First of all, Hi! I haven't been on here since friday... crazy busy fun/not so fun weekend. I am sitting at a tim horton's right now because the internet at my house is crap... pretending to do homework.
Background to my life: which is important to the interpretation of this post.
BF and will hit our two year mark in about a month, July 4th. We started dating right after I graduated high school, he is four years older than I am. I already had my college plans and I went off to school in the fall but we stayed together (obviously) and just did the long distance thing for a while. In that time we got to know each other very well... all we did was talk. I love him!! lol. And am very interested in keeping him forever : ) So at the end of my freshman year I decided that I did not want to stay at the school where I was going, there were lots of other reasons... but the fact that it was costing me $30,000 and we had already decided that we wanted a future together was a really huge part of me deciding not to go back. I just didn't see how we would be able to comfortably start off our lives with me nearly a eighty thousand dollars in debt after four years... Also, with me at school we wouldn't be able to get married til I was finished. We wanted to get married, we were totally on the same page about this. At least I really really thought that we were... and don't get me wrong, we are still on the same page about getting married. It's the when that just really sucks.
Fast forward to today, just over a year later. And still nothing.
All talk and no action. That is how I feel, and it is making me insane and slightly angry, which I hate. I am sort of over the whole proposal and getting married sometime soon because I know that it's not going to happen. I have come to grips with that fact, but unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that it's a sucky situation.
It doesn't help that we both still live at home. His parents are overbearing and his stepmother controls his life. I found out about a year into us dating... o, and he found out at the same time too, that she was taking $200 out of every paycheck for rent!! Now, don't get me wrong, he is a grown man living in his parents house, so the fact that he pays rent is perfectly acceptable, and I also am not cutting him much slack because he should have realized that, that is a huge thing to just overlook! But seriously, that's how little control he had over his finances just a year ago, and he let her because it "kept the peace." Thankfully he's grown some balls and is now standing up to her and has a lot more control over his life. Which I think is great because obviously I want him to have some knowledge of things when we do eventually get together.
I went away to college because I didn't want to live at my house anymore. I love my mom and we get along pretty great for the most part but she has crazy up and down mood swings and they are hard to predict. She's one way one second and then completely different the next. Last week she told me to get out of the house because she never wanted to see me again. I have a pretty busy life with work and school and trying to juggle everything, so when I get time to spend with BF that's what I want to do... she is struggling with that lately, maybe she knows me leaving is getting closer? (which really doesn't explain her trying to kick me out every other day). I can't do anything right in that house anymore. My dad has never been my father, we are slaves not children and he is lazy and rude. My parents don't get along and everytime my sister comes home I get stuck in the middle of an argument that I have no interest in.
I guess where I am going with this is that I did not leave college so that I could spend two more years living with crazy. At this point it would be totally self-defeating to go and get an apartment or whatever because we are supposed to be saving for our future. I suppose BF could buy a house, but that wouldn't help the situation any... we don't want to move in together til after we are married. We are waiting and all of that. He is still saving money and what not.
Ugh, not really sure what I am looking for here, this weekend really just sort of made me angry and dredged up a lot of yuck... I felt the need to vent. Sorry for the super long, slightly irrational post