African American Weddings

What is really going on?

Ya'll I knew things were going too good and I felt a little too calm about the wedding. Today I get a call from the lady who is over the music at our church. She's asking for our music for the ceremony. I tell her I gave it to the man who told me he would be doing my music. She proceeds to tell me not only was it supposed to go through her but also that he had to only be gospel music and by gospel artists.

Number one I have been attending this church for 15 years and have attended several weddings there and this was not the case. One lady in particular got married in 2009, I followed up with her because we are close and asked her and she said no she was able to play whatever she wanted. Two you tell me this literally 5 days before my wedding when we have over 100 programs printed with this music in it. Three this is the third time I have had a problem with miscommunication with my church regarding my wedding.

The first was my shower it was announced two weeks before my shower and not announced again, they failed to mention date/time so none of them showed up. The second with my invitation, I mailed a month before the wedding and the lady (also this sound person)  swears she put it in the announcements mailbox but it never made it so I had to e-mail my announcement one week before the wedding so it would be announced. Now this. I am truly fed up so now we have to meet with my pastor because he is saying after speaking with my fiance that he will not do the ceremony unless we meet with him. So we are going in the morning. Not only that but he told my fi that I was trying to go around their policy by giving my music to someone other than this lady. I  never heard from her the only person I heard from was the man saying he was doing my music. 

Had I known this fi and I could have either found gospel music so that we could have the wedding here or we would have kept our music and did ceremony/reception at our reception venue.  I'm  ready for my wedding to be over these people have made it a living hell. Church people at that!
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Re: What is really going on?

  • edited December 2011
    Church folks.

    Seriously what does it matter if it's gospel or not. Sounds like a case of so heaven bound that they are no Earthly good. Sheesh.

    I REALLY hope this all works out for you because I can only imagine the annoyance you are experience right now. As long as you aren't playing Sexual Healing and pretending to Bump & Grind on the altar then it really shouldn't matter.

    I'm SURE you chose tasteful music and someone is on a power trip at the church.

    HUGS to you and I hope it all works out beautifully!
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:05fe09ba-1e0b-472f-a811-e5980bdb1553">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Church folks. Seriously what does it matter if it's gospel or not. Sounds like a case of so heaven bound that they are no Earthly good. Sheesh. I REALLY hope this all works out for you because I can only imagine the annoyance you are experience right now. As long as you aren't playing Sexual Healing and pretending to Bump & Grind on the altar then it really shouldn't matter. I'm SURE you chose tasteful music and someone is on a power trip at the church. HUGS to you and I hope it all works out beautifully!
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

    Well said! 



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  • DancerppfDancerppf member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would speak to the minister about how it was handled.  And your disappointment being that you are a faithful member.
  • prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes ma'am it was only, everytime I close my eyes-babyface, all is said and done-beyonce & marc nelson, make me whole-amel larrieux, for you-kenny lattimore, and from this moment-shania twain. I don't have a problem following the policy, but I do have a problem when this is not communicated to me until 5 days before my wedding and I have programs printed with this information. Like I said I have been attending this church for years and since I was not told different I was right to assume that as long as it was wedding music and light r&b it could be played since it has been at any other wedding I have attended there. But apparently this is their new policy.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ok do I really need to come make a trip up to P-Cola to be your Knottie back up or call up some of FI family that's up there to come help you out. 

    Does your pastor not realize that you and FI have alot going on with his parents to be pulling this 5 days before you wedding?  Stay firm with them when you go in the morning that nothing was said to you and you already have your programs printed.  And why did she wait till 5 days before to reach out to you who does that?  And the fact that the pastor would even say that he's not going to marry you for that reason that makes no sense.

    Praying for you that everything gets figured out and the final 5 days are smooth sailing for you and FI and that Saturday is the day that you both have been dreaming of.
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  • prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I talked to the pastor and he told me this is the policy and they changed it because people were playing any kind of music and were showing up drunk at the church for wedding and using profanity outside the church so it reflected bad on them. He also stated that someone used some artist's music and when he researched them they were being accused of being a homosexual. I'm like well it's some gospel artists have been accused of the same thing but because they sing gospel that makes it ok. I honestly don't know how much more I can it's been one thing after the other. The devil is definitely busy trying to make this just a horrible experience for us.
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Can you use the same songs but the instrumental versions instead?



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



  • prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's what fi suggested so we'll ask that when we go meet with the pastor in the morning.
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:eca6796f-ca8c-4ced-bd45-86c6f41662a9">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's what fi suggested so we'll ask that when we go meet with the pastor in the morning.
    Posted by prncsz[/QUOTE]

    I can't see why the church wouldn't agree to that.  It's the lyrics that they usually are leery of.  I am so sorry you are going through this so close to your wedding day. 



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I think the instrumentals are a good alternative. I am so annoyed for you! Especially when it is something clearly not communicated correctly. Let us know how it works out

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  • edited December 2011
    So sorry you're dealing with ths! Please don't let it get you down on your wedding though because these are memories you will keep for the rest of your life.  The suggestion to use the instrumentals is a good one. I don't see why they should have a problem with that.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:3e43376b-3663-413b-b134-8acf8318807a">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you use the same songs but the instrumental versions instead?
    Posted by island07b2b[/QUOTE]

    This is a good alternative if you have to go this far.  I am praying that things work out for you.  I totally understand as the biggest problems I have had have been with the church.  Power trip is right.  Just pray with your FI before you go to meet.  Stand firm that even though this is policy it was never communicated to you before hand.  If this was an issue how come the man who took the music didn't say anything to you when you gave it to him.  If the lady didn't receive the music from the man how come she waited until 5 days before the wedding to contact you.  I would express how poorly your whole situation was handled and include this last error on there part as the icing on the cake. 
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  • edited December 2011
    It seems like it's just one thing after the other.  Soooo sorry you have to take on all this mess 5 days before your wedding.  Hopefully the pastor can come up with a compromise regarding the songs :)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:15027970-262b-4d24-b42d-4615e1d15361">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the instrumentals are a good alternative. I am so annoyed for you! Especially when it is something clearly not communicated correctly. Let us know how it works out
    Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

    This here!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    Let me just go on record and say Satan is mad as Hell about this union and is pulling out the big ones to try and stop it. Fi and I just spent some time praying for you and your future husband. There's a reason he doesn't want you married and if I have to push you down the aisle to a version of Amazing Grace it'll happen... the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and that's what he's attempting to do now. I'm not normally one to give Satan credit buy this time I'm standing up FOR yall and saying OK SATAN... WE SEE YOU... YOUR ANTICS ARE NOTED BUT WE ALSO SERVE A GOD WHO IS A GOD THAT HONORS MARRIAGE AND VOWS MADE BEFORE HIM. WE GET IT... YOU MAD... NOW FEEL FREE TO GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM. THIS HERE WEDDING WILL HAPPEN. *adjusts skirt* SIS... ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. You remember that and you can rejoice in the adversity surrounding your big say. We have your back and Daddy loves his children. Start right now speaking positives over your wedding in 5 ( the number of grace ) days. *hugs* If you need to talk pray or whatever.... call me. I will send you my info.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:f15e4ede-d303-4f82-bb48-603d41a77d0b">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just go on record and say Satan is mad as Hell about this union and is pulling out the big ones to try and stop it. Fi and I just spent some time praying for you and your future husband. There's a reason he doesn't want you married and if I have to push you down the aisle to a version of Amazing Grace it'll happen... the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and that's what he's attempting to do now. I'm not normally one to give Satan credit buy this time I'm standing up FOR yall and saying <font color="#000000"><strong>OK SATAN... WE SEE YOU... YOUR ANTICS ARE NOTED BUT WE ALSO SERVE A GOD WHO IS A GOD THAT HONORS MARRIAGE AND VOWS MADE BEFORE HIM. WE GET IT... YOU MAD... NOW FEEL FREE TO GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM. THIS HERE WEDDING WILL HAPPEN</strong></font>. *adjusts skirt* SIS... ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. You remember that and you can rejoice in the adversity surrounding your big say. We have your back and Daddy loves his children. Start right now speaking positives over your wedding in 5 ( the number of grace ) days. *hugs* If you need to talk pray or whatever.... call me. I will send you my info.
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]


    AMEN!! AMEN! AMEN!
    Anniversary
  • prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:f15e4ede-d303-4f82-bb48-603d41a77d0b">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just go on record and say Satan is mad as Hell about this union and is pulling out the big ones to try and stop it. Fi and I just spent some time praying for you and your future husband. There's a reason he doesn't want you married and if I have to push you down the aisle to a version of Amazing Grace it'll happen... the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and that's what he's attempting to do now. I'm not normally one to give Satan credit buy this time I'm standing up FOR yall and saying OK SATAN... WE SEE YOU... YOUR ANTICS ARE NOTED BUT WE ALSO SERVE A GOD WHO IS A GOD THAT HONORS MARRIAGE AND VOWS MADE BEFORE HIM. WE GET IT... YOU MAD... NOW FEEL FREE TO GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM. THIS HERE WEDDING WILL HAPPEN. *adjusts skirt* SIS... ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. You remember that and you can rejoice in the adversity surrounding your big say. We have your back and Daddy loves his children. Start right now speaking positives over your wedding in 5 ( the number of grace ) days. *hugs* If you need to talk pray or whatever.... call me. I will send you my info.
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

    Amen. Thank you so much! I have cried the bulk of today and finally I feel ok.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:f15e4ede-d303-4f82-bb48-603d41a77d0b">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just go on record and say Satan is mad as Hell about this union and is pulling out the big ones to try and stop it. Fi and I just spent some time praying for you and your future husband. There's a reason he doesn't want you married and if I have to push you down the aisle to a version of Amazing Grace it'll happen... the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and that's what he's attempting to do now. I'm not normally one to give Satan credit buy this time I'm standing up FOR yall and saying OK SATAN... WE SEE YOU... YOUR ANTICS ARE NOTED BUT WE ALSO SERVE A GOD WHO IS A GOD THAT HONORS MARRIAGE AND VOWS MADE BEFORE HIM. WE GET IT... YOU MAD... NOW FEEL FREE TO GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM. THIS HERE WEDDING WILL HAPPEN. *adjusts skirt* SIS... ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. You remember that and you can rejoice in the adversity surrounding your big say. We have your back and Daddy loves his children. Start right now speaking positives over your wedding in 5 ( the number of grace ) days. *hugs* If you need to talk pray or whatever.... call me. I will send you my info.
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

    THIS!!!!!
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Amen!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:f15e4ede-d303-4f82-bb48-603d41a77d0b">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just go on record and say Satan is mad as Hell about this union and is pulling out the big ones to try and stop it. Fi and I just spent some time praying for you and your future husband. There's a reason he doesn't want you married and if I have to push you down the aisle to a version of Amazing Grace it'll happen... the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and that's what he's attempting to do now. I'm not normally one to give Satan credit buy this time I'm standing up FOR yall and saying OK SATAN... WE SEE YOU... YOUR ANTICS ARE NOTED BUT WE ALSO SERVE A GOD WHO IS A GOD THAT HONORS MARRIAGE AND VOWS MADE BEFORE HIM. WE GET IT... YOU MAD... NOW FEEL FREE TO GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM. THIS HERE WEDDING WILL HAPPEN. *adjusts skirt* SIS... ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. You remember that and you can rejoice in the adversity surrounding your big say. We have your back and Daddy loves his children. Start right now speaking positives over your wedding in 5 ( the number of grace ) days. *hugs* If you need to talk pray or whatever.... call me. I will send you my info.
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]
     
    YEP YEP DEFINITELY THIS!  Amen Amen Amen!!
  • edited December 2011
    Whooo I got chills! I pray everything works out for you. It's too close for you to be crying :( Everything will work out fine!
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry that you're going through this. This was one of my fears about getting married in a church. Luckily, the pastor of the church only demanded that we follow the Episcopal wedding program and was pretty much open on anything else.

    I agree with pp's about the instrumental versions. Thats definitely a happy medium.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:b98547c5-285b-45b2-8a8a-c8eb8dde4df8">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I talked to the pastor and he told me this is the policy and they changed it because people were playing any kind of music and were showing up drunk at the church for wedding and using profanity outside the church so it reflected bad on them. <strong>He also stated that someone used some artist's music and when he researched them they were being accused of being a homosexual</strong>. I'm like well it's some gospel artists have been accused of the same thing but because they sing gospel that makes it ok. I honestly don't know how much more I can it's been one thing after the other. The devil is definitely busy trying to make this just a horrible experience for us.
    Posted by prncsz[/QUOTE]

    Grrrrr...This is where I would have said the hell with you and your church. What does this have to do with ANYTHING? Burns me up.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:f15e4ede-d303-4f82-bb48-603d41a77d0b">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just go on record and say Satan is mad as Hell about this union and is pulling out the big ones to try and stop it. Fi and I just spent some time praying for you and your future husband. There's a reason he doesn't want you married and if I have to push you down the aisle to a version of Amazing Grace it'll happen... the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and that's what he's attempting to do now. I'm not normally one to give Satan credit buy this time I'm standing up FOR yall and saying OK SATAN... WE SEE YOU... YOUR ANTICS ARE NOTED BUT WE ALSO SERVE A GOD WHO IS A GOD THAT HONORS MARRIAGE AND VOWS MADE BEFORE HIM. WE GET IT... YOU MAD... NOW FEEL FREE TO GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM. THIS HERE WEDDING WILL HAPPEN. *adjusts skirt* SIS... ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. You remember that and you can rejoice in the adversity surrounding your big say. We have your back and Daddy loves his children. Start right now speaking positives over your wedding in 5 ( the number of grace ) days. *hugs* If you need to talk pray or whatever.... call me. I will send you my info.
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

    Amen, Amen, Amen!  Wonderfully prayed!  And I totally agree that this marriage is something that God is going to bless and continue blessing.  My FI and I have prayed for you as well and we call it all done in the name of Jesus! 
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  • empeguesempegues member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why is it that when I read your original post I got angry as if it were my wedding?!?  Lol, I was sitting there taking it personally for you :)  Fingers crossed for you!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: What is really going on?:
    [QUOTE]Why is it that when I read your original post I got angry as if it were my wedding?!?  Lol, I was sitting there taking it personally for you :)  Fingers crossed for you!
    Posted by empegues[/QUOTE]

    This!!!  We are all praying for you and God will get the victory in the end.  It will all work out for your good.  Please update us on how everything turns out.  
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  • prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I will the meeting is at 12 pm CST so I'll follow-up and post the outcome when we return. Right now just hoping my fiance maintains his cool, he says he is just going to hear the pastor out so I'm hoping he does that because he is very upset about the situation especially at the fact that they are refusing to take responsibility for their mix up instead they are trying to put it on us. So hopefully we will hear him out explain our position and then come to some type of common ground.
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  • prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So we went to the meeting and it was a mess. First this sound lady lied through her teeth saying she met with us before we did counseling to tell us that we couldn't use secular music. I told her she did not our first meeting we sat in the hallway and waited for the pastor but it was never told to us. I told her the only time I heard about music was when the man asked for it so I did what was told to me.
     
    Long story short she lied and then threw it back on us saying it was our responsiblity to follow-up and ask about certain things. I'm like we have never been married before so how would we know and in ya'll words you guys are the experts on weddings. I said for future reference give couples getting married a document stating all of your rules. It was a big mess and the pastor sat there and backed this liar up. I was too through fiance didn't even really talk because he was pissed and about to come across the table at them. So now I am stuck finding gospel music. After the wedding though we will be looking for a church home.

    Then we head to the liquor store to go place our wedding order and we are leaving and my car refuses to start. All I could do was laugh nothing is surprising me anymore! I just had it towed to BMW and told them call me when they get to it.
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  • edited December 2011
    Aww!  I pray it gets better.  You are at the home stretch; hang in there sister! The most important part of all of this is you are marrying the man that you love.  Sending you love and hugs!
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_really-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6eb99434-c1cd-4b16-94f2-4ffc5dedfb86Post:afe4d3c8-5c26-4996-a6d3-8d03fe87e671">Re: What is really going on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Aww!  I pray it gets better.  You are at the home stretch; hang in there sister! The most important part of all of this is you are marrying the man that you love.  Sending you love and hugs!
    Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.  All this mess is not going to stop you from being married. However,  It's a shame that church folk  are acting this way.  All holy and lying like that.  SMH.  It sounds like they know they are wrong but have stuck their foot so deep in it that they are unable to pull out.  I am sorry that you are the couple to have to deal with it but I am glad you told them to get their rules documented.  How were you supposed to know what to do if they hadn't told you.  SMH!

    P.S. So what was the rationale for not allowing the instrumental versions of the songs you chose (if you asked)? 



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



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