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Wedding Party
apfoster05
member
FFIL issues....kinda long
It's been a while since I have posted and part of that is due to the fact that we have postponed our wedding a year, so I will no longer be a 6/5/2010 knottie 
It was hard at first but now I am so happy that we have done this...anyways onto my issues...
My Future Family IN law has pretty much tried to ruin everything...I've posted problems about them before and it just hasnt gone away...I will state a few facts
Fact:
1. FSIL and I have never gotten along...
2. FSIL is a busybody and meddles in everyones lives, i.e. she said this to me in an email, "I don't care that you deleted me as a friend on facebook, I have 1,026 other friends I can follow."
3. FMIL is also a busybody
4. my FI and I have removed all his family from our friends on facebook.
5. FSIL was only in my wedding to please FMIL, because she was paying for the RD...
6. FI and I postponed the wedding because we had gotten to the point of stress where we felt we didnt want to marry each other anymore, we hated to be around each other...pretty much we worked all the time so we wouldnt have to deal with each other.
7. FMIL said that since she was paying for the ceremony flowers, SHE was going to pick them out...NOW SOMEONE TELL ME IF I AM BEING SELFISH, but I said hell no thats not how it works...
8. 3 weeks ago WE told his family to F-OFF, and we have been sooooo happy ever since.
now my issues are with FSIL...I know it isn't the right thing to do to "kick" someone out of your wedding party after you have asked them, but I did. I told her I never wanted her in my wedding, that I did it to please FMIL and that was it. I said that I didn't want her in my wedding or ANYWHERE near my wedding on my wedding day. My FI thinks I'm overracting but supports me in my decision, because he doesnt like his sister either.
There are just certain things that she said she "had to know" about our lives...which just proves that she is trying to medel in them...
Am I right to have done this???
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFIL issues....kinda long
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]It's been a while since I have posted and part of that is due to the fact that we have postponed our wedding a year, so I will no longer be a 6/5/2010 knottie :( It was hard at first but now I am so happy that we have done this...anyways onto my issues... My Future Family IN law has pretty much tried to ruin everything...I've posted problems about them before and it just hasnt gone away...I will state a few facts Fact: 1. FSIL and I have never gotten along... 2. FSIL is a busybody and meddles in everyones lives, i.e. she said this to me in an email, "I don't care that you deleted me as a friend on facebook, I have 1,026 other friends I can follow." 3. FMIL is also a busybody 4. my FI and I have removed all his family from our friends on facebook. 5. FSIL was only in my wedding to please FMIL, because she was paying for the RD... 6. FI and I postponed the wedding because we had gotten to the point of stress where we felt we didnt want to marry each other anymore, we hated to be around each other...pretty much we worked all the time so we wouldnt have to deal with each other. 7. FMIL said that since she was paying for the ceremony flowers, SHE was going to pick them out...NOW SOMEONE TELL ME IF I AM BEING SELFISH, but I said hell no thats not how it works... 8. 3 weeks ago WE told his family to F-OFF, and we have been sooooo happy ever since. now my issues are with FSIL...I know it isn't the right thing to do to "kick" someone out of your wedding party after you have asked them, but I did. I told her I never wanted her in my wedding, that I did it to please FMIL and that was it. I said that I didn't want her in my wedding or ANYWHERE near my wedding on my wedding day. My FI thinks I'm overracting but supports me in my decision, because he doesnt like his sister either. There are just certain things that she said she "had to know" about our lives...which just proves that she is trying to medel in them... Am I right to have done this???
Posted by apfoster05[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think you did more bad than good. Kicking her out, even if you both dislike her, only makes you look bad to the family. Unless your FI plans on cutting off his entire family for the rest of your lives, you're going to have to see these people and FSIL will probably hold a grudge.
</div>
Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
My Planning Bio
My Married Bio updated March 4
However, unless there's a backstory here, I hardly think that being busybodies and wanting to pick out your wedding flowers justifies this kind of reaction from you and your FI. If you want me to be 100% honest, all of this sounds incredibly childish, and just from what you've written here I think you're focusing WAY too much on your wedding day as opposed to dealing with these people for the rest of your life.
It sounds like you're mainly just annoyed with them nosing into your wedding plans ... is there more to it than that? Are they really unkind people to you, or unsupportive of your marriage? Or are you just irritated with FSIL being in the wedding and FMIL wanting to pick out your flowers? If it's the former, then do what you gotta do. If it's the latter, then I think you made a very big mistake.
But, whatever, too late now. Hopefully this won't cause more family drama between all of you. Best of luck to you.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
But, you have to live with it. Not us. If you and FI are happy with this decision, then it's your problem (or solution) to deal with.
I don't know why you posted this here and asked for opinions, if you're just going to argue with people when they do give you their opinion. Were you looking for "validation" instead?
Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
My Planning Bio
My Married Bio updated March 4
[QUOTE]I'm not arguing...you asked for more info so i gave it to you... i just wanted to make sure what brooke was saying about marrying the family or whatever... I asked because all my friends and family have told me i did the right thing and I actually wanted someone to tell me that it wasnt the right thing to to do so thank you ladies! :)
Posted by apfoster05[/QUOTE]
I'm confused - you wanted people to tell you this wasn't the right thing to do to kick FSIL out of the WP yet you've reiterated how happy you and your FI are that you've basically told his family you want nothing to do with them?
So you wanted validation that it was wrong to do but are also telling us how glad you are that you've separated from his family?
My suggestion: pay for it yourself becuase their money seems to have strings attached. Consider eloping!
When it comes to matters with the ILs my advice is to take your cue from your SO. If he's saying he supports you but doesn't agree with you, I think that's a large sign that perhaps keeping FSIL in the wedding would do more for your relationship.
Don't get me wrong. I totally agree that she's not looking great either. BUT it's important not to sink to the level of people who look to degrade, manipulate or hurt you.
Instead, talk to your FI to see what he'd like to do. I still do this now with DH as we deal with some issues that are ongoing with MIL. I decide what to do based on our discussion and what he'd prefer. That doesn't mean that hub is boss - instead it means that we've got a plan an agreement in place BEFORE these things come up.