Working after the wedding?

1020Bride · December 2011

Good afternoon, I saw another post (on a different board) about women that want to quit working after the wedding... Anyone else going through this? FI is a biomedical engineer, and I am director of sales for Choice International. I love my job, it allows me to do something that I love doing on a daily basis, and he loves his job as well. Yes he is the breadwinner, but I have made it clear that I want to continue working and will not being leaving my career for any reason. Am I being selfish for this?

dumdumfroggie · December 2011

No, of course you're not being selfish. I'm not sure why you think it's a selfish choice at all.

km2124 · December 2011

I dont think it makes you selfish at all. Especially if you dont have kids. I can understand (for some) that staying home when they have young kids works for them, but I know for myself, I would have to a job (even if it was part time, or volunteering).

jbrook12 · December 2011

No, I don't think you are selfish at all for this. Just because you are marred doesn't mean you can work and have a career. I am not going to quit work after we get married.

1020Bride · December 2011

thanks ladies... We will not be having children because it is medically unsafe for me, he has two that live with their mom out of state, which we go see every weekend...

heroeswearbrown · December 2011

Yeah, FI and I have been talking about this lately. He's used to having a stay-at-home mom. I've always had two working parents. He's told me he's okay with me working after we get married, but I'm curious to see what will actually happen after the wedding.

entropicbeauty · December 2011

HA - sorry, I'm the breadwinner in my relationship so this just seems funny. I suppose I could stop working if I wanted to live out on the streets....

LGM22 · December 2011

I'm not quitting working. I'm actually in school so that in time I can start a business, which my FI knows - from his parents and his current job - means I'll be working MORE as small business owners work far more than if you're working for someone else.

AmethystMSU · December 2011

WHAT IS THIS, 1952?!?!?!

brandif1026 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:d77aaa08-afee-4606-8bd5-cf5a5422260c">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>WHAT IS THIS, 1952?!?!?!
</strong>Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

THIS. Like a pp said, I could understand it if you wanted to stay home with young children, but I think being a housewife would be quite unfulfilling.

i2012do · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:d77aaa08-afee-4606-8bd5-cf5a5422260c">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]WHAT IS THIS, 1952?!?!?!
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

<div>This question seems insane to me. I never thought about quitting my job after hte wedding. I figured life goes on status quo.</div><div>
</div><div>If someone said "are you going to work after having children" that would be different.</div><div>
</div><div>What the hell does one DO all day long, by themselves, at home? ALL DAY, everyday!</div><div>
</div><div>I have considered after we have (or adopt, i am a huge proponent for adopting) children, working part time.</div><div>
</div><div>I grew up with a dad that worked a ton, and a mom that worked PT until I was in first grade- then she went back full time.</div><div>
</div><div>I'd love to be able to have more time at home with my kids, if its financially possible. But at this point in our lives- I am the bread winner. and I don't see that changing anytime soon.</div><div>
</div>

2010Bride2be · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:d77aaa08-afee-4606-8bd5-cf5a5422260c">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]WHAT IS THIS, 1952?!?!?!
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This exactly.

</div>

i2012do · December 2011

on a side note. I can imagine if i went up to fiance and was like"now that we are married i am going to stop working" I think he'd look at me and say "now that we are married, id like to quit working."

AmethystMSU · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:7f1e9b90-196a-424f-b3ea-c5c6217a3cf5">Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Good afternoon,<strong> I saw another post (on a different board) about women that want to quit working after the wedding...</strong> Anyone else going through this? FI is a biomedical engineer, and I am director of sales for Choice International. I love my job, it allows me to do something that I love doing on a daily basis, and he loves his job as well. Yes he is the breadwinner, but I have made it clear that I want to continue working and will not being leaving my career for any reason. <strong>Am I being selfish for this?
</strong>Posted by 1020Bride[/QUOTE]
I really want to know where this post is.

This might be an overreaction, but this question actually disgusts me.

angele4200 · December 2011

I want to know where this post is as well. I did not quit working after the wedding, nor do I plan to for quite a long time, as in, you know, retirement.

chickenbut143 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:e43fe427-c3b2-4be3-ad5c-738a5028fc5b">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Working after the wedding? :<strong> This question seems insane to me. I never thought about quitting my job after hte wedding. I figured life goes on status quo.</strong> If someone said "are you going to work after having children" that would be different. <strong>What the hell does one DO all day long, by themselves, at home? ALL DAY, everyday!</strong> I have considered after we have (or adopt, i am a huge proponent for adopting) children, working part time. I grew up with a dad that worked a ton, and a mom that worked PT until I was in first grade- then she went back full time. I'd love to be able to have more time at home with my kids, if its financially possible. But at this point in our lives- I am the bread winner. and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

I 2nd i2012do and Am, this is just crazy. WHY would i quit? and what would i do all day? I'm definilty not quitting my job...i actually like to work. :)

bruna29 · December 2011

Yeah... I'm going to end up being the breadwinner for awhile (since I graduate in May) before FI graduates and becomes stable with his career, and we both have tons of student loans to pay off, so unless FI was going to be a huge lawyer or a doctor, I don't think I'll ever quit working (who would pay off my student loans if I didn't work?). There's always the possibility of working part-time if we have kids, but I don't know. I grew up with two working parents and so did FI, and I would never quit my job just because that's what he (or society) is "expecting" me to do. That's ridiculous.

I'm not EVEN going to get on my soapbox about how a woman needs to be financially independent from her husband just in case something happens with the relationship, etc.

AmethystMSU · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:d33ca9c8-8b5b-431c-abab-8a17afe8f8fe">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah... I'm going to end up being the breadwinner for awhile (since I graduate in May) before FI graduates and becomes stable with his career, and we both have tons of student loans to pay off, so unless FI was going to be a huge lawyer or a doctor, I don't think I'll ever quit working (who would pay off my student loans if I didn't work?). There's always the possibility of working part-time if we have kids, but I don't know. I grew up with two working parents and so did FI, and I would never quit my job just because that's what he (or society) is "expecting" me to do. That's ridiculous.<strong> I'm not EVEN going to get on my soapbox about how a woman needs to be financially independent from her husband just in case something happens with the relationship, etc.
</strong>Posted by justdance93[/QUOTE]
If you did, I'd be standing there right next to you!

StephLove12 · December 2011

I'm not $25,000 in student loan debt for no reason...

bruna29 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:e24b8b96-29b5-40ac-b76b-db6def294d61">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Working after the wedding? : If you did, I'd be standing there right next to you!
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]
Haha this is why I <3 you.<div>
</div><div>And Steph - I'll be about $88,000 in debt after I graduate, and FI will be over $100,000 once he graduates. Yeah.</div>

LGM22 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:8f694bed-35de-4683-8325-f6b3cb6e6a62">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Working after the wedding? : Haha this is why I <3 you. And Steph - I'll be about $88,000 in debt after I graduate, and FI will be over $100,000 once he graduates. Yeah.
Posted by justdance93[/QUOTE]

Not going to lie, these totals make me feel a whole heck of a lot better about my recent student loans. I'm more than certain your colleges are far superior to mine, but I was a little stressed over the amount. Given that it's just under 10k I feel like I can breathe a little better and look to you to take on the better jobs in America now ;).

1020Bride · December 2011

I will try to find this later, sorry i was doing a planning with a guest for a new Years Eve surprise (in which hopefully she will say yes.. ) Ironically this is one of my busiest times at work and then Valentines day... I am not planning to quit.. I was wondering if I was being selfish for wanting my own money and wanting to be self sufficent. I will try to find the post in a little bit and link it if I can on my work computer (didnt' bring the laptop with me today). i asked the question because it struck me as odd the number of women that actually were saying yes on the board. I do understand once you have children, but I still think I would get bored without adult interaction.

AmethystMSU · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:70c9c86f-32c4-486c-911b-dea8fe081352">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will try to find this later, sorry i was doing a planning with a guest for a new Years Eve surprise (in which hopefully she will say yes.. ) Ironically this is one of my busiest times at work and then Valentines day... I am not planning to quit..<strong> I was wondering if I was being selfish for wanting my own money and wanting to be self sufficent.</strong> I will try to find the post in a little bit and link it if I can on my work computer (didnt' bring the laptop with me today). i asked the question because it struck me as odd the number of women that actually were saying yes on the board. I do understand once you have children, but I still think I would get bored without adult interaction.
Posted by 1020Bride[/QUOTE]
I understood from your OP that you don't plan on quitting. I just find it odd that you asked if it was selfish to continue working. Obviously the thought popped into your head a little bit for the question to form.

NMI · December 2011

Wouldn't be nice to have the opportunity to quit my job when we marry. But alas, in this day and age it is not possible.

I have worked all my life, can't stop now!

jmorford · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:e24b8b96-29b5-40ac-b76b-db6def294d61">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Working after the wedding? : If you did, I'd be standing there right next to you!
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

ME TOO.
i was always taught that you need to be able to support your family. even if nothing goes wrong in your relationship(because no one thinks that and you know some girl will be here saying that her relationship isn't like that and they'll be together forever) what happens if your H loses his job? in this economy, i wouldn't leave a good job for nothing

AmethystMSU · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:3e846b46-089e-4cb7-baf6-986624515b9c">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Working after the wedding? : ME TOO. i was always taught that you need to be able to support your family. even if nothing goes wrong in your relationship(because no one thinks that and you know some girl will be here saying that her relationship isn't like that and they'll be together forever) what happens if your H loses his job? in this economy, i wouldn't leave a good job for nothing
Posted by jmorford[/QUOTE]
Exactly. I won't even touch on the other relationship-affecting scenario. But we should all be thinking of what we would do in that situation.

LGM22 · December 2011

In the show Hart of Dixie there's a character who doesn't work and is basically a southern belle stay at home daughter/mom-replacement to her teenage sister and fiance. The town is a cutsie little picturesque place with it's own traditions ect. She's a society girl but damn it all if I can't figure out wtf she does with her days, especially when there's not a story/plot line going on. The only plus this character has is being able to cook day long meals that sound delish! But man that shiit would get old after awhile and there's no way in hell you'd have the figure she does cooking like that all the time.

Amt2109 · December 2011

Just to offer a tiny bit of insight...

I'm currently not able to work (waiting on immigration papers). I'd love to be able to work. If I had my authorisation, I'd be getting applications from all the stores with holiday help needed, and I *really* hate retail. I've been waiting four months for it, so I hope it gets here soon.

As for what I do all day... I keep the house clean. I make meals for the freezer for those times we need a quick dinner. I look after the dog and the cat. All of that really doesn't take a lot of time. The rest of the time, I watch tv and wander around the neighbourhood. I can't leave the neighbourhood atm (one car family) and its not safe to walk out there because people speed, and have hit leashed dogs.

If we had another car for me, I'd get the groceries done too, maybe spend some time outside these four walls...

But yes. It drives me up the wall being stuck here, wanting to contribute and not being able to (maybe thats why I hate it so much?) just gets so boring waiting for H to come home.

Now when we have kids, I definitely plan to stay home with them at least part time. But that all depends on where we are (like the COL thread). We wouldn't be able to do that here in MD... heck, we can't even afford to have kids here.

ETA: didn't realise until after I clicked post that the COL thread I was thinking about was on SB. Sorry.

becka717 · December 2011

I never intend to stop working. It probably helps that I enjoy my job. My mom worked outside the home more than my dad did. I don't know if I could even go part time if I had a child.

divinemsbee · December 2011

So, I feel kind of awful now. I stay home. At first it definitely wasn't by choice, I tried to transfer a job and it didn't work out, then we only had one car, then when I got my car I applied a lot of places and didn't get work, and then it turned out we would be leaving at an undetermined point and me getting a job maybe wasn't the best move for us. I do all of the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning and soon to be packing. I make all the phone calls about pretty much anything and do most all of the shopping and price comparison. I deal with all the bills and pet issues. I volunteer at a pet rescue. And, yeah, I spend time on the internet and watch some TV.

We still have no idea where we'll be living in month. I hope we'll be in one place at least 4 months and I'll get a job wherever that is. It's sucked. It's been hard. I realize that we're so very lucky to be able to live like this, in that whatever income I make will be "extra." I'm hoping to take some cosmetology classes and get licensed to do nails, it's something I'm really passionate about, and very portable. I have a degree in a creative field, and while I love working in it, it's hard to get a paying job if I'm not in a city with some sort of standing theater/opera company. So I generally work retail or customer service. So, when we have kids, I probably won't work, especially if we're still moving around a lot.

I'm trying not to take things too personally, but when I hear "gold-digger" it hits close. Because it is everything I try not to be, and my FI knows I'm not. I wouldn't call someone who chooses to still work, either out of necessity or because they just enjoy it, selfish, so I feel as though maybe we should all cut each other some slack. I think both are valid choices.

Amt2109 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_working-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:9d3faa3e-45e2-4f13-b8f4-da0cc66def8aPost:6687de84-c989-4259-b50c-04ef57dc44d5">Re: Working after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm trying not to take things too personally, but when I hear "gold-digger" it hits close.
Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]

That's what bothers me most, tbh. Pretty sure his family thinks that about me. They keep dropping hints that I should just go out and get a job, cash in hand, and contribute properly. I've tried explaining that could get me deported and ruin everything we've worked towards. It doesn't help, so now I just bean dip.

His family have also been making comments behind our backs (we heard down the grapevine) that they don't approve of our money choices. They biitch and whine and have only one real example... that when we bought a bigger bed for ourselves (it was a necessity, and budgeted for, and not what they were annoyed about), I went out and bought nice sheets for it. They're peeved for some unknown reason. I thought we deserved some nice sheets. And tbh, that $200 (for full comforter set as well as sheets) wouldn't really go very far right now. We could hardly use queen sheets on the king bed. Have enough issues with him nicking blankets as it is.

I don't know why people feel the need to comment on other people's lifestyles/money choices. It's not their business. I don't make biitchy comments on their lack of money sense (and I could).

ETA: clarity

Working after the wedding?

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