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xiondono · February 2010

NEVERMIND

jaimebeth9 · February 2010

Oh how I missed this board...

ThePinkSuperhero · February 2010

Why not just skip the expensive renewal, and save yourself the disappointment of your friends not giving you the cash you're hoping to receive?

ThePinkSuperhero · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:271e1c87-b8d4-4523-b7ed-23bdb9d83fda">Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I eloped September 21, 2009 but we want to have a real ceremony with all our family and friends. We're military so it was more of a legal/financial move than anything. Due to a deployment and how picky I am, our wedding day isn't going to be until January 1, 2012. By this time we won't need much of the stuff that newlyweds need but we will be needing money. (I can already tell this is going to be pretty expensive, and we probably won't have much help from our parents). What we'd LIKE to ask for would be visa gift cards or something similar that we can use later on our honeymoon or something, but I know my mother always tells me how tacky it is to ask people for money. What's the etiquette on this one?
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

JIC

SarahPLiz · February 2010

Don't register for gifts if you are already married. Have a marriage blessing in a church, or even a vow renewal, but to have a bridal shower, b-party, or a registry would be distasteful/

ETA: NEVER ask for cash, especially if you are already married.

brookelynpaisley · February 2010

Oh boy, here we go

FYI, your wedding was September 21, 2009. Sorry it wasn't the day of your dreams, but that was your wedding. January 1, 2012 is a vow renewal. And it's 2 years away, far too early to be worrying about this stuff.

Your mom is right - you can't ask for money. Don't register for anything or just have a small registry, guests will get the hint and it can be spread by word of mouth ONLY that you're saving for a new home or whatever.

kellyjellybelly · February 2010

You could just pass around a hat like this - people will get the idea.

tlv204 · February 2010

Listen to your mother. You never ask for or hint at or suggest gifts to anyone ever for any occasion. If they ask, just tell them you're saving for something, but I doubt they'll ask since you're already married.

scoetto · February 2010

You don't ask for money. End of story.

CCBelle · February 2010

Oh my.

banana468 · February 2010

PPs are correct.

Your wedding day was September 21st in 2009.

You may however plan a vow renewal or religous blessing for January 1st 2012.

Beyond that, I don't know that any registry would be appropriate since you're already married. (so now showers or bachelorette either).

BUT, if people do want to get you things, you can always say, "We're saving for X."

Note: I'd avoid calling it a honeymoon unless you're really not going to go on any vacations from Sept 2009 until January 2012.

tlv204 · February 2010

Ha, a bachelorette party would be funny.

bpage3 · February 2010

ps all your guests will be hungover from NYE

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Is this real?

The "real ceremony" was when you got married in September. What you are proposing would be a fake ceremony. Since you are already married, it would be inappropriate to register or expect gifts of any sort.

If you can't afford this party, just skip it.

kimheartsscott · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:02e9af52-4ce4-4922-89f8-4611d18a4e33">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]ps all your guests will be hungover from NYE
Posted by bpage3[/QUOTE]

*sigh* Yup. That is all I ever hear. Oh well, as long as nobody pukes on me I'm good.

Also, OP, please don't come back all butt hurt. Listen to the previous posters, they are wise.

tlv204 · February 2010

I'm not gonna lie, there is no way in H E double hockey sticks that I would go to a wedding in which the couple isn't actually getting married on New Years Day unless it was for like my mom or someone equally close.

Morfudd · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:d913e0d2-301a-46da-93a7-361adfc013d6">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I never got married, I signed legal papers. It was a financial and legal move because we are both in the military. It was not a wedding, it was a legal move. I'm extremely offended by the lack of understanding on this board. We are married only by law, we are not married in a church or by a pastor. We are married by law for legal reasons. Apparently none of you understand how the military works but if I want to see him before he goes to Afghanistan I basically HAVE to be "married".
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

There are several military brides on this board, nor is this the first time the board has seen either a question or a clarification like yours.

Unless you're really off the denominational map, I assure you that your faith considers you married as well-- although I'm sure they'd love to have the opportunity to bless your union.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:d913e0d2-301a-46da-93a7-361adfc013d6">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I never got married, I signed legal papers. It was a financial and legal move because we are both in the military. It was not a wedding, it was a legal move. I'm extremely offended by the lack of understanding on this board. We are married only by law, we are not married in a church or by a pastor. We are married by law for legal reasons. Apparently none of you understand how the military works but if I want to see him before he goes to Afghanistan I basically HAVE to be "married".
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

<div>I think you don't understand what married means. When you signed those papers and got legally married, you got married. That's what married means. </div><div>
</div><div>You decided that the best move, based on the circumstances, was to get married in September. And that makes sense. But you only get married to someone once (unless you get divorced in between). That happened already. Move on. </div>

banana468 · March 2010

What exactly were you looking to hear?

You're married. Perhaps it's not a marriage that your faith recognizes but it's certainly a marriage.

As others have said, many other brides in the military have made similar choices. This isn't a matter of "not knowing" your situation.

banana468 · March 2010

By the way, your own statements conflict.

[QUOTE]My husband and I eloped[/QUOTE]

Is what you said in your opening statement. Then you followed up with this:

[QUOTE]No, I never got married, I signed legal papers. [/QUOTE]

You may not have had a RECEPTION. But you most certainly did get married. The fact that you refer to your SO as your husband is largely indicative of this - as is the fact that you signed the papers.

You can have a vow renewal or a blessing - but you can't call them a wedding when you are in fact already married.

squirrly · March 2010

Marrying because it was better for you to be married while your H was deployed is fine. What's not fine is failing to recognize that as a marriage. The military does. Why don't you?

And - just FYI - my FI is Army.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

Well, normally, I'd say that asking for cash is really tacky, but since your situation is so completely different from anything that has ever happened to anyone in the history of the world, I say go for it. BUT make sure that you make a poem out of your cash request because that's clearly the only classy way to do it.

xiondono · March 2010

And that's all fine and dandy but that doesn't mean I don't get to have a traditional ceremony.

I worded myself poorly. I'm trying to explain to these women that I'm not married in the sense that they seem to think. Not everyone gets to have everything in the traditional manner and everything in order. Hell, he never proposed until after we eloped!

For legal and financial reasons things had to be done this way. I'm seriously offended by the intolerance of some of these women to the fact that not every woman's wedding is going to turn out the same way.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:ea796e4f-17d2-4a19-9fb6-5422153fbe85">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I recognize it as a marriage, but I don't recognize it in the way that these other women seem to. Just because we had to get married because of the Marines and the Army doesn't mean<strong> I have no right to ask for gifts</strong> or to have a traditional ceremony. My husband won't hear of it. I offered long ago to forego a big to-do about the real ceremony and he refuses.
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

No one has this right. Ever.

xiondono · March 2010

All right. I thought this would be a good board because this is such an awesome site, but I'm done trying to reason with you women. I'm erasing the original topic and blocking anyone that has offended me. Good fucking day.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:2a9e8ab6-e231-47c8-928a-9377f437df93">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]And that's all fine and dandy but that doesn't mean I don't get to have a traditional ceremony.<div>
</div><div><em>Actually, that's exactly what it means. Once you are married, you can't have another wedding. </em></div><div>
</div><div>I worded myself poorly. I'm trying to explain to these women that I'm not married in the sense that they seem to think. Not everyone gets to have everything in the traditional manner and everything in order. Hell, he never proposed until after we eloped! For legal and financial reasons things had to be done this way. I'm seriously offended by the intolerance of some of these women to the fact that not every woman's wedding is going to turn out the same way.
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>What do you mean, in the sense? There's only one kind of married. That's married. I'm married, you're married. It's all the same married. There aren't levels of married.
</div>

Morfudd · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:30379b17-38ec-40de-85d2-044dcb0469ad">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]All right. I thought this would be a good board because this is such an awesome site, but I'm done trying to reason with you women. I'm erasing the original topic and <strong>blocking anyone that has offended me</strong>. Good fucking day.
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

Well, that's new to me, at least.

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:2a9e8ab6-e231-47c8-928a-9377f437df93">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]And that's all fine and dandy but that doesn't mean I don't get to have a traditional ceremony. I worded myself poorly. I'm trying to explain to these women that I'm not married in the sense that they seem to think. Not everyone gets to have everything in the traditional manner and everything in order. Hell, he never proposed until after we eloped! For legal and financial reasons things had to be done this way. I'm seriously offended by the intolerance of some of these women to the fact that not every woman's wedding is going to turn out the same way.
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

And we're all seriously offended that you don't consider yourself married because you didn't have a "traditional wedding," and that your main concern here is about the etiquette of asking people for money two years from now. And how could you agree to get legally married if he didn't propose until afterward? You can't propose something that's already been done, can you?

lyndausvi · March 2010

I just do not know what to say.

I find it funny that you wedding is 2 years away and you have already established you need money instead of gifts.

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:2a9e8ab6-e231-47c8-928a-9377f437df93">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]And that's all fine and dandy but that doesn't mean I don't get to have a traditional ceremony. I worded myself poorly. I'm trying to explain to these women that I'm not married in the sense that they seem to think. Not everyone gets to have everything in the traditional manner and everything in order. Hell, he never proposed until after we eloped! For legal and financial reasons things had to be done this way. I'm seriously offended by the intolerance of some of these women to the fact that not every woman's wedding is going to turn out the same way.
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

Before this gets deleted too...

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gifts-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10c5eab5-7427-4f06-a7dc-86c454b2d1a6Post:30379b17-38ec-40de-85d2-044dcb0469ad">Re: Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]All right. I thought this would be a good board because this is such an awesome site, but I'm done trying to reason with you women. I'm erasing the original topic and blocking anyone that has offended me. Good fucking day.
Posted by xiondono[/QUOTE]

<div>I see only one person here that refuses to listen to reason. </div>

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