Food for thought

prettyirishgirl · October 2011

to answer the first part i'm going to sound like a bunch of yall but I don't think there is ever a reason to lie about it. FI and I seriously considered JOP when I was helping him PCS. I was fed up with a lot of crap we were having to deal with personally and the church wedding is something I cared about not so much him, and basically we were going to his family's homes in california and could have easily been married while we were there when his brother was in the same place as him for the first time in like 3 years. If we were going to JOP we would intentionally go to his family or get there where we were and do something little and quiet. I don't think your reasons should matter so much because that is between you and your FH no one else. Even if you are close to family and friends. This sounds harsh but the way marriage ahould work (in my mind) is that they are the one that will be there when the world ends. Family is important, but people pass, change, leave, fight etc and you cant predict all of that so your wedding should really be about you and you FI because at the end of the say your the ones that will remember it and live with it for the rest of your lives (even if it doesn't work out).

So if you do a JOP i feel if you then have a ceremony or reception later you shoudln't keep the fact that you are married to your self - now i also don't feel you need to shout it from a mountain top, but no you shouldn't lie about it. To me if you lie about it it is probably because you are ashamed in one manner or another. If you are old enough and mature enough to be married you should be old and mature enough to face the world and be honest about what you did and why you did it.

wow this post on is long - so i don't remember who said this specifically, but there was a comment about the military should require pre-marital classes. Agree!!! I think that so many people in the military get married before they are ready because it will lessen some burden they have. I fully support that people should have the choice to get married, but at the same time since there are benifits that come with marrying military that are not the same as other situations. There are a lot (and I've seen a lot probably 15+ couples) of people that get married to someone in the military because of the benefits when they haven't known each other long, JOP before a deployment of PCS and dont tell anyone, and it ends badly all the time. I probably dont' have any right to judge, so don't kill me because I know that some people are getting married that quickly for love and i'm happy for them - i've just seen it go back so many times. There are so many built in family rights (in the army at least) that i've encountered through other situations where a quick marriage by basically 19 year old enlisted kids don't know all of the ramifications and things that they will have to deal with when they figure out they only got married for the benefits and lied to their families. Fi's unit before the PCS started doing a number of financial classes and even relationship based classes that emphasized the benefits and what happens in the case of a divorce which I'm sure some units do, but at the same time there were a number of people in his unit that had never been required to attend anything like that.

on that note - random question. Have any of you ever been "strongly requested" to attend a financial and/or etiquette class for the army or any branch really. I got a very swanky letter the other day - what?!!?!?! stating that it would be in my and FIs best interests to make myself available at a ridiculously early time of day to go to these two classes with FI. I've never heard of this, don't know anyone else who has done anything like this or ever been asked to go to one to my knowledge, but it also isn't what i generally tend to ask my military friends in random conversation. I also cant ask Fi if he's ever heard about it because he is living in the no contact world at the moment.

ggirl2001 · October 2011

I know the Marines offer LINKS (?) courses for the couple. However, its offered in the middle of the week, during working hours. Um, sorry LINKS but I am not using my precious time off to sit somewhere for 8 hrs. H might have to go, but I will not be.

calindi · October 2011

Sofia, I leave for CR on Saturday (as you may have seen). I've been twice and it's one of my all time favorite places on earth. I'm happy to give you tips when it's time for you guys to go! It's incredibly amazing and romantic and awesome.

amh04 · October 2011

FI has had to take a financial class or two - but that was a command thing, he didn't get a letter in the mail or anything saying to go. Now for etiquette - he's never been told/asked to take a class in that either.

firsttimersluck · October 2011

nope.. But I think Fi and I could TEACH the financial class, so it would be silly to go to one.. We always hear about classes and we get a GIANT postcard inthe mail every few months with FRG meetings/classes we can attend as a couple. I do recall that as H got closer to deployment there were more things that they "strongly suggest" we attend... We didn't because a lot of it had to do with finances while H is deployed and.. that's not something we worry about.

sofiabrian · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_food-thought?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:872e1ec0-d222-4ee6-b286-02c26134f0c4Post:64a43778-e9df-4c83-9034-d4a744758f5a">Re: Food for thought</a>:
[QUOTE]I know the Marines offer LINKS (?) courses for the couple. However, its offered in the middle of the week, during working hours. Um, sorry LINKS but I am not using my precious time off to sit somewhere for 8 hrs. H might have to go, but I will not be.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Amen sister! I attended a spouses LINKS class over the summer. Not something I would need (or want) to attend again.

prettyirishgirl · October 2011

Yeah i'm not to into going, but its when I'll already been out of town near FI because of his graduation thingie. It wasnt a mailed lette/postcardr from FRG or LINKS or the like. I also don't feel the need to go for the purpose of learning.

FI has taught some classes like that in his old unit because they did a lot of them for the / peopple who messed up (haha punishment) and anyone that had been in for a while or a higher rank had to take turns teaching some classes - his section wasn't finances though his were safety protocol, deployment scheduling and uuuhhh return range for emergency responses and protocol having to do with being out of range on weekends or weekdays & call chains (thanks for now having me know more then i ever needed or wanted to know about this). And i laughed when i got the letter because my dad and FIs dad are both walking military etiquette books that feel the need to throw information at me every waking moment of my life and my mom is a CPA so we were the 10 year old kids that were balancing checkbooks and excited to go to the bank (so sad i thought that was normal as a child).

This letter was from the commanding officer though - I mean i'm sure he didnt take the time to mail it (now also have an email version) himself or anything, but he did sign it and have mass copies made. If this wasn't at a time that I'd already be off work there is no way I could go, but since i"ll be in the middle of nowhere and off work I don't have an excuse to not go. Sadly they also have me roped in b/c FI has to go to the class regardless of if I go and it's the first time I will get to see him/talk to him for more then 5 minutes in over a month so I'm going without much of a fight regardless of topic - but just found it odd because i've had a lot of military ties and don't remember ever having a class brought forward in this way before to anyone i know.

thanks guys!! (ps sorry for the slight thread hijack)

elishajoy · October 2011

I think it's fine! I did it a week ago lol. Didn't hide it from anyone (posted pics on fb right away lol). I know it was the right decision for my husband and I, and I am not the least bit ashamed of it

KendallR10 · October 2011

I see nothing wrong with doing a JOP and a VR. But I do believe that people should know about it.

I see nothing wrong with keeping a JOP Hush Hush until after it is done and over with. But if you are going to do a VR. You better put on there that it is a VR and not a wedding.

sofiabrian · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_food-thought?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:872e1ec0-d222-4ee6-b286-02c26134f0c4Post:02bf8cd6-3eec-4f6d-8c41-30c756e5aa2e">Re: Food for thought</a>:
[QUOTE]Sofia, I leave for CR on Saturday (as you may have seen). I've been twice and it's one of my all time favorite places on earth. I'm happy to give you tips when it's time for you guys to go! It's incredibly amazing and romantic and awesome.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

<div>Have fun!!! I would love some travel tips :) DH is an avid SCUBA diver, and we love hiking and beach lounging! </div>

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