NER - Consumption Bar

SJM7538 · November 2012

My point is that in your first post you said that if you found out you had to pay For a drink at a wedding you would be inclined to leave. So I asked you "so if you had a close friend getting married and you found out you had to pay for a drink you would leave?" And you responded saying no you would not leave just bc you had to pay For a drink and that I twisted your words. You contradicted yourself. That's all.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

Let's try it this way:

What if you were providing a plated dinner (so your guests will no doubt be fed), but you also wanted to have apps. You couldn't afford them, so you had a counter setup where people could order them if they wanted them... but they had to pay for them. You don't think that would be weird? It's no different. No one HAS to drink alcohol the same way no one HAS to eat additional food when they're already being fed.

Or if you had candy machines people had to pay to use. Or you had a photobooth people had to pay to use. All of that is extra and unnecessary (though admittedly enjoyable), but should your guests have to pay for it so you can say you had it at your wedding?

SJM7538 · November 2012

Did the president of the United States declare it a law that guests shouldn't have to pay for drinks at a wedding? Is it written in an encyclopedia some where ? Nope. Then I'm pretty sure it's opinion and not a fact.

allychase · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:ef067c3f-1979-4d4b-bc27-c9ece82eab1f">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]My point is that in your first post you said that if you found out you had to pay For a drink at a wedding you would be inclined to leave. <strong>So I asked you "so if you had a close friend getting married and you found out you had to pay for a drink you would leave?"</strong> And you responded saying no you would not leave just bc you had to pay For a drink and that I twisted your words. You contradicted yourself. That's all.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No. This is what you said. "<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ebf4fb;">So are you saying that if you had a close friend who was getting married and you had to pay for a drink you would up and leave her wedding <strong>because you couldnt have an alcoholic beverage for free?</strong>" </span></div><div><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12px;">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12px;">You were insinuating I expected the free alcoholic beverage. That's what it says clearly in quotes. No, I wasn't expecting a free alcoholic beverage. I was expecting not to PAY for ANY type of beverage. So, no, I never contradicted myself. Maybe try not to forget what you said is written plain as day in this very thread. My point is I never go to a wedding expecting a free flow of alcohol, but I DO expect the bride and groom won't expect me to pull out my wallet for any reason while I'm at their wedding. And that assumption on their part is what would incline me to leave a little early. It's rude.
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allychase · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:b68dc5d0-7566-4e58-91a0-21c66cbe2824">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Let's try it this way: What if you were providing a plated dinner (so your guests will no doubt be fed), but you also wanted to have apps. You couldn't afford them, so you had a counter setup where people could order them if they wanted them... but they had to pay for them. You don't think that would be weird? It's no different. No one HAS to drink alcohol the same way no one HAS to eat additional food when they're already being fed. Or if you had candy machines people had to pay to use. Or you had a photobooth people had to pay to use. All of that is extra and unnecessary (though admittedly enjoyable), but should your guests have to pay for it so you can say you had it at your wedding?
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Thank you. Makes perfect sense to me but because the President hasn't had his press conference regarding etiquette on open bars at weddings, presumably because there are more important matters at hand, then it must NOT be true.</div><div>
</div><div>Then again the President never said wearing white to a wedding isn't allowed so i guess that's not rude either. He also never said putting registry cards in the invitation isn't allowed, so.. guess that is officially okay now too!</div>

SJM7538 · November 2012

I can consider something rude but that doesn't mean it's a fact. I have no problem with your opinions, I don't agree you but your entitled to feel the way that you feel. It's just not a cold hard fact.

kerlan1 · November 2012

I just had a wedding with a consumption bar. Our guests were pretty evenly spilt with about 1/3 heavy drinkers, 1/3 average, and 1/3 who barely drink at all. Based on the total cost of the bar we averaged about 2.5 alcoholic drinks per guest for the entire 4 hour open bar.

beardownbchs · November 2012

As a social drinker, yes, I would rather have some form of alcohol at a wedding than a dry one. But this doesn't make it right. I also would like to wear pajamas and slippers.

I don't drink beer or wine and I would prefer to see that than a cash or capped bar. If I were at a wedding and the bar had been capped, I'd congratulate the couple and find a regular bar to go drink at. At least there the bartender comes to me and I don't have to worry about whether or not the family thinks I'm drinking too much.

There may not be an actual law against cash or capped bars, but that doesn't mean it's okay. Bad etiquette is bad etiquette. Period. Just because someone else has done it doesn't mean it's okay. It may not be an amendment in the constitution, but it is pretty much fact.

mysi019 · November 2012

I have only been to one wedding that was totally open bar with liquor. ( and that was the only wedding that I have been to that wasnt in the state I live in) Either its free beer and wine with cash bar option, or just free beer and wine and liquor was not available. So I always have $ on me at weddings. I am only having beer and wine at my wedding. We are having it at a place where your bring everything yourself, and i dont wanna deal with bringing in liquor on top of everything else. My guests will be able to choose from water, pop, coffee, beer and wine.
This might seem mean of me, but I am the host and these are my guests. No Iam not making them pay for anything but they are not dicating my menu either. I would never go to a dinner party at my friends house and demand that they provide me with certain foods or beverages.

beardownbchs · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:fadffee1-86be-4a85-87d2-1794b11efc0f">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]I have only been to one wedding that was totally open bar with liquor. ( and that was the only wedding that I have been to that wasnt in the state I live in) Either its free beer and wine with cash bar option, or just free beer and wine and liquor was not available. So I always have $ on me at weddings. I am only having beer and wine at my wedding. We are having it at a place where your bring everything yourself, and i dont wanna deal with bringing in liquor on top of everything else. My guests will be able to choose from water, pop, coffee, beer and wine. This might seem mean of me, but I am the host and these are my guests. No Iam not making them pay for anything but they are not dicating my menu either. I would never go to a dinner party at my friends house and demand that they provide me with certain foods or beverages.
Posted by mysi019[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's not mean at all - that is the right thing to do. You're doing what you're comfortable with and can afford - not having your money go as far as it can and then asking your guests to pick up the rest.

</div>

Singer6 · November 2012

I found this all very intersesting, because I grew up LDS, and all of those receptions are DRY! Here's my question: All of you non-purse bringers, do you not tip the bar tender? Maybe I'm missing an ettiquette thing here. I know that they are tipped by the hosts at the end of the night, but ALL of the weddings I've been to with a bar, cash bar or not, have a tip jar!
I'm a HUGE tipper and would be embarassed to not leave a tip for a service person!
*Sorry if I have my ettiquette wrong on this, but I've been taught to ALWAYS tip.

arendiva · November 2012

My fiance doesn't understand why I feel so passionately about this issue. He doesn't see why cash bars are rude. I blame NH. We've been to 5 weddings together in the 4 years we've been dating. NONE of them have had open bar. 2 had open bar during coctail hour and then converted to cash. The most recent wedding was cash everything, as in they charged for soda! I was agast the only free beverages all night was the half glass of champagn for toasting and the coffee when they served cake. These weddings were all nice in other respects, they all had dj's and centerpieces etc etc. But I couldn't tell you what their flowers looked like to save my life. Guests will not remember your decorative details, they WILL remember if they had to pull out their wallets. I should also remark that only 2 of these 5 weddings sent thank you notes.

I know my priorities. I found a venue that allows you to bring in your own alcohol (thus saving a great deal of money) I will have a fully stocked bar with all of the conventional liqours, domestic beer, craft beer, homebrew, hard cider, and a red and white wine.

Though I would never remark to our friends how rude their weddings were I intend to lead by example. Hopefully the remaining friends in our circle will follow my lead.

allychase · November 2012

In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar:[QUOTE]I found this all very intersesting, because I grew up LDS, and all of those receptions are DRY!nbsp; Here's my question:nbsp; All of you nonpurse bringers, do you not tip the bar tender?nbsp; Maybe I'm missing an ettiquette thing here.nbsp; I know that they are tipped by the hosts at the end of the night, but ALL of the weddings I've been to with a bar, cash bar or not, have a tip jar! I'm a HUGE tipper and would be embarassed to not leave a tip for a service person! Sorry if I have my ettiquette wrong on this, but I've been taught to ALWAYS tip. Posted by Singer6[/QUOTE]

Tip jars are against etiquette as well.. Actually. If the bride and groom are tipping them for your service why would you tip them again? Do you tip the servers at a rehearsal dinner paid for by either bride and groom or the parents? You should never have to pull out your wallet at a reception, ever. Any circumstance you think is special, we've heard it here, and its still rude, and still one of the many excuses people come up with to make the reason they're being rude validated. Also, you should always tip, when you're paying for a service. Aka the host of the weddings job, not yours.

1mobags · November 2012

So here's a question then..... What about evolving etiquette? Because those RSVP cards we love used to be consider bad form... And in some places still are. Yet we all have them.

KellyBrian2013 · November 2012

In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar:[QUOTE]So here's a question then..... What about evolving etiquette? Because those RSVP cards we love used to be consider bad form... And in some places still are. Yet we all have them. Posted by 1mobags[/QUOTE]

Etiquette, evolving or not, is in place to insure that hosts are properly hosting their guests. Having an RSVP card does not in any way affect the comfort of guests. Asking them to whip out their wallet at the bar and pay for their own drinks for a party that you invited them to DOES affect their comfort, and is unbelievably rude. I don't understand why this is such a flucking hard concept to grasp. As for the person who asked about the tip jars/tipping bartenders, no, I don't. If it is an open bar, I expect the hosts to be taking care of the tip at the end of the night. We tipped our bartenders handsomely at the end of the night and did not allow them to put out tip jars.

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