Apparently I'm the only one with this opinion, but I think its fine to start your ceremony at that time. My wedding was on a Friday at 3pm. We got married in a Catholic church and you have to start the ceremony by a certain time. In my area though it is very common and expected to have a gap between the ceremony and the reception. Also it is very common in my area that several of your guests will only go to the reception and not the ceremony. So yes, our ceremony was at 3 on a Friday, and our thinking was that the people who really want to be at the ceremony will take a half day of work or the day off, and the people who can't do that will be at the reception. Our cocktail hour started at 6pm.

What is the norm in your area? If you do have an early start time you just have to okay with the fact that some people will not make your ceremony. I can tell you though at my wedding I had absolutely no idea who wasn't at the ceremony, and the only people I know for a fact were there are ones I could see in the pictures.

zitiqueen · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_430-friday-ceremony-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:38570b43-e990-49b2-b847-51727cc952e1Post:280f04b5-6b29-4bb0-b3be-d85fef2918ab">4:30 Friday Ceremony Rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Help Brides and Etiquette People! My wedding is planned and scheduled to be on a friday next summer and my fiance and I have decided an early 4:30 ceremony time. We did this because our location we have for the reception closes at midnight so clean up has to start around 11. My future in-laws are pushing that the wedding ceremony be not until 5:30 though since they think it would rude to ask people to come to an early ceremony. Help me!!! I don't think this is rude or inappopriate and my inlaws are smothering me about changing the time. HELP!
Posted by B&JSackett2011[/QUOTE]

noodle_oo · October 2010

I understand why you might want to do it, but I do think it comes across as a little selfish. You are putting your own desires before the convenience of your guests. As with others, I'd have to take a half day to be able to make it to your ceremony, and I would probalby only do that for my closest friends and family. So, as PP said, you can go ahead and do it, but just don't complain when you get a very high NO rsvp rate. Depending on your guest list, it could be very high.

Though, the problem is I work till 6 PM, so even moving it to 5:30 PM doesn't help much. Also make sure you take into account how far people have to travel and if they will be hitting a lot of traffic to get to your venue on time. Fridays here in Boston are the WORST for traffic, pretty much from 4 to 7 PM.

banana468 · October 2010

I don't know that it's rude since you're not requiring people to be there.

But it isn't convenient either. A 4:30 afternoon ceremony pretty much forces DH and me to take a half day off. And sometimes that's a welcome break but sometimes it isn't.

So while I don't know that it's rude, I don't think it's being all that nice to your guests either.

And since you have the venue until 11, why can't you start the ceremony at 5:30? Even a Catholic ceremony is just an hour. Don't do a receiving line and do table visits and you have a reception that's just fine.

But if you want people to have a good time, you need to plan something that works for them. Clearly your FILs are already telling you that your plans aren't working.

RoxysMama · October 2010

I got married at 3:30 on a friday. It was no problem. We had several oot guest. We had 95% acceptance to the wedding and everyone showed up. I think if they have enough notice it shouldn't be a problem. If your ILs are already complaining about the time you might want to change it just to please them but other than that I don't see the problem

Calypso1977 · October 2010

i dont think its rude either, but certainly inconvenient.

its kind of tough since it sounds like everything is set. i was going to suggest picking a different venue that lets you have it all the way until midnight but you cant cahnge that.

honestly, i think starting at 6 is good. youd be done by 7 and a 4 hour reception is long enough on a friday night. many of your guests will probably work at least a half day that day, which means some of them will have been up since 5 or 6 am. they will be tired come 9 or 10, and probaly wouldnt stay until midnight anyway. i know i'm usually drained by Friday night. that's my PJ's at the dinner table night.

JSweetieXO · October 2010

Our ceremony is also set for 4:30 on a Friday. I think it will all be ok since we are having a small wedding and its all immediate family and just a few of our closest friends, so they will do what they have to to be there.

MissOwl · October 2010

I think the cocktail hour first, then dinner, then ceremony, then dancing sounds like a great schedule. I would love to be greeted with a drink and dinner after work and then celebrate the marriage of a friend.

leah2b · October 2010

Also, may I ask whether you are going to have a break in between the ceremony and reception for pictures? If this is the case, it might be nicer to do pictures before the ceremony and move the time up to make it more convenient for guests.

I have been to plenty of Friday weddings and have always attended the ceremony. When I was younger and had less vacation time/ availablility it was a bit more of a hardship, but now I don't mind having an excuse to take a few hours of vacation time to attend a wedding

tenofcups4me · October 2010

If most of your guests work a "traditional" 9-5 day, then yes, I do think it's rude to plan the wedding during their workday.

On the whole, I think a Friday wedding is really inconvenient at any time (and I tend to really not want to go out on Friday nights), but I guess that's just personal opinion.

jerseydevil · October 2010

I don't personally find it rude, but it is definitely inconvenient for people who work 9-5 or any variance of that schedule. Just consider the fact that anyone who does, will probably be rushed to make the ceremony or will have to take a half day off work so they can shower and change.

If it was my FILs that had a problem with it, then I would seriously consider pushing it back.

LuckyBrideToBe0013 · October 2010

I am also having a 4:30 ceremony on a Friday in August. I don't know much about your ceremony, but that was the latest time our church would do it. My FMIL thought the Friday wedding was rude all together.

You should think about your guest list in order to really answer this question. The majority of my list is family and close family friends. The people that we are really close with are going to be there. We are sending out STDs specifically pointing out it is a Friday, so there is plenty of notice. I think our OOT guests would have to miss work for a Friday wedding anyway. An hour wouldn't have made a difference.

At the same time, there are people who probably won't come to the ceremony (i.e. a distant cousin, FI's friend) and it doesn't bother me. It is common for people from my area to skip the ceremony and attend the party. If our wedding ceremony is not worth someone's vacation day or the traffic is too much of a bother, frankly, they don't have to be there. I don't mean that in a bitchy way. I'm not going to give the "side eye" when they walk into the reception or cross them off my Christmas card list. It's one of those things I'm just going to let roll off my back.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Totally agree with Liberty. If you back up the time and allow people to get home from work, freshen up and then drive to the wedding in rush hour traffic, you will see people could easily be leaving work 2:30 - 3:00, which can be difficult if it's not a close relative getting married. Also it makes for a very long day for everyone. The wedding I attended started at about 5:30 on Friday night. After the rush to get there, no dinner was served until 9:00 (bridal party taking pictures) and when it was served, the food had sat on the warming table for so long, it was inedible or maybe it was just a bad caterer, but the wedding ranks as one of the worst I have ever been to.

Calypso1977 · October 2010

After the rush to get there, no dinner was served until 9:00 (bridal party taking pictures)

oh, that is so annoying! that is my biggest pet peeve with night weddings - they wait until AFTER the ceremony for pictures, when they have ALL DAY LONG to take them. i dont care if its tradition, its a tradition that is becoming more popular to avoid because of the mere fact you keep people waiting.

leah2b · October 2010

Yes, calypso, I agree. I also think it is rude to ask your guests to take time off of work (lose money , vacation time) to attend an early friday wedding just so you have time to take our pictures AFTER the cermony and make peoeple wait around.

heyimbren · October 2010

I think your biggest concern is that it's clearly an inconvenience to your FILs. If they're already voicing their concerns about it, I think you should put a bit more thought into the timing because their presence as guests is pretty important.

It's going to be inconvenient for most of your guests to have it at 4:30, but I do think it would be very considerate to just push it back by an hour to 5:30 to try and appease them. You'll still have enough time to have a few hours for a reception. I don't think it would be a big deal to compromise on the timing of this issue.

smokeybailey · October 2010

Does everyone who thinks a 4:30 wedding is rude also find DW's rude? How is this any different? If you aren't a really good friend, I won't attend because I would have to leave work really early for that, but if you are close, I would definitely attend. The same way I would attend your 1 pm Tuesday wedding in Lake Tahoe....

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