UPDATE!!!

TheMutleys · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a2869e8-eea9-4d99-ac65-16258700bcefPost:25539877-6232-4507-a289-cf346a47dab7">Re: UPDATE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well now he texted me asking what I'm doing tonight and if I wanted to hang out. I said "sure, what do you want to do". He said he "didn't know". I said, "Okay." Then he said, "Oh nevermind. You don' really want to anyways. Have a nice night." WTF. This maturity level is ridiculous.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

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Honestly, I would call him and not beat around the bush about how his text came across. This is no time for games. It is a time for blunt communication.

Is there something new going on in his life for him to be acting this way? Or if you look back, has it always been like this and you are just now noticing it and standing up for yourself?

And Desert gave some great advice. I have told several of my girlfriends that you can be with a perfectly great man, but that does not always mean that he is the best man for you. You don't drive a sports car when you need an SUV.

ravenray · December 2011

*Hugs* Desert and Mutely and everyone else have given the best advice. I just have hugs and loves! *hugs* *loves*

desertsun · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a2869e8-eea9-4d99-ac65-16258700bcefPost:c89ab4eb-f041-4828-8147-641bd633afc4">Re: UPDATE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I'll just update again on here instead of making another post: Evidently he actually did mean it. Last night he came to pick me up and we went to his apartment. He was telling me that he does need to change this. He said he realized after I left the night before that I am right- he doesn't put me as his priority right now, and he's become selfish. I'm glad he realized that. And that he was completely genuine about it. He even said he'd deal wtih his brother, because his brother just doesn't understand. He told his brother that he was discussing things with me (this is over facebook chat) and that he needs to make me more of a priority. His brother said, "WHAT? You talk to her ALL the time!! You see her ALL the time!!!!!!!!!! She is a priority! What a selfish girl!!" And Jeff assured him that no, she is not selfish and that he simply doesn't understand because he's never been LD and has never been engaged. I wasn't around when this convo was happening, but he showed me it online. So, anyways. I'm really happy that he realized that he does need to put me as a priority. So, that was sweet. It makes me upset that I was not a priority to him (in his head), but I'm glad we can get this sorted out NOW before we get married. I'm proceeding with MAJOR caution. I deserve someone who does make me a priority. We'll see!
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

I am SO glad he seems to be recognizing what he needs to be doing.

I think sometimes it IS hard (speaking as the youngest of 4) for younger siblings to understand the shift in priorities that happens as you become an adult, and have a serious, committed, adult relationship.

Growing up, I was always a big part of my siblings' lives. It was a hard adjustment for me as they grew up, went to college, got into serious grown up relationships, etc.

Seeing someone a lot is not the same as that person always coming first when you think about your life, and that's what Jeff seems to be finally grasping, and his brother may just not get yet.

Again, don't expect this to be the end of it, but try to just be patient and keep in mind that you love each other and trust each other, and I think you should be able to work it out in time. :)

alr122012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a2869e8-eea9-4d99-ac65-16258700bcefPost:c89ab4eb-f041-4828-8147-641bd633afc4">Re: UPDATE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I'll just update again on here instead of making another post: Evidently he actually did mean it. Last night he came to pick me up and we went to his apartment. He was telling me that he does need to change this. He said he realized after I left the night before that I am right- he doesn't put me as his priority right now, and he's become selfish. I'm glad he realized that. And that he was completely genuine about it. He even said he'd deal wtih his brother, because his brother just doesn't understand. He told his brother that he was discussing things with me (this is over facebook chat) and that he needs to make me more of a priority. His brother said, "WHAT? You talk to her ALL the time!! You see her ALL the time!!!!!!!!!! She is a priority! What a selfish girl!!" And Jeff assured him that no, she is not selfish and that he simply doesn't understand because he's never been LD and has never been engaged. I wasn't around when this convo was happening, but he showed me it online. So, anyways. I'm really happy that he realized that he does need to put me as a priority. So, that was sweet. It makes me upset that I was not a priority to him (in his head), but I'm glad we can get this sorted out NOW before we get married. I'm proceeding with MAJOR caution. I deserve someone who does make me a priority. We'll see!
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

YOU ARE CRAZY. OBSESSED. AND NEED TO GET OVER THIS "SITUATION" AND YOURSELF.

Just because you are in his life for the last how many other days, weeks, months,years, whatever....his brother has been in his life for longer and always will be. You need therapy. Just because he wants to take 3-4 hours out of your birthday day to watch football with his brother does not give you a reason to act like this. My FI and I are both in the airlines, we know what LD relationships are like, but even though we only get so much time together we know that other people in our lives are just as important and also deserve our time as well. Why can't you just be an adult and compromise with dinner and a special night on your birthday? Why do you require him the whole 24 hours. I will begin praying for this man.

OK. I'm done. Good Luck...Drink your milk, take your vitamins and have a good day.

Oh...and once again...please get over this petty "issue" of yours, there are way more problems in your relationship to worry about aside from a Sunday afternoon football game.

Once again, Good luck with all this.

polkadot111 · December 2011

Well I'll just update again on here instead of making another post:

Evidently he actually did mean it. Last night he came to pick me up and we went to his apartment. He was telling me that he does need to change this. He said he realized after I left the night before that I am right- he doesn't put me as his priority right now, and he's become selfish. I'm glad he realized that. And that he was completely genuine about it. He even said he'd deal wtih his brother, because his brother just doesn't understand. He told his brother that he was discussing things with me (this is over facebook chat) and that he needs to make me more of a priority. His brother said, "WHAT? You talk to her ALL the time!! You see her ALL the time!!!!!!!!!! She is a priority! What a selfish girl!!" And Jeff assured him that no, she is not selfish and that he simply doesn't understand because he's never been LD and has never been engaged. I wasn't around when this convo was happening, but he showed me it online.

So, anyways. I'm really happy that he realized that he does need to put me as a priority. So, that was sweet. It makes me upset that I was not a priority to him (in his head), but I'm glad we can get this sorted out NOW before we get married. I'm proceeding with MAJOR caution. I deserve someone who does make me a priority. We'll see!

heyimbren · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a2869e8-eea9-4d99-ac65-16258700bcefPost:db8183e7-7e8f-4a65-a6f2-9ec18e47dd64">Re: UPDATE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE!!! : Oh I love random unsoliciated advice from newbs we don't know. You're way off base here. Thanks for your input, really. I'm sure polka really appreciates it.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

Yaga, I also think you forgot to point out ignorant and useless. I can't remember who said it now, maybe Mutley, but there's no reason to respond to an update without understanding the background.

jaycee7389 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a2869e8-eea9-4d99-ac65-16258700bcefPost:cf6e8370-05af-4dd6-95c1-f285a4cec14b">Re: UPDATE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE!!! : YOU ARE CRAZY. OBSESSED. AND NEED TO GET OVER THIS "SITUATION" AND YOURSELF. Just because you are in his life for the last how many other days, weeks, months,years, whatever....his brother has been in his life for longer and always will be. You need therapy. Just because he wants to take 3-4 hours out of your birthday day to watch football with his brother does not give you a reason to act like this. My FI and I are both in the airlines, we know what LD relationships are like, but even though we only get so much time together we know that other people in our lives are just as important and also deserve our time as well. Why can't you just be an adult and compromise with dinner and a special night on your birthday? Why do you require him the whole 24 hours. I will begin praying for this man. OK. I'm done. Good Luck...Drink your milk, take your vitamins and have a good day. Oh...and once again...please get over this petty "issue" of yours, there are way more problems in your relationship to worry about aside from a Sunday afternoon football game. Once again, Good luck with all this.
Posted by alr122012[/QUOTE]

I love when newbs are completely wrong. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that your FI probably does the same shiit to you so you are trying to justify his actions by saying Polka is crazy. If not, you need to take one of your vitamins, preferably some 5-HT, and get over yourself.

alr122012 · December 2011

Yup.

desertsun · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a2869e8-eea9-4d99-ac65-16258700bcefPost:cf6e8370-05af-4dd6-95c1-f285a4cec14b">Re: UPDATE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE!!! : YOU ARE CRAZY. OBSESSED. AND NEED TO GET OVER THIS "SITUATION" AND YOURSELF. Just because you are in his life for the last how many other days, weeks, months,years, whatever....<strong>his brother has been in his life for longer and always will be.</strong> You need therapy. Just because he wants to take 3-4 hours out of your birthday day to watch football with his brother does not give you a reason to act like this. My FI and I are both in the airlines, we know what LD relationships are like, but even though we only get so much time together we know that other people in our lives are just as important and also deserve our time as well. Why can't you just be an adult and compromise with dinner and a special night on your birthday? Why do you require him the whole 24 hours. I will begin praying for this man. OK. I'm done. Good Luck...Drink your milk, take your vitamins and have a good day. Oh...and once again...please get over this petty "issue" of yours, there are way more problems in your relationship to worry about aside from a Sunday afternoon football game. Once again, Good luck with all this.
Posted by alr122012[/QUOTE]

A spouse/long-term partner should come before a sibling.

As Polka is engaged, her FI should be treating her like a spouse NOW. She shouldn't expect marriage to change or improve their relationship. Hence working on it now.

Your poor grasp of the situation has led you to write a post that is not only ignorant, but also not very useful. You don't look cool or smart; you just look vindictive and, frankly, a little stupid. Good luck with that.

polkadot111 · December 2011

Alr... I am thinking maybe you need therapy a little more than I do... I am disregarding what you said because you obviously don't know what the heck you're talking about.

Everyone else: Thanks for stickin up for me. haha. Silly new posters. I REALLY am happy that we are getting this figured out. Thanks for not letting me just pass it on by! I'm glad I posted this on here because then I stood my ground and we both were able to get much more on the same page with this. I'm sure it will take more time to get it to work without reminders, but I think this sure is a good start! Thanks again for all of the advice!

UPDATE!!!

Re: UPDATE!!!

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