Christian Weddings

Anyone else nervous?

Not about the wedding. Not at all, atually. :) I'm SO ready to be married to FI.

What I'm nervous about is the wedding night/next morning and the honeymoon. FI and I have both saved ourselves for marriage, so I'm kinda nervous about having sex for the first time, obviously. FI and I have talked, and agreed that we aren't going to rush into it or try to have sex on the wedding night itself if we're too tired. But I'm still nervous about it. I think it's mostly a fear of the unknown. :P

And I know it sounds weird, but I'm nervous about FI seeing me naked for the first time. I know he loves my body, and thinks I am beautiful no matter what, but there is a tiny part of me that wonders if he'll still like my body just as much when he sees it without clothing. It doesn't help that I've been having body image issues the past couple of weeks. :P

Anyone else having jitters about these things? Or is it just because I am SO close now?

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Re: Anyone else nervous?

  • edited December 2011
    I'm nervous about the same things.  I would say even those who didn't wait for marriage were probably nervous before their first intimate moment with that special guy, too.  The human nature and fickle emotions of women... yeah, I've had body image issues like crazy recently too.  Chalk it up to being newly obsessed with how I look in clothing, as I purchase outfits for the various parts of the upcoming year... bridal showers, rehearsal, going away outfit, honeymoon outfits, etc... 

    I guess it will all solve itself in the end.  I told my FI that I'm nervous and he actually shared the same thing with me... we are both nervous about this stuff.  Sometimes just knowing that your partner is nervous helps to ease your own nerves too. 
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  • GJones27GJones27 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I would say that I am feeling excited and terrified all at once; FI and I have waited as well.  I think it's natural for women to feel that way.  If you think about it, women aren't really primed by evolution to get aroused at the sight of a naked man like a guy might be for a woman.  This is just my personal and perhaps controversial opinion, but our female ancestors never knew when a guy might be a "lover-provider" or a "raper," so we tend to feel guarded and protective at first whereas men don't feel that way.

    What kind of bothers me is that there is an expectation to go from a conservative relationship to the "full deed" in one night.  I wish it could be more gradual so you could become familiar with each others' bodies and gain physical trust.  I suggested that idea to my FI, but he didn't like it.  He's a guy who waited for 26 years, and he would like a proper "wedding night." 

  • edited December 2011
    LOL at that last part, GJones.  My FI and I talked about not going "all the way" until we were ready, even if that didn't happen the first night, the second, etc.  He and I have done the research, and it takes time for a woman to be physically able to have sex without pain, and he realizes that yeah, it might have some pain involved, but we'll figure it out... SLOWLY... and at our own pace.  Forget the expectations of the world.  They're not the ones married to us.  :-) 
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh my goodness me too!  The last time a man saw me without clothes I was in a diaper. So it is an understatement to say I'm nervous about my wedding night. But also very excited because I know FI loves me very much and it is something we will work through together. 
    My baby Buster. FI is jealous cause I love him more.
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  • edited December 2011
    I know this is bad, but I'm sort of hoping I'm on my period wedding night so I have an excuse not to do anything. FI's very excited about finally being able to do it, but I'm totally completely dreading it. 

    I'm also scared of becomming pregnant. I know there are ways to prevent it, but none of them are 100% effective, and I really don't want to "accidently' become pregnant.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:e011a4a2-9ca1-4ee4-b184-509738d7a8a8">Re: Anyone else nervous?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know this is bad, but I'm sort of hoping I'm on my period wedding night so I have an <strong>excuse not to do anything</strong>. FI's very excited about finally being able to do it, but I'm totally completely dreading it.  I'm also scared of becomming pregnant. I know there are ways to prevent it, but none of them are 100% effective, and I really don't want to "accidently' become pregnant.
    Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]
    Oh gosh, by the time it finally gets around to my wedding night I don't think my FI would care about this. He has been waiting a long time and has put up with me being an insane planner so I feel like he deserves it. 
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  • edited December 2011
    The key is to relax.  Trust me, it will hurt a lot more if you freak out and clench your muscles.  Go slow, use a lot of lube, and realize that he's just as naked as you are (and probably just as nervous).  It will be ok.

    ETA:  If you're really not comfortable going all the way on your wedding night, don't let ANYONE pressure you into doing it until you're ready.  Just because you're married doesn't mean you owe your H anything.  He's promising to love, honor, and RESPECT you.  If that means waiting a little longer, so be it.
  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    Repeat after me:  Lube is your friend.

    Use it.  Lots of it.  Definitely go slow, and communicate with your H.  My H was hyper aware of the fact that he was hurting me, and he felt so bad but I made him keep on going.  I figured we had to get through that hurdle somehow.

    Good on ya for not having expectations of having intercourse on the wedding night, but be open to it.  We actually planned not to, but ended up doing it anyway.  It hurt, but it only took a few times before it stopped hurting for me.  Each time got easier.

    Oh, and be aware that your hips may hurt the next day.  I was sore as all get out and figured it was from my crazy heavy dress.  Turns out it's actually a side effect of sex!

  • azdancer8azdancer8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Ok, I feel a lot better now, knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. And I know that FI will be patient with me until I'm ready, and take things slowly, just like he has every other step of our relationship. (For example, he waited until I told him I was ready before he kissed me on the lips, since I had never been kissed before - and even double checked just to be sure it was what I really wanted.)


    I AM excited to be able to give him a part of myself that no one else will ever have, I'm just nervous about the act itself. ;) Gotta chill.....

  • Tauner23Tauner23 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I just want to say a big "kudos" to all of the PP. I would literally give anything to be in your position and to be nervous about having sex on our wedding night. FI and I had great intentions of waiting until we got married when we first started dating. Then before we knew it we hadn't even made it a year into our relationship before having sex. We've "recommitted" ourselves to waiting at least 20 times since then and fail consistently. I feel so guilty about this and really struggle with it.  Just wanted to commend those who are waiting! With everything in this world making it seem like it is perfectly fine and normal to have sex with whoever and whenever, it makes it so incredibly difficult. What you all are doing is no small accomplishment and I know that the rewards from waiting are going to be well worth it for you all. 

    My advice would be to relax and have fun on your wedding night, but definitely do not do anything you don't feel comfortable with. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:82c00e0a-43bc-4ac4-aad0-96b744000474">Re: Anyone else nervous?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, I feel a lot better now, knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. And I know that FI will be patient with me until I'm ready, and take things slowly, just like he has every other step of our relationship. (For example, he waited until I told him I was ready before he kissed me on the lips, since I had never been kissed before - and even double checked just to be sure it was what I really wanted.) I AM excited to be able to give him a part of myself that no one else will ever have, I'm just nervous about the act itself. ;) Gotta chill.....
    Posted by azdancer8[/QUOTE]

    <div>He sounds so much like my FI. Alex waited to kiss me as well, and I know he'll wait as long as I ask him to, but I do feel a bit guilty making him wait forever. I still have until October to deal with this aspect though - so I'm not too worried about it now. Ask me a week before and I might freaked out even more then. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, We're also waiting a long time like KaliZoomba... I'm in July, so I"ll be TOTALLY freaked out by then, too.  Thanks for the advice, married knotties!! :-) 
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  • GJones27GJones27 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the tips and advice.  I know a husband shouldn't pressure a wife, but I'd still feel guilty for not doing it, since my FI has given me all that I have ever asked for, especially with the wedding.  I'd know he'd always remember if I didn't at least try.  He's not pressuring me overtly, but I just know he would be hurt and heartbroken.

    And to the pp worried about getting accidentally pregnant, I'm worried, too.  More for health reasons, as I can't get pregnant now or it could cause very serious problems to the baby.  The two of us also have to get through grad school.  That's why we're going to use the Pill and barrier methods, just in case something fails.  My doctor told me that's totally unnecessary, but I still don't really trust the Pill that much.

    Less than five months to go... at least to make the night special, my FI and I have rented a romantic suite overlooking the Bay with a big jacuzzi!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:9c971943-e77d-4f10-8c76-2d11035b5e44">Re: Anyone else nervous?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the tips and advice.  I know a husband shouldn't pressure a wife, but I'd still feel guilty for not doing it, since my FI has given me all that I have ever asked for, especially with the wedding.  I'd know he'd always remember if I didn't at least try.  He's not pressuring me overtly, but I just know he would be hurt and heartbroken. And to the pp worried about getting accidentally pregnant, I'm worried, too.  More for health reasons, as I can't get pregnant now or it could cause very serious problems to the baby.  The two of us also have to get through grad school.  That's why we're going to use the Pill and barrier methods, just in case something fails.  My doctor told me that's totally unnecessary,<strong> but I still don't really trust the Pill that much.</strong> Less than five months to go... at least to make the night special, my FI and I have rented a romantic suite overlooking the Bay with a big jacuzzi!
    Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

    I don't either - one of my best friends' mom's (who has 5 kids) got pregnant with all 5 while on the pill and they even used other forms of protection sometimes... They still ended up with 5!!
  • edited December 2011
    FWIW, the upside to using condoms (besides having one more form of BC) is that it makes clean up a lot easier post-sex.  The down side is, it really doesn't feel as good.
  • edited December 2011
    <p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:50bb80aa-a151-4b5f-8fea-91f4e72a9e3e">Re: Anyone else nervous?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else nervous? : I don't either - one of my best friends' mom's (who has 5 kids) got pregnant with all 5 while on the pill and they even used other forms of protection sometimes... They still ended up with 5!!
    Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]
    I will bet you $5 right now that she was taking the mini-pill and/or was on antibiotics for all 5 of those preganancies.

    If you use a combined horomone pill (versus the mini-pill) and take it at the same time every day, and if you use another form of protection while on antibiotics and for the duration of your current pill pack after you stop the antiobiotics,  you have about a .01% chance of getting pregnant.  Combine that with condoms and/or coitus interruptus and it's even lower.  There is no reason not to trust the pill.</p>
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  • edited December 2011
    PPs have given some really great insight. I agree there should be absolutely no pressure to do anything you don't want to just because it is your wedding night.
    I have a similar situation as Tauner23, and also echo her kudos to those of you who have been able to wait. I also agree with PPs that lube would be a great idea. There is no hiding the fact that there WILL be a little pain for the first few times, and that shouldn't scare you away. It's natural. Your body has never experienced something stretching "down there" like that before, so it needs to adjust. You will probably be sore too, but also don't let that scare you. It gets better over time. I just like to caution those who imagine it to be this perfect, easy situation for the first time as they often depict it on movies and tv. It is not, it's awkward, tricky and sometimes a little painful. But when you are with the person you love, it makes it so worth it in the end when things get easier and comfortable. Hope that helps!
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto the kudos to those of who you have waited until you're married.

    But for those of you who are scared, there's no reason to be scared or nervous. Sex with your spouse is a beautiful and pleasurable thing. Sex was created by God to be pleasurable between a husband and wife. Sex is also a very crucial part to a healthy marriage, so for the pp who mentioned she doesn't even know how she will or when after the wedding, remember that your husband has waited this long for you and it's an important part of your relationship. Plus, you'll see once you've been intimate a few times, you'll want it even more. Yes, it can be painful the first few times, but it isn't always. I don't recall having any pain the first time, and some of my friends have also expressed that they didn't have a painful first time. As pp mentioned, use lots of lube and take it slow. It will be a beautiful moment that you have both been waiting and anticipating for, for so long and trust me it'll be well worth it.

    As for the fear of getting pregnant, I wouldn't worry about that. I've been on the pill and still haven't had a problem. We have several friends in our circle who are married (and those who aren't, but live together and/or are sexually active) and none of them have gotten pregnant unexpectantly. If you want to prevent an early pregnancy, get on the pill a few months before the wedding so that you're regulated on it. If you need to take any antibiotics, use a second form of protection such as condoms.
  • edited December 2011

    What a lot of women don't realize about their first time, is that it's possible that it won't hurt much if at all.  There is a very small percentage of women who are born without a hymen, and many many women stretch or tear their own hymen accidentally during their lifetime.  Some things that can stretch or tear it other than sex are mountain biking, horseback riding, roller coasters, car crashes, or (as in my case) during a gynecological exam or procedure.

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  • edited December 2011
    I agree that it is possible not to have pain the first time, I've just heard both so I included the experience in my post that it is possible and normal. It hurt for me, but probably not because I hadn't already torn my hymen. I think either way it can still hurt, but nothing to be afraid of anyway. It IS a beautiful experience, so I didn't mean to imply that it was only and always going to be painful right away. Sorry! :)
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  • golden1215golden1215 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:50bb80aa-a151-4b5f-8fea-91f4e72a9e3e">Re: Anyone else nervous?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else nervous? : I don't either - one of my best friends' mom's (who has 5 kids) got pregnant with all 5 while on the pill and they even used other forms of protection sometimes... They still ended up with 5!!
    Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]

    Sorry but that's a crock.  The woman either doesn't know how to correctly use the pill or is lying.  The statistical chances of getting pregnant <strong>5 times</strong> on the pill is next to impossible.  You're more likely to be eaten by a shark while spontaneously combusting at the same time.

    But to OP question, just buy a beautiful nightie that's sheer (and short enough that you can keep it on and just hike it up, if you catch my drift) and you'll feel more covered but still sexy and I'm sure your H will love it!  Sex can be uncomfortable but its not horrible and esp when it's with someone who loves and respects you it'll will be so magical you'll want to go again in 5 mins :-)
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  • squeakyducksqueakyduck member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It is also very common for women to get a UTI after having sex for the first time. To prevent this, urinate afterwards. And if you get one anyways, remember that antibiotics will interfere with all hormonal birth control. 

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:9180d60c-4250-41b9-ab71-855f32cfd7bf">Re: Anyone else nervous?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is also very common for women to get a UTI after having sex for the first time. To prevent this, urinate afterwards. And if you get one anyways, remember that antibiotics will interfere with all hormonal birth control. 
    Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]
    I have heard, (from a microbiology prof) that cranberry pills can help with this, it makes your urine more acidic and helps keep the microb population that causes UTI down. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Yes, cranberry does help!  So drink cranberry juice.  Haha, there's so much advice and fussiness over the first time, isn't there?  Drink cranberry juice, wear a special nightie, don't take antibiotics with your birth control pill, take your pill at the same time, it might hurt and it might not but don't tense up or it will, and when you're done go pee.  LOL.
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  • edited December 2011
    We did a premarital Sunday School class series, and one of the books they recommended was Sheet Music.  I found it in a Christian bookstore.  It's about sex, and you don't want to read the whole thing before the wedding, but the first few chapters are also appropriate for before you get married.  There's even a chapter on the wedding night with suggestions on how to make it easier for the bride.

    The best thing about the book was that it helped us understand each others' concerns and desires for that night a little bit better.  FI has known that this is something I've been nervous about, but I think it will go a little better after reading part of this book.
  • edited December 2011
    I definitely am! But I am also super excited. But I am also worried that I might miss being a virgin once its gone - I held onto it for twenty-some odd years, and then its just gone? lol

    What bothers me is the initiation. We both know it's going to happen, so how are we supposed to smoothly and romatically get things started? I am trying to convinve FI to just let it happen and not try to force it as soon as we get in the door, but, well...
    Song of Songs 8

    6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
    like a seal on your arm;
    for love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy[a] unyielding as the grave.
    It burns like blazing fire,
    like a mighty flame.[b]
    7 Many waters cannot quench love;
    rivers cannot sweep it away.

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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:50cb2389-2009-45c9-8eeb-a73242829c62">Re: Anyone else nervous?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I definitely am! But I am also super excited. But I am also worried that I might miss being a virgin once its gone - I held onto it for twenty-some odd years, and then its just gone? lol What bothers me is the initiation. We both know it's going to happen, so how are we supposed to smoothly and romatically get things started? I am trying to convinve FI to just let it happen and not try to force it as soon as we get in the door, but, well...
    Posted by Jessieleigh316[/QUOTE]

    H and I took a shower (together! gasp!) when we got home from the after party and then wen to bed.  Then he said, "so...you wanna?"  and we did.  Totally romantical, right?

    But definitely just let it be.  If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't that's fine too.  We actually planned not to have sex that night, but we felt like it so we did.
  • eternalmariaeternalmaria member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I happened to stumble on this board, and what great advice! I have also been really nervous about pain while having sex and being so vunerable with someone (as in, naked). It's always good to be reminded that this is a beautiful intimate thing the Lord has created for us to enjoy, find unity, and eventually have kids! (Although, in my case I'm hoping that doesn't happen for a while, I'm 18!)
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    One thing that made the wedding night more relaxing for us was having a jacuzzi in our hotel room.  I highly recommend this.  We filled it up and then got in it to relax after our long day.  I won't go into detail about what happened after that, but it was a great night and I definitely recommend the jacuzzi.  Also, like the other ladies said, make sure to have KY or some other lubricant.  And remain relaxed.  Your husband (by that time) will understand needing to be gentle and the first time will not be comfortable, but the intimacy of the moment will make up for that.  

    Also, I'll say that in regards to UTI, I am known to have frequent problems with UTI but did not have to worry about it for the honeymoon.  Cranberry tablets will be more practical than juice (if you want to try to prevent one) but lubricant would be very good too.  Many times UTI on honeymoons are due to cystitis which can be caused by frequent sex.  I would encourage anyone to read up on this and ways to prevent it.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks to married knotties for this advice. I'm getting married at the beginning of June and I am pretty nervous about what the night will be like. I want to read a book about Christian marriage dealing with sex but Fi wants us to just learn on our own like everyone else before us did.
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