Giving up control

MISSCOURTNEY20 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_giving-up-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82fb0591-c386-422c-a4d8-69a147f8d2bePost:ca383b4c-bc7f-4d9a-970b-e9f5a08fac7a">Re: Giving up control</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't given up control yet, either. B and I still have totally seperate accounts. <strong> We still split the check when we go out to eat.</strong> I know it's a little ridiculous sometimes, but I just can't imagine not having my own accounts and keeping track of just my own money. It's weird.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

You are not serious!!!!

kikibaby · August 2010

I am indeed serious

Calypso1977 · August 2010

Now we have no credit card debt at all, no car payments, and a savings account with actual money in it.

isnt that the most amazing feeling in the world? i cant wait for 20 years from now, when i can add "no mortgage" to that!

our finances are still pretty divided but we have constant communication. we really should get to a point where we combine everything, but its a control issue. mostly for me, but he has it too.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2010

It's actually been really comfortable for me. Not only because FI and I combined make more than my parents ever did (granted, my parents lived in a very low cost of living area and we don't), but because it's easy to have someone to rely on. It's like we're each other's safety net.

Sometimes I feel like I've regressed and I'm no longer an independent woman who can take care of everything on my own. But damn, being that independent was rough sometimes. And if I get to be with FI forever, I'll gladly lean on him a little.

Look at it this way Courtney: You know you don't HAVE to rely on him or let him take over anything. You don't have anything to prove. You CAN do it on your own. But giving up control fosters team work and trust.

Oh, and FI and I currently have separate accounts, but we keep a household spreadsheet with things like bills, due dates and account/retirement balances. We cover expenses for the other if needed, and we each have our own bills we pay. It's nice knowing that if we have an unexpected vet bill, FI will be able to step in if I can't. Or if he has a lot of car repairs one month I can cover another bill.

Calypso1977 · August 2010

oh, i also want to say that having a budget is important regardless of what you make. budgets are not just for those who are scraping by.

CSTK1910 · August 2010

We each put a certain percentage in a joint account with just enough to cover joint household expenses. If we need any more than that (vacation or something), we each just transfer more in. The rest we manage independently, which I like because I don't like the feeling of being dependent on someone else.

I am starting medical school next week though, so I will pretty much be broke for the next 4-12 years haha. Hence, FI will be contributing much more for a little while, and we will probably become much more combined. He likes to joke that he is supporting me now so that I will support him for the rest of his life, so I guess it doesn't make him as uncomfortable as it makes me. I think I just have to get used to the idea.

mwhitson14 · August 2010

I'm like salt. I have my account, he has his. No joint accounts, and no plans for it until we buy a house, and even then I'm not sure. This is mostly for my own protection, I'm not gonna lie. Most months I make more than Shane and I'm not really inclined to give any to him at this point in our marriage. Maybe after things are more established with us, and after I have more faith that our marriage is gonna last. This sounds incredibly horrible typing it out.

jnic0319 · August 2010

We have a joint account that we contribute 50/50 to, and then we each have our own personal accounts for spending money. For the most part we each take care of our own credit cards etc, ourselves and tell each other if we have to dip into the joint. I take care of all household bills, not financially, but they would probably not get paid if FI had to remember to pay them. It works for us, and he is very comfortable letting me do it, we also sit down once a month to go over the joint account so he can see where all the money goes- helps us stay on the same page.

jnic0319 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_giving-up-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82fb0591-c386-422c-a4d8-69a147f8d2bePost:7f61ef77-0d9c-4647-9a35-d5a3da698392">Re: Giving up control</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Giving up control : You are not serious!!!!
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

Miss Courtney, FI and I are also guilty of doing this sometimes. Since we each have our own spending accounts once in a while we will both be getting kind of low and each pick up our own plate, most of the time he pays though. Our joint account is only for bills.

smokeybailey · August 2010

I echo some of the PP's here. We have four accounts: joint checking, 2 personal checkings and one joing savings. The joint savings is generally for vacations and property taxes.

We have a budget and divide that up based on what we make. I recently received a raise so now we split the budget in half. Only house expenses come out of house account. If I want to get my nails done, buy a new dress, make payments on my car, etc., those come out of my account. He doesn't pay on my student loans and I didn't pay anything towards his consumer debt. It works perfectly for us.

Oh, and last night, Kiki, we went to Acapulco with this great $2.99 coupon that came in the mail and we split the bill down the middle. Either we split it or comes out of the house account. What difference does that make? If he buys dinner one time, I buy it the next. I don't get the big deal about it.

ETA: I manage ALL of the bills in the house. He used to manage just the DirecTV and it would get turned off every other month. So now I'm in charge. I grab his money out of his account each month and pay all the bills. I make him buy me booze for my accounting fees.

danieliza1127 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_giving-up-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82fb0591-c386-422c-a4d8-69a147f8d2bePost:d34cda76-e66d-430e-bada-dd8ece3e5c96">Re: Giving up control</a>:
[QUOTE]If he buys dinner one time, I buy it the next.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

We're that way too. Sometimes I'll say "you pay for this one" and other times I'll pay. We don't ever split the bill though.

HKD817 · August 2010

I completely understand how you feel. I am very very independent. Have been on my own since i was 19. My dad taught me about finances, handy work you name it. I've never needed anyone to take care of me. My FI is very much the same way but it is hard to leave things in someone elses hands. I tend to be controling and a little OCD so it was very hard for me to take a step back and trust that he will take care of things. and you know what! he did! LOL. I stress for no reason. He is very dependable, smart, and trustworthy. You just have to let it go

MISSCOURTNEY20 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_giving-up-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82fb0591-c386-422c-a4d8-69a147f8d2bePost:8cb7352b-d619-4146-bb6e-c5076599c452">Re: Giving up control</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Giving up control : We're that way too. Sometimes I'll say "you pay for this one" and other times I'll pay. We don't ever split the bill though.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

There are times when I will pay for the bill or he will pay. He actually doesn't like me to pay. A man thing I guess, but we have never split the bill. I am pretty sure he would never go for that and I don't think I want to.

smokeybailey · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_giving-up-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82fb0591-c386-422c-a4d8-69a147f8d2bePost:531767d4-821e-4bc9-a178-dcfa2d3c5993">Re: Giving up control</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Giving up control : There are times when I will pay for the bill or he will pay. He actually doesn't like me to pay. A man thing I guess, but we have never split the bill. I am pretty sure he would never go for that and<strong> I don't think I want to.</strong>
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

What's the big deal though? Either we put it on one of the credit cards and then "reimburse" them out of the house account or we both just split it and pay cash at that time. It's easier that way if we both have cash.

It's a pretty egalitarian way of handling expenses.

Giving up control

Re: Giving up control

Choose Another Board

Search Boards