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Chit Chat

Venting about Knotties

Sometimes- a bride just wants to air some opinions because she cannot tell her fiance or her bridesmaids that they are great people, but their lack of giving a s*** about you, the bride, really sucks latey.

This should be the place where you can be free to express yourself. Instead, these other WOMEN call you ungratful and unkind for the way you feel and they mis read your entire point! They think financial compliants are the only thing people are venting about and not the fact that your BM's don;t plan or put in any effort at the shower they offer to throw. Some of these Knotties call you shallow when your future husband does an amazing thing and buys you your wedding jewerly because he says it makes you happy. These women all feel that Bridesmaids are just dolls that stand next to you on your big day and offer no other purpose in life. They are for picture purposes and their attendace should be reason enough to celebrate their existance.

Well I am sorry, but I choose my girls because they meant something to me and when the time comes and they fall through, are late for events and never return your calls I think the COMMUNITY as it is called, should be a safe place for the bride to kvetch about how lame they are acting and still be understood that we love these irresponsible people in our lives, they just drive us crazy at times.

These other Knottes can be really bitchy with their responses and make you feel like complete crap when your only intent was to get this stess off your chest, because you would never tell your frineds that their planning sucked, but thanks for the thought. Maybe some of you ladies should consider why these brides post their issues and concerns in the first place. And I'll be the first one to tell you, it's NOT so you can respond and make them feel like s***.
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Re: Venting about Knotties

  • These women all feel that Bridesmaids are just dolls that stand next to you on your big day and offer no other purpose in life. They are for picture purposes and their attendace should be reason enough to celebrate their existance.

    Uh, no.  The posters here think that bridesmaids are NOT about the pictures, and that's why caring about things like even sides or replacing people who drop out makes you look ridiculous.  They believe these are your closest friends so you should treat them like PEOPLE and not slaves, which means NOT expecting them to throw you parties and buy you stuff and plan your wedding for you.
    Married 10/2/10
  • edited May 2010
    OP... missed... the... point...

    I'm not naturally inclined to smack people down for 'kvetching', as you say. However, when someone whinges about the things you've brought up, it's ordinarily because they are behaving like spoiled little children. Perhaps you should start a board called Kvetching, where like-minded girls can whinge away and only get validation in return.
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  • I used to feel the same way. Sometimes what other people say can be hurtful, especially when you're already stressed about something and you dont think they're seeing the whole picture. But what I've realized about TK is that many of these girls are honestly just telling you the stuff you don't want to hear, but need to hear. I'm not saying ALL of them - because I DO think that some of them are just sad people with nothing else to do with their lives but make others feel bad when they're already in a sucky situation - but honestly, The knotties here have kept me from overreacting more than a few times and have also really helped me realize that it's all gonna be okay and to not freak out about the little things.

    If it helps, just ignore the posts of the people who you think are being jerkfaces and just move on to the posts of the people who are trying to help in a less blunt and more kind way. Good luck =) Don't give up on TK yet
  • while i don't really understand or even get most of your OP i do agree that there are a lot of women around here that love to take things out of context and twist words around just so they have an opportunity to call another bride spoiled, ungrateful or my personal favorite: a "peach."

    i joined the knot because i thought it would be fun to get tips in my email inbox, and to be able to discuss things with other brides.  while it hasn't been an entirely negative experience, most of it is pretty damn irritating.  and the women on these boards?  usually not very helpful.

    just sayin.
  • I'm sorry but if your main reason for posting is to whine and complain and fuss about how things are just not fair or not going your way you need to just start a blog post and keep it to yourself. Otherwise people are GOING to reply to your darned thread in a negative way no matter what.

    Vent somewhere private if you don't expect replies that aren't favorable to you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:524e9e8f-f4ea-4b5c-aaf2-8cadc929f4fc">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]while i don't really understand or even get most of your OP i do agree that there are a lot of women around here that love to take things out of context and twist words around just so they have an opportunity to call another bride spoiled, ungrateful or my personal favorite: a "peach."
    Posted by dwebster02[/QUOTE]


    Haha - I was once called a "unique little snowflake." I still think that's my personal favorite. I'm also a big fan of the "pretty princess day" thing. I'm 100% NOT the "pretty princess day" kinda girl - plenty of brides aren't, but for some reason it's become a pretty regular way to insult someone around here.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:52908e30-3c8e-4f69-8d95-3e745396cd45">Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes- a bride just wants to air some opinions because she cannot tell her fiance or her bridesmaids that they are great people, but their lack of giving a s*** about you, the bride, really sucks latey. This should be the place where you can be free to express yourself. Instead, these other WOMEN call you ungratful and unkind for the way you feel and they mis read your entire point! They think financial compliants are the only thing people are venting about and not the fact that your BM's don;t plan or put in any effort at the shower they offer to throw. Some of these Knotties call you shallow when your future husband does an amazing thing and buys you your wedding jewerly because he says it makes you happy.<strong> These women all feel that Bridesmaids are just dolls that stand next to you on your big day and offer no other purpose in life. They are for picture purposes and their attendace should be reason enough to celebrate their existance</strong>. Well I am sorry, but I choose my girls because they meant something to me and when the time comes and they fall through, are late for events and never return your calls I think the COMMUNITY as it is called, should be a safe place for the bride to kvetch about how lame they are acting and still be understood that we love these irresponsible people in our lives, they just drive us crazy at times. These other Knottes can be really bitchy with their responses and make you feel like complete crap when your only intent was to get this stess off your chest, because you would never tell your frineds that their planning sucked, but thanks for the thought. Maybe some of you ladies should consider why these brides post their issues and concerns in the first place. And I'll be the first one to tell you, it's NOT so you can respond and make them feel like s***.
    Posted by saw02f[/QUOTE]

    Reading Comprehension FAIL.

    Most regs here spout the "people are not props for pretty pictures" mantra, because WE understand that your BMs are people that love you.  We understand that it's not their job to help you plan your wedding.  It's not their job to throw you celebratory prewedding parties if they can't or don't want to.  We also understand feeling disappointed when the (wedding industry driven) expectations that you placed on these people were not met.  However, what we try to get YOU, the bride, to understand, is that in 90% of the cases, it's stupid to get so butthurt over a party that you risk ruining a friendship/relationship. 
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    edited May 2010
    Also, these communities are known for ass kissing.  You may feel more welcome there: 

    www.weddingwire.com

    www.weddingbee.com
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • NickDanielleBNickDanielleB member
    500 Comments
    edited May 2010
    I get it. Sometimes it feels like a witch hunt - but you're also putting this in a public forum. Not everyone is going to sympathise with you. Plus this is a place where mostly women post, anyone been in a room with nothing but women who are all hormonal? Yeah, like putting a cat and a dog in a cage and seeing what happens. You should be ready for anything that comes your way.

    Also I saw this on a post yesterday but don't remember who put it "Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone elses stinks."
  • You get back what you put out. I read through your other posts (to make an informed post here) and if your last post and responses to that are any indication your basing all your opinions on the fact that you sounded like a brat. (Sounded like, not are, just so we are straight). Your BMs aren't required to throw you a shower, no one is. It's a gift from whoever wants to do it and you should be grateful because some people don't get one at all. Was it disappointing?, sure. But don't come here and tell us how everyone sucks because it wasn't your dream come true. Maybe $20 was really all they could afford. If anyone is being disrepectful of their BMs, it's you. Just think a little about what you say before you say it and how it would feel to be on the other side. Think how your BMs would feel to read what you wrote about them.

    And this is an international community forum and if you don't want to hear what other people have to say (whether they agree with you or not) don't post here. We're not here to coddle you.
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  • ...nice to see that my point is valid :) i'm loving this thread.  as you can see - the OP is still being attacked for simple, stupid things like the way she writes.  my god, it's the internet, not an effing research paper.  unless she's TyPiN lYk DiS i can probably figure out what she's trying to say.

    LDYGTR13: be my knottie bff?!  seriously!  god i can't believe some of the stuff like that.  unique little snowflake, huh.  that's awesome.  the other day i mentioned the words "personal attendant" and got chewed out for "asking my friend to do a crap job all day instead of enjoying the party."  wtf?  jeez.

    i try to be helpful around here, but i doubt i'll make threads anymore.  the estrogen/biznitch level is just way too high around here.
  • Most of the time people on here are just saying things that your family and friends are thinking IRL. You won't get validation here, if an idea sucks, they will tell you. It's nothing personal. I'd much, much, rather have knotties on an anonymous forum talking about my ideas and laughing at them than my guests doing so behind my back after the fact.

    As far as "venting" don't post on a public discussion forum to vent expecting there to be no discussion. If you put yourself out on a public forum, people are going to comment--it's just a fact of life.


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  • It's not your damn blog.  If you just want to type it up and get it all out, I might suggest Wordpress.  It's a public message board, the entire point of posting something here is to get responses.  If you post something that people disagree with, you're not going to get the answers you're looking for.
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  • direy25direy25 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary

    A lot of ladies have recommended posting your rants/vents on your local or club boards, and I couldn't agree more.  The ladies here "tell it like it is," as they should.  Most of the ladies here really help put things in perspective, even if it can seem pretty blunt at times.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:406cfcff-1348-4365-9610-529b511219cb">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's not your damn blog.  If you just want to type it up and get it all out, I might suggest Wordpress.  It's a public message board, the entire point of posting something here is to get responses.  If you post something that people disagree with, you're not going to get the answers you're looking for.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agree 100%.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you want to vent and cry with nobody commenting, get a journal and write it down. </div><div>
    </div><div>You don't seem to have fully processed that this is a feedback based thing, if you don't want to hear any or are not prepared to hear people tell you things you don't like, don't post.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sometimes the truth hurts.  Not everybody is going to send you away with a lollipop to cheer you up.  I happen to think your last post got you a LOT of support.  More than I thought that post deserved, but that's my OPINION.  Just like you were allowed to post your opinion on your bridesmaids' lack of enthusiasm.

    You're posting on the internet, and if you didn't want to hear honest opinions (that might disagree with you), write it up in a diary or blog.
    My deal is that I am going to murder your puppies and piss on your rainbows. -diablesse Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Well, look here. If it isn't just one big old bag of crap.

    And if this is your "safe place", then you need to learn more about safe places. It should really be more like your basement or a local fire department. No one on the internet is going to protect you from tornadoes or kidnappers. Duh.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:b1b4a8ca-ffe0-4157-9dc7-2c68c5c7269a">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]These women all feel that Bridesmaids are just dolls that stand next to you on your big day and offer no other purpose in life. They are for picture purposes and their attendace should be reason enough to celebrate their existance. Uh, no.  The posters here think that bridesmaids are NOT about the pictures, and that's why caring about things like even sides or replacing people who drop out makes you look ridiculous.  They believe these are your closest friends so you should treat them like PEOPLE and not slaves, which means NOT expecting them to throw you parties and buy you stuff and plan your wedding for you.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]


    This is actually what the Knot i-Phone application is like. A lot of validation for inappropriate behavior unfortunately. There are a few voices of reason still on there. There's just a lot of "It's YOUR day, do what YOU want".
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:1fe7ea56-1b22-426c-aa72-0b86377a5141">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]LDYGTR13 : be my knottie bff?!  seriously! 
    Posted by dwebster02[/QUOTE]

    Haha, sure! I'll buy the best friend necklaces - you come up with the secret handshake ;-)
  • Its a public board everyone is up for their opinions. Someone is going to have a problem and if you post something it is public to air and dont get defemsive about it. who cares i am never going to be BFF with these people. but they have been nice to talk to. I am sorry that you feel this way
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:524e9e8f-f4ea-4b5c-aaf2-8cadc929f4fc">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]while i don't really understand or even get most of your OP i do agree that there are a lot of women around here that love to take things out of context and twist words around just so they have an opportunity to call another bride spoiled, ungrateful or my personal favorite: a "peach." i joined the knot because i thought it would be fun to get tips in my email inbox, and to be able to discuss things with other brides.  while it hasn't been an entirely negative experience, most of it is pretty damn irritating.  and the women on these boards?  usually not very helpful. just sayin.
    Posted by dwebster02[/QUOTE]
    Is someone holding a gun to your head, forcing you to post and participate? What's the point of hanging out in a place you don't like?
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • mushEmushE member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:e3187836-c167-4607-965c-c54cff62830c">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]A lot of ladies have recommended posting your rants/vents on your local or club boards, and I couldn't agree more.  The ladies here "tell it like it is," as they should.  Most of the ladies here really help put things in perspective, even if it can seem pretty blunt at times.
    Posted by direy25[/QUOTE]

    Yeah - she did, unfortunately.  She might even be complaining here about some of the answers she got there (September '10) from this morning.  I didn't reply there because I had nothing to add. 
    image
  • direy25direy25 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited May 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:0138cb32-41c3-40bb-b1b6-19184f70655f">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about Knotties : Yeah - she did, unfortunately.  She might even be complaining here about some of the answers she got there (September '10) from this morning.  I didn't reply there because I had nothing to add. 
    Posted by mushE[/QUOTE]
    Thanks for that, just read the original post.  Wow.  I'm actually surprised she got as much sympathy as she did.
    Married 5.6.11

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:db430033-6ed5-4383-8519-a10abe9e03df">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about Knotties : Is someone holding a gun to your head, forcing you to post and participate? What's the point of hanging out in a place you don't like?
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]


    what's the point in asking a question like that...?

    how about this: instead of saying things like "you're a brat," "you're stupid," "you're selfish," "you're ungrateful" or "you're a drama queen" can we give real advice?  or do we really have to cut each other down?  i'm all for a good bitchslap every now and again i just think there's usually a more civil and grown up way to communicate with people - even in the anonymous realm of the internet.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:78c12d0d-7a6e-4355-bdea-16f297270d5f">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about Knotties : what's the point in asking a question like that...? how about this: instead of saying things like "you're a brat," "you're stupid," "you're selfish," "you're ungrateful" or "you're a drama queen" can we give real advice?  or do we really have to cut each other down?  i'm all for a good bitchslap every now and again i just think there's usually a more civil and grown up way to communicate with people - even in the anonymous realm of the internet.
    Posted by dwebster02[/QUOTE]
    The point in asking a question like that is so I can get an answer, and I didn't. You clearly have a problem with the dynamics of the board and I'm just saying that if you don't like it, you certainly don't have to participate. And I wholeheartedly disagree with your statement that most posts weren't helpful. I try my best to give real advice, and sometimes there's some sarcasm thrown in. I just don't think it's accurate to say that no one ever gets any real, helpful advice. The OP might not like the advice, but that doesn't mean it's invalid.
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:78c12d0d-7a6e-4355-bdea-16f297270d5f">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about Knotties : what's the point in asking a question like that...? how about this: instead of saying things like "you're a brat," "you're stupid," "you're selfish," "you're ungrateful" or "you're a drama queen" can we give real advice?  or do we really have to cut each other down?  i'm all for a good bitchslap every now and again i just think there's usually a more civil and grown up way to communicate with people - even in the anonymous realm of the internet.
    Posted by dwebster02[/QUOTE]

    Or how about this? You go ahead with your plan and then we'll continue to post as we see fit because, well, we are adults.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:f896b09a-261f-45f7-acab-f869c406e00e">Re: Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about Knotties : This is actually what the Knot i-Phone application is like. A lot of validation for inappropriate behavior unfortunately. There are a few voices of reason still on there. There's just a lot of "It's YOUR day, do what YOU want".
    Posted by colsta[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I KNOW!!!! Who are you on there? If I hear one more girl get support for "demoting" her bridesmaids or begging parents for money I'll vomit.

    </div>
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  • Wow I will never understand why people continue to post if they dislike the community. It just bottles my mind. Anyway I will add my two cents in. I think part of the problem is the girls on the board who feel like people are to mean can't or won't differentiate between you're being a brat, your rude, you're selfish etc and that is a bratty thing to do or your OP sounds bratty, that is a rude thing to do, that is a selfish act. I've been lurking quite a lot, I work in a call center and so I spend most of my days online poking around TK, I've rarely seen the former but have seen and said quite a lot of the latter.

    There is a difference between doing, or inquiring about something rude, bratty or selfish, and being bratty, rude or selfish. We all make mistakes and even someone who tries very hard to be the nicest individual can think or do something that is not so nice. The difference is the non rude bratty selfish people own up to it and say you know your right that was a pretty crappy thing to do rather then spout off how rude everyone is to them and how they hate these boards or even defending why their actions weren't rude bratty or selfish.


    If it is just a single poster saying your acting rude bratty selfish etc chalk it up to them just being witchy but when you have 15, 20 even 30+ people saying something I would take what they say to heart because chances are they didn't get together and decide which poster to pick on today
  • direy - I thought she got a lot of sympathy on that post too.  

    dwebster - If you read the post this was about, she did actually get a lot of supportive posts in her favor.  She got a handful of posts that had blunt, honest truth.  But it was nowhere near as harsh as if that had been posted on another board.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_venting-knotties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4c3c6905-bfbb-45bd-a199-8dfa2dd6b4ebPost:52908e30-3c8e-4f69-8d95-3e745396cd45">Venting about Knotties</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes- a bride just wants to air some opinions because she cannot tell her fiance or her bridesmaids that they are great people, but their lack of giving a s*** about you, the bride, really sucks latey. This should be the place where you can be free to express yourself. Instead, these other WOMEN call you ungratful and unkind for the way you feel and they mis read your entire point! They think financial compliants are the only thing people are venting about and not the fact that your BM's don;t plan or put in any effort at the shower they offer to throw. Some of these Knotties call you shallow when your future husband does an amazing thing and buys you your wedding jewerly because he says it makes you happy. These women all feel that Bridesmaids are just dolls that stand next to you on your big day and offer no other purpose in life. They are for picture purposes and their attendace should be reason enough to celebrate their existance. Well I am sorry, but I choose my girls because they meant something to me and when the time comes and they fall through, are late for events and never return your calls I think the COMMUNITY as it is called, should be a safe place for the bride to kvetch about how lame they are acting and still be understood that we love these irresponsible people in our lives, they just drive us crazy at times. These other Knottes can be really bitchy with their responses and make you feel like complete crap when your only intent was to get this stess off your chest, because you would never tell your frineds that their planning sucked, but thanks for the thought. Maybe some of you ladies should consider why these brides post their issues and concerns in the first place. And I'll be the first one to tell you, it's NOT so you can respond and make them feel like s***.
    Posted by saw02f[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I TOTALLY agree. There are a lot of cattiness in some of the posts that I read. Many come across as bitchy, as you said. Some of the posts attack previous responses of individuals. I just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with you. 

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