Open Bar opinions needed

dparisi · February 2010

Hi Knotties,

There has been a lot of chatter on the other boards regarding open/cash bars. I guess it depends on what state you are in as to what is the norm, so I am posting this on the local (Boston Area) board to get an idea of Boston norms.I have been to many weddings, but honestly cannot remember whether I paid for my drinks or not-I guess it did not matter to me so I didn't file it for future reference :-)

Do you think that a two hour beer/wine + one signature drink open bar then a switch to a full cash bar is appropriate?

I can't imaging paying for all the drinks all day (300 people)-I have pretty much DIY'd everything I can (boy am I sick of crafting), to save money, but I still don't have enough for an open bar all day.

We are having a clambake (chowder, steamers, lobster, chicken and side dishes) , so I thought beer and wine (and of course, lemonade and ice tea), would be an alternative. Now from trolling the other boards, I see that everyone thinks that a cash bar is rude. We have cut out the passed appetizers settling instead for diplayed appetizers, and the package comes with pie for dessert.

The wedding is in July, outdoors (tent) with the Ceremony beginning at 3:00. We expect to be off the island by 8PM and the bar would (venue rules) shut down at 7:30.

Your opinion would be much appreciated.

!

StaceyC828 · February 2010

I think what you're doing sounds perfect, I'm in the same boat not being able to afford an open bar for the full time, and my venue does not allow saying 'open beer and wine only' and the only open bar option is by consumption. So we're doing something similar to you; having an open full bar for 1 hour, then switching to cash bar. The entire reception, we will host a free champagne fountain. THis way guests can have that one drink for free, otherwise they can buy whatever theyd like at the bar. Wish we could afford open bar all night but with more than 200 people and a lot of them being heavy drinkers theres just no way we can swing it.

snoangel79 · February 2010

Give them a few long island iced teas for the specialty drink hehehe and they'll be so trashed it won't matter. I am not saying one thing either way because of what happened on the other boards

A clambake sounds perfect!!! Almost did that myself!!

Shazzie116 · February 2010

The clambake with open beer and wine sounds great for the atmosphere you're creating, they'll pair well with the seafood. I think iced tea and lemonade are also great summery options to have. I would try to keep it open as long as possible, and maybe switch it over to cash for the last hour? That's what we did and it worked out well. By then, everyone had had their fill of drinks and were dancing up a storm.

jwatts23 · February 2010

I agree with Shaz. I like the pairing you selected and seems to fit your theme. I think it also helps because your wedding is more late afternoon/early evening. I think keeping the bar open as long as you can is great but in the end you don't want to be in debt for years/breaking the bank. I know everyone has different opinions about this issue but it sounds like you are making a great effort and really thinking it through.

BostonBride919 · February 2010

I suggest doing open beer & wine as long as you can.... As for the area, I've never seen a cash bar at a wedding in New England that I've attended so I would be expecting open bar, but I know other knotties have had different experiences.

opalsky007 · February 2010

I would eliminate the signature cocktail and just offer beer and wine. I would honestly rather have beer and wine only all night than have beer, wine and cocktails with a switch to open bar. It's confusing, it's not polite, and I rarely carry cash, so I'd be left with nothing to drink.

Besides, I wouldn't really want cocktails at a clambake anyway--it just doesn't sound good to me. You should be able to save enough by eliminating cocktails to extend the bar all night.

MandahGirly · February 2010

I mostly agree with opalsky however there are going to be some people that do not like beer and wine and prefer cocktails, so i think a signature drink is a good idea.

It's not worth breaking the bank to have free alcohol all night

CCBelle · February 2010

I would serve wine/beer all night (skipping the sig cocktail) and try to find some other way to cut back. Skip favors or cut back on flowers or something... anything to keep the bar open all night. I find it a little rude and super confusing when a bar switches from open to cash.

And I really do believe that beer/wine makes most people happy. We did that and didn't have a single complaint. Yes, some people may prefer a martinit, but they can have that the next day, on their own dime.

Shazzie116 · February 2010

I agree with opal and CC, given the food choices, I think sticking to just beer and wine would be be a better pairing (I'm not gonna ever want scotch and clams). It would allow you to keep the bar open longer. People are going to drink what's offered to them.

dparisi · February 2010

Thanks Knotties. I think we will skip the signature drink and keep beer and wine open all night.

missusbee · February 2010

Hey,

I did a clambake and lots of our wedding was DIY. Beer and wine isnt expensive to do if you buy the alcohol yourself. Negotiate with your caterer for the bartending and insurance (dont serve it yourself--there are serious liability issues with your venue, caterer and yourself). We bought cases of beer from a local pacage store, got volume pricing, and 20 dollars for delivery. We bought wine at Trader Joes---try a bunch and pick out a few of the cheaper varietals (not Two Buck Chuck)...for example, their Vinho Verde is phenomenal with clambakes and at 3.99/bottle, your case came out around 50 bucks.

We did a signature cocktail--cranberry mojitos--and it wasnt that expensive. But I agree, if it isnt in your budget, you are better off doing open beer and wine and no SC than anything else. Especially at a casual clambake, people wont be bringing cash. Its more like a house party than a standard wedding---cash bar would be even more awkward.

noodle_oo · February 2010

I would do what you can afford to do, and your option sounds like a good one. Unlike BostonBride, I have been to weddings with a cash bar in MA after 1 hr of open bar for the cocktail hour. It is not that big a deal, though obviously the guests would prefer not to pay for their drinks if possible. But you can only do what works for your budget!

Good luck!

GinaBabe3 · February 2010

Hi D,

I think the beer and wine for 2 hours is still offering your guests a good amount to drink. I never assume a wedding is open bar unless obviously you hear otherwise before the event. Having lived in Mass my whole life what seems to be the norm at weddings that I have experienced is the first hour is open and then it switches to cash bar. I am of the mind set though that you are not expected to pay for booze at your wedding. Soda ok I can get on board with that, but not alcohol.

I would not sacrifice on anything else just so you can have open bar longer. But that again is a total personal prefernce. You will have guests that complain and you will have guests who don't mind at all.

I say go with your gut first and budget second.

Good Luck!!

AlexaGrant · February 2010

Geez, you're lucky people didn't jump down your throat for suggesting you might not have a full open bar for the entire wedding! Usually they say you're selfish and should cut down on the number of people you're inviting. I'm glad the Boston boards are more friendly and supportive!

Blueyed228 · February 2010

The advice I have heard from lots of people (boston knotties included) has been that its rude to make people pay for anything at your wedding and that you should cut down form 300 people to 200 and do an open bar all night.

Im not much of a drinker, but I hate beer and wine. But im probably the exception. I would just make sure that whatever bar option you choose, that you offer free soda, juice, water, etc for people all night. You can also do an inexpensive signature cocktail. Adding some vodka to the lemonade is yummy and you dont need it to be ridiculously strong.

I have also been to just as many cash bar wedding as I have been to open bar weddings. Personally, I dont care either way what the bar option is at a wedding. Im there to celebrate with the bride and groom.

I guess the best advice is to do the most you can for your guests to keep them happy.

opalsky007 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:e1cd93a0-a417-491a-b4cd-170721c9b81ePost:37f6fd31-dca3-4fc4-9d4e-26275786b934">Re: Open Bar opinions needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Geez, you're lucky people didn't jump down your throat for suggesting you might not have a full open bar for the entire wedding! Usually they say you're selfish and should cut down on the number of people you're inviting. I'm glad the Boston boards are more friendly and supportive!
Posted by AlexaGrant[/QUOTE]

IMO, it doesn't need to be a full bar, but it does need to be open. And I am kind of shocked to find myself in the minority on this.

A reception is a gift to your guests to thank them for coming to the wedding. So why would you expect them to open their wallets for it? I think we've done a good job here of suggesting ways that the OP can afford to be a good hostess without cutting her guest list or her guests' comfort.

AlexaGrant · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:e1cd93a0-a417-491a-b4cd-170721c9b81ePost:ded554c8-72e0-4b47-bf5e-36585058773b">Re: Open Bar opinions needed</a>:
[QUOTE] I think we've done a good job here of suggesting ways that the OP can afford to be a good hostess without cutting her guest list or her guests' comfort.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Yep, that's why I said I'm glad the Boston boards have been friendly and helpful and I think productive!

HMcP · February 2010

I'm going to take my chances and weigh in on this.  Flame me if you will but this is just my opinion and I think we all agree everyone is entitled to their opinion.

I'll preface this by saying I am born and raised in Mass, specifically the North Shore area and am 38 years old. That's right 38....an old hag but I am better at 38 then I was in my 20's :-)  That said, I have been in and to more weddings than I can count. Heck some of my friends are on the second marriages! I'm still working on my first, hopefully my only! Long winded but my point being, in all of the weddings I have been to, I have been to ONE wedding that was open bar the entire wedding. The majority have been open cocktail hour and then cash bar.

Maybe I'm from the school of 'nothing in life is free' and that's just my way of thinking.  Personally I'm fine with that because it usually means I'm not disappointed in the end. I hate carrying cash in the day of debit cards and rarely ever do, but I would NEVER attend an event of any kind without stopping at the ATM for cash, even if the bank machine it is out of my way which it usually is.

I personally don't think it's rude or anything else to have a cash bar. I like to think it's a pleasant surprise if there is one.  I recently attended a grand opening for a small restaurant, stopped to get cash and it was open bar for 3 hours. I was ecstatic but would never expect open bar there, at a wedding, a work event or anywhere.  Especially in today's economy and people losing jobs and couples just starting out and paying for their own weddings. Or whatever personal circumstances might be.

I'll just note that even with my above opinion, FI and I are planning on open beer, wine, and soda for our wedding all night. However, we are planning a smallish affair; if we were having a larger wedding we would not be able to afford it and I wouldn't think twice or feel bad about not having one.

In the conversations I've seen here and other places I've concluded that it's a regional thing, not a class or status thing because I am pretty darn fabulous and would never look down my nose at someone who does not host an open bar.

Bottom line, I have experienced, as most of us have, the expense of being in and attending weddings whether it be cash bar or to travel for a wedding, etc.  I do it because I care about the people whose wedding I am attending not because I expect something in return, period end of story.

penname11 · February 2010

Ditto Opal.

And Opal, I don't know if you are in the minority here or not, but I do know that I generally avoid these posts because I'm totally exhausted by this debate.

BostonBride919 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:e1cd93a0-a417-491a-b4cd-170721c9b81ePost:ded554c8-72e0-4b47-bf5e-36585058773b">Re: Open Bar opinions needed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Bar opinions needed : IMO, it doesn't need to be a full bar, but it does need to be open. A reception is a gift to your guests to thank them for coming to the wedding.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

I agree 100%

tiarab · February 2010

I agree with HMcP. I am from roxbury, born and raised and have never been to a wedding when it was open bar all night. I thought it was the norm until the knot, and it doesn't really bother me. At the end of the day it 's a party for your guest and their not expected to pay, but you have to do what you can afford.

ShaboAE · February 2010

To be honest... I never expected that debate to explode the way it did. I was really irritated at the time because someone had said to me that they consider an open bar a dealbreaker for whether she attended a wedding or not. Sure, everyone likes being able to drink for free, but that shouldn't be your criteria for attending a wedding. I've never been to a wedding that had an open bar for the entire evening, so I would never expect every wedding to have one, but as we have seen, others would expect nothing less.

With that said, do what you can afford. If you find there are people that you really don't have to invite, don't feel bad about not inviting them. 300 people is a rather large wedding.

If you are buying the alcohol yourself and hiring a bartender, it will save you a lot of money too. And most liquor stores will let you return the unopened booze after the event. Not all venues let you bring in your own, but since you are doing a tented wedding, you might be able to get away with it. But MA law can be kind of funny too. Your caterer should know more details.

megandjay · February 2010

I don't care either way, I wouldn't be hugely offended at a cash bar. However, you should try to spread by word of mouth that guests should bring money. I have been stranded without cash before at a cash bar wedding and that was the real annoyance. OP- Is there an ATM where you are having your wedding?

I agree with PPs that if you could possibly do open beer and wine the whole time that would be nice. And it's not really "all day", it's less than 4 hours, right? If your ceremony starts at 3pm and the bar has to close by 7:30pm? The bar won't be open during your ceremony, will it? I would try hard to be a good host and pay for the drinks, if possible.

higgldy_piggldy · February 2010

Beer and Wine only. As a guest, I would be super irritated that 'something' wasn't being offered for 'free'. for a 'signature' cocktail you could always do a sangria (wine based drink), or even an Arnold Palmer (a mix of lemonade and iced tea (no alcohol)).

aznbride2011 · February 2010

We are planning to serve just wine on the tables all night - red and white. There will be a full bar if guests want to pay for additional drinks. The way I see it is that if I invite guests over to my house for a party, I would normally only serve wine anyways, not a full bar selection. Therefore, although I agree that the reception is thanking guests for being at the wedding, I don't think guests need to be given "everything" they want free if its more than what is "normal" for a regular party.

Also, both my FI and I do not drink very much so I don't think anyone coming to our wedding is going to expect it to be a boozefest. I guess it just depends.

Blueyed228 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:e1cd93a0-a417-491a-b4cd-170721c9b81ePost:5da04bbb-6073-494d-a831-ecb4b17ec469">Re: Open Bar opinions needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Beer and Wine only. As a guest, I would be super irritated that 'something' wasn't being offered for 'free'. for a 'signature' cocktail you could always do a sangria (wine based drink), or even an <strong>Arnold Palmer</strong> (a mix of lemonade and iced tea (no alcohol)).
Posted by higgldy_piggldy[/QUOTE]

I LOVE Arnold Palmers. But I add ginger ale. Yum.

MeaghanandMichael · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:e1cd93a0-a417-491a-b4cd-170721c9b81ePost:31324444-bd0f-4ee0-b12d-33ee7e03addd">Re: Open Bar opinions needed</a>:
[QUOTE]I would serve wine/beer all night (skipping the sig cocktail) and try to find some other way to cut back. Skip favors or cut back on flowers or something... anything to keep the bar open all night. I find it a little rude and super confusing when a bar switches from open to cash. And I really do believe that beer/wine makes most people happy. We did that and didn't have a single complaint. Yes, some people may prefer a martinit, but they can have that the next day, on their own dime.
Posted by CCBelle[/QUOTE]
This is the correct point of view. No one expects anything ridiculous, but with 300 people you are already overdoing areas that are unnecessary. You are completely fine doing beer and wine, even generous. Find other ways to cut back and be the hostess you want to be at your own wedding.

Admittedly, this is a gracious guest issue as much as it is a gracious host issue. No one should ever ever have to open their wallets at your reception, but no guests should ever speak an ill word should something happen otherwise. SO yes, hopefully, there won't be backlash, but why worry?

I see pps say this is something you can skimp on, but etiquette wise it really is not. With the amount of money spent on weddings, I believe virtually no one when they say and open bar is that ONE thing they can't afford. Yes, there are exceptions, but in the long run, and open bar should be a hostessing priority (over flowers, favors, etc.) than anything else. This is why many people recommend trimming your guest list.

jacquikev · February 2010

Ive been to 6 weddings and none were open bar. However one served wine all night and If you wanted something else you were able to go the the bar and pay yourself. Some people only drink mixed drinks so I felt it was good that they still had the option to buy what they would like. Its always good to offer something for free, but even better I think if you offer guests options to pay for extras. I will be doing a coctail hour and then switching to cash bar. Each table will have a bottle of red and a bottle of white during dinner. If they want something else alcoholic then off to the bar they will go. Do what your able to. I would just be thankful you invited me to join in such a celebrated and happy occassion, not how rude you were because you wouldnt pay all night for my cosmos. :-)

dparisi · February 2010

Hi,

Sorry I started the debate again!!! It's just that the search engine on the knot is so bad, I could not find a Boston area open bar thread!!

Thank you all for your opinion!

lundar · February 2010

Is it bad that I love this topic? No matter how many times it comes up, I go to it and read the entire thing. It's like crack. I can't walk away

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