The Ceremony we never had.....

cameshar · July 2011

Hi Everyone, I have been doing a lot of research and am having a hard time finding the information on how to plan my ceremony. Let me first start by saying I do not care about traditional etiquette, nor do I care about the notion that you cannot have a second wedding. My husband and started planning our wedding in 2007, but due to lack of funds we decided to go to our local courthouse in 2008. Our 5 year anniversary is coming up in 2013 and we would like to plan a nice ceremony. I will have my sons standing by us, I will have my best friend as a maid of honor, I wanted to know can my father walk me down the aisle, can I have a first dance, etc..... your help is greatly appreciated.
Has anyone else done it like this, and how did you do it.

blush64 · July 2011

You can renew your vows.

You can have a beautiful ceremony. I wouldn't have your father walk you down the asile because I wouldn't do it as a wedding, I would do it as more of an anniversary party with the vow ceremony. Still get the hall, food, DJ, most things but on a more casual scale than an actual wedding.

EDIT There is nothing wrong with people renewing their vows or with anniversary parties. If that's what this person plans that's great. I also don't think it's proper to try for a second wedding. (that can't really be done)

MY sister and I threw a huge anniversary party for my parents 25th. (years back) We set it up just like a wedding in that it was held at a banquet hall, they had a first dance and cake cutting. BUT they didn't wear bride/groom type clothes, there was no ceremony/vows/aisle, they didn't actually even know about it as it was a complete surprise until they walked in.

The type of anniversary party I mentioned would be fine for anyone to have. It was fun, guests were hosted properly, no white dress, no pretend wedding. I was suggesting the OP can do what she wants (as she already told us) BUT that doing something more like this would be better for everyone)

right1thistime · July 2011

Can as in "is it possible?" Because since you said you don't care about proper etiquette, what rules do you think we would be using to say you could not? Can your father walk? Can you ask him to walk with you? Can he make it in 2013? What else would prevent that from happening?

You CAN do anything your little egocentric heart desires. Is it proper? Appropriate? Will people judge you? ---You don't care. I do not comprehend your question. ~Donna

shytownkelly · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:4f2dd876-4450-44fc-8b46-8f97af63c162">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Can as in "is it possible?" Because since you said you don't care about proper etiquette, what rules do you think we would be using to say you could not? Can your father walk? Can you ask him to walk with you? Can he make it in 2013? What else would prevent that from happening? You CAN do anything your little egocentric heart desires. Is it proper? Appropriate? Will people judge you? ---You don't care. I do not comprehend your question. ~Donna
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

Seriously Donna. Please get out of my head.

That is all.

right1thistime · July 2011

But Kelly, I have gotten so incredibly cozy in here.

handfast4me · July 2011

I am so glad others responded to this post before I saw it. I wouldn't have been near as nice.

Lisa50 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:9a72ec08-9bee-4643-936a-708cd7625a51">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : Seriously Donna. Please get out of my head. That is all.
Posted by shytownkelly[/QUOTE]

Okay, now, both of you ... get out of MY head. Sheesh! It's getting crowded in here.

Marrin713 · July 2011

Plenty of room in my head

Come on in.....it's just ear to ear space.

OP- seriously?

cameshar · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:4f2dd876-4450-44fc-8b46-8f97af63c162">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE] You CAN do anything your little egocentric heart desires[/QUOTE]

Not sure what road you are traveling down with the egocentric comment, but how many times can a person stress that the question I posted was for people who have done what I am trying to do and how did they do it.

cameshar · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:6ad87b50-3aca-408f-a81d-3e7bfeb0d4a2">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]You can renew your vows. You can have a beautiful ceremony. I wouldn't have your father walk you down the asile because I wouldn't do it as a wedding, I would do it as more of an anniversary party with the vow ceremony. Still get the hall, food, DJ, most things but on a more casual scale than an actual wedding. EDIT There is nothing wrong with people renewing their vows or with anniversary parties. If that's what this person plans that's great. I also don't think it's proper to try for a second wedding. (that can't really be done) MY sister and I threw a huge anniversary party for my parents 25th. (years back) We set it up just like a wedding in that it was held at a banquet hall, they had a first dance and cake cutting. BUT they didn't wear bride/groom type clothes, there was no ceremony/vows/aisle, they didn't actually even know about it as it was a complete surprise until they walked in. The type of anniversary party I mentioned would be fine for anyone to have. It was fun, guests were hosted properly, no white dress, no pretend wedding. I was suggesting the OP can do what she wants (as she already told us) BUT that doing something more like this would be better for everyone)
Posted by blush64[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for the imput, I have never been to a renewal ceremony so I was not aware if it was exactly like a wedding or not. I wanted a general list of things that happened at the renewal so that I could pick and choose what I wanted to include in my ceremony. Thanks<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

cameshar · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:4f2dd876-4450-44fc-8b46-8f97af63c162">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Can as in "is it possible?" Because since you said you don't care about proper etiquette, what rules do you think we would be using to say you could not? Can your father walk? Can you ask him to walk with you? Can he make it in 2013? What else would prevent that from happening? You CAN do anything your little egocentric heart desires. Is it proper? Appropriate? Will people judge you? ---You don't care. I do not comprehend your question. ~Donna
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

When I stated that I do not care about tradition, I am ttalking about people who still live in the clouds and try to preach and tell you what you can or cannot do. I have seen other women ask this question and never is anyone responding helpful. The only thing I see people barking back at the questions is, what are you talking about, you are already married........that is dumn to have a FAKE WEDDING. not caring about tradition is in regards to the hateful people who try to tell people that wanting a ceremony after beign married is a joke and should not be done.

right1thistime · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:edd07b66-2247-4576-b0f4-67ff901e2d97">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : Not sure what road you are traveling down with the egocentric comment, but how many times can a person stress that the question I posted was for people who have done what I am trying to do and how did they do it.
Posted by cameshar[/QUOTE]

Why thank you kindly for that invitation to explain myself. I am so pleased that you would like further clariification. Etiquette or traditional etiquette is a set of rules or guidelines which, if followed, one can be assured that others are not harmed or offended by one's own actions. In your original post, camehoar, you eshewed such rules or guidelines, declaring that you intended to do what you wished, and that any discussion about how doing what you wished would impact those you intended to invite as your guests was not welcome. Furthermore, you declared that while you originally intended to host an appropriate celebration at the time of your wedding, the paucity of income led you to choose a different goal, that is, to become married without the trappings of a formal wedding/reception. You see, you served yourself in that decision, choosing the courthouse as an immediate way to achieve the gratification you were seeking. Now, 36 months later, you have children, and apparently a more generous source of funds, and wish to host a more elaborate affair. But quite clearly, you remain concerned with only one participant in that event, yourself. Because, as you so clearly stated, you don't care about etiquette, which could easily be stated, you don't care about protecting the people who will be invited to your celebration of you and how this act will impact them or whether they will be offended by it. Ergo, since 36 months ago you made a decison all about you, and intend to host an event in 24 more months that is all about you; you are the epitome of egocentricity.

In addition I have three other thoughts to add:
(1) you state and restate that you don't want people who don't agree with you to respond (because obviously, someone who did what you intend to do must agree with you about the appropriateness of the act). Do you live your entire life in such a closed-minded manner? Great learning can take place if you elect to listen to people who think differently that you.
(2) you repeatedly state that you read posts by others who asked similar questions, and got responses unsupportive of their idea. What made you think that they would have either followed through on an idea that so many described as uninspired or stuck around here if they intended to?
(3) finally the word in INput. Similar to the concept of putting something in, like knowledge.
~Donna

handfast4me · July 2011

I would just like all the old timers to note that I did not correct Came's grammar and spelling nor did I respond to her post directly. You should all be very proud of me. I'm watching that hook swim away on the line. . . :-)

Lisa50 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:cffcdfc9-17d7-467c-aea7-013b2d88a6b2">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just like all the old timers to note that I did not correct Came's grammar and spelling nor did I respond to her post directly. You should all be very proud of me. I'm watching that hook swim away on the line. . . :-)
Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

I am very, very proud of you.

Now, I think I'll go "crash" a bachelorette party one of the July 2011 brides is having at a nearby gay bar drag club. If I can just get rid of this headache ...

awayagain · July 2011

If you got divorced now you could re-marry in 2013 and have the humongous, no thrill spared wedding of your dreams. How's that for non-traditional?

By the way, it's "couldn't care less" not 'could care less'. I know you will need to think about if for a while before it sinks in, but you'll get it.

Best of luck to you, and bless your heart.

HappyMOH77 · July 2011

WOW!!! I am really shocked at the behavior of adult women in this forum. Someone asks for help and assistance and instead is dished out only ridicule and judgement.

Frankly you can do as you choose in a vows renewal. I have been to several, but never done one myself. If the first case there was one MOH no other brides maids it was the MOH from the original ceremony. In this case it was done very shortly after the wedding becasue the wedding was held far away so about 3 months later they did a redo for the benifit of family that couldnt make it. Rather then a JP or religous they had each of the mothers read a poem and llight a unity candle. it was a very short ceremony followed by one heck of a party.

The second was a friend who was pregnant at the original courthouse date. He husband even bought her a new engangement ring. Then did all the bells and whistles but it was a casual affair.

Another friend renews her vows every 5 years. Then do a brief ceremony surrounded by family and freinds but skip things like dad walking her down etc.

Seal and Hiedi Klum renew vows regularly and I ahve seen some news articles on the ceremonies they have done so you may want to google it.

John and Kate plus 8 renewed vows shortly before the divorce, but since it was a tv show you can prob rent or find the episode, just don't follow in the divorce part

Good luck! and enjoy your ceremony in whatever way you choose. If your family and friends missed out on your courthouse wedding I am sure they are looking forward to celebrating your marriage with you in whatever way you choose. Those are the people who count and who will be happy to stand by you. As for your dad, ask him what he wants to do. Maybe he feels like he missed out and would like the opportunity. Tradition and ettiquette was out the door before they put snookie on TV

cameshar · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:d1ad66b1-b44b-4d19-ad1d-0d7001bf6269">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW!!! I am really shocked at the behavior of adult women in this forum. Someone asks for help and assistance and instead is dished out only ridicule and judgement. Frankly you can do as you choose in a vows renewal. I have been to several, but never done one myself. If the first case there was one MOH no other brides maids it was the MOH from the original ceremony. In this case it was done very shortly after the wedding becasue the wedding was held far away so about 3 months later they did a redo for the benifit of family that couldnt make it. Rather then a JP or religous they had each of the mothers read a poem and llight a unity candle. it was a very short ceremony followed by one heck of a party. The second was a friend who was pregnant at the original courthouse date. He husband even bought her a new engangement ring. Then did all the bells and whistles but it was a casual affair. Another friend renews her vows every 5 years. Then do a brief ceremony surrounded by family and freinds but skip things like dad walking her down etc. Seal and Hiedi Klum renew vows regularly and I ahve seen some news articles on the ceremonies they have done so you may want to google it. John and Kate plus 8 renewed vows shortly before the divorce, but since it was a tv show you can prob rent or find the episode, just don't follow in the divorce part :) Good luck! and enjoy your ceremony in whatever way you choose. If your family and friends missed out on your courthouse wedding I am sure they are looking forward to celebrating your marriage with you in whatever way you choose. Those are the people who count and who will be happy to stand by you. As for your dad, ask him what he wants to do. Maybe he feels like he missed out and would like the opportunity. Tradition and ettiquette was out the door before they put snookie on TV :)
Posted by HappyMOH77[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much, even reading through the screen I can tell that you have happiness in your life. My father has 4 girls and has not had the chance to walk any down the isle. My mother passed away 3 years ago and has 5 kids (none of which are married). I am her only child that got married and then had children. She was overjoyed to plan a wedding with me and I really want to do a ceremony bc I know she would be so happy. No one in my family is offended about having to come to my ceremony. It is not about gifts, or anything else superficial. Having a ceremony means a lot to my husband and meant a lot to my mother.

HappyMOH77 · July 2011

Cameshar, I didn't do anything but listen for the intent of your question not just the words. Learning to shut my mouth and open my ears is something that has been a struggle and a journey for me, but I find my advice and the way I interact with others is always better when I try to hear what is at the heart of a question or reaction. I really felt for you when I saw the reaction to your honest question. I had asked a question on a board here and was frusterated becasue I got a lot of answers that had nothing to do with my question. I asked something to help the bride for whick I am currently MOH and all the answers came like I was th bride what I said wasn't really listened to, everyone was just in such a hurry to show how smart they were that there answers we not helpful or even answering my questions. Thankfully in my case they at least remained polite.

Clearly at the heart of your questions was a desire to celebrate your family. In todays day and age when we can sit in a room together but talk to our electronic devices celebrating togetherness without wires or wi-fi is always a gift. Afterall this is a second wedding board so much tradition and ettiquette is already out the door when you ask people who were in your first wedding to ante up for another dress and dyed shoes and bring another gift while you wear another white dress. So if you want to do it all over again with husband number one I think it is a wonderful and refreshing idea renew your commitment not just to a wedding but a marriage and a family. I hope that through this your children get to see how much you and your husband love one another and are committed to your union. I am sure you will plan a lovely vows renewal. I doubt your friends and family will be offended by an of it if your intention to is celebrate with them and create some of those special family moments that they prob also feel they missed out on. Good Luck!

right1thistime · July 2011

I was pretty sure I said in my post, that I am looking for imput from people
Thank you so much for the imput,
Oh I am very much aware the word is input, <---mmmmm-hmmmm

but 5-0, I believe that you meant is not in.<---head tilt, huh? I still fail to comprehend.

The only thing I want it for my father to get to see one of his daughters in a wedding gown. Egocentric...yeah right. I am only doing a ceremony bc my husband wants to see me in a gown ...buying and wearing a gown I know she would have loved <---Since by definition, the word only defines ONE thing, which ONE is it?

I don't really care, this is MY ceremony I am planning so I should be the one that cares about it.
I am a simple person who does not like flashy things. And weddings are a waste of money to me. I do not believe in using money of that amount for one day. However, bc my husband wants to have see me in a gown, I am willing to plan one for him <--- So which is it, YOUR ceremony, or for other people.

I never knew that my English teacher was replying to my post, but since the typo police is on patrol maybe I should act like I care about it <--- IRL, people can meet you, listen to you speak, watch your actions and understand who you are. On a message board, the only representation you present of yourself is the written word. When you use improper grammar, word usage and spelling, it sends a message of illiteracy.

I am sorry that you think I am bitter. Reread my original post, and what I have written subsequently. I have just told you that I do not comprehend what it is you want to know, based simply on the things you have written. If that makes you feel intimidated, I apologize. Explaining yourself to be understood should not be an intimidating experience. ~Donna

cameshar · July 2011

but 5-0, I believe that you meant is not in.<---head tilt, huh? I still fail to comprehend

of course you would fail to understand..... it is almost like the same way I create a great amount of typos bc I am livid and seeing black as I am typing. I guess when certain TYPES of people live in their little stuck up unrealistic world, they tend not to be able to relate to society and tend to be uneducated when it comes to terms used by regular normal people. I COULD CARE LESS about my grammar, I finished all my english courses at my university a while ago. My posts are not thesis papers, so if the insinuation is supposed to be that I am uneducated, funny and I STILL COULD CARE LESS

cameshar · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:7ddfd09d-42f8-4ff7-963e-1b2bd08bc35b">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]MODERATOR: Cameshar, I told you that you do not have the right to tell people not to post, or to get off a thread. Cease and desist. Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I just read The Knot Community rules and tried to find where it stated this and was unable to find it listed in the rules. I did, however find this:

However, in order to keep balance and order within the Community, online behavior requires common sense and basic etiquette. Accordingly, here are some rules that you agree to follow:. <ul><li>No harassing, intimidating, stalking, or threatening other </li><li>community members. </li></ul>
Some of these women responding to my post are way out of line, harassing, and flat out being bullies, so I was curious to know why this is not addressed.

Jells2dot0 · July 2011

I haven't been on this board very long, but I think the main issue here is that one cannot equate vow renewals with second weddings, yet time and time again, women come on to this board and ask questions about vow renewals and, to be honest, a second wedding does not equate to a vow renewal. It just does not. You were never divorced/widowed in the first place! You (or any vow renewal "bride") is still legally married, and hence, it's technically not a wedding. Even when you go and plan a destination wedding, for example, there are separate packages for weddings and vow renewals because they just are NOT the same. The Knot SERIOUSLY needs to consider creating a board for vow renewals for all of those who want to have ceremonies to celebrate their current marriages. This board is for women who are planning an actual marriage, whether it be second, third, etc, an actual wedding, with all of the legalities, etiquette and tradition, aside. FYI- there really is no such thing as etiquette and tradition in a vow renewal because it's not actually a wedding!!! Vow renewal candidates had a REAL wedding when they married their spouse the first time, whether it was at the courthouse or a church.

awayagain · July 2011

Obviously you care because you said you are livid and seeing black. So, it makes perfect sense that you COULD care less. Now, if you didn't really care, you would be saying "I COULD'NT care less."
Since you live in the Atlanta area, it would make sense that your dad has not had the chance to walk anyone down the isle. I would guess the nearest isle to you would be one of the islands off the Georgia coast. If you follow through on your plans, at least he can walk you down the aisle. I'm guessing you may have been absent the day that those words were covered in your university English class.
Plan whatever you want, for whatever reasons - enjoy yourself and relax! Good luck, dear!

right1thistime · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:3c2af273-8967-4d96-a63d-1bb1f6292189">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : I just read The Knot Community rules and tried to find where it stated this and was unable to find it listed in the rules. I did, however find this: However, in order to keep balance and order within the Community, online behavior requires common sense and basic etiquette . Accordingly, here are some rules that you agree to follow: . No harassing, intimidating, stalking, or threatening other community members. Some of these women responding to my post are way out of line, harassing, and flat out being bullies, so I was curious to know why this is not addressed.
Posted by cameshar[/QUOTE]

About which you initially stated you did not care about. So apparently, when etiquette is applied to other people, it is old fashioned and useless, for people with "their head in the clouds". When applied to YOU, it is a necessity which you would like enforced.

Bravo young lady, you have independently proved my point. Now go plan your vow renewal, it will give the people you invite something to talk about.

cameshar · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:a4188ebb-bab4-4d9a-9876-5cc4ed05d274">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : About which you initially stated you did not care about. So apparently, when etiquette is applied to other people, it is old fashioned and useless, for people with "their head in the clouds". When applied to YOU, it is a necessity which you would like enforced. Bravo young lady, you have independently proved my point. Now go plan your vow renewal, it will give the people you invite something to talk about.
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

Obviously some people are lacking even the smallest amount of intelligence, what does it matter if I am bringing up the rules so that they can be enforced for ME, according to all your comrades, I am egocentric. Come on people in case it has not sunk in yet, your closed minded, bitter statements don't phase me at all. Oh and by the way the reason I am livid and seeing black from rage is bc there are plenty uneducated phrases I would like to relay to many of you, but I have to show some etiquette. Besides old miserable people can always throw hate through a computer screen, bc they know that they could never do that to someone that was not on the other side of the screen. sad pitiful wives, would hate to be the husbands, from what i see you all are some very disturbed, unhappy people.

MikesAngie · July 2011

Oh wow so much discussion over a vow renewal (which isn't a second wedding).

Handfast: I was certainly surprised and "proud" of you for just quietly reading the comments.

Right1: As usual you stated exactly what many of us would have had we seen this post first.

cameshar: Second Weddings is typically a board that welcomes everyone, but we do care that you (the posting participant) know the difference between a wedding (a ceremony in which two consenting adults become legally bound to one another be it a huge and formal, something small and intimate or something in between), and a vow renewal or an anniversary party. What you are talking about is a vow renewal that you want to do as a wedding. You had your "real" wedding when you went to the JOP.

handfast4me · July 2011

Came: When you come into a public forum, you must expect that everyone will give their respective opinions. That's what was done here. If you don't like what you read, then we're not forcing you to come back. Compared to what others have recieved when asking similar questions, you got off easy.

As MikesAngie stated, this board is mostly frequented by those of us who have lost a spouse(s) through divorce or death. You've already had a wedding to your husband, the pretty pretty princess day that you're planning isn't looked well upon by many, except under very specific circumstances. And it really angers me that they're starting a TV show for just this type of stuff, so now women will think it's OK to do this under any circumstance. Hopefully they portray these women in the light they deserve.

End of my iMput. LOL!!!

PS: the reason why you haven't been able to find much during your "research" is because what you've planned, as I stated above, is a pretty pretty princess day, and is not looked well upon. It would be interesting to know how many of your friends (out of how many invited) would actually attend your PPD.

shytownkelly · July 2011

OP - do us a favor. Do a search on Vow renewals.

Then tell us what the general consensus is - because honestly it isn't just us here at second weddings that are bothered by the feeling of entitlement that comes from this discussion.

Look - if you had your wedding - and then wanted to celebrate let's say your 20 year anniversary with a nice vow renewal and party? then we would all be game to help you plan that out - using proper ettiquitte of course.

But to plan a renewal with all the trimmings of a "regular" wedding after just a few short years of wedded bliss? Honestly - it is a waste of money.

I'm going to tell you a story - my first wedding was NOT what I had planned/wanted. Instead of my church wedding with a lovely reception for all my friends and family, we got married in a park by a JOP, with a BBQ at our house. Why? because we had a birth control failure. whoops!

But at the time we talked about how we'd do a vow renewal at 5 or 10 years so I could "have my big day". Fast forward to our 5 year anniversary - we had 2 kids under 5 and certainly no extra money to plan a big party. Zip forward another 5 to our 10 year - and our marriage was showing strains so the idea of a big party would have been absolutely a waste of money. (and really a joke too - see Jon & Kate for more like that)

I'm not saying don't have a vow renewal - but truly search your feelings for WHY you feel you need it. Is it to truly re-commit yourself to your husband? Then great - have a lovely ceremony with a few friends and family. If it is so your dad can walk you down the aisle - maybe you should ASK HIM if he thinks spending money on that is worth it - or if he might just be satisfied with his life without it?

Just some things to think about and consider.

Bless your heart.

shytownkelly · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:d1ad66b1-b44b-4d19-ad1d-0d7001bf6269">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW!!! I am really shocked at the behavior of adult women in this forum. Someone asks for help and assistance and instead is dished out only ridicule and judgement.
Posted by HappyMOH77[/QUOTE]

Which behavior are you shocked by?

Marrin713 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:e7fe858f-5528-424a-98f2-3a607ca59a2f">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : Which behavior are you shocked by?
Posted by shytownkelly[/QUOTE]

By yours of course Kelly ;)

shytownkelly · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:52945820-5c44-4978-9783-ac3839b7ba8f">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : By yours of course Kelly ;)
Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

HA! Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows I'm a wretched person and therefore should not be shocked. Ever.

The Ceremony we never had.....

Re: The Ceremony we never had.....

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