For those of you who havent seen my intro post, I am new to the boards. Im helping my friend plan her wedding. But this is a totally different thing. Just a little backround: My bf and I have been dating for almost year now and have looked at rings and have already discussed innumerable times about how we are going to get married, blah blah blah. Well anyway, I go to school four and half hours away from him and its been incredibly difficult. He told me before school started in the fall that anytime I needed him, he would come up here in a heart beat. He has been up here one time, early in September. He does seasonal work and therefore had to work on weekends too so I started to come home to see him. Not really a problem. However, it started with my bday in October, on Duck Hunting Opener. For the month prior, he was talking about how much he had planned for my bday, dinner at a really nice restaurant, spending the entire day together, going shopping... well, I was driving down for the dinner (night before my actual bday. Couldnt celebrate it the night of because he was leaving then to go to hunting), and he calls and says hes really tired and needs all the rest he can for hunting so he was CANCELING the dinner he was bragging about for a month for freaking hunting. That was bad enough, then the next day he worked on his hunting crap the entire day. So throughout the entire fall, he was hunting every day, never taking the time to come up here no matter how many times I practically begged him to. Winter break was good. He said things were going to change. Now, I asked him to come up last weekend a week ahead of time and he seemed excited but hmmed and hawed till the last possible minute till the storm was coming and decided not to come. Even when the weather and the roads were fine mid-day Friday. I told him that I am done inviting him up here. I was LIVID. He ice fishes every day now. He tells me how much he misses me every day but he doesnt do anything about it. He knows how much it bothers me. The way I see it is that he doesnt care enough to take the time and I told him that and he gets really defensive and tells me that its not like that, blah blah blah. Im just tired of feeling like he cares more about how he feels and what he wants then how I feel and what I want. I love to hunt and fish and stuff, so its not that I hate or dont like what he is so passionate about. How can I get him to see what hes doing isnt good for our relationship? Or is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Advice please.
Re: NWR: Vent!! (Long)
Mrs. Bio
MY BMs in their dresses
Bio: Updated 1/02/10
Married Bio and Blog: Updated 7/25/2011
No matter what type of relationship--even just a friendship or a family member--there is a certain amount of give and take necessary to make things last, to make everything worth it. You put forth the effort to visit him. Does he reciprocate? Does he thank you? Does he express how much it means to him when you give him space for his hobies? Do you nag him all the time, or do you express gratitude? Are you patient with each other?
If he does not give of himself in the relationship, I call that being rude. Depending on how important manners are to you, you can either (politely) point out that you don't feel that he's giving back to the relationship and offer suggestions on how to better your communication or you can tell him that you have a vast difference of ethical standards and go find someone who is more compatible with your standards of a functional, healthy relationship. Either way, you shouldn't have to put up with behavior that you think is inappropriate coming from your significant other.
I really liked that book. It really makes sense and puts things in another perspective if you're having a hard time stepping back and looking at the situation from the outside.
MY BMs in their dresses
Bio: Updated 1/02/10
Married Bio and Blog: Updated 7/25/2011
It's only something you can decide for yourselves, and it could really be that he's just in the grieving process and needs that space. But, you've got to talk things over with him and figure out what path you're really on without trying to cover things up with what s/he says and what s/he means...
And if you feel the need to defend him, that only makes it sound like you are that much more desperate and like you are trying more to convince yourself than any of us.
Also, if you've only been together for a year, and its already this difficult what makes you think its going to get better? Find the strength you need to to move on with your life and find someone who says they love you and actually shows it, too. We all deserve that.
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I got married on Friday the 13th!
MY BMs in their dresses
Bio: Updated 1/02/10
Married Bio and Blog: Updated 7/25/2011