Talk me down ladies...

PaigeMcC · May 2010

Okay...I"m getting overwhelmed! I've only been engaged 10 days and already the questions are starting...and the planning is starting and the overwhelming feeling that "OMG I DONT KNOW WHAT I"M DOING" is starting.

We're going to an open house at one of our potential venues on Thursday and then my BFF texts me and reminds me about another place. Then I get an e-mail from my aunt about this place and a FB e-maily message thing about this other place.

I dunno what I'm doing. I should know what I'm doing - I plan events for work all the time - but I don't! I don't know what to do! I don't know where to look! I don't know what my damned colors are (for gawds sake we've been engaged for 10 days). I need to talk to FI but he's at work too...and I'm panicking and I just really want to get my PJs on, crawl into bed and have a little over-whelmed cry. This is a bad thing...

HELP!!!

chipypony · May 2010

Do it! Crawl into bed and cry. When thats over, think about it all logically. Is this for just the reception? If so how close to where you want the ceremony are they, then think approximately how many people you want, then just visit get prices and put it in a binder, take pictures and think about it more.

katanne9 · May 2010

IT'S OKAY PAIGE!!!!!!!!

Decide THIS first:

1. What is your overall budget and how much is being dedicated to the venue.

2. What overall "feel" do you want to go for - formal, casual, rustic, classic, etc.

3. When. What season? Do you care if it's on a Friday or Sunday? This matters. You may be able to upgrade the venue/food if you are not in a highly wanted area of time.

Just ask yourself one question at a time. And, the Knot checklist is really helpful. I would go through that as well.

AND - enjoy it : ) Don't forget you've been waiting for this and just have fun! Remember what we tell everyone when they are waiting for the ring - this only happens once! Enjoy the nerves and anticipation! That doesn't end! And you have us to go crazy with

nefariousmango · May 2010

Oh god, the first month was a nightmare- how the Hel! are you supposed to know your colors already? I'm with chipypony, go be emotional, let it all out, you'll feel better.

The best thing to do is start a notebook and write down all your thoughts, then add pros/cons as you have more thoughts. Go to venues, take good notes, and don't commit to anything right away. Figure out what the most important aspect is to both of you. IE for us we wanted a ceremony site that had meaning and really awesome food at the reception, so we chose a reception site with its own kitchen, best food, and decided to make the invite list smaller so we could get married in my parents' garden. Our reception site had a list of preferred vendors, color choices were made based on the garden, and basically everything else came together really easily.

catemeg · May 2010

Breath, breath, breath!!!!!!!!!

It will be okay!

First thing is first - you need to come up with a standard response to all of the questions. May I suggest something along the lines of, "You know, we really haven't thought much about that yet. We're sort of enjoying our engagement for a little while before we launch into planning everything."

Even if you ARE starting to plan, it will keep you from announcing your colors, venue, date, etc.

Then, buy a 3-ring binder and put some sheets of paper in it. This will become your wedding bible. Make lists on the paper - all the venues you're considering, any notes you have on them underneath, any suggestions people have or that you have thought of that you want to check out later (vendors, themes, colors, etc.). Once you get materials from the venues, you can 3-hole punch it and stick it in the binder as well. You can make to-do lists. If a paper becomes redundant, you can tear it out and throw it out, but in the meantime it will be a good place to keep all the random thoughts and details that you're trying to keep organized in your head.

notquiteblushing · May 2010

I am no help. It only gets worse. Elope while you can!

katanne9 · May 2010

Yes, ditto Cate.

Go buy a wedding binder. I have a big fat one from Barnes and Noble.

I also bought the clear sleeves with binder holes and sticker labels.

Label different clear sleeves - ex: Dresses, Hair, Bridal Party, Ceremony, Cakes, Invitations, Flowers, Favors, Transportation, etc.

Whenever you clip anything out, put it in the according sleeve. Before you know it you'll build your own inspiration board of everything you happened to love.

PaigeMcC · May 2010

My head is spinning from this...lol

Actually NQB, Dad said to use the money he's giving us to either do the wedding or elope. He wants an excuse to go back to Cuba. lol

I've got a binder. It's at home with dividers, a hole punch, folders and paper (god bless my BFF)

I've also got a budget...that was step one. I've got an approx. number of guests (step 2) but the venue is stressing me. We want it to be fun and semi-formal (step 3). We want Sept.3, 2011 (Saturday) or Sept. 4, 2011 (Sunday) (step 4).

I just want to say "Heres my money, here's what I want, make it happen for me." I think I'll feel 100X better once FI and I narrow down the list to a couple places we want to look at...but until then people just keep throwing stuff at me and my mind keeps changing. I was looking at nice hotels...then my BFF was like "What about the farm you used to ride at? They do weddings!" And, stupid me, went and investigated and sure enough they have a beautiful wedding spot but I dunno if that's what we want and urg.

Thanks for the advice ladies...I feel a little better but seriously that PJ idea (minus the tears) might have to happen tonight. I dunno if I can go out (supposed to be going to a movie) and deal with more "OMG! When;s the date?! OMG what are your colors?! OMG anything you need let me know (this is a LIE!)"

*phew*

[Deleted User] · May 2010

:::big hugs:::

I don't have any amazing advice but Paige...this is your and your FI's wedding - not everyone elses. So, just take their suggestions with a grain of salt. Do what it is that YOU BOTH want to do - not what they all want to do. And you're right - you've only been engaged 10 days - there's no need to have specifics like colors and flowers and everything picked out! Enjoy the engagement dear - it's what you've been waiting for!!

katanne9 · May 2010

WOW! You could answer all my questions!! You should feel good about that!

When people ask you details, tell them it's they aren't invited.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Wow Paige.... You're actually WAY ahead of the game here so there's no need to be stressing out so much!

PaigeMcC · May 2010

Am I really? B/c I feel like I know nothing at all.... I think I'm just over-thinking and over-planning. I just need to slow down...and have a drink...

PaigeMcC · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_talk-down-ladies-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dfc9c33d-5f67-4fde-b242-cfed3a7f3713Post:ba2b18fb-fb99-44d0-a100-3df0bda8d5ec">Re: Talk me down ladies...</a>:
[QUOTE]! When people ask you details, tell them it's they aren't invited.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]
I like this answer...lol

chipypony · May 2010

Well, you are actually way ahead on this whole thing! Way to go, now go have a drink...or two

PaigeMcC · May 2010

I'm totally having a drink when I get home...1.5 hrs to go...

ekathleen684 · May 2010

BREATHE!! A good cry may be needed, give yourself 15 minutes then wipe your eyes and keep stepping. Your much further along than I thought and I think the budget and guest # is probably two of the biggest obstacles. You're doing fine!

PaigeMcC · May 2010

Thanks Ekath.

I knew you ladies would bring me back from the brink of panic! I knew there was no need...but I really needed to hear it from someone else!!

jeanacorina · May 2010

Can I crawl in bed and cry with you please? I could use a good cry.

catemeg · May 2010

Also, we are EXCELLENT brainstormers! If you want specific advice or pros/cons on certain venues, feel free to let us know!

Give us a zipcode, any specifications you want from a venue, and we'll find it!

Oh, and also, if you want a "Here's my budget, here's a rough idea of what we want, I just want to thumbs up/thumbs down everything and show up" kind of wedding - a destination wedding will certainly do that, as will a wedding planner. Something to consider...

PaigeMcC · May 2010

omg cate you're so sweet for suggesting that! Ah! *love* I might take you up on that in the near future.

Jeana hop on a plane. I've got a queen sized bed, full cable and lots of blankies. *hug*

catemeg · May 2010

And Jeana, speaking of Paige being only 10 days into her engagement, you've got only 10 days until you get MARRIED!!!!

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!!!

PaigeMcC · May 2010

OMFG 10 DAYS JEANA! That perked me right up! *dances*

jeanacorina · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_talk-down-ladies-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dfc9c33d-5f67-4fde-b242-cfed3a7f3713Post:a8585fd8-fd0b-42a5-9bdc-f0a287f7df0f">Re: Talk me down ladies...</a>:
[QUOTE]And Jeana, speaking of Paige being only 10 days into her engagement, you've got only 10 days until you get MARRIED!!!! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!!!
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm aware.

Paige-- elope while you still have the chance. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

jeanacorina · May 2010

If I come back here two days after the wedding and tell you it was all worth it, then you KNOW it's true. LMAO

hetshup · May 2010

Ok Paige, you are doing great! You have a budget, you have a comfortable guestlist, you have an idea about what you would like to do.

Quick Questions:

1) How do you feel about ballroom weddings? Excellent amenities or boring?
2) How important is food?
3) How "themed" do you want to me (I mean, we have a pretty princess, pirate and murder mystery disney theme already figured out)

Don't over think them, what are your knee jerk reactions?

Honestly, when I walked into my reception venue I was like, this is it. I didn't get that with a dress or anything else, but yes with the venue.

lisachadwedding · May 2010

Sorry, Im no help. Not engaged either but I am picking up a few pointers from you guys.

Thanks alot!

Fee

jeanacorina · May 2010

Same as me, Hetshup. Everything else I could kind of compromise on. But when I saw the venue and talked to the coordinator, I knew that was IT.

Paige, just go places. That's all you have to do. It's the fun part. Meet with people, look at locations, taste cake.... all that is great. Enjoy it! When you find something you love, book it and don't look back.

jeanacorina · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_talk-down-ladies-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dfc9c33d-5f67-4fde-b242-cfed3a7f3713Post:58f5c101-84a2-454b-bb55-a5b53555c990">Re: Talk me down ladies...</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry, Im no help. Not engaged either but I am picking up a few pointers from you guys. Thanks alot! Fee
Posted by lisachadwedding[/QUOTE]

You mean like "Elope while you have the chance" and "crawl into bed and cry"?

LOL I'm a terrible bride.

catemeg · May 2010

Okay, I think we need to calm Jeana now!

Jeana, as you've said, the details are just details. When your to-do list is piling up, just remind yourself that in two weeks you'll be married and the new ring on your finger and your new titles of "husband" and "wife" are all that matter!

We're super excited for you!!!

Acrosthec · May 2010

Deep breaths dear! The first two months were by far the worst for us. FI and I totally picked a venue and then found out by talking to the wedding coordinator at the church that while it was pretty, their food was awful. We had to start from scratch. You will have MANY headaches along the way; you just have to remember to keep breathing and take them one at a time.

Also, I'm in love with whoever it was that said to go ahead and have a standardized response of "well, we haven't really thought about it yet/decided." People will ask you all kinds of stuff, and if you don't know, you can tell them that and hope they back off. If it's friends bothering you, I've found that the "we want it to be a surprise" line has worked well also. They feel like it's something special you're saving for them to learn, and they leave you alone about it, even if it's totally NOT a surprise and you haven't a clue what you're doing yet. The only people this doesn't work on is any family that is financially invested in the wedding. They want to know (and deserve to know) what you're planning if they're paying for it.

**Mutley** · May 2010

Talk me down ladies...

Re: Talk me down ladies...

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