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Christian Weddings

Thoughts and Prayers Please

So, I normally don't like to publicize prayer requests, but I think I need some strength in numbers here.  It's a bit long, so if you don't feel like reading, that's a-ok.  I'll post cliff notes in a reply to summarize.

Some backstory from earlier this summer: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-not-invited-to-a-friends-wedding-wwyd

Cliff notes of the link: "Got engaged in November.  Formerly close friend (had a falling out earlier this year) got engaged the following March and immediately informed me that my fiance would not be invited due to budget, etc. Received message today (quoted above) reiterating this, also saying that if there's room and "there should be", fiance can come.  Wedding is October 20th of this year.  Want to know how y'all would reply to Facebook message and how you would handle the RSVP."

I ended up not responding to her message (couldn't think of anything nice to say, so I said nothing at all) and just waited for her to let me know if there would be room for my fiance.  Fast foward to this month.  Her RSVP date was 9/1 (for a wedding on 10/20).  At that point, she had never told me if space would be available. I did not want to RSVP without knowing if he could go.  So then Thursday night I get another FB message, asking me about my RSVP and finally telling me that there would in fact be room for my fiance.  At that point in time, we had not spoken more than short FB status comment exchanges since her last FB message.  I responded to her message almost immediately, telling her why I hadn't responded yet and that I would let her know as soon as I could.

About 24 hours later, I get a FB message from her mom saying almost the exact same thing she had said.  I was a bit confused, but I responded to her the same thing I had responded to my friend.  She came back with the standard "we need our numbers in by 9/14" (which I still find weird for a wedding on 10/20, but whatever).  I said then just put me down for a no because I didn't want to say yes and then not be able to go. 

Less than 20 minutes after I sent that last message to her mom, I got this lovely message from her: "It would have been nice if you had actually responded to me... and not have me make my mother try to contact you (who you responded to almost immediately)."  Now, as I said, I had responded to her.  As you can imagine, I was quite taken aback.  I tried to send her a message back, saying that I had sent a message, but it wouldn't go through.  I then borrowed a friend's computer, thinking my phone was the problem.  Lo and behold, not only had she defriended me after sending that message, she blocked me too!  She also defriended my fiance and the rest of my family that she was friends with on FB. 

I don't think I've ever been more upset in my life. Once the anger went away, I was extremely hurt.  I sent her a politely worded text message telling her that I had responded and that defriending me was uncalled for. I also sent a screen cap from my phone of my message list on FB showing that I had indeed sent a message, in case she chose not to believe me.  I have yet to hear back from her, and I don't think I ever will.  And I think that's what hurts the most.  I had no say seemingly in the ending of this friendship.  I had been giving her space and time to cool down from our earlier falling out, with the hope of working on the friendship when things died down.  She apparently had other plans.

Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for listening.  It was nice to get it all out, and kinda process my feelings while typing.  I'm hoping that this is a wound that time can heal, but any positive thoughts and prayers you could send my way would be greatly appreciated.  It's never easy to see a long term friendship end, but sudden ends are even harder.
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Re: Thoughts and Prayers Please

  • rajahmdrajahmd Galifrey member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Cliff notes, as promised:

    Former best friend of 10 years and I had a falling out earlier this year.  She then invited me to her wedding, but refused to invite my fiance until enough people said no so that there would be space for him (essentially, he was B-listed).  I waited until she let me know if there would be room to RSVP.  She never let me know- deadline passed on 9/1 for 10/20 wedding.  Last Thursday, she contacted me about it through FB.  I responded almost immediately.  Next day her mom contacted me as well through FB.  I again responded almost immediately.  I ended up RSVPing "no" because they needed numbers by 9/14 and I won't have my schedule for October by then.  Shortly thereafter, I got a rude message from her getting upset at me for not responding to her about the RSVP.  When I tried to respond to her, I discovered that she had defriended and blocked me, basically ending our friendship for good.
    Anniversary
  • It stinks but she was the one who acted out and ended the friendship. It seems a little drastic and immature to delete someone and block them in Facebook over this. Losing friends is never easy in life but sometimes it happens. Just know you did all you could. Who knows, maybe she will come around. If you want to, you could always send a message to the mom, reapoligizing and explaining again where you are coming from. Maybe she can explain things TK the bride
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  • edited September 2012
    I'm sorry, losing friends is hard. But in this case- maybe she's the kind of person who it may be better to let that friendship fade away, because people like that can just be really hard to handle. You did all you could do, and if she is going to act immaturely and ignore you over something where she was the one completely in the wrong etiquette wise anyway, then oh well for her! Thoughts for you though- I went through something similar last year with a friend and it was hard, but I see now it was for the best. Try not to let it bring you down too much!
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  • I don't put up with petty back and forth FB drama. Sounds like you're better off without her.
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  • rajahmdrajahmd Galifrey member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks y'all for your support, it means alot.  The more I think about it, the more I agree.  I would not want to be friends with someone who acted like this.  Honestly, I think I am just willing to continue the friendship out of respect for the 10 years that went into it. At this point, those 10 years clearly don't matter to her, so I'm just going to go on with my life.  If she chooses to come back into my life at some point in time, great.  If not, her loss, not mine.  Thanks again!
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_thoughts-and-prayers-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:afb66a3f-691c-4b12-88be-4f54b28436dePost:cf4e4a2c-972d-413d-a8ff-909393887c0b">Re: Thoughts and Prayers Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks y'all for your support, it means alot.  The more I think about it, the more I agree.  I would not want to be friends with someone who acted like this.  Honestly, I think I am just willing to continue the friendship out of respect for the 10 years that went into it. At this point, those 10 years clearly don't matter to her, so I'm just going to go on with my life.  If she chooses to come back into my life at some point in time, great.  If not, her loss, not mine.  Thanks again!
    Posted by RachelBFMD[/QUOTE]
    I am glad to hear you are handling this so well. keep your head and know you are doing everything you can
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    <span style="color: #382110">my read shelf:</span>
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  • I agree with PPs, and I'm glad you're handling it well.  This doesn't seem like the kind of person you want to keep in your life if she gets THAT angry over a non-offense.
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