Young Brides.

riotxbaby · November 2010

I will be getting married to my fiance, whom I've been with for over three years, this upcoming July 16th. We are both eighteen. Anyone else getting married young that has confidence in their relationship?

bethsmiles · November 2010

I'm going to get married young. Not as young as you though, more like 22. I always suggest waiting until after college.

bethsmiles · November 2010

I'm not saying she's not in love. I believe she and her FI love each other. I would've loved to get married earlier but waiting never hurts, ever. A lot happens in college that she and her FI will miss out on if they get married so young. They are robbing themselves of an experience. IMO if they are really confident in their relationship and are mature they would wait.

riotxbaby - Congrats on your engagement. You should be happy, I just think that waiting until after college would be a good idea. Its my opinion, you can take it or leave it but don't be naive about what you and your FI will be up against getting married this young. Life is not a love conquers all story. Life is hard and doesn't always have a happy ending. Marriage is hard for couples who have educations and are very financially stable.

bourgehm · November 2010

I agree with bethsmiles...

I was supposed to orriginally be getting married last year, but moved it back now until after graduation. Sometimes I think about what it would have been like if I had gotten married after my sophmore year of college. I do not think it would have been a good plan. I like being able to experience more of college before taking that next big step. At the time I of course wanted to be married last year, but looking back I know it was a good choice to move it.

lmrini89 · November 2010

My fiance and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I am 21 and he is 22. We met in high school but never dated until we started college.

I am graduating college 2 weeks after we get married and he has another year or two left. I do not think the getting married in college thing is such a big deal. There is never a "perfect" time to get married and it's different for everyone.

I think that the main thing is what you said about having confidence in your relationship.
Another thing though is knowing what you want in life. Making sure you have common future goals. Which is something you may not have thought about extensively at 18 or your ideas may change.

Have you & your FI discussed important topics like: if you want children/when you want children? how you will deal with in laws? where will you go for holidays? how will you manage finances, etc?

I'm not saying you have to agree on absolutely everything but it's definetly something to consider. I was 18 when my FI and I started dating but we have both grown up so much since then. Even though, we are still considered young for getting married. Considering the average age of marriage for men is 27.7 and for women 26.

callalily13 · November 2010

My fiance and I have been together for nearly 6 years and started dating at 16. We would have gotten married at 16 we were so confident about our relationship, but we wouldnt be able to support ourselves. I moved across the country for college and we had a long distance relationship for four years. While I was away he actually got sick and nearly died. He was in the hospital for about seven months and had to re-learn to walk. Now we are about an hour and half way from each other and more in love than ever. We got the "you're too young to be serious" talks all the time from our families and other people before he got sick. I flew back and forth from VA to CA to see him while sick and was with him the day that he took his first steps again in the hospital (he was paralyzed for five months). After our families saw how devoted we were to each other, they realized that we were serious and were meant to be.

I think that as long as you have been through things and come out the other side still very much in love, then everything will work out. Statistically, traumatic situations that a couple faces in marriage or relationships (death of family member, child, job loss, money troubles, etc) tends to break the relationships, but if you are the lucky ones that come together to deal with your pain, then you have a much better chance.

Good luck with all your relationships

singingjessi14 · November 2010

My fiance and I are getting married in Febraury after almost eight years of dating. We waited to get officially engaged because I didn't want a long engagment, but we wanted to wait until one or both of us were done with college (I'll be finished with my masters next month, but he still has another year of school).

There were times over the past four years or so I wanted to get married, but I'm glad we waited. That's my own preferance though, which may not be right for everyone.

skylarjo04 · November 2010

I think it all depends on your situation. My fiance and I will both be 20 when we get married and that will be after almost a 2 year engagement. We had talked about waiting another year because of our age and lack of experience in the world, but this just worked for us. We both go to small schools in our hometown and never really felt the need to "experience" college the way most people do. And if we actually waited until we both were done with schoo,l we wouldn't be getting married for another 5 years or so! Plus, I wanted to marry him when I was 16, I think I've waited long enough!

elizabeth_g229 · November 2010

FI and I are both currently in college, both juniors. We have been together 5 years, I'm 20 and he is 21. When we first got engaged, we promised to have a long engagement and wait until after graduation to get married because having school out of the way and having 2 solid incomes just makes things a lot easier. However, once I got that ring on my finger, I kept wanting an earlier and earlier wedding date. Luckily, FI fended me off thus far and we are still holding out until after graduation. Every couple really is different, but for us it was about being able to really support ourselves to the fullest extent once out of school (can you say student loans? haha).

It's so hard to wait right now, especially since all my friends are getting married, but when I look back I know we will have made the right decision by waiting. When we do get married in March of 2012, I'll be 21 (about to turn 22) and FI will be 23. And I can't wait!!

AmeliaAndSeth8890 · November 2010

Elizabeth G -- are we twins? lol. I'm from Atlanta too and will also be 21 almost 22 in March 2012.

We are currently 20 (me) and 22 (him) and have been together almost 3 years. We will be 21 (me) and 23 (him, obviously) when we do get married and turning 22 and 24 two months later. We still get the "young" thing. I think you'll get the young thing until you reach whatever predetermined age society has now set for people to be responsible. I'm thinking it's around 25.

WHICH btw, I would be fine with. But for us, we don't feel like we are rushing anyways since our engagement will be almost 2 years and we had been together 2.5 years when getting engaged and have lived together for a year and a half.

Just FYI: We will both be out of college (undergrad) and I will be halfway through my M.Ed. when we get married. We both finish in May of 2011 and have set the date for March 2012. If you two are planning on making a lot of sacrifices for your relationship as far as where you can go to school so you're with eachother, the schedules you make, etc, you will be fine but be realistic. Realize that if you both choose to go to Grad School for example you limit yourself to someone you are BOTH able to get into (which, btw, is probably not very easy at all.)

We have been together for our entire college careers and make decisions like any serious relationship - we thought of the other person too. I get the idea that you'll miss out on a lot if you're married, but I was always in a serious relationship in college anyways. If we went to a party, it was together or with friends while still keeping in mind that we WERE together. My Grad School choice is affecting his career plans and we both have to realize this and had to be okay with it. BUT, this happens no matter if you're 18, 22, or 35 if you are a student. You really have to do some extra changes when you are younger because you are both still trying to become established while being true to yourself AND your relationship.

For those reasons, I would wait until you at least get a feel for college. What if you get married, go to college together, and realize one of you HATES the college you are at and want to transfer? It's not just a LDR then, it's a long-distance MARRIAGE if you even decide to go... Just putting that out there. But, no matter which way you go, good luck in school and good luck in your relationship and future marriage.

SORRY FOR THE NOVEL. I'm procrastinating writing my final paper..

kedorsett · November 2010

We are 20 now and we will be 21 and seniors in college when we get married!

CaliSunn · November 2010

Fiance will be 25 and I'll be 23, but we still get the "too young" thing! I'll be out of college for a year and he'll be graduating law school the spring beforehand, but we still have people thinking we won't be "mature" enough.

I personally feel that you should always do what feels right. Everything happens for a reason, and if you and your husband are able to grow together then that's great

NOLAbridealmost · November 2010

I am getting married the day after I graduate from law school (a little older than OP, but I like to think I'm still young!). My parents got married at age 21 and 22 before my mom finished college. They are both still together and madly in love 30 years later.

Don't let anyone say you're missing out on an "experience" by marrying while still in school. You're just trading one type of experience for something else; neither is better or worse than the other.

More importantly, if you and your fiance are fun loving folks, you guys can still "experience" all the crazy things your twenties have in store, but you'll get to experience them together. Which means you get all the fun...with fewer diseases along the way. ;-)

natabean · November 2010

I am 19 and my fiance is 20. We are planning on getting married in about two years, while we are both still in school. We definitely get a lot of people asking if we're sure that we want to settle down so young. It definitely gets old

I think that the most important thing is being absolutely sure that you both know what you want. My fiance and I both have dabbled in the "partying" aspect of college and discovered that it wasn't for us. Just as other people have decided that being in a committed relationship at a young age isn't for them.

ledalia · November 2010

I don't buy the "wait until you are out of school" thing either. We have lived together for two and a half years and we are independent in every way. For me, college has always been about my education and not as an "experience" - which for many translates into partying, sororities, roommates, etc. No thanks. I'm not trading one for the other. I work and go to school every single day, nothing is going to change with an extra ring on my finger. I'm 22 and a senior but college isn't ending for me. I'm going to start grad school next fall and will likely get a PhD. Matt is almost 24 and he is just starting college next semester. Most people are too immature to handle real life and marriage but that doesn't mean it applies to everyone.

I think it's cool that so many other Atlantans hang out here.

ETA: I will say though that I have definitely done a whole lot of growing up since I was 18. But marriage is about growing together - you always have to work at that, no matter what age.

Lala7819 · November 2010

I think a lot of growing happens between 18 and 21 for most everyone, just make sure you grow together and not apart. I'm 23 and fi is 24, which I guess is a little older than the age groups for this thread, but I will say I can't disagree more with 'wait till you're out of college'. I'm 23, working on my second degree, and straight after will be working on a third. I will probably be somewhere between 28 and 30 before I am out of college, and it never slows down, just keeps getting tougher and tougher course-wise until I get my doctor of pharmacy degree. Being a student is just an occupation, and doesn't hurt or help getting married any more than working full time (+) at a job everyday. It may be a little more hectic schedule-wise, but it's not your life (no matter how crazy your course load... cause don't I know it can get crazy).

Just know people who say you are too young are speaking for their own experience, or that of those they know, and not for your experience. You can make up your own mind to get married at whatever age you want; I know two HS sweethearts who got married straight out of high school who have been together 30+ years, I know a couple who got engaged after 3 dates and married a few months later and are going on 60 years, and I also know a couple who did the obligatory date a year (+), then get engaged, and wait another year for the wedding and be 25 when getting married thing - they have also been together 30 years. There is no rhyme or reason to it, sometimes it's right and sometimes it's not, and depending on your life experience you may just 'know' younger than others.

ledalia · November 2010

Layla - where is your wedding? I know it says Atlanta but I actually live in Athens and I'm getting married at the Foundry Park Inn and Spa.

sessionswedding · November 2010

I think the problem people in general have with younger people getting married while in college is way more logistical than anything. You've got tuition to pay for, you're busy all the time, what if you want to move for grad school, etc.

I graduated from college 6 months ago, but when FI and I get married he will still be in college and will have a semester or two left to go. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but we'll both be 23, I have a really good full-time job and he has a really good part-time job, and we know that we have family to fall back on if things go south financially.

ButterflyKisses728 · November 2010

So this is my first post...We'll see how it goes.

My FI and I are getting married two weeks after graduation. He will be 22 and I will be 21. We have been friends and co-workers since freshman year and started dating second semester of Sophomore year. Getting our education is very important to both of us because we feel like it would give us a greater opportunity to succeed professionally after college. We want to give our future family all the advantages we can. We will also be moving (hopefully) to DC about a month after graduation for our internship program (crosses fingers to get accepted). Our wedding date just seems like the first step to the rest of our lives, and we couldn't be more excited.

LauraT25 · November 2010

For me, it's not necessarily about age, but I think it's about maturity and where you are in life. And it's not just about college - not everyone even chooses to go to college. I think that there are certain things that people should experience before getting married. This includes moving out of your parents' house and living on your own for a while, having a job at some point, paying your own bills, making your own decisions, and getting a sense of who you are as an individual. Most 18 year-olds just don't have this yet. Going through all of these changes that accompany entering into the real world would put a strain on any marriage.

There are certainly young people who have been thrust into maturity at an early age, for various reasons, and are probably at a stage in their life where they already know who they are. I would even tell them to wait, because there are some life experiences that you just don't expect, and your late teens and early twenties generally involve a lot of personal growth and development.

If you are truly confident in your relationship, then you and your boyfriend will grow together, and still be right for each other in a few years. Your relationship can only get stronger in this case. And if it turns out you're not right for each other, it's better finding it out before you get married. My opinion is that if you're meant to be together, there's no harm waiting because you'll still be meant for each other a few years down the road, and you can be that much more confident in your choice.

LauraT25 · November 2010

Also, I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but I dated a guy for three years in high school and I thought I was in love with him and that we were going to get married, too. I didn't know any better, because my experiences were so limited up to that point. Heck, I'm glad I didn't marry the guy I was madly in love with after THAT guy, when I was in my late teens and early 20s. I have changed a lot since then.

SereJane · November 2010

I am 20 and my fiance is 21 and we'll be getting married next summer, when I'll be 21 and he'll be 22. He's graduating from college two weeks before our wedding and I'll have 9 months left at the same college after our wedding.
We both have jobs and we each support ourselves financially. We're saving money now as a buffer for after the wedding in case he can't find a full time job for a while.
And yes, a lot of people do say we're too young or that we'll miss out on college.
But I know and he knows that we want to spend our lives together and both of our families are very supportive of our decision and our relationship.
I'm not naive enough to think that our married life will be easy, but I love him with all my heart and am committed enough that I know any difficulties will be worth it in the end

DramaGeek · November 2010

We got engaged at 20, I was 21 and H was 22 when we got married. It's been 8 years and so far so good. Actually, the last year or two have been even better than earlier years. Not sure if it's because of our age or the length of our marriage or what, but we're in a really great place these days.

My ILs got married at 18 and 19 and celebrated 32 years of marriage this year. My parents were 21 and just celebrated 40 years. So yeah, it can work, but it really depends on the people and the situation.

I would definitely suggest some premarital counseling to be sure you've talked through everything - kids, finances, priorities, etc.

Muffin'sMom · November 2010

Every other answer came from someone who will be 21,22 or up when they get married. Live on your own first, even if just for a while...pay your own bills, do your own laundry and deal with your own life. When you can do that successfully, then you can think about adding another person.

bethsmiles · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:c453bb38-81e2-4b63-b34b-82971bf8321ePost:f8773bc0-84a3-4b2f-a1f8-f2c71f39d4b2">Re: Young Brides.</a>:
[QUOTE]Every other answer came from someone who will be 21,22 or up when they get married. Live on your own first, even if just for a while...pay your own bills, do your own laundry and deal with your own life. When you can do that successfully, then you can think about adding another person.
Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

Well it is the students board :)

xokristenelise · November 2010

i'm 19 now and he's 24, but i won't be getting married until i'm 21 or 22. we're still trying to decide whether we should get married after i graduate or the summer before my senior year.

bettyshaw · November 2010

I agree that love has nothing to do with how educated or how old you are, but marriage isn't only about love. It's about making a partnership work, and that's a struggle for anyone, no matter what else is going on in your life. That said, I wish everyone good luck who is getting married still in college (although I don't understand how not being into the "lifestyle" of partying, etc. translates to picking up and marrying your high school sweetheart; you can be mature without making life choices at 18!).

dordtgrl4 · November 2010

I think too many young brides feel they have to prove something to all the other brides on TK.
It's not about age so much as they are trying to look out for us. They have seen what happens in the years after college and even though nobody's experience is the same, as a general rule, they want to make sure we know what we are getting into.
I'm sick of reading posts for "young brides" about how they want to be separated from older brides and stop receiving criticism from them. If many of us acted older, we wouldn't have this issue. I'm 19 but I take this advice to heart because I do not know it all. I can't predict the future.
When it comes down to it, life is expensive. Things get complicated. Things happen. Instead of trying to prove to everyone that us "young brides" are old enough to make a decision, how about let's act mature and speak like the adults we wish people would respect us as.

AmeliaAndSeth8890 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:c453bb38-81e2-4b63-b34b-82971bf8321ePost:a0fd32ab-b946-4769-ae5c-dc910f26827d">Re: Young Brides.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think too many young brides feel they have to prove something to all the other brides on TK. It's not about age so much as they are trying to look out for us. They have seen what happens in the years after college and even though nobody's experience is the same, as a general rule, they want to make sure we know what we are getting into. I'm sick of reading posts for "young brides" about how they want to be separated from older brides and stop receiving criticism from them. If many of us acted older, we wouldn't have this issue. I'm 19 but I take this advice to heart because I do not know it all. I can't predict the future. When it comes down to it, life is expensive. Things get complicated. Things happen. Instead of trying to prove to everyone that us "young brides" are old enough to make a decision, how about let's act mature and speak like the adults we wish people would respect us as.
Posted by dordtgrl4[/QUOTE]

I'm not entirely sure why you felt this was an appropriate response to this thread. I haven't read a reply on this thread that was immature or not adult-like or aware of their life circumstances.

The thread that was posted more recently titled Young Brides had an entirely different vibe that your response would be more appropriate on. This one was more a "shared experiences" type thing. No one on this thread was complaining about being treated unfairly because of age and I believe everyone was simply sharing their experiences in being younger than the national average and engaged.

The post that is newer is more "young brides need to feel kumbaya and welcome and shouldn't be judged" which would have been an appropriate place for your response.

I kind of feel like you didn't read the thread and were irritated with the thread title? Maybe.

dordtgrl4 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:c453bb38-81e2-4b63-b34b-82971bf8321ePost:c8b82fb2-4b33-41cc-98a0-f9bb8db11d06">Re: Young Brides.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Young Brides. : I'm not entirely sure why you felt this was an appropriate response to this thread. I haven't read a reply on this thread that was immature or not adult-like or aware of their life circumstances. The thread that was posted more recently titled Young Brides had an entirely different vibe that your response would be more appropriate on. This one was more a "shared experiences" type thing. No one on this thread was complaining about being treated unfairly because of age and I believe everyone was simply sharing their experiences in being younger than the national average and engaged. The post that is newer is more "young brides need to feel kumbaya and welcome and shouldn't be judged" which would have been an appropriate place for your response. I kind of feel like you didn't read the thread and were irritated with the thread title? Maybe.
Posted by AmeliaAndSeth8890[/QUOTE]

I read the entire thread. I didn't say anyone on this thread was acting immature or like a child. I'm just putting my two-cents in. The post said young brides. Well if I want to reach young brides (such as myself) then the best thing would be to post on it. I'm not irritated with anyone on this thread. This was a simple "if we want them to stop criticizing us, this is probably what we should do" post. Many posted that they had been given the "young bride stigma" and I just wanted to let them know that age is only a number. If we act mature and if we speak like adults than we can help neutralize the "young brides vs the world" debate.

I said the things about taking their advice because the many people who have approached me about my age are simply looking out for me and don't want me to think twice about my decision AFTER I'm married. For those who haven't thought about that approach, that was why I posted it on this particular thread.

Sorry it took such a long explanation to get down to what I felt. This is one reason the internet sucks. Some things appear to be very vague.

AmeliaAndSeth8890 · November 2010

Oh it's okay, I totally get what you're saying I just felt like it might have been jumping the gun on this particular thread. Like I said, the title kind of makes it look like everyone's going to be all "I'm young and I know everything." That's really the only issue I had with it - just that it seemed off-topic to what was going on.

I've seen this whole 'young brides vs the world' thing lately and I agree with you that just acting mature really takes care of that problem. IF people do even ask me my age, it's usually when it comes up naturally not in a "you sound young and immature, how old ARE you" way just more of a curiosity, like any human tends to have.

I think you are right about your ideas, just it didn't seem warranted. I think the OP was just using that title as a "come in here if you're younger" kind of thing.

Young Brides.

Re: Young Brides.

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