Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Giving the bride away

Ok, so I'm a bit concerned with the whole 'giving me away' issue and I would like your opinions on it.

My biological father left my mother while she was still pregnant with me and didn't bother to get in touch with me until I was 10 years old. That was 13 years ago and since then we have gotten a bit closer, but no where near the way a father and daughter should be.

My mother met my stepdad when I was 3 and I grew up calling him Daddy for the next 20 years. Last year during Christmas, he said something to me that I cannot get past (I doubt anyone would be able to get over what he said if he said it to them), and now I don't even look at him, not even if we're in the same room. 

My mother's dad, my grandpa, has been there since before I was born and has spoiled me and taken care of me the way a father should take care of his daughter. He can't stand my stepdad and can't believe that my mom married him, so in his mind, I have replaced my mom and I am his little girl. 

Mrs. Parker

Re: Giving the bride away

  • I can't help but be nosey wondering what was said to you.  I picked your Grandpa, he seems to be the constant in your life. Otherwise, I would choose walk down alone.
    Good luck!
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You could ask your mom to walk you down the aisle or walk by yourself.
                       
  • Grandpa seems to be a great choice to me. Based on the information you've given, I would not choose either bio dad or stepdad.

    There are also other options, though.  Many modern brides walk alone, or with their FIs.  As Maire said, you could also ask your mom to accompany you.

    I'm sorry to hear about the falling out with your stepfather.  That's brutal.
  • It sounds like you answered your own question. You seem to be favoring your grandfather just with what you wrote.

    Really, so long as you're happy with who walks you down the aisle, that is all that matters!
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  • I would have my mom walk me down the aisle or walk myself in your situation.
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  • I had my grandfather walk me down when i got married the first time, and it was the best choice I ever made.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_giving-bride-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f60aa50f-71cc-4fcb-9c09-a1f8426197b9Post:55170909-a357-4436-89dc-c2d10d314313">Re: Giving the bride away</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't help but be nosey wondering what was said to you.  I<strong> picked your Grandpa, he seems to be the constant in your life</strong>. Otherwise, I would choose walk down alone. Good luck!
    Posted by scrpio421[/QUOTE]
    this, or you could get your mom to walk you down the aisle
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I vote none of the above.

    I would either ask your mother or just walk by yourself.  None of those men raised you.  None of them have you to give.
  • I'm having my mom walk me down. My dad was not a father figure to me at all and my step dad is a creepo. The men are more than welcome to stand up front and support me with the rest of the family-- but my mom is the constant supportive individual who would never let me down.
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  • I think the descriptions you put for each of them in the poll shows your answer. I vote, "the one who loves you more than anything and truly wants you to be happy".
  • I voted for your grandfather.  If something were to happen to my dad, and I didn't have my brother, my grandfather would be doing it.  If he is who you are closest with, and you favor him walking you rather than your mom or walking by yourself, go for it.
  • I agree that it sounds like you answered your own question by the way you worded the choices in your poll.

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  • That's a tough one.  Grandpa is the obvious choice and I'm sure you're pissed (for good reason) that your dad left.  But he did come back.  Was he trying to be a part of our life for the past 13 years or just floating in and out?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_giving-bride-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f60aa50f-71cc-4fcb-9c09-a1f8426197b9Post:11fa8de4-a28c-4b58-86b8-e1a36199a612">Re: Giving the bride away</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's a tough one.  Grandpa is the obvious choice and I'm sure you're pissed (for good reason) that your dad left.  But he did come back.  <strong>Was he trying to be a part of our life for the past 13 years or just floating in and out?</strong>
    Posted by scorpgirl1120[/QUOTE]

    <div>No he's just been in and out. He has tried to be there for me, but it's like he doesn't exist most of the time. After I had the fallout with my stepfather, my mother decided that being standing behind her husband was more important than supporting me, her firstborn child and only girl. That's why I would rather not have her give me away. She gave that right away when she chose to stand behind him instead of me. I know it sounds like I'm being petty and childish, but if you knew the whole story, you would understand.</div>
    Mrs. Parker
  • I voted for Grandpa, but why not your Mom? I've been to many wedding where a bride's dad wasn't in the picture, and she's walked down the aisle by her mom. I've also seen brides enter on their own(quite dramatic actually). I had some issues with my parenst at the beginning of my engagement and went through a phase where I was going to have my brother walk me down the aisle.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_giving-bride-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f60aa50f-71cc-4fcb-9c09-a1f8426197b9Post:71f58c96-8a07-4680-9415-4ef8699f6c03">Re: Giving the bride away</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Giving the bride away : No he's just been in and out. He has tried to be there for me, but it's like he doesn't exist most of the time. After I had the fallout with my stepfather, my mother decided that being standing behind her husband was more important than supporting me, her firstborn child and only girl. That's why I would rather not have her give me away. She gave that right away when she chose to stand behind him instead of me. I know it sounds like I'm being petty and childish, but if you knew the whole story, you would understand.
    Posted by jessicarc11[/QUOTE]

    How do you think your biological dad would take it if you had your grandfather give you away? If you truly want to repair your relationship with him, and you think that doing this might make the relationship even more strained, then it might be best to just walk down the aisle alone.
  • I'm going to be asking my grandfather (my father's father) since my father passed away when I was barely three years old and my mother has since been out of my life due to her poor choices and negligince. I just feel it's right even though I'm not super close to my father's father he's trying and I think it's definitely worth the risk.

    I picked your grandfather. If he makes you happy, he deserves to give you away regardless of who is biological or who you call father.
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  • Wow.  I feel terrible that this is a decision you have to make.  I think you already know the answer, but I understand the need for voices. 
    Your grandfather seems like the only stable caring parental voice for you.  Or as the others have said, yourself.  You're the only one who has been there for yourself through it all!  You would have to be a confident strong women in my eyes to handle these relationships.

    I wish you all the best in your marriage...
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  • I didn't see the choices which make the most sense to me, given the drama(s) you have going on with all of these men.  If I were you, I'd (1) walk down the aisle with my fiance or (2) walk alone.  Is there any reason you did not include one of these choices in your list?

    Good luck!
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