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Time to back off??

LOMLBOATLOMLBOAT
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in Rhode Island

My MOH asked me a while ago about what I may want to do for my bachelorette party and I had said that I really wanted to do a pole dancing class.  I heard from another bride-to-be friend and she said it was the most fun with all her girlfriends and I saw a groupon for it.  My MOH told me that people would get sweaty and some people wouldn't enjoy it and maybe we should just do dinner and clubbing.  I'd rather go to a bar and do something low key, then go to a bunch of clubs (which is what all my friends enjoy doing as most of them are single).  I don't want to be pushy, and I appreciate that they'll be spending money and throwing me a bachelorette party to begin with.  But it is my bachelorette party and I don't want to go clubbing all night.  I want to do things that I enjoy, but I just don't know how to bring it up without feeling like a bridzilla or something.  Do I even have a say or should I just shut up and enjoy what they plan??

Thanks for any advice/perspective!!!

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Re: Time to back off??

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    dberrettdberrett
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    I was in a similar predicament, so I hear you completely!  I think you can gently push it a little, softening by talking to her on the phone or in person, and explain that you want everyone to have a good time. I think she's right about the pole dancing class - that might not be up everyone's alley, but certainly dinner and a bar is completely reasonable. What about meeting halfway and suggesting a bar that has a live band in it or something? Something for everyone! That's what we ended up doing for mine and it was a BLAST! I'm not really into the club scene anymore, but with a band they play songs usually that everyone knows and you can just stand there and sing or boogey the night away. You should take into consideration what everyone wants, but it is also your bachelorette, as you pointed out, so you should have some say! I think it's all in the delivery of your wants to your MOH! If she's a good friend she'll want to make you happy as well! Maybe start the convo with something like, "I was thinking more about your thoughts on the pole dancing and I realized you're right - it isn't everyone's cup of tea. I want everyone to have fun! I was then thinking maybe dinner and a bar or two with live music instead - everyone would probably enjoy that, and I would really love it. And it shouldn't be too expensive. What do you think?".
    GL!
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    i2012doi2012do member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I won't reiterate everything DB said but I 100% agree.
    I think its your bachelorette party and you shou;nd't be forced to do something you don't want to do.

    I would suggest to her a few bars you might be interested in going to that offer live music, like RiRa or Newport Blues cafe etc, a place like thatand say that sounds like a great idea that people can dance if they want to or just hang out.

    I know we went to Mohegan and Shrine for a few bachelorettes and while it was fun at the time (I was single and excited to go out) it is NOT at all what i wanted to do for my bachelorette.

    My MOH is my very best friend so I was simply honest. I said "i don't care what we do, i just want to be together- but the one thing i DON'T want to do is go to shrine or a place like that.. .I'm kind of over that scene"

    i acutally think that my bridesmaids are going to organize something at Newport Polo--  they have bachelorettes parties and I suggested doing it for a girls day out and they all kind of gave each other the eyes and then were liek "that sounds so fun,...maybe well plan it for a sepcial event coming up"

    If you are just honest I don't think you are being a brideszilla. You sould enjoy your bachelorette.
    If all else fails you could have fiance casually ask what the girls have planned and tell them nicely its not what you had in mind. 
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    LOMLBOATLOMLBOAT
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    Thanks ladies!!  I want my friends to have fun, but I want it to be a ladies night we we get to hang out as a group, not grinding up on people.  I LOVE live music (having a band for the wedding), so maybe I'll research some bands I like and see where they are playing and let my MOH know she can find a place they are playing and make a bachelorette night around that.  I just don't want to hijack their plans, but I know that our ideas of fun are slightly off.
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    i2012doi2012do member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree. I think its so much more fun to enjoy EACH other's company than to have strangers grinding up on you and music so loud you can't chat or find a quiet table!
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