Have we all forgotten?

misscarolb · September 2010

Been engaged since April and through all the stress and attempting to plan I've decided I hate weddings. Well more the wedding industry.

Have we all forgotten that weddings are about getting married? I don't care about your wedding party or bouquet toss. I don't want to have an absurdly overpriced cake, or fancy six layer tri fold invitations that just get thrown away (don't even get me started about programs and menus). Having to spend $100/head on family members that I've never heard about, let alone ever met.

I just hate it all. This isn't a family reunion. This isn't a time to flash your money (or your diy skills) or see how many expensive gifts you can get. You're getting married...it's about committing to one another and spending the rest of your lives together.

I want my wedding to be about our love. It's as simple as that.

You can take your etiquette and shove it.

(yes, I always right thank-yous because I am truly thankful, and I send baby/wedding/bday gifts or cards because I am happy for and care about those people but the rest is all BS)

Okay. I'm done.

ohwhynot · September 2010

What an odd post. Color me completely confused.

FutureMrsDudley55 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:1822dfe6-715d-4a53-8789-21bd84550d74">Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]Been engaged since April and through all the stress and attempting to plan I've decided I hate weddings. Well more the wedding industry. Have we all forgotten that weddings are about getting married? I don't care about your wedding party or bouquet toss. I don't want to have an absurdly overpriced cake, or fancy six layer tri fold invitations that just get thrown away (don't even get me started about programs and menus). Having to spend $100/head on family members that I've never heard about, let alone ever met. I just hate it all. This isn't a family reunion. This isn't a time to flash your money (or your diy skills) or see how many expensive gifts you can get. You're getting married...it's about committing to one another and spending the rest of your lives together. I want my wedding to be about our love. It's as simple as that. You can take your etiquette and shove it. (yes, I always right thank-yous because I am truly thankful, and I send baby/wedding/bday gifts or cards because I am happy for and care about those people but the rest is all BS) Okay. I'm done.
Posted by misscarolb[/QUOTE]

Just go to the JOP. Do da damn thang.

LesPaul · September 2010

Well, ok then. Welcome to the boards?

emilyinchile · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:1822dfe6-715d-4a53-8789-21bd84550d74">Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]Been engaged since April and through all the stress and attempting to plan I've decided I hate weddings. Well more the wedding industry. Have we all forgotten that weddings are about getting married? I don't care about your wedding party or bouquet toss. I don't want to have an absurdly overpriced cake, or fancy six layer tri fold invitations that just get thrown away (don't even get me started about programs and menus). Having to spend $100/head on family members that I've never heard about, let alone ever met. I just hate it all. This isn't a family reunion. This isn't a time to flash your money (or your diy skills) or see how many expensive gifts you can get. You're getting married...it's about committing to one another and spending the rest of your lives together. I want my wedding to be about our love. It's as simple as that. <strong>You can take your etiquette and shove it.</strong> (yes, I always right thank-yous because I am truly thankful, and I send baby/wedding/bday gifts or cards because I am happy for and care about those people but the rest is all BS) Okay. I'm done.
Posted by misscarolb[/QUOTE]

I was with you til that bolded line. Yup, it's about love and not material things, but you DO realize you're, umm, on an etiquette board, right? And that the point of etiquette is to avoid offending the rest of the people you love, like your friends and family?

vallyhoo · September 2010

"take your etiquette and shove it" should be the board's new slogan.

sclams · September 2010

Ok, obviously you're venting, so I'm not going to get huffy, but etiquette has nothing to do with spending tons of money. It's about being a good host and treating your guests well, and you can do that with 10 people for the cost of a sheet cake and punch in your backyard if you want. The wedding industry IS completely ridiculous, but over-wrought wedding traditions are NOT the same thing as good etiquette.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

So bascially, you hate weddings, hate etiquette, and want everyone to shove it because it's all about your love and nothing else. Got it.

mandapanda78 · September 2010

Very little of what you "hate" about wedding planning has anything to do with etiquette. Just thought I'd point that out.

laurenclaire1386 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:1822dfe6-715d-4a53-8789-21bd84550d74">Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]Been engaged since April and through all the stress and attempting to plan I've decided I hate weddings. Well more the wedding industry. Have we all forgotten that weddings are about getting married? I don't care about your wedding party or bouquet toss. I don't want to have an absurdly overpriced cake, or fancy six layer tri fold invitations that just get thrown away (don't even get me started about programs and menus). Having to spend $100/head on family members that I've never heard about, let alone ever met. I just hate it all. This isn't a family reunion. This isn't a time to flash your money (or your diy skills) or see how many expensive gifts you can get. You're getting married...it's about committing to one another and spending the rest of your lives together. I want my wedding to be about our love. It's as simple as that. You can take your etiquette and shove it. (yes, I always right thank-yous because I am truly thankful, and I send baby/wedding/bday gifts or cards because I am happy for and care about those people but the rest is all BS) Okay. I'm done.
Posted by misscarolb[/QUOTE]
Uh, ok? Yeah, we all know the fancy party is completely unnecessary. If you don't want all the extras, go to the JOP. No problem. But don't judge people for throwing a nice party for their weddings. Who the eff are you to decide that people who have lots of details for their wedding are any less serious about getting married? This whole rant rubs the wrong way.

texagj · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:a219f24f-b152-4921-b146-9101168f00ed">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]"take your etiquette and shove it" should be the board's new slogan.
Posted by vallyhoo[/QUOTE]

LOL. Vally your kinda awesome :D

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:85c445c4-88a4-472e-984c-dac5fe31f576">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Have we all forgotten? :<strong> I was with you til that bolded line</strong>. Yup, it's about love and not material things, but you DO realize you're, umm, on an etiquette board, right? And that the point of etiquette is to avoid offending the rest of the people you love, like your friends and family?
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Same here. What does etiquette have to do with spending money?

Lots of girls here had JOP weddings or very small budget weddings which were completely polite and fun for their guests.

mgietler76 · September 2010

What an appropriate place to post your rambling about hating weddings and etiquette.

ohwhynot · September 2010

And actually, I loved the fact that it WAS a family reunion. And a college reunion and a high school reunion. Seeing people who perhaps haven't gotten together in years be able to come together for a joyous occasion . . . it was awesome. So many happy group photos and so much raucous reminiscing. Really . . . nothing better.

Our wedding was very inexpensive, and felt inexpensive (it's not like we were fooling anyone with our plastic plates and community hall venue), but it WAS all about the joy and our love. I'm still confused by your entire rant and how it relates to etiquette.

ETA: And also what LaurenClaire said. What's wrong with a fancy cake and lovely settings and whatever else the couple chooses to have? How does that make it less about "your love"?

xyrius · September 2010

totally random but i agree with you on principle

and "take your etiquette and shove it" just made me giggle... but in all seriousness i agree with pp in saying that etiquette is not about putting a $$ amount on your wedding, it's about treating your guests with respect - which you can do on small budgets as well.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

Alrighty then.

While I understand where you are coming from, I do think this is a little judgy. Some people may have money coming out their ears and want to throw a big expensive party. If it suits them, then go for it. And because you want a simple, basic wedding is fine, too. So there you have it.

sclams · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:9baed007-789d-4d90-9041-4a28c1e5e18c">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]And actually, I loved the fact that it WAS a family reunion. And a college reunion and a high school reunion. Seeing people who perhaps haven't gotten together in years be able to come together for a joyous occasion . . . it was awesome. So many happy group photos and so much raucous reminiscing. Really . . . nothing better.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I'm excited about for my wedding. I considered eloping, but I knew I'd miss having everyone who cares about me there to celebrate!

emilyinchile · September 2010

Also, while nothing you mentioned is related to etiquette, I do feel like getting engaged at someone else's wedding might be poor etiquette, but maybe that's just me.

arbolita · September 2010

I guess righting thank yous is better than wronging them.

vallyhoo · September 2010

Thanks Tex, back atcha

missy68 · September 2010

Yep, color me confused. Did you left the thank you notes, too? And - you still have 10 months to go. Take a chill pill. And look up the definition of etiquette. If you want to "shove it" after that, just elope.

laurenclaire1386 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:da079ce7-2a48-4899-9d65-a871681bd87a">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess righting thank yous is better than wronging them.
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]
I wish we had a little thumbs up button like on FB. ::thumbs up::

kikibaby · September 2010

Shut your pie hole.

Stackeye210 · September 2010

So plan the wedding that YOU think is right for YOU and YOUR vision of it.

It doesn't have to be about any of the things you said........but you do have to show proper etiquette to the people you do invite - but you do have control over who you invite - it doesn't have to be a million people from way back in the day.

AND - if someone else is paying for YOUR day and this is what they want (because they have a say) - then tell them thanks but no thanks and pay for the wedding the way you want it.

See how simple that was? no need to hate anything. Wedding planning isn't that hard.

Mrs.B6302007 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:da079ce7-2a48-4899-9d65-a871681bd87a">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess righting thank yous is better than wronging them.
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

snort

xyrius · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:90e1ea0c-fa16-476e-b371-bb829ebdeedc">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, while nothing you mentioned is related to etiquette, I do feel like getting engaged at someone else's wedding might be poor etiquette, but maybe that's just me.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

ugh.

Rosie109 · September 2010

You are totally going to JOP it and then have a tiered reception a few months later. And you are so going to have a honeymoon registry.
Don't forget to let your guests know to bring money for the cash bar!

danieliza1127 · September 2010

Um okay? I think if you posted here and got to know some us, you'd know that many/most of us totally agree with you. I have a feeling your rant is aimed at someone you know in real life, and not us here on the board.

If you really feel that way, elope and be done with it.

Stackeye210 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:da079ce7-2a48-4899-9d65-a871681bd87a">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess righting thank yous is better than wronging them.
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

How did I miss that? :)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forgotten-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca64eb49-a4c7-40bb-8fe2-4c9ff68e4d10Post:90e1ea0c-fa16-476e-b371-bb829ebdeedc">Re: Have we all forgotten?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, while nothing you mentioned is related to etiquette, I do feel like getting engaged at someone else's wedding might be poor etiquette, but maybe that's just me.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Oh is this that girl? Then yeah, I agree.

Although I will say that my FMIL took it way too far and said FI and I shouldn't mention that we were engaged when we were visiting for FI's cousin's wedding because it would steal their spotlight. According to her, we weren't "officially" engaged, either. Yet, she had actually already told everyone and the GROOM came up to us the next day at brunch and congratulated us. Awkward.

texagj · September 2010

I'm amused that many of the things you are talking about can be seen nicely displayed in your planning bio.
So..are you umm..mad at yourself?

Have we all forgotten?

Re: Have we all forgotten?

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