is it still tacky...

[Deleted User] · January 2012

Is it still tacky to not have an open bar. We'll still have a toasting drink (on us). But in todays economy is it still bad to have everyone pay for their own drinks?

redheadfsu · January 2012

You should host something.

You can do beer and wine only, but it should be hosted.

Loopyseven · January 2012

It's fine to have NO bar, but if you are having alcohol you need to host it. Guests should not have to open their wallets at your wedding.

RebeccaB88 · January 2012

You can provide whatever you want, but you must pay for whatever you choose to provide.

Snippylynn · January 2012

1) Paying for your own wedding doesn't make you (general you) special.
2) Being on a budget does not make you different from any other bride out there.
3)Tackiness is not a symptom of economy-- it's a symptom of bad etiquette.

Don't try to rewrite the rules of etiquette and claim that it's financial. Good etiquette has nothing to do with money. It's about making your guests feel welcome and comfortable.

whitsy · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:a9d39538-bb2d-474e-9af6-1df495c7493a">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think some people think that an open bar means you need to provide completely top shelf liquor for all your guests. Not that case, necessarily. You can limit your guests' alcohol choices to beer, wine, and a signature cocktail, or even just beer and wine - as long as it is completely hosted by you. Think of it this way - if the economy means you don't want to spend money on drinks at the event you are hosting, why would your guests want to spend money at the event you are hosting? Limit the choices, but don't have a cash bar :)
Posted by cebrady89[/QUOTE]

But uh, how will guests know what you're providing before they get there? I really hope none of my guests said, well, there's probably not going to be any alcohol, I'm not spending any money on her wedding.

froggatt.clare · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:a9d39538-bb2d-474e-9af6-1df495c7493a">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think some people think that an open bar means you need to provide completely top shelf liquor for all your guests. Not that case, necessarily. You can limit your guests' alcohol choices to beer, wine, and a signature cocktail, or even just beer and wine - as long as it is completely hosted by you. Think of it this way - if the economy means you don't want to spend money on drinks at the event you are hosting, why would your guests want to spend money at the event you are hosting? Limit the choices, but don't have a cash bar :)
Posted by cebrady89[/QUOTE]

This is perhaps the best explanation I have ever read on this topic.

Loopyseven · January 2012

Whit - I think she meant, if the host doesn't want to buy alcohol b/c of lack of funds, the guests are probably short of funds too and would rather not pay for drinks at a wedding.

whitsy · January 2012

Gotcha! That makes sense too. I totally read that wrong then.

I usually have better reading comprehension!

[Deleted User] · January 2012

I'm glad to get so many replys. I wasn't trying to imply that my financial standing excuses me from anything, including providing alchol. And in no way do I think I'm more "special" than any other bride out there. I've just been reading alot recently about BYOB and potluck weddings as an option to save money. So when my fiance sugested a cash bar as a way to stay in budget and also maybe a way to limit the drinks one might have. I took it into consideration. He is afraid some of our younger friends might treat an open bar as they would a kegger. I didn't think it would hurt to ask.

Simply Fated · January 2012

FWIW, the economy is in the crapper right now, but it usually is. As bad as things are right now, it's better to host what you can afford than ask your guests to help with the tab.

annakb8 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:e3807376-80ee-4653-9a97-4cf30a13e4ef">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm glad to get so many replys. I wasn't trying to imply that my financial standing excuses me from anything, including providing alchol. And in no way do I think I'm more "special" than any other bride out there. I've just been reading alot recently about BYOB and potluck weddings as an option to save money. So when my fiance sugested a cash bar as a way to stay in budget and also maybe a way to limit the drinks one might have. I took it into consideration. He is afraid some of our younger friends might treat an open bar as they would a kegger. I didn't think it would hurt to ask.
Posted by bethatitus[/QUOTE]

This kind of thing bothers me. If your friends like to get wasted, and you have a problem with it, why are they your friends? I mean yeah, I take advantage of open bars. No doubt. But all of my friends already know I'm a lush and they expect it. Most of them are too. If anyone I know has issues with how much I drink then they probably wouldn't consider me a good enough friend to be invited to their wedding.

melntaitt · January 2012

I don't know. honestly. I wasn't thinking it was a big deal to be honest with you.

We are having an open bar and a closed bar wasn't a consideration, but I've paid for drinks at weddings before and it really didn't bother me. My FI doesn't drink, but his brother and I do, and I'm not sure how much we've spent at weddings on liquor but I do remember we had to pay.

They may have had beer and wine included, but since I'm a gin and tonic girl I wouldn't have ever known. I say, do what you can afford, but from PP's it looks like you're going to offend some people if you don't pay for at least something...

redheadfsu · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:e3807376-80ee-4653-9a97-4cf30a13e4ef">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm glad to get so many replys. I wasn't trying to imply that my financial standing excuses me from anything, including providing alchol. And in no way do I think I'm more "special" than any other bride out there. I've just been reading alot recently about BYOB and potluck weddings as an option to save money. So when my fiance sugested a cash bar as a way to stay in budget and also maybe a way to limit the drinks one might have. I took it into consideration. He is afraid some of our younger friends might treat an open bar as they would a kegger. I didn't think it would hurt to ask.
Posted by bethatitus[/QUOTE]

Well, wherever you are reading that, stop going there- that is horrible advice. A wedding must be hosted (it can be backyard BBQ and Budlight, but something must be provided).

Huh? You don't want guests drinking? Then have zero alcohol. But a cash bar is a huge no-no.

bmoruzzi · January 2012

I'd rather pay for my own drinks than have no alcohol available at all (if those were your only options if you couldn't afford to host something). But, that's just me.

kristy888 · January 2012

I've been to one cash bar in my life and 8 years later some family members still talk about how tacky it was. It is the only thing they remember from that wedding. That is how much of an impression it made. Not good.

Cortney1982 · January 2012

If cost is a concern, why have the bar at all?

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:4fe348d5-aa05-4dcc-b414-80bb30e2d4f0">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]If cost is a concern, why have the bar at all?
Posted by Cortney1982[/QUOTE]

<div>Most drinks come from the bar. So unless you want your guests drinking just water all night, you have to have the bar even if you're not serving alcohol.</div>

melntaitt · January 2012

In Response to Re: is it still tacky...:
"I've been to one cash bar in my life and 8 years later some family members still talk about how tacky it was. It is the only thing they remember from that wedding. That is how much of an impression it made. Not good."
Posted by kristy888[/QUOTE]

Really? That's a shallow perception on what's supposed to be a joyous day...good luck with that.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:1d58ce0f-131a-448d-a1ee-748f86669baf">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it still tacky... : Really? That's a shallow perception on what's supposed to be a joyous day...good luck with that.
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]
That's the one thing I remember from my cousin's wedding from, like, 1999. Well that and walking out to a flat tire after the ceremony.

annakb8 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:1d58ce0f-131a-448d-a1ee-748f86669baf">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE] Really? That's a shallow perception on what's supposed to be a joyous day...good luck with that.
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

I don't know about you, but I'm much more able to appreciate the beatiful love between two individuals who have decided to join together as one when I'm a few drinks in.

kimiandgary · January 2012

I've seen this handled many ways lately. One wedding was an open bar and it turned into a drunken college type party. Another gave each guest three drinks tickets for either beer, wine or a cocktail. Once they had used their 3 tickets, you had to purchase your own drink. I've also seen cash bars and the biggest complaint wasn't that we had to purchase our own drinks, but the venue has ridiculous prices (like $8 for a coors light) so people were making runs to the grocery store and taking drink breaks in the parking lot.

Our venue makes it easy because its a winery. We are hosting wine and beer only because they don't have a license to serve hard alcohol (something else to look into with your venue). I don't think its tacky, but if cutting a few things in the budget allows for you to cover your guests drinks, I'd do it.

kristy888 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:1d58ce0f-131a-448d-a1ee-748f86669baf">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it still tacky... : "I've been to one cash bar in my life and 8 years later some family members still talk about how tacky it was. It is the only thing they remember from that wedding. That is how much of an impression it made. Not good." Posted by kristy888[/QUOTE] Really? That's a shallow perception on what's supposed to be a joyous day...good luck with that.
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

Good luck with what? I was simply relaying that some of my family members still talk about the cash bar to highlight to the OP that it CAN leave a very bad impression.

Simply Fated · January 2012

I agree with Kristy. People remember the best parts and the worst parts. The mediocre stuff usually gets forgotten about. If the worst part was the cash bar, people are going to remember that, even if they also remember how pretty the flowers smell or how happy the bride was. This doesn't just go for weddings. For instance: Think about the people you encounter every day at work... we remember the sweet people, but it's the rude ones that haunt our drives home lol.

mandctaft · January 2012

Paying for booze at a wedding sucks! At my ex's friend's wedding, we were given 3 drink tickets, then we had to pay for the rest. It really put a damper on the fun because no one really brought any money. We know we can't afford an open bar, but we are still providing the toasting wine. We plan on heading to the bar after the reception and anyoone who wants to go can pay for their drinks their, but we aren't charging at the wedding.

KatoNorway · January 2012

You can purchase kegs of beer and bottles of wine for self-serve. We also had apple cider, soda, and coffee available. It saved us a lot of money. Just be sure it's okay with your venue before you plan this.

RamonaFlowers · January 2012

Where I'm from cash bar is one of those things you just do not do, under any circumstances.

Having a limited bar-wine and beer, maybe champagne or a signature drink is fine. But having your guests open their own wallets for anything at an event that you're the "host" of is socially unacceptable.

MyUserName1 · January 2012

If i arrived at a wedding and it was cash bar, I'd be cranky. I don't bring money to a wedding unless I stuck cash in the card instead of sending a physical gift.

I've never judged anyone for having no alcohol or wine and beer only though. It's less FUN than an open bar, true, but miles better than a cash bar.

foxybritches · January 2012

Most weddings I've been to have done beer or beer and wine and cash bar for the hard stuff.

We're planning on hosting beer and soda, but the catering company will provide a full (cash) bar for guests that want something else.

Is this tacky? I thought it was a fair compromise.

DeannaCW · January 2012

I'm going to go ahead and say it depends on your culture (family or area). I'm from a family that mostly doesn't drink, so nobody would really notice if we had a dry wedding. On the other hand, FI's from England, and apparently there it's normal to have cash bar for everything, including sodas. To his family and friends, it would be MORE rude to have a dry wedding than a cash bar. And we're already hosting sodas, so to them that's going to be a treat. So we are doing cash bar for alcohol, and just letting people here know by word of mouth. Just depends on the people around you, not the people on TK, IMNSHO.

mica178 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:9105e461-827e-4b69-8665-3b164af5cf8e">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]Bad economy is no excuse. The couple should host what they can afford - and they can easily exclude alcohol if their budget doesn't allow it. The guests shouldn't have to pay for anything.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Yup, this.

If you do decide to go the dry-wedding (or soda and champagne toast) route, I suggest that you have a midday or afternoon wedding, where guests wouldn't expect to drink much alcohol.

is it still tacky...

Re: is it still tacky...

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