thread over.

Allen+Smith · June 2010

synopsis: My FMIL bought all of the least expensive items on our registry. No, she didn't ruin our registry. She was just being generous. However, this leaves nothing for our friends to buy us, as most of us in our early twenties don't want to spend fifty bucks or more on presents, as we don't have a bunch of money to throw around. I vented, then asked for suggestions. a few people replied with helpful suggestions, and the rest of the posts were people calling me a selfish ungrateful bridezilla that was freaking out. end of thread.

Game over. You people win!

MD2011 · June 2010

Ha! I have a feeling the same might happen to us. I feel bad because some of my friends have been laid off so I told them instead of gifts, just donate to a charity of your choice or volunteer a day at soup kitchen. But that's just me.

jessicarabbit501 · June 2010

as a gift to your broke friends couldnt you just tell them that they're off the hook and don't need to get you anything. i wouldnt want my friends buying me anythnig if it was difficult for them.

baystateapple · June 2010

Can you go back and register for some more inexpensive items?

Your guests also always have the option of just purchasing gift cards. Don't tell your friends that they're "off the hook" for buying you a gift. This implies that they were "on the hook" before, and you should never imply that they were responsible for getting you a gift. There have been many times when I've looked up a registry only to find that there is nothing left in my price range, and I've either given the couple money or a gift card to the store of their registry. It will be fine.

Patineuse1124 · June 2010

That's odd, why wouldn't she just buy one or two big gifts? She's a glutton for punishment when it comes to wrapping all of those presents. Perhaps it's a perception thing? Perhaps she wants it to look like she got you a lot of stuff (which she did), and since it's a lot of inexpensive stuff she perceives it as better (quantity vs quality). I think a lot of people care about perception. Like I kinda wonder if anybody is going to get us our nice silverware b/c it is $50 pps and $50 is what a lot of people might spend on a shower gift, but who wants to give somebody 5 pieces of silverware? It looks like a small gift even though it was still expensive. (out of curiosity I checked out the price of stirling silver (clicky), and was floored... it made me feel much better about my $50pps choice).

I wouldn't worry about it, as PP said, your friends can go in together to get you a larger gift or can just give a gift card. However if you haven't registered for towels and sheets because you have them, consider that they will need to be replaced eventually.

Brie2010 · June 2010

I think it's odd, but I doubt she was being vindictive.

I would just leave it as is if there's nothing else you really want. Maybe your friends could go in together on a gift, or just give cash. Really, it seems unlikely to me they would have gone for the under $20 stuff for a wedding gift anyway--who would give, say, just a can opener or dish towel for a wedding gift? It will work out, don't sweat it too much.

AmoroAgain · June 2010

Oh Jebus. She's not "ruining" your registry. She's trying to be generous, and it isn't for you to decide how she, or anyone else, does that. No, it's not your or your FI's place to tell her what to buy and what not to buy. It's there, she bought it. Thank her and move on.

Your friends can either get together and buy one big gift for you, or they can give you a gc or something else.

salt78 · June 2010

I can't believe the nerve of her! How dare she buy you lots of presents!?

Stackeye210 · June 2010

Are you for real? Way to be grateful that someone wanted to do something totally nice for you.

JoyTate1 · June 2010

If I cannot afford anything on the registry, I get a gift card. It's not hard.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-ruining-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b50bb47f-4763-4de3-ba37-583525ecd130Post:dbfccddd-71dd-40cc-b8c5-e86328e39d23">FMIL ruining our registry!</a>:
[QUOTE]So I just found out this morning that our FMIL bought everything, EVERYTHING, on our Kohl's registry that is under $20. This is in addition to some other gifts she bought us before we registered. I feel terrible enough to complain about her generosity, but WTF?? The super cheap items on there are for our broke friends, and she knows it!! Now all that's left are expensive items that were meant for the better off of our guest (read: FMIL and such...) FI just talked to her, but didn't want to say anything because it was a tough Father's day for her (first year without her Dad), and I agree. Plus, what would she do? Return it all? ARGGGGGGGG. Sorry. Just needed to vent. But now what do we do?? I've already registered at another store, and between the two, there is nothing else we need, or even want! Especially nothing inexpensive. :(
Posted by Allen+Smith[/QUOTE]

squirrly · June 2010

Make sure the "gift cards welcomed" box is checked, and then quit thinking about it.

Stackeye210 · June 2010

There's clearly only one way to handle this. Start a honeymoon registry.

mmealy · June 2010

Gift Cards!!

AmoroAgain · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-ruining-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b50bb47f-4763-4de3-ba37-583525ecd130Post:c962ae2c-15ac-4da0-b94b-2bf1bb962347">Re: FMIL ruining our registry!</a>:
[QUOTE]There's clearly only one way to handle this. Start a honeymoon registry.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! The kittens! Think of the kittens!!

LeighPA · June 2010

Seriously? Whatever, OP.

mags0607 · June 2010

Your guests will get you gift cards or shop off of the other registry if there is anything less expensive on there. Its not that big of a deal, they are adults and will be able to figure it out on their own.

Thank your FMIL for her kindness, and DO NOT mention anything to her about it. That would be incredibly rude. I doubt she did it to spite you, she probably thought she was doing something nice (which she was).

This is such a small thing, so think "big picture" and stop stressing out about something that really is a non-issue to begin with.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-ruining-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b50bb47f-4763-4de3-ba37-583525ecd130Post:b6c9b6b6-12bd-457b-83f5-249ebb98c863">Re: FMIL ruining our registry!</a>:
[QUOTE]as a gift to your broke friends couldnt you just tell them that they're off the hook and don't need to get you anything. i wouldnt want my friends buying me anythnig if it was difficult for them.
Posted by jessicarabbit501[/QUOTE]

Uh, since when are people REQUIRED to give you gifts anyway?

Allen+Smith · June 2010

Thanks to those of you that responded with helpful ideas! I really like the charity idea, and I might just set up something online for people to donate. (Thank you MD2011 !!)

To those of you that decided to be snotty, back off!! I know (and acknowledged in my OP) that she is being VERY generous, and I feel terrible enough that this bothers me. I also said that my FI (and I) did not want to mention this to her, and don't plan to. There is absolutely NO reason for her to feel bad, or like she did something wrong, when all she did was give us things we want!!

HOWEVER, I know my friends, and I know that they will want to bring SOME sort of gift, even if it is just a single towel or wooden spoon. I am the same way, and it really stinks when all the items < $50 are gone from a registry. Considering we already had a ton of inexpensive towels, sheets, and kitchen tools (including half a dozen wooden spoons....) on our registry, it is going to be hard to find items to add that we want and/or need that our friends can afford. And hardly any of our friends actually live in the same city (or state even), and most don't know each other, so them going in on something more costly is unlikely.

SHEESH people, I was asking for suggestions! No need to be so mean.

mandysmear · June 2010

Your friends will learn their lesson. Always be the first to buy on someone's registry! Haha. When there's a registry involved I always buy a gift for people right away because I don't want to get stuck buying them tonnes of little stuff or go when all that's left is a $600 vacuum.

quotequeen · June 2010

I really like the charity idea, and I might just set up something online for people to donate. (Thank you MD2011 !!)

Ok, you may not care, but some people are really really opposed to charity registries.

Allen+Smith · June 2010

Wait, what? Really? I can't say I've ever heard of that. Could you please explain why? (I am very sincerely curious!)

quotequeen · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-ruining-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b50bb47f-4763-4de3-ba37-583525ecd130Post:22f3746d-db94-4b4c-829d-b5bd6afe1af8">Re: FMIL ruining our registry!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, what? Really? I can't say I've ever heard of that. Could you please explain why? (I am very sincerely curious!)
Posted by Allen+Smith[/QUOTE]

A donation to a charity is not a gift to you. Most people give gifts at a wedding because they want to give YOU something you will use and enjoy. Furthermore, what you choose as a charity may not be something that your guests like or are comfortable with, no matter how neutral you believe it to be. Many people believe that charitable giving is a private matter and should never in any form be mixed with gift giving. Plus it can come off as AWish - "look how great and noble I am, asking people to give to a charity instead of to me."

jayjoe · June 2010

LOL "back off!" Or what? It doesnt matter that you mentioned her generosity, you still sound like a spoiled biitch. Get over it and be thankful that you get anything. You should show this to your "broke friends", i'm sure they would be super happy to know what a thoughtful person you are!

Allen+Smith · June 2010

To quotequeen- thanks for the explaination! I never really thought of it that way, but I can understand how that will bug some people.

[QUOTE]LOL "back off!" Or what? It doesnt matter that you mentioned her generosity, you still sound like a spoiled biitch. Get over it and be thankful that you get anything. You should show this to your "broke friends", i'm sure they would be super happy to know what a thoughtful person you are!
Posted by jayjoe[/QUOTE]

Does calling me a bitch may make you feel better? I know it's monday and all, but really?

jayjoe · June 2010

I said you sounded like a spoiled biitch, which is true. I didnt say you were a spoiled biitch. Really.

Allen+Smith · June 2010

[QUOTE]I said you sounded like a spoiled biitch, which is true. I didnt say you were a spoiled biitch. Really.
Posted by jayjoe[/QUOTE]

You're right. My bad. You saved name-calling for the other thread. <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-dear-god-1" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-dear-god-1</a>

And I officially rescind my OP. Since the majority of posts here are dedicated to calling me out for being a selfish, bratty, ungrateful bridezilla, it's clear I went to the wrong place for advice. Thanks to the few users that posted reasonable suggestions, it was helpful!

jayjoe · June 2010

You sarcastically wrote about being a bitch. I sarcastically responded "at least you admit it." See how that works? Eh?? EH????

Audrey&Austin · June 2010

Your friends will probably just get you a gift card. It is really odd that your FMIL bought a lot of the cheaper things, but she probably just wanted to look like she got a lot of things for you. I can see why you are worried that most of the cheaper s things are taken, you don't want your firends to see it and think you expect them to spend a lot on a gift.

gottahavashorti · June 2010

Okay, people are often told on this board to register for items in all price points and to keep an eye on the registry to make sure it stays that way.

We did have some people give us things like 2-3 kitchen gadgets from our registry as a wedding gift, particularly if they were more stand alone items like storage jars and cookie sheets. I know DH and I prefer to give a boxed gift over a gift card or cash if our present budget is on the smaller side for a particular wedding. DH's friends tend to be the same way.

If your friends prefer to buy from a registry over giving cash, gift cards or non-registry gifts, are you sure there's nothing else you could register for? Breaking down sets into individual pieces, guest towels, throw pillows/blankets, barware, decorations? Look at Brie's sticky note at the top of the page for out of the box ideas.

rotella · June 2010

Original Poster - you will learn on the knot.com boards MOST threads on here are women who are just going back and forth and criticizing the original poster. I had a bunch of angry women yelling at me in one post on a different board b/c i suggested to some woman not to eat carbs to help her lose weight...I thought the b*ches in that thread were going to have a spaz attack.

Anyways, some advice for your issue - can't you add more stuff to registry? Or simply tell a few friends that you really just want $$$$. They will help spread the word for you.

Good luck! And relax, i'm sure it'll all be OK.

thread over.

Re: thread over.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards