Invite attire requirements ???

emeejeeayen · October 2012

It's not proper etiquette, but I would not be offended by a suggestion for attire on an invitation. I always appreciate extra guidance in that area, especially if it is so important to the bride as it clearly is. But I'm obviously the black sheep, and if you're worried about offending your guests then you should not risk it. Personally, I would not list it on my invitations.

lyndausvi · October 2012

I don't really have an issue with black tie an invite. IDK, it's just something I don't care about. However, if group is not a black tie kind of group I think it's ridiculous to ask them to put out such an expense. Also if i'm dressing in a gown you better be giving a full premium top shelf bar, multiple course full meal and some kick-ass entertainment.

foralltime144 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:47d37933-a4a5-481a-9c2a-e3da88fb0d41">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't really have an issue with black tie an invite. IDK, it's just something I don't care about. However, if group is not a black tie kind of group I think it's ridiculous to ask them to put out such an expense. Also if i'm dressing in a gown you better be giving a full premium top shelf bar, multiple course full meal and some kick-ass entertainment.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

oh open bar, 3 course meal with many options. dessert bar and cake two forms of entertainment i think a wedding on a rooftop till 1 am is worth a 60-80$ outfit lol

foralltime144 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:6ea0e9a1-4792-41b0-b6c2-8c377a94bd50">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]If I get an invitation that says "Formal Attire", I would show up in a full length gown and elbow gloves, and there sure as hell better be valet parking, white-gloved butler service, full open TOP SHELF bar, and a 6 or 7 course HIGH END plated dinner with a live string quartet playing in the background. THAT is a black tie wedding, and if that's not what I walked into, my present and I would walk right the heck back out because if I'm going to buy an expensive gown and DH rent a tux, on top of buying you a wedding gift (and possibly a shower gift) you better be willing to reciprocate.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

see my response below lol !!! were coming out of pocket for the per person meal and drinks i hate when ppl have to pay for drinks at a wedding but lets not get started on that one lol

not to mention they will have the obvious party favor a photo booth and gift bag upon departure if they are staying the night across the street to join for the sunday brunch they are ALSO GETTING ANOTHER GIFT BAG .. so if anyone thinks i am gonna ask them to just dress a certain way and not give back that is not the case here !

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:a3d31e87-36b1-4877-97f0-4ce9a8be0122">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : oh open bar, 3 course meal with many options. dessert bar and cake two forms of entertainment i think a wedding on a rooftop till 1 am is worth a 60-80$ outfit lol
Posted by foralltime144[/QUOTE]

I want to know where you can get a tuxedo rental or a formal gown for $60-80 bucks.

Summer2011Bride · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:cbb663e0-32e6-4638-abb0-b4a430d51ee3">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : easy you dont rent you buy it on ebay lol ! ... and they can wear a suit its not a black formal attire anymore my soon to be didnt want a all black theme .... and my soon to be bought a clearance tux for 60$ on ebay with the tags he wore it for our engagement shoot in ny ppl should learn how to improvise im sure theyll manage
Posted by foralltime144[/QUOTE]

You just admitted it is not a black tie affair. So there you go. It's not black tie, so you can't put anything on the invitations mentioning that it is; that would be deceitful and I'd be ticked to show up in a long gown if it truly wasn't black tie.

Also, FWIW, not everyone can just go on eBay and buy a suit or tux. For many people, it's darn near impossible to find something that fits without trying it on first. I think telling people, "Oh stop making such a big deal about it and just go on eBay" is not really a solution to anything.

foralltime144 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:bd4ed4da-973f-4ecf-ac8e-06d673c33d31">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : I want to know where you can get a tuxedo rental or a formal gown for $60-80 bucks.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

ebay.... my soon to be got a new suit for 60$ and we seen the same one for 200 at the mens warehouse ... im sure theyll manage and its not a black formal attire no longer idk why you dont get that i am going to post on my wedding website when i send a eblast but regardless ebay is the way to go ... or other places saks fifth outlet too

foralltime144 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:bd4ed4da-973f-4ecf-ac8e-06d673c33d31">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : I want to know where you can get a tuxedo rental or a formal gown for $60-80 bucks.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

ebay.... my soon to be got a new suit for 60$ and we seen the same one for 200 at the mens warehouse ... im sure theyll manage and its not a black formal attire no longer idk why you dont get that i am going to post on my wedding website when i send a eblast but regardless ebay is the way to go ... or other places saks fifth outlet too

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:dc835fa1-52d0-49c4-94fc-505b9ffe85c6">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : ebay.... my soon to be got a new suit for 60$ and we seen the same one for 200 at the mens warehouse ... im sure theyll manage and its not a black formal attire no longer idk why you dont get that i am going to post on my wedding website when i send a eblast but regardless ebay is the way to go ... or other places saks fifth outlet too
Posted by foralltime144[/QUOTE]

Um. I do get it. But, you are still hoping that people wear formal attire and you are going to encourage such via word of mouth and your website. And you think people will magically be able to find something on ebay or at Saks outlet and they should spend their time searching for just the perfect outfit for your wedding because you are dropping $150.00 on them.

Skip the wedding reception. Just pay people $150.00 to show up at your ceremony for pictures.

AmJam04 · October 2012

This thread blows me away.

OP, it's good to hear that you've relinquished your desires to tell your guests how to dress. Posting a few pictures on the website is a great idea, and if you have nice and formal invitations you'll be even better off.

But seriously, you need to get over this "I'm spending all of this money on my guests, so therefore they should be willing to spend a lot of money on me" expectation. The amount of money you choose to spend on your wedding, favors, and other small events is YOUR choice and you should not expect your guests to somehow repay you by looking a certain way.
And expecting people to go to ebay to buy clothing is ridiculous. Yes, some may do that, but most probably won't and they'll still be stuck with paying $200+ for an outfit to wear to your not-black-tie wedding.

jenajjthr · October 2012

I'm the type of person that if you got extremely pushy about what to wear, and how I'm supposed to look, what colors I can and can't wear, then I'm gonna show up in jeans and a t-shirt. I'm kind of "witchy" like that. I can pretty much guarantee that 6 months after your wedding you won't remember what 2nd cousin twice removed wore to the wedding.

You should care more about the people who will be there instead of what they are weraring. If the only way certain people I knew could come was in shorts and a tank, I'd take it instead of telling them no, you are not dressed up enough.

freebread03 · October 2012

Let's see, you think they should have no problem spending money for formal attire for your non-black tie wedding, (and let's be honest, 60-80$ is just not realistic....I've looked for suits at places like Nordstrom Rack, and they are STILL in the 150-200$ range). And most guests will probably bring gifts in the hundreds of dollar range. What on earth is enough for you? You are definitely a bridezilla, so stating that you're not trying to be one is absurd.

Your expectations are just not reasonable for your guests, and it sounds like you think you're doing them some kind of favor by inviting them to your uber fancy $150pp wedding.

emeejeeayen · October 2012

This vaguely irrelevant, but I'm bored: a friend of mine rented an amazing gown on renttherunway.com for about $80. She blogs so she posted a whole youtube video on the process, and it really has me curious. Unfortunately I don't think I'll be invited to anything black tie anytime soon unless OP wants to extend invites to all us lovely ladies

hoffse · October 2012

OP, I typically don't buy new outfits for weddings. Just saying. Stop worrying about what your guests are going to wear. You have 10,000 other things that you CAN legitimately worry about, and you are incredibly unlikely to a) notice or b) care when the day comes.

lyndausvi · October 2012

I rarely buy a new outfit for a wedding either. I generally spend more than $80 for a gown also.

Rooftop bars do not say "black tie" to me. They say cocktail dress to me. ::Shrugs::

I also spent more per person than the OP, yet didn't have a black tie affair. My side of the family are not really Black tie people (neither is DH, but he does own a tux). So it seems silly to force people to wear black tie when it's not really their style.

Of course, if your guests are black tie people this would not be an issue as they would know what you would expect.

KellyBrian2013 · October 2012

Not to mention that "find something on ebay!" is unrealistic for those of us who have had HORRIBLE ebay experiences and no longer use the site. I've not only had items not shipped or incorrectly listed, but I've had sellers come after me for nonpayment after I've paid for the item, filed a dispute when it was never received, and gotten a refund! I've also had my debit card number stolen through an ebay transaction. That was my last straw. OP, you need to get over yourself. And frankly, your 160 per person wedding sounds quite similar to my 75 per person wedding... except I treated my guests much better without spending as much money. And guess what... people showed up in GASP jeans! I even had a friend show up in a PURE WHITE top. Oh the horror! Seriously? It didn't matter what they wore because the people we loved were there to celebrate with us. That's what truly matters, or at least what should matter.

yoshijo · October 2012

I've been to weddings that were $250 a plate that were not black tie. For $150 I would not just assume gown and tux.

Ali092011 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:dc835fa1-52d0-49c4-94fc-505b9ffe85c6">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : ebay.... my soon to be got a new suit for 60$ and <strong>we seen the same one for 200 at the mens warehouse</strong> ... im sure theyll manage and its not a black formal attire no longer idk why you dont get that i am going to post on my wedding website when i send a eblast but regardless ebay is the way to go ... or other places saks fifth outlet too
Posted by foralltime144[/QUOTE]
<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.someecards.com/usercards/nsviewcard/MjAxMi1mZGMyZmYxYmM2Y2ZlMGI0" target="_blank" class="PinImage ImgLink">
</a><a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/10/3bd69202-d08e-4178-9aec-bd4ae1cfe6d4.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/10/3bd69202-d08e-4178-9aec-bd4ae1cfe6d4.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

For the love of God. You've done it twice already.

beardo1111 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:8ecf21ae-fbe9-488d-b48e-7eef5bd26d90">Re:Invite attire requirements???</a>:
[QUOTE]You seem to be under a serious misconception as to what I meant by black tie. It's not about how much money you spend, it's about how elegant and extravagant the affair is. Photo booths, while fun aren't elegant. 3 course dinners, while nice, aren't extravagant. Black tie is one steP below white tie. White tie is the Presidential Inagural ball and dinners served for Heads of State. What you're describing sounds like a standard evening wedding, which means cocktail dress and suit, not tux and gown. You can spend 60k on it and it will still be standard wedding plans with standard attire. Sorry, that's just the truth.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was thinking. OP your wedding sounds like a standard evening wedding - nice I'm sure, but not black tie. I'm also confused as to why you keep mentioning that it's on a rooftop - that also doesn't equal black tie.

Peledreamsofrain · October 2012

Actually, no black tie affair should be held on a rooftop, thats cocktail party or rave party territory. Your guests don't owe you anything but their polite behavior and presence. Making it a 'tit for tat' issue is classless and undermines the event. Class isn't something someone can be shamed into, it's graciousness and a concern for guests that occurs because of honest feeling. If you don't care, you don't care. Just admit that to yourself and run roughshod over your guests.

Viczaesar · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:a23e818f-28c4-44fe-b5b1-0ad11bb02f62">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]okie dokie !!! this where i think black formal attire would of made everyone happy lol !
Posted by foralltime144[/QUOTE]

1. You are butchering the English language. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

2. You keep talking about black tie as though it means everyone dresses in black. That is not what it means. I suggest you research what a black tie affair is like. Your planned wedding does not come close.

3. Try to remember that your guests are your friends and family, not props or Barbie dolls.

NOLAbridealmost · October 2012

I'd go with:

"The Bride and Groom are spending $150.00 per person on this wedding; guests are encouraged to 'dress nice.' Oh, and no teal."

OliveOilsMom · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:4462a9af-765a-4e0f-acda-ca598d9c29c1">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm the type of person that if you got extremely pushy about what to wear, and how I'm supposed to look, what colors I can and can't wear, then I'm gonna show up in jeans and a t-shirt. I'm kind of "witchy" like that. I can pretty much guarantee that 6 months after your wedding you won't remember what 2nd cousin twice removed wore to the wedding. You should care more about the people who will be there instead of what they are weraring. If the only way certain people I knew could come was in shorts and a tank, I'd take it instead of telling them no, you are not dressed up enough.
Posted by jenajjthr[/QUOTE]

You're forgetting that OP's security won't let you in the building if you show up in jeans!

peekaboo2011 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:55939792-45fa-4e8f-9ed9-0c44f1fb7a1a">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd go with: "The Bride and Groom are spending $150.00 per person on this wedding; guests are encouraged to 'dress nice.' Oh, and no teal."
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm really quite late to this, but I have a pair of ripped shorts that I consider to be "nice" attire. Does that work?</div>

RamonaFlowers · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:35c0e896-c6a6-4cfc-b0f6-d30ad11035be">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? i now know to NOT tell my guests what to wear lol <strong>lets just hope the security does his job before he lets them up the elevator lol !</strong>
Posted by foralltime144[/QUOTE]

What the what? Are you seriously planning on having a "security guard" prevent people from entering if they aren't dressed according to your "black tie but not really black tie" standards?

Dafuq is wrong with you?!?!?!?!

peekaboo2011 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:4b99bde9-180a-4094-8106-a73b9d19c5b5">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : You're forgetting that OP's security won't let you in the building if you show up in jeans!
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

<div>Can I wear a khaki skirt?</div>

lyndausvi · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:4b99bde9-180a-4094-8106-a73b9d19c5b5">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : You're forgetting that OP's security won't let you in the building if you show up in jeans!
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

Ah, but the real revenge would be the OP will out $300+ (if you add tax and such) for having some no shows.

foralltime144 · October 2012

wow i just read all of the posts and lets START ALL OVER
I WANTED A BLACK TIE , ITS NOT GONNA BE THAT
I AM GOING TO POST A PICTURE OF THE VENUE HENCE, FOR THEM TO GET THE HINT
And that is about it. As for the new comers on this thread I hope you read it all before responding.

I came on here to ASK for advice and I got it thank you very much, and this isnt my fair wedding or bridezillas cause number 1 I am not a free loader and 2 I am not drama like those girls on bridezillas. My event designer has been featured in platinum weddings and I think you guys totally took it all out of context I am not gonna go back and forth bickering and justifying why I even posted this question I was asking about. I just hope that all your weddings come out the way they should and the ones that already had theirs hope they were everything you wanted.

As for the dress "code" NOBODY in my family gets offended we are all blunt and they already know what I expect some are even asking what should they wear, I was just wondering if there were some way to word it on the invite because I have seen it in the past but I wanted to see if there were other wording. But other than that in response to the woman cmgilpin I AM NOT GONNA DO WHAT I WANT hence is why I was asking for advice I got it and I am going to utilize it.

foralltime144 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:395cc30c-d8ed-4266-9551-5e9449b8891f">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : Ah, but the real revenge would be the OP will out $300+ (if you add tax and such) for having some no shows.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

I doubt there will be any NO SHOWS ...

my guest list was 250 but i decided to op for a quality over quantity so I picked a location that could only host 100 I didnt want a speed dating wedding where i barely got to hang with ppl i have a plan b to send out a 2nd round of invites IF"""" ppl dont accept.

I have ppl asking if their invited so I HIGHLY DOUBT I will have No shows . I am sure things happen but in this case I have ppl asking if they can come since its intimate

s-aries8990 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-attire-requirements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5fb7a84-0e79-4b30-abfd-75e204e6071fPost:cdf88924-356d-4a5c-a497-f641b85050d2">Re: Invite attire requirements ???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite attire requirements ??? : I doubt there will be any NO SHOWS ... my guest list was 250 but i decided to op for a quality over quantity so I picked a location that could only host 100 I didnt want a speed dating wedding where i barely got to hang with ppl<strong> i have a plan b to send out a 2nd round of invites IF"""" ppl dont accept.</strong> I have ppl asking if their invited so I HIGHLY DOUBT I will have No shows . I am sure things happen but in this case I have ppl asking if they can come since its intimate
Posted by foralltime144[/QUOTE]

I don't know what's worse, telling people what to wear, or telling people what to wear <em>and</em> that they weren't important the first time around....

We know this isn't a fancy show or Bridezillas, but you're making yourself out to be one. Your event is a standard, upscale wedding. Period. Men in suits, women in cocktail attire.

No shows happen- everyone else in your world has other things going on, something thay may be more important than your wedding. Do not, and I repeat <strong>DO NOT B-list anyone</strong>. It is completely rude and if I was b-listed to a wedding, I would decline because If I'm not worth the initial invite, <strong>don't send me a sloppy seconds pity invite</strong>. I know not everyone can be invited to everything, so I'd get over being not invited, I wouldn't, however, get over someone thinking I was foolish enough to not realize I'd been b-listed. You're going to be torn apart for that, just an FYI.

Invite attire requirements ???

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