Out of Towners

[Deleted User] · October 2010

My boyfriend and I live in the Seattle area, but we're having our wedding out east closer to both of our families. For years now I've wanted to have a wedding in the Poconos because of how beautiful the area is. It's exciting for me to know that we're going to make that dream a reality.

We have one minor problem though. While my side of the wedding party will have little to no problem getting to the area, his family lives farther away. Most of them live in the Chicago area. He has a few friends from out of state that he's inviting. If people were to fly in, the two closest airports are respectively 70 and 107 miles away (Newark and Philadelphia). There are no trains.

Should we try to develop some means for out of state people to get to the area, or is that their job?

Snippylynn · October 2010

Their job. Don't worry about it.

laurenclaire1386 · October 2010

I would think that your wedding guests should be responsible for getting themselves to an out of town wedding. I think the thought is nice on your part, but I can't imagine what all would go into transporting people nearly 100 miles. I think the logistics of it would be a nightmare, and I also think you're not responsible for it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

Their job. If there's a SuperShuttle or something, maybe list their website/contact information or a few rental car companies. I also listed the distance to the closest airports on my STDs and in an insert in the invitations. But people will figure out they have to get themselves there. H and I had to fly 4 hours and then drive 5 hours for his cousin's wedding.

FutureMrsTR · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-towners?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f989ecf8-4b99-4a8f-81e1-3d7689c5dda7Post:f6fb6f8d-ab4c-4e05-9e55-8a6026083dc8">Out of Towners</a>:
[QUOTE]Should we try to develop some means for out of state people to get to the area, or is that their job?
Posted by kreebbymoiph[/QUOTE]

They've already been developed. They're called "rental cars" :) People will use them.

marissa_claire · October 2010

Yeah, if it's that far away they'll have to get rental cars anyways. In my case, we're arranging a shuttle bus from the hotel to ceremony/reception site, but that's more because it's hard to find and we don't want people driving drunk that evening. The logistics of arranging transportation with everyone's flights surely coming in at different times would be next to impossible. You could look for a hotel that offers a shuttle to and from the airport if you want to help.

tldh · October 2010

Sorry. Disagree. Strongly. OOT guests are already paying for plane tickets, hotels and restaurants. If your venue isn't within walking distance or a taxi ride away, you need to get them there.

Everyone came from out of town for my wedding and the last thing I was going to do was make them rent a car (and pay parking) and then drive 45 minutes to get from downtown Philadelphia to my wedding. We hired vans and they were about a third of what we were expecting to pay.

OP - a really good limo company out here is Limopatrick. You can look them up at www.limopatrick.com. They do everything from towncars to busses.

EDIT: We also put an insert about the vans and included a transportation RSVP card. Almost everyone took us up on it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

tldh - I did something similar. I rented a shuttle for my wedding. That way, people didn't have to rent a car. The hotel was also close to the subway and a few people took that into Hollywood to sightsee. But as far as airport pick up goes, I picked up my mom, stepdad, brother, dad, dad's girlfriend and aunt (in two trips). That's all. And I had to go to 2 different airports.

I'm usually all about paying for parking for people AT weddings and whatever else you need to. We invited all OOT guests to the RD and to breakfast the day after. But in my area an airport transfer (cab or limo) would be something like $50 to go downtown and $75 to go to the hotel where everyone was staying. A super shuttle ride would be around $40. We had about 40-45 OOT guests. I really think that's asking a lot.

If someone realizes the wedding is in the Poconos, they'll realize they need to get there. I think even having an immediate family member ask to have their transportation coordinated the weekend of the wedding is a lot.

Gismo123 · October 2010

100% their job to get to your wedding....if they can't afford it they'll decline to attend and if you're lucky they'll send a gift lol The ONLY exception to this rule would be maybe the parents or grandparents....if they can't afford it I would think about helping pay for them.

We're in the same situation...my FI is military so we live in central, CA...EVERYONE is coming in from out of town lol We have people coming in from Florida, Mass, Minnisotta, Washington, Neveda, Peru, Ireland, and not to mention all over southern and northern California. There would be NO way for us to have a wedding if we paid for everyones ticket and as you can see there is no happy medium place to have it since everyone is all over the country and globe! lol

botticelliangel6 · October 2010

It isn't your responsibility to get them there. Our wedding is in my hometown which is very rural; three hours to the nearest airport (roughly). There is no way I am paying to get them from the airport to the town, it just isn't feasible. A shuttle between venues is one thing, this something else. However most of our guests that would have to fly and then rent a car (as opposed to just a long drive) are from the area originally so they already know that and probably have options (family etc).

As someone else said if they can't afford to come or don't want to make the trip, then they won't.

SeptemberFall2011 · October 2010

I vote that you do what you want to do. If you want to be a gracious host and help with transportation go for it. If you want to have them figure it out on their own do that. See what you can do! It would be alot less of a hassle for an oot to get to the place especially if they do not know where they are going! I am sure the last thing you want is to get a million calls about how someone is lost and you have to go fetch em anyway!

squirrly · October 2010

I felt really bad about people renting cars and tried to arrange transportation for them. Most people just wanted their own car, though, and rented one anyway. We did get a 15 passenger van for the rehearsal/RD and the following day at the races an hour away, and the welcome dinner. That was mostly so that I didn't have to worry about people getting lost or driving drunk, though.

Some of the best stories from the weekend are from one of the many van rides.

JCM10 · October 2010

When I travel to weddings, I'd rather have my own car and be able to get around during non-wedding events. I do tend to treat it as a mini vacation/trip, and like to do lots of side activities. This would be impossible if I only had host-provided transport!

mismia411 · October 2010

No. If they want to be there, the distance won't stop them. You have enough expenses to worry about.

sarah0725 · October 2010

I also kind of think it would be a mess for you to try to coordinate this. I kind of agree, though, that maybe you should find some way for people arriving at similar times to contact one another and set up carpools.

Honestly, if I were traveling from Chicago to the Poconos, I'd probably drive. It's what, ten hours? Piece of cake.

dmeister87 · October 2010

My fiance and I are getting married in Costa Rica, and have relatives/friends coming from various parts of the US and Korea. We wouldn't feel right having them fly all the way down there and then not have a way to get to/from the wedding area, which is 4 hours from the airport.

Our family members all arranged to arrive on the same day a week before the wedding, since they wanted to tourist around a bit first, so we got a shuttle for them (25 relatives). Our bridal party is arriving on the Friday before the wedding, so we posted on our wedding website that we would have a shuttle available for anyone arriving on that same day. Anyone else is on their own, though we provided bus schedules, taxi info, and maps for those working out their own transportation on other days. We are spending about $300 for guest transportation, but considering how happy it makes us that so many people wanted to join us so far away, we were more than willing to adjust the budget in a few other areas to balance costs!

brideinsat · October 2010

I am having a similar dilemna. All of my 50 guests are OOT. I did choose a venue adn church that are within 5 minutes of each other and both downtown so people wont have to rent cars. I also got group rates on hotels, all within 5 minutes. A taxi is $35 from airport and taxis around dowtown are about $5 for them to get to the church, rehearsal dinner, back to their hotels. We are only providing transportation from the church to the reception (5 minutes) because it would be hard to get taxis at the church.

Now, my family is another story. They are asking me to find a house for them to rent so they can all be together and save money. This would mean not staying dowtown (none available there). That means they need to rent a car and pay downtown parking so now all their expenses go up.

One sister has a 3 and 6 year old and complained she cant take taxis around dowtown because she would need to carry a car seat. (really? for a 5 minute ride?). There are 3 sisters, 2 married, and my parents, all flying in diferent days and times so I cant think of a way to help with their request for airport transportation.

Part of me feels like saying do whatever you want, if you dont like my suggestions, which were meant to be convenient and cost effective. I did find them one house dowtown but they waited didnt want it then changed their mind but too long and my other guests rented it. Then again, it's my family so am I being unreasonable? Any advice on how to handle?

jbergum · October 2010

If you want them to come, you'll pay for them to get there and also their transportation. Don't expect people to spend all their money on you. The wedding is important to you - but not to everyone else you know. geezus.

bandita0203 · October 2010

You are going to have enough stress the week of the wedding, you don't need to add to it by trying to coordinate everyone's transportation. A couple years ago, I attended a wedding in Texas (I'm from NJ) and the group of us that traveled together all pitched in for the rental car. And we made sure to get one with a GPS so we wouldn't get lost. Everything worked out jsut fine. Your guests are adults and they want to be at your wedding--they can handle figuring out their own transportation.

davisstewart · October 2010

We have alot of people flying in for our wedding too. The rest of the guest will be making a 2-3 hour drive. We made sure to give them plenty notice so they could make flight and hotel arrangements. What we did do, is contact a few local hotels and set up discount rates on the rooms. We also set up our wedding website and made a section for carpool options. That way, people could connect with others if they did not want to rent a car or drive up.
I feel its their responsibility to pay but our to make sure we did what we could to cut on their cost.

toniragone · October 2010

First of all, guests are paying for airfare, hotel, most meals, etc. I would definitely offer to arrange for their transportation to and from the airport, and to the wedding venue as well. If they want to rent a car, then let them. So many airports - avp (scranton), abe (allentown), phl (philly), mdt (harrisburg), and newark (forgot the code!) Rent a 12 or 15 passenger van, and have your wedding party help you out. That's why they're your friends.

JloveB · October 2010

I think it is the guest job. You can give them suggestion on rental cars or fore warn them but if someone really cares for you, they are not going to get upset you are not their taxi service on your wedding day.

shuttles from ceremony to reception make sense but not every guest wants to be on a bus schedule. How about you explain to them the distance and let them know that it requires a rental car or other options of transportation, just as if you were to suggest hotels and plane tickets same rules apply.

txnsgrl79 · October 2010

We are definitely not paying for out of town guests. Of course we are having our wedding in another city so everyone will be out of towners. Etiquette does say that you should have some type of gift basket in their hotel room for when the arrive but we are opting out of that as well due to the amount of guests. As for rides, if you blocked rooms for your wedding most hotels come with free shuttle service

KAdams22787 · October 2010

Completely agree! My whole family is flying in from out west to PA, or driving 5 hours to get to me. I will be providing shuttle service to and from the reception, but there is already a shuttle service from the airport to the hotel, which works for us! The shuttle service was not as expensive as I thought. For about 6 hours of shuttle service, it was about $400. I was ok with that.

vbrooksutk · October 2010

We're chartering a bus to carry out of town guests from the hotel to the wedding (1 hr drive) and back. It's putting me in debt, but I don't mind. To me it's one of the most important parts of my wedding - my guests are flying here (~$300 round trip ticket), staying in a hotel (~100/night)... I'd feel rude telling them to rent a car, and then not be able to enjoy themselves [alcohol] at the wedding because they would be driving a rented car in an unfamiliar area.

SToni62977 · October 2010

According to the latest on "wedding etiquette", NO you are not expected to pay for their means of transportation. If anything, perhaps expect a less generous wedding gift from out-of-town guest, because their attendance should be considered your priortiy, as opposed to how much you expect to receive from them. My fiance and I are involved in a similar situation, and that's the latest advice I heard! Hope it helps!

brideinsat · October 2010

m.weber you're right. I would do it for them without complaining. I'd be happy if sister were turning 40 and getting married for the first time all on the same day and I'd do anything to be there. I certainly wouldnt tell her "I have to scale down Christmas, borrow from mother in law, and not pay a bill." Even if it were true, which is isn't, she is well off and notorious for exaggerating, I wouldnt say it.

Thank goodness for Knotties, keeping me sane, helping with recommendations and being so helpful during this process. My BM's are my sisters, so I'm on my own.

ChristiAvery · October 2010

Try recommending Scranton Wilkes Barre International Airport to your guests. Its much closer that both of those airports, and they will likely have shuttle services to the Poconos because its a hot destination from the Scranton area

melissa31xoxoxo · October 2010

"If you want them to come, you'll pay for them to get there and also their transportation. Don't expect people to spend all their money on you. The wedding is important to you - but not to everyone else you know. geezus. "

If the wedding isn't important to them, then they shouldn't bother coming. If my fiance and I were going to pay for all of our guests' accommodations (plane tickets, transportation to and from the airport, hotels for the weekend, etc) then our wedding would easily cost 75-100k. Totally unreasonable. If money is that much of an issue, I would rather guests not give us gifts than miss the wedding.

mby82266 · October 2010

You might want to suggest they fly into Allentown Pa airport its only 30 mins away. from the poconos

JanoBean75 · October 2010

This is how it worked out for me: I had several OOT families that drove, and a few more that flew. My parents rented a van and my brother drove those that didn't have a car to/from airport, ceremony, reception, hotel. Most others just drove themselves or rented a car.

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