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Just Engaged and Proposals

Soon to be Sis-In Law already causing trouble?

I need some input ladies!

So I just got engaged about 2 weeks ago.  My family has pretty much kicked me to the curb (another long story) and therefore, I have no one really to talk to about the organization of weddings, what to do etc.  My Fiance's sister who lives in the same town as I do, has been helping me with what to begin with etc.  I was over at her house last weekend talking about what I need to do first, asking a bunch of questions etc.  She asked me when I think I was going to have the wedding.  I said probably 2 years just so we can save up (remember my family kicked me to the curb and not offering any money).  She said that was probably too far away and 1 1/2 years would be good.  We started to count the months and ended up between March-May 2012.  I figured thats a great time to do a destination wedding (what my fiance and I want to do).  Then the sister informed me that her and her husband were planning to have another kid at that time.  (She was the first sibling and kid to get married and have the first grandkid- and pretty much everyone in the family put her on a throne it seemed like).  I asked her saying what should I do, since I do want his family to be at the wedding, and she replied that I don't have to plan around her.  Which is fine and all, but why did she even bring it up if she didn't think it was going to be a problem? I asked a few friends that aren't married yet to tell me how I should react and move on and they all told me that my wedding is first, and that if she wants to show up all big and pregnant at the wedding- that's her decision.  But I am afraid that I will be overshadowed by her having another kid (remember I said everyone in her and my fiance's family put her on a throne).  Am  I just crazy for being this "selfish" or concerned?  Or do I have a right to be a little upset?  How should I react and move on at this point?

Also, today, she even brought up the point about her having a kid AGAIN at that time, to my fiance.  So obviously she's making it a big deal right? Since she's brought it up TWICE?

I could really use some input, whether it is just to move on and just plan away or do I need to bring it up to her- my concerns about being overshadowed etc?

Re: Soon to be Sis-In Law already causing trouble?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_soon-sis-law-already-causing-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b57f309c-9926-4cd7-8159-050540155cecPost:d3fef091-47d3-449b-8e8a-75d8735027e2">Soon to be Sis-In Law already causing trouble?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need some input ladies! So I just got engaged about 2 weeks ago.  My family has pretty much kicked me to the curb (another long story) and therefore, I have no one really to talk to about the organization of weddings, what to do etc.  My Fiance's sister who lives in the same town as I do, has been helping me with what to begin with etc.  I was over at her house last weekend talking about what I need to do first, asking a bunch of questions etc.  She asked me when I think I was going to have the wedding.  I said probably 2 years just so we can save up (remember my family kicked me to the curb and not offering any money).  She said that was probably too far away and 1 1/2 years would be good.  We started to count the months and ended up between March-May 2012.  I figured thats a great time to do a destination wedding (what my fiance and I want to do).  Then the sister informed me that her and her husband were planning to have another kid at that time.  (She was the first sibling and kid to get married and have the first grandkid- and pretty much everyone in the family put her on a throne it seemed like).  I asked her saying what should I do, since I do want his family to be at the wedding, and she replied that I don't have to plan around her.  Which is fine and all, but why did she even bring it up if she didn't think it was going to be a problem? I asked a few friends that aren't married yet to tell me how I should react and move on and they all told me that my wedding is first, and that if she wants to show up all big and pregnant at the wedding- that's her decision.  But I am afraid that I will be overshadowed by her having another kid (remember I said everyone in her and my fiance's family put her on a throne).  Am  I just crazy for being this "selfish" or concerned?  Or do I have a right to be a little upset?  How should I react and move on at this point? Also, today, she even brought up the point about her having a kid AGAIN at that time, to my fiance.  So obviously she's making it a big deal right? Since she's brought it up TWICE? I could really use some input, whether it is just to move on and just plan away or do I need to bring it up to her- my concerns about being overshadowed etc?
    Posted by cbfry18[/QUOTE]

    Breathe, this isn't an issue. Being overshadowed? That is bridezilla language, so please stop it.

    First, you need to understand that no one else cares as much about your wedding as you do. Everyone's life will go on. There will be other weddings & babies born from now until your wedding day. It is not your place to say anything about how others plan their lives.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • I agree with redhead, not an issue.  Pick a date you want (a two year engagement is fine), and don't worry about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Soo... you think your FSIL is causing trouble by mentioning she's hoping to be pregnant around then?

    Honestly, people don't have that much control over pregnancy. She can try, but all sorts of things can happen. But she did say to plan your day accordingly, and to not plan around her... which makes sense.

    If she's pregnant, then she's pregnant. Theoretically, she could be pregnant whenever you get married so it really isn't a big deal.

    I really don't see why you're so against her being pregnant at the time of your wedding. It seems like you have a lot going on now, which is stressful and I understand, but this really isn't a big deal. I'm sure his family will be excited about your marriage as well. People can be excited about multiple things at once.

  • Plan your wedding for whatever time works best for you and your fiance.  If your FSIL is pregnant, great.  If not, great.

    BTW- It seems like you are harboring a bit of resentment or jealousy about how favored your FSIL is by certain people.  This is no way to enter into a new family.  You'll have your time in the sun too.  Relax.
  • It could just be a practical thing: if you are planning a destination wedding, pregnant women often are not allowed to fly, especially toward the end of the pregnancy. She might also being trying to say that she might be able to help you as much as you would like since she may be pregnant at the time. I would not take it personally; she seems to care for you and want to be there for you.
  • We were going to destination at first and its alot cheaper than you think ... I would look into where you want to go and the cost before you say 2 yrs.  You probably dont need to wait that long if you dont want to. Plus just cause she is pregnant doesnt mean she could not go unless she was 6 months or longer... do your research first then pick a date.. ours was only going to be $1600 for 5 days... including the wedding. Alot of places will do the wedding free if you book so many rooms.
    Photobucket We're Married!!!!
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