Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'

itybitymommy · May 2011

FI and I really like the idea of a dollar dance, but i'm not exactly sure how to go about it... we don't have a budget for a dj, we were planning on doing the music ourselves. With this in mind, how would I go about announcing a dollar dance without sounding terribly greedy?

zazelle · May 2011

I agree with CMGr. It's a little tacky to essentially beg your guests for money. There are overtones of men/women "selling themselves" as well. Again, unless this is some sort of tradition, don't do it.

trix1223 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:70dacfdb-8172-4512-ba95-969ee557570b">Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I really like the idea of a dollar dance, but i'm not exactly sure how to go about it... we don't have a budget for a dj, we were planning on doing the music ourselves. With this in mind, how would I go about announcing a dollar dance without sounding terribly greedy?
Posted by itybitymommy[/QUOTE]

Well, you don't. That's the bottom line here.

There just isn't a gracious way to announce to your guests "You've all given up your time to come to our wedding. You may have had to travel to be here with us, and we all know how outrageous gas prices are now! And let's not even discuss the price of air fare, huh?"

"You may have also had to book a hotel room, and paid for attire. I know that many of you were also at my shower, and I can see by the gifts on the table that you've brought uswedding gifts as well."

"So to thank you for all you've already done to share this day with us, we'd now like to invite you to the dance floor where you'll have to pay money to dance with us. Come on, everyone open your wallets now!"

See what I mean? Sounds pretty awful, doesn't it?

But good luck to you in your planning and wedding.

sklink0486 · May 2011

I don't know about just Baltic cultures CMGr....but, I agree, I wouldn't do it if it's not tradition in your family. It is tradition in my Polish family and my fiance's Filipino family, so we will have one because they expect one. But, if it's not, I don't see any way for it to not look greedy. It is a MONEY dance afterall, so only do one if your guests expect it and/or would be upset if you didn't have one like my FI's family.

LaceyH13 · May 2011

My suggestion would be to have another party - perhaps the Best Man? - do the announcing - for example, do the father/daughter dance (if you are doing one) to get everyone's attention, followed by the mother/son dance (if you have one), then finish it off with the dollar dance. If the same person [Best Man] announces for all of them, you can flow smoothly into it. Then, just have a couple of songs that are suitable for the occasion, with the Best Man manning the iPod (or whatever you are using) and acting as temporary DJ.

I know that my fiance's friends enjoy playing amateur DJ at get-togethers, so hopefully yours are similar, in which case they might find this fun!

em01092 · May 2011

My dad and stepmom had one at their wedding. No cultural or ethnic background behind it, since we're Caucasian, unless its a regional thing. Stepmom's family is from Toldeo, Ohio. I was nine so I don't remember specifics or who's idea it was.

I say don't do it. Or at the very least ask that you not have one. Seem very uninterested in it. Then maybe it won't happen. If your mom or someone asks the DJ to make it happen, at least you can say you weren't in favor.

StacyJenniges · May 2011

I think that the idea of having the best man anounce it is a good idea. Also if you have an uncle or someone who is really good at announcing things that would be good too.

Where I come from a small town in Minnesota the Dollar dance is a must. We have alot of fun with it too, it's a dollar to dance, $5 to move to the front of the line and $20 to cut in line. Our famllies would actually fight and give $20 just to cut in right when someone else in the family starts dancing. It's alot of fun, and we all find it worth the money!

I don't know if we will do one since my fiance's family is from the city. I also don't think my fiance would like to have to dance with tons of people.

emmmbeee · May 2011

I wouldn't do it. I've never been to a wedding where a dollar dance has been done so maybe I don't have the best perspective but it just doesn't seem tasteful to me. Asking your guess to open their wallet at any time during the wedding just seems wrong to me.

Soon2BeMrsTing · May 2011

What do you "like" about the idea of a dollar dance, besides the part where you pocket extra cash?

I've never seen a dollar dance, and I hope I never do. Tacky, tacky.

sklink0486 · May 2011

Can I just say that I know everyone is entitled to their opinions, but if you have never seen a dollar dance, maybe you don't understand that it is also fun for guests sometimes. These are family and friends after all, and the fun of the dollar dance for them is that they get to dance with their cousin or nephew or friend, and may never have the chance again. I had never danced with my cousin before and I was really excited to stand in line and give him $1 (yes, $1- there is no minimum really in my family besides that) to dance with him for the first and probably only time. It may have been short, but sweet. Not everyone has to participate.

skippylouwho · May 2011

And for some guests, like me, it is NOT fun. I find them extremely tacky and distasteful - not to mention boring. If the dollar dance is going on you don't have a lot of choice, i most reception halls, but to watch it. I guess one could always leave and come to think of it, about that time I usually do.

sklink0486 · May 2011

Skippylou, that's why I said sometimes fun for guests. There's nothing wrong if you or your family hates it, but I don't think there's anything wrong (or distasteful or tacky) about it if it's tradition in your family or completely acceptable in your region. Obviously OP, it depends on your reasons for doing it- if you just want extra cash, please don't. If it's common and even expected, then maybe you should talk to a close family member about what they think.

coralee715 · May 2011

It may be regional, but I have never been to a wedding that DIDN'T have a dollar dance, in fact when I was 10 (30 years ago) my cousin had a $5 dance (that wasn't well received), but again. Every wedding I've gone to has had a dollar dance.

StacyJenniges · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:131195a7-a5f8-4b19-a9f7-415d1486db04">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]Skippylou, that's why I said sometimes fun for guests. There's nothing wrong if you or your family hates it, but I don't think there's anything wrong (or distasteful or tacky) about it if it's tradition in your family or completely acceptable in your region. <strong>Obviously OP, it depends on your reasons for doing it- if you just want extra cash, please don't. If it's common and even expected, then maybe you should talk to a close family member about what they think</strong>.
Posted by sklink0486[/QUOTE]

completly agree. Where I come from it's also expected, actually when friends DON"T have a dollar dance I'm actually disappointed! I would actually suggest posting on your local board. You'll get more of a feel for what the norm is in your area.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:48e80d29-e4b8-4b6f-97d0-66a37d58211b">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]It may be regional, but I have never been to a wedding that DIDN'T have a dollar dance, in fact when I was 10 (30 years ago) my cousin had a $5 dance (that wasn't well received), but again. Every wedding I've gone to has had a dollar dance.
Posted by coralee715[/QUOTE]

Me too. If you're getting married in No-Dak, you're having a dollar dance, or else everyone just thinks you're boring or weird. I didn't want to do one at first but everyone in my family was like WHA!? and my DJ was like, "Oh come on. It's fun. People love it." And up here, they do. In some social circles they aren't that big of a deal, and in others they are. If you don't think anyone's going to be offended by it then I really don't know what the big flippin deal is.

Btw, I don't even remember how our dollar dance was announced. I think our emcee just got up and said "Okay, folks, it's time for the dollar dance" and everyone else knew what to do.

bethsmiles · May 2011

If I went to a wedding that had a dollar dance, I wouldn't complain but my gift would be going back home with me. I think they are tacky. It is tacky to ask for cash period. I don't see why making it game makes it okay.

FutureJilliannD · May 2011

Where I am from (Ohio), I have seen some people do it and some not. I just find it tacky and awkward. Every single time I have participated, I have felt awkward. And I agree with PP that I will be happy to dance with our other guests throughout the night.

CorrieDude · May 2011

I'm pretty shocked and appalled at the responses here. Here in Wisconsin, it's incredibly common to have a dollar dance. It's considered weird if you DON'T have one. I'll be willing to bet there are more people who are familiar with the dollar dance than you think.
All these people saying that it's tacky are incredibly rude. You are trash talking family and cultural traditions, which is incredily tacky and distasteful in itself. So take what they say with a grain of salt. It's a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

aegrish · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:48e80d29-e4b8-4b6f-97d0-66a37d58211b">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]It may be regional, <strong>but I have never been to a wedding that DIDN'T have a dollar dance</strong>, in fact when I was 10 (30 years ago) my cousin had a $5 dance (that wasn't well received), but again. Every wedding I've gone to has had a dollar dance.
Posted by coralee715[/QUOTE]

Me too. It's always been called a dollar dance, but usually guests give at least $10 and some even request to dance with the MOH or BM.

aegrish · May 2011

I also think it is a family/social circle deal. If it's common for weddings you go to than maybe you should consider it- IF you feel comfortable with it...if it's not than typical in your family/social circle it may not be well received. Again, if you do have one you need to be completely comfortable with it and your parents should be in agreement with you having one to, otherwise it will be awkward for everyone.

itybitymommy · May 2011

Thank you, ladies. And I do mean all of you. I haven't been to many weddings, but the three or four that I have been to all had a dollar dance. I decided that I'm going to ask my grandmother and my mother both what they think, and depending on how they feel about it I'll decide to yea or nay. Thanks for your input!

zitiqueen · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:05bcce1e-3db7-455b-9cc5-1d747cf5cb30">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty shocked and appalled at the responses here. Here in Wisconsin, it's incredibly common to have a dollar dance. It's considered weird if you DON'T have one. I'll be willing to bet there are more people who are familiar with the dollar dance than you think.<strong> All these people saying that it's tacky are incredibly rude. You are trash talking family and cultural traditions, which is incredily tacky and distasteful in itself.</strong> So take what they say with a grain of salt. It's a case of the pot calling the kettle black.
Posted by CorrieDude[/QUOTE]

Oh no, you've got it all wrong. What they're saying is they're incredibly open-minded and tolerant of the traditions of other cultures, families, and regions, and in that context they have no problem with a dollar dance... however, that tolerance and open-mindedness only applies to the traditions that are also common in<em> their</em> cultures, families, and regions. So therefore, dollar dances are horribly tacky and rude and nobody should ever have one.

I hope that clears things up.

MyNameIsNot · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:70dacfdb-8172-4512-ba95-969ee557570b">Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I really like the idea of a dollar dance, but i'm not exactly sure how to go about it... we don't have a budget for a dj, we were planning on doing the music ourselves. With this in mind, <strong>how would I go about announcing a dollar dance without sounding terribly greedy?</strong>
Posted by itybitymommy[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't see how you could possibly go about asking guests for money without sounding greedy. </div><div>
</div><div>You can dress it up any way you want, but you're still asking for money, and it's still greedy. </div>

aegrish · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:d514a64e-d2a9-44de-adb8-e1d53808f0e6">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]Where I am from (Ohio), I have seen some people do it and some not. I just find it tacky and awkward. <strong>Every single time I have participated, I have felt awkward.</strong> And I agree with PP that I will be happy to dance with our other guests throughout the night.
Posted by FutureJilliannD[/QUOTE]

No one said you have to participate, especially everytime. I would assume that most guests that line up for the dollar dance actually want to otherwise they'd stay seated. I dont line up unless the groom is a close friend or I grew up knowing him.

StacyJenniges · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:a0919720-dd4b-4e63-802c-2e1b0a7a552b">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance' : No one said you have to participate, especially everytime. I would assume that most guests that line up for the dollar dance actually want to otherwise they'd stay seated. I<strong> dont line up unless the groom is a close friend or I grew up knowing him</strong>.
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

I'm the same way, if I don't know the groom well I don't dance with the groom, but I will dance with the bride if I know her real well. The Dollar Dance has always been one of my favorite parts of wedding dances!

Tiger_Tammer · May 2011

You people make me hate the word "Tacky"

musicalsunlight · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:05bcce1e-3db7-455b-9cc5-1d747cf5cb30">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty shocked and appalled at the responses here. Here in Wisconsin, it's incredibly common to have a dollar dance. It's considered weird if you DON'T have one. I'll be willing to bet there are more people who are familiar with the dollar dance than you think. All these people saying that it's tacky are incredibly rude. You are trash talking family and cultural traditions, which is incredily tacky and distasteful in itself. So take what they say with a grain of salt. It's a case of the pot calling the kettle black.
Posted by CorrieDude[/QUOTE]

Oh FFS. Tradition does not = ok by etiquette standards. It's a way to bypass it as an excuse, but it doesn't make it more "ok". Seriously, calm the eff down. People can still do what they want, but getting opinions from an international message board shows clearly that the act itself is not ok by etiquette standards, but it doesn't mean people don't or won't do it. It is not rude to answer a question when it is ASKED. OP asked the thoughts about a dollar dance, and she got them. Just because not everyone validated the dollar dance doesn't mean they are rude people.

edit--clarification

mbatzlaff · May 2011

Most wedding I've gone to had a dollar dance. It is very common in Minnesota and not considered rude at all. It really is a way for the bride and groom to dance with children, friends, and family that they wouldn't get a chance to dance with...there are only so many songs and everyone can get in the dollar dance line (some even multiple times). It honestly is viewed more like tipping a waitress rather than selling yourself. Once the couple was even given Euros for their honeymoon in Italy. I've even heard of donating the cash to a charity. No one is obligated to do it if they don't want to and it's all meant in fun.

I say if you want to do it go for it. Have someone in the wedding party announce it and then MOH and BM collect the cash and tell when it's the next person's turn.

sklink0486 · May 2011

I completely agree with CorrieDude. Obviously, this is a family and cultural tradition that not everyone does. You may not like it if you've seen one before, but if you've never seen one and are just saying it's tacky and greedy, then that is offensive to people who celebrate this tradition. I would love it if one of you posted something about a family tradition and we all trash talked it and see how you react..even if it doesn't follow etiquette guidelines.

musicalsunlight · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:fcfcb39c-047a-42b5-897a-0f1cdb574797">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely agree with CorrieDude. Obviously, this is a family and cultural tradition that not everyone does. You may not like it if you've seen one before, but if you've never seen one and are just saying it's tacky and greedy, then that is offensive to people who celebrate this tradition. I would love it if one of you posted something about a family tradition and we all trash talked it and see how you react..even if it doesn't follow etiquette guidelines.
Posted by sklink0486[/QUOTE]

The perils of a message board.... you open yourself to opinions from anyone and everyone! If you are afraid what you are doing might make people upset/get you some nasty comments, then don't post it. OR if you are too sensitive to handle it, also don't post it. Ya know what they say, if you can't take the heat...

veggienat · May 2011

Us Mexicans usually do it. I say go with what you want to do! And if you like the idea, then have a wedding party or family member announce it. If that is the 'tackiest' thing going on for your wedding, you are doing just fine! I don't think guests are as put off by it as people are making it seem on this post. Noone forces you to participate!

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