Vegetarian wedding reception--bad idea?

bellinibellini · March 2013

Hi everyone,

Food issues seem to bring out a lot of polarized opinions, so I'm curious to see what everyone has to contribute here.

My fiance and I are both vegetarian. That being said, we are also foodies. We love to cook and travel and discover new foods and cuisines. Our honeymoon will definitely be some kind of culinary tour, and we want our wedding to have amazing food because it's something that we're very passionate about.

We'd really like to have the reception be vegetarian. It is a big part of our lives. I'm not saying I have a problem with people eating meat, I think to each his own. But I do feel that it would be a bit unreasonable to be expected to serve food at our own wedding that we won't eat.

A lot of people (including our families) seem to think that being vegetarian means all we eat is plain steamed vegetables and tofu. Not the case! Also, people seem to think that vegetarian food = cheap. Not the case either.

I read in one advice column that it's rude to expect non-vegetarian people to eat vegetarian food, because a vegetarian would be frustrated if there were only non-vegetarian options. This seems illogical to me--everyone can eat vegetables, regardless of dietary preferences, but not everyone can or will eat meat. Obviously we'd do our best to take allergies into account, like every other wedding.

So, can we get away with this? We'd make sure that the food is delicious, creative and amazing. We're thinking of doing a vegetarian tasting menu so that people have a wide range of flavors and options in case they don't like one dish's focus. But I can already hear certain family members complaining vociferously...

Has anyone had experience with this? Did it create havoc at your wedding?

Simply Fated · March 2013

I think it definitely depends on your crowd.
I mean, I'm guessing everyone on your guest list knows you're both vegetarians, right? So they can't be too surprised to find all vegetarian dishes being served.
I think as long as each meal has a good protein in it, then it should be fine.
When it doubt, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Like, all the options don't have to be all meat and all the options don't have to be all vegetarian.

Out of curiosity, what were some of the dishes you're considering?

Simply Fated · March 2013

I think it definitely depends on your crowd.
I mean, I'm guessing everyone on your guest list knows you're both vegetarians, right? So they can't be too surprised to find all vegetarian dishes being served.
I think as long as each meal has a good protein in it, then it should be fine.
When it doubt, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Like, all the options don't have to be all meat and all the options don't have to be all vegetarian.

Out of curiosity, what were some of the dishes you're considering?

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks Fated. Everyone knows we're vegetarian, the issue starts with having family members expecting us to serve meat anyway because it's cheap not to. Or because they can't get through a whole meal of just vegetables. Those are all totally legitimate reasons to serve meat, right

I'm thinking a tasting menu with smallish plates, a huge range of flavors. Mostly Italian/French/Mediterranean inspired. Haven't really thought about it too much yet but a few ideas--

red onion and blue cheese tart, or a leek and goat cheese tart
spring mix salad with walnuts and goat cheese
some kind of pasta or risotto dish with truffles
vegetable pot pies maybe, if we go with a more informal theme
a lentil dish with carrots, leeks, dijon mustard

I can't think of anything else at the moment. Basically, it'd all be stuff that is delicious and just so happens to be vegetarian anyway, instead of trying to be vegetarian first.

antibride2013 · March 2013

I don't think just because you and FI are vegetarians means you HAVE to have a vegetarian reception. I am not a vegetarian, however we are serving a choice of beef, fish/seafood, chicken, vegetarian AND vegan meal choice at the reception. For the cocktail hour, there will also be all the meat choices, as well as vegetarian and vegan options for Hors d'oeuvres.

The reception is for the guest, to thank them. You can always have a vegetarian meal choice for you and FI and any other vegetarians as well as a non-vegetarian choice for probably the majority of your other guests. I would be pretty ticked as a guest.

Emanons · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_vegetarian-wedding-reception-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:61b5bbfe-58f0-420f-a6e6-51474bda342dPost:5aba0569-0a77-4759-8995-5dc8e763b6b3">Vegetarian wedding reception--bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, can we get away with this? <div>Posted by helenrose315[/QUOTE]

</div><div>No. The mere fact that you are using the phrase "get away with it" tells you it is a bad idea. Serve a delicious vegetarian meal next to a delicious meatarrific meal. Very good food and very bad food is what people remember most about a wedding. Provide great vegetarian apps next to fantastic meat apps to show people how great vegetarian food is. </div><div>
</div><div>My fiance is vegetarian for medical reasons. The biggest concern that both of our meatarriffic families had was would there be any meat options at our wedding. We are paying for our own wedding so we are having what we want.. We are planning on having chicken piccata, ravioli funghi in a sherry cream sauce and sweet potato charlotte with a lentil and sage dressing as our main courses. </div><div>
</div><div>A wedding is not the place to change your families. They are who they are. If you love them, invite them to share your joy and feed them delicious dinners. </div>

daria24 · March 2013

I totally disagree with PPs. It is absolutely fine to serve only vegetarian dishes, the only requirement is that you serve the appropriate amount of food for the time of day (ie, you can't serve cake and punch at a 6pm reception).

If you are both vegetarian because you simply don't like the taste of meat, I would say that you SHOULD have a meat option for your guests. I don't like tomatoes, but that doesn't mean I would veto having anything with a tomato on it at my wedding, KWIM.

However if this is a moral conviction, and it would violate your principals to be paying for animal flesh, then I think it's fine to have an all-veggie menu. If you were to have a dinner party at your home, would you serve meat to your guests? I think a wedding is the same thing.

I would just adjust your mindset. This isn't the place to try to change people's minds about vegetarian food. You aren't going to win any converts that way. Just serve enough good food, which happens to be vegetarian, and be good hosts.

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks for the replies. Valid points all. I didn't mean "get away with this" in the sense that it's a bad decision and I'm going to try to do it anyway. Rather, if I have family members who are going to take issue with it, can I have a vegetarian reception without it becoming a huge contentious issue that would prevent people from having a good time. It's not like I'm going to force feed plain tofu to my guests, and most of them probably wouldn't notice the absence of meat. If I'm going to be serving a delicious, creative, satisfying meal with plenty of crowdpleasing options that just so happens to not have meat, why would that be such an obstacle to people enjoying themselves? I'm not trying to convert anyone to vegetarianism, I just don't see why the groom and I should have to pay for food that we wouldn't eat ourselves. We're not trying to shove something down our guests' throats, so much as give everyone a great time while still as unobtrusively as possible, I'm not going to hand out PETA fliers or something keeping the wedding respectful to our views.

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks Daria. Good point. The food would all be portion appropriate. We want everyone to be pleasantly stuffed and happy : And yes some of the reasons are moral, so it would bite a little to serve something that we are personally opposed to. I miss steak but I won't eat it, so it's not just a preference thing. We can all go out to a fast food joint after the reception and people can buy themselves burgers to their hearts' content and I will be more than happy to be with them, because what people eat IS completely their business when they're paying for it. I have no vendetta against people who choose to eat meat. But I think it's reasonable to ask that the food we're footing the bill for be in keeping with our views. Not only that but what is the big deal with eating a vegetarian dinner...

MuppetOverlord · March 2013

I believe that a wedding should be a reflection of the couple, but also be keeping guests in mind.

I've had amazing vegetarian meals that knock the socks off of meat-based meals. If you can do that, I would say that it's okay. I'd suggest you have a few other opinions from your family try some of the dishes before hand and be understanding that people are going to prefer meat.

Since you are okay with other people eating meat, though, I would suggest that you offer a meat dish in addition to the vegetarian.

I'm providing a vegetarian option to satisfy my vegetarian guests, even though I'm not going to be eating it. I don't understand the logic behind your comment: "I just don't see why the groom and I should have to pay for food that we wouldn't eat ourselves" If you take your parents out to dinner and your dad orders chicken....do you see less of a value in providing him the meal? In this circumstance, if you are eating the meal that you appreciate the most, what does it matter what other people are ordering?

The caterer I met with said that 60% of people will choose a red meat option. The balance will choose the fish or chicken with the exception of a few vegetarian or special diet dstragglers. That should give you an idea of peoples preference. If you are worried ab
out costs, go with the chicken. It shouldn't be much different than the vegetarian dish price wise.

MuppetOverlord · March 2013

Just saw your additional post... if you want your wedding to reflect your moral values about not eating meat, I think that gives more klout to serving a vegetarian only dinner. If you're doing that, I'd suggest multiple choices still.

I still apply the balance of my thought process in offering a meat selection, though. To answer, It can be a big deal for some people considering that under normal circumstances, people prefer meat....

For me personally, stick eggplant in front of me and I'll love you for life. My mom would starve.

AJuliaNJ · March 2013

Honestly, I think it's fine. If you provide at least 2 hot and complete options, people can go ONE MEAL without meat. This is one meal in their entire life; you are not converting them to vegetarianism forever. It frustrates me that people would have a problem with a vegetarian wedding.

I've been to events where they only have meat options and when you ask for a vegetarian option, they bring you a plate of green beans and potatoes, and you know what, I lived through this. It wasn't my ideal, but it was ONE MEAL. And what you are doing doesn't even compare to that because you will be providing them with a full meal, not just a plate of bland sides.

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks BritniLeigh. Good points. For the paying comment, I meant more that if it's the kind of thing where we're paying for everything and also have to choose everything from the caterers, it would not seem natural to me to choose a meat option. A restaurant already makes the decisions about what to offer for me, but given the option, I'd like to not offer meat. I would never tell someone I wasn't going to pay for their meat dish if they'd already decided that they wanted it and it was being offered to them. We may end up offering some sort of fish or chicken entree, depending on what we can work out with the caterers about where the meat comes from. It's not so much a money thing as, we don't agree with it and don't want to open the floodgates by offering meat options to the few people that would make a fuss. But if it's going to mean people storming out of the reception in protest, which some of these relatives are totally capable of, we might concede. Also, I've attended weddings and events where no vegetarian option was available, and I've eaten some fish and still had a good time and not said a word of complaint. I believe it's the guest's job to be gracious too, and if something is offered freely to you in a gesture of hospitality, you shouldn't reject it based on preference.

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks AndreaJulia. I don't get all the fuss. It's one meal in your whole life, I think some people need to put things in perspective. There will definitely be a huge range of choices, and we'll have special options for people who have allergies. This isn't going to be plain noodles with butter or a plate of limp lettuce. It will be delicious and creative and satisfying, by gosh. Oh I should mention that the drinks will be fabulous too. We're not trying to skimp on giving people a good meal, it would just happen to not have meat anywhere!

MuppetOverlord · March 2013

I was a vegetarian for 4 years and most of the time, people rolled their eyes at me when It came to topic. I found vegetarian wedding options ridiculous. Once, I got a plate of zucchini and summer squash on pasta that was not seasoned at all.

I agree that people can go a day without meat and I don't think it's about a guest rejecting your hospitality, I think people can still eat and have a good time.

I'm saying that it's probable that it will still be going through some of their heads that they didn't get meat. Your family may be more open to it. I keep thinking of my family who is very meat-focused.

I'm assuming that you're indicating that you'd want the caterer to find a humane/responsible source of the meat. I think that's an awesome idea.

If you are open to a buffet, perhaps the bulk be few vegetarian dishes and a minimal meat dish such as a lasagna? Or a stew?

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks stagemanager. Good points. It's not a preference thing. As I mentioned above, we're morally opposed to eating it and to the whole factory farming and overfishing situations in general. Like I said, if we do decide it's necessary to have a meat option, it will depend on where it's sourced from. Everything will definitely be crowd pleasing.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_vegetarian-wedding-reception-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:61b5bbfe-58f0-420f-a6e6-51474bda342dPost:77f61563-7504-4c8f-a6b0-85bb5570c5e2">Re: Vegetarian wedding reception--bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the thing. If you are vegetarians because you are opposed to the eating of meat in some sort of moral or ethical way, I think it's perfectly acceptable to say "we aren't serving meat at our wedding". Just make sure you serve some options with relatively wide appeal. This is not the time to try out some interesting Thai dish you've found or go with some other unusual entree. Stick with stuffed peppers, eggplant parmesean, pasta dishes, etc that are easily recognizable and generally popular with non vegetarians too. However, if you aren't serving just because YOU won't eat it, then I think that's childish in the same way I would think that a couple not serving any other popular food to their guests is childish. I don't eat beans, mushrooms, most green veggies, humus, and a whole host of other things. If I had made it a point to limit our menu only to things I would eat while also catering to actual health needs and dietary restrictions, we all would have ended up eating the gluten free/sugar free teir of the wedding cake and that's it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I am an extremely picky eater, and I do not eat "unusual" foods. While I realize that my own pickiness does not reflect that of the average person (even my friends harass me about it), I do think it's important to think of your guests and to appeal to the masses. </div>

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks BritniLeigh. People do seem to get confused by what to serve vegetarians. I once got a plain slab of tofu. We eat "normal" dishes like pasta and risotto too! Good idea for the buffet. We will probably do a seated dinner with waiters, but we're not ruling anything out. We might do a tasting menu sort of thing, a ton of different smaller plates with wine pairings and make it a real foodie event. If someone doesn't like something, there would be plenty of other plates, or we could try to arrange substitutions for specific dishes.

bellinibellini · March 2013

Thanks Addie. I have some family members who are extremely picky and the dishes will almost all be things that nearly everyone likes. Mediterranean/French/Italian influences, the ones with the biggest appeal. There probably wouldn't even be tofu or meat substitutes. Just good, nice food like truffle and cheese ravioli that happens to be vegetarian.

mommad1113 · March 2013

i dont see why you shouldnt do an all vegetarian meal. As you said, all meat eaters eat veggies and non meat food, i think theyll be ok to go a meal without meat. And im sure many of your guests know you and you fiance are vegetarians and whould respect you not wanting meat.
ive known people to get mad , like your forcing your lifestyle upon them, making them not eat meat for ONE meal. and then they end up loving the vegetarian food!
i say, as long as the food is good- nothing bland- then do it

mommad1113 · March 2013

its not as if your forcing them to be vegetarians, or make em fill up on carrot sticks for the reception.

Wheels987 · March 2013

Whenever I'm attending a mass food produced event (like a conference or wedding) I often choose the pasta dish. I detest dry & overcooked meat, so whatever pasta is cooked usually satisfies me more. That's if there's an option. As long as you make a point to serve very tasty food with some "normal" stuff" thrown in, I think you're ok.

What I really can't stand are the Vegan dinners. They scare me. A lot. I've had way too many cashew nugget experiments that never really turn out so well.

EDIT: You also mentioned being cautious of allergies. Please please please follow up on this. We have guests that are allergic to some pretty common items (sesame seeds, avocado, mushrooms, etc...). The last thing you want is for someone to be rushed to the ER.

Jen4948 · March 2013

I think it's fine to have a vegetarian reception as long as you're not doing it in a way that makes your guests feel as though you're forcing your views on food onto them.

For example, if you just served a vegetarian menu and let it go at that without making any statements about it, that to me would be fine, but if you felt the need to make statements about why you feel eating animal products is morally, ethically, or otherwise wrong, I thnk that could be problematic.

lyndausvi · March 2013

I think having a vegetarian meal is fine. I would have a mass appealing dish that meat eaters will recognize.

Also I would ask about dietary restrictions. A lot of people are allergic to non-meat products.

SamM24 · March 2013

People can eat meat every other day of the year. You should serve what you would like to serve.

kipnus · March 2013

I'm vegetarian, leaning vegan, for ethical and environmental reasons. Our AHR was at a vegan Asian restaurant, and everyone loved the food! We had a good variety of dishes--some heavier on the veggies, some with seitan (a meat subsitute), some spicy, and some mild.

gpeeples · March 2013

When it comes down to it, it's your wedding, so if you want it to be vegetarian, then do it! I have been a vegetarian for the past 10 years, and I used to think I would want a vegetarian wedding. However, my father, who is paying for the majority of the wedding, loves steak. Also, my fiance's family is from the Ukraine, and they already don't understand the idea of vegetarianism (they see it as "being picky"). So I will have vegetarian options, but will also serve meat to avoid conflict with my new family (and keeping my dad in mind!).

Viczaesar · March 2013

I think you (general you) need to host your guests properly, but that doesn't mean that you have to serve a specific item. You don't need to serve alcohol as long as you serve a suitable array of beverages, and you don't need to serve meat as long as you serve suitably wide-ranging meal options that are nutritionally sound and balanced (some combination of protein, vegetable, and starch generally).

Xstatic3333 · March 2013

I think it could work. The options you described sound tasty! I am pescatarian but usually entertain with veggie food just because its what I cook best! I would recommend having a very plain pasta with alfedo or red sauce available, and also something resembling pizza without too many veggie toppings. These will go well with many of the picky eaters, despite technically not involving a protein. You also could try to find a caterer that raises meat humanely. We were lucky to get one for our wedding. GL.

thejucheidea · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_vegetarian-wedding-reception-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:61b5bbfe-58f0-420f-a6e6-51474bda342dPost:0af8184f-562f-4327-a5b3-330b6894c1d2">Re: Vegetarian wedding reception--bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, my fiance's family is from the Ukraine, and they already don't understand the idea of vegetarianism (they see it as "being picky").
Posted by gpeeples[/QUOTE]

Haha, this reminds of me of Everything Is Illuminated. Jonathan asks for a vegetarian meal in rural Ukraine and is given a single steamed potato after being asked if a sausage is vegetarian: <a href="http://youtu.be/um2p4GlEbKg" rel="nofollow">http://youtu.be/um2p4GlEbKg</a>

HobokensFury · March 2013

I'm a very picky eater. I'm not going to lie if I went to an all vegetarian wedding I'd be bummed. I'd never say anything to the couple but inside I wouldn't be a happy camper. Chances are one or more of your guest will feel the same way.

Vegetarian wedding reception--bad idea?

Re: Vegetarian wedding reception--bad idea?

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