Do you hold grudges?

Girlie1030 · May 2012

I just found out that the girl involved in the break up of my first engagement (who I work with and see her pretty much daily) has resigned and her last day is tomorrow. It pretty much made my day but got me to thinking how silly it is to still hold a grudge this many years later - especially since I am so much better off than I would have been had I stayed with that guy.

So do you hold a grudge? If so, do you let it go pretty quickly or hang on to it for years?

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

I do somewhat. I don't like that I do. For example I'm really hoping that I don't end up like my mother. She holds horrible grudges with a ton of people and they go back like... decades. Over really stupid things.

One grudge I hold is against Ben's best man's former fiancee. That woman is an insufferable twat and I hate her for all the pain she caused our friend. I basically wish terrible things for her. They had a baby last fall that died at birth - which was TERRIBLE - but she was a twat before that happened and was still a twat after it happened. She would play mind games with him to get him to do things she wanted. She didn't let him drink during her pregnancy. She found out I dated the guy for like six months in high school so she apparently hated me, which was ridiculous. She posted on her FB a few days ago that this year, her senior year of college, has been the best of her life. Wtf? Your flucking baby died and you broke off your engagement. Fricken psycho.

baystateapple · May 2012

Eh. Sometimes people hurt you and it's hard to let go of that fact. I don't hold most grudges, but there are people that I just know I will never like, or be happy for if something good happens to them.

chelseamb11 · May 2012

I usually only hold grudges to people who don't apologize for what they did. I'm STILL pissed at my ex who completely broke my heart 4 years ago (he never admitted that he hurt me), but I'm good with people who hurt me in other ways since then. I think it's a pride thing?

LDYGTR13 · May 2012

I'm terrible at holding grudges because I rarely remember I'm mad at someone for very long. But most people haven't royally fucked me over.

ErinG93 · May 2012

I don't hold grudges often, or for long. Part of it is my terrible memory. I have a hard time remembering something shitty someone did unless it was really terrible. So no, not really.

mehgank · May 2012

I wouldn't say I hold grudges neccessarily, but I do have a pretty damn good memory of the times people have hurt me. So, basically, I'll forgive, but I sure as hell ain't forgetting.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:70d169bf-3ab0-4b96-9ae7-6c9cad23f9c9">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you hold grudges? : This reminds me. My aunt who I despise I think *still* holds a grudge against my mother for forgetting about a baby shower. It must have been at least twenty years ago, if not longer. She and her husband also caused a lot of trouble with their son's wedding and my wedding. I think I hate them.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Lol yeah that sounds like stuff my mom is in, too. With my dad's family. She and my grandma all out hate each other, lol. This garbage has been going on for like 30 years. My mom still gets pissy this time of year because she brings up that no one told her about my youngest uncle's graduation open house at the old farm, so she was the only one not there. I think I would have been upset, too, but ffs. Thirty fricken years ago, man. ENOUGH.

avsfan33 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:27d39216-3a68-433e-bdfe-a88560ec0ce9">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh. Sometimes people hurt you and it's hard to let go of that fact. I don't hold most grudges, but there are people that I just know I will never like, or be happy for if something good happens to them.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

This is how I am too.

Girlie1030 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:61a06d26-06ca-4814-b1f5-fe55beddb409">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't say I hold grudges neccessarily, but I do have a pretty damn good memory of the times people have hurt me. So, basically, I'll forgive, but I sure as hell ain't forgetting.
Posted by mehgank[/QUOTE]

I think in general this is how I am. Small offenses I can let go and forgive but if it's major apparently I don't let it go.

anna.oskar · May 2012

I hold grudges. My memory is so bad that i figure: if I can remember why I'm mad/hurt/whatever this much time later, it must be deserved because I forget everything else.

kroot87 · May 2012

There are some people I'll never be fond of because of horrible things they've done, but I don't hold grudges or hold on to anger. I've seen it destroy too many relationships in my family, and no one on their death bed ever thinks, "wow, I'm really glad I carried anger toward this person for my entire life."

It's cliche, but true.. forgiveness is good for your own wellbeing/mental health/whatever, not necessarily for the benefit of the person you're forgiving.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

I'm a big grudge holder, but I think all of mine are justified. Some people don't deserve forgiveness.

Girlie1030 · May 2012

I'm going to hold a grudge against Rachers for that stunning picture.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

My mom even holds a grudge against a cousin of mine - listen to how psycho this is.

My cousin is 26 and my sister is 20, when my sister was like, three years old my cousin was nine. We were all playing at grandma's and my cousin picked up my sister, but ended up dropping her and my sister sprained her wrist. Unfortunate accident right? No. According to my mother, my cousin was so obsessed with babies and baby dolls that she thought she could pick up a real child and be its mother. Wtf? Then my mother confronted my aunt (cousin's mom) about it and demanded that my aunt have a serious talk with my cousin about picking up small children. This resulted in my mother making an even bigger enemy of my grandma and a new enemy of my aunt, lol.

My cousin now has a couple of young boys, age 5 and 3. Out of wedlock, so of course, according to my mother my cousin is a "slut" and when we found out she was pregnant, both times, she made long rambling comments about how my cousin can finally have her own babies she can pick up any time she wants.

FFS MOM. STFU.

DodgersBride · May 2012

Ditto Megh, I may not hold a grunge but I don't forget.

AATB - both of those things your mom holds onto sounds exhausting.

chelseamb11 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:d7f681f9-9c2e-48b5-9ae7-2560d8cccbed">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]There are some people I'll never be fond of because of horrible things they've done, but I don't hold grudges or hold on to anger. I've seen it destroy too many relationships in my family, and no one on their death bed ever thinks, "wow, I'm really glad I carried anger toward this person for my entire life." It's cliche, but true.. <strong>forgiveness is good for your own wellbeing/mental health/whatever, not necessarily for the benefit of the person you're forgiving.</strong>
Posted by kroot87[/QUOTE]

It's so true though. Easier said than done though ;)

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:36048d0e-7347-42c3-b27f-9d9e1d429373">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Megh, I may not hold a grunge but I don't forget. <strong>AATB - both of those things your mom holds onto sounds exhausting.</strong>
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

This is only the tip of the iceberg, my friend! lol!

dmiller9274 · May 2012

I think it depends on the situation. If it's something super terrible like my assholeface uncle, yep, probably never going to forgive him. Little stuff, I can let go, but I rarely forget. I have a really good memory. Not just for bad things, but for all kinds of random things. I remember a whole lot more than I should, and I occasionally will let that color my view of some people.

Febechick · May 2012

I think I fall more along the lines of Mehg & Girlie. Sometimes I think it can be a waste of emotions, but then on the other hand it can be really hard for me to forget about something. It more depends on how big or small I think the issue is. Good story.

Girlie1030 · May 2012

Chels, I'm going to chew on if I think it's a pride thing or not but I think you might be right - at least in some cases. Food for thought while I go off in search of lunch.

peekaboo2011 · May 2012

I'm mostly not a forgetter. I'll forgive most stuff, but I won't forget it.

I do hold a grudge on the woman who stole an actually e-ring from me. And that's an epic story that I'm not going to tell here.

specialk84 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:6f342a4e-9ea6-4568-8894-900d5a75e63f">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it depends on the situation. If it's something super terrible like my assholeface uncle, yep, probably never going to forgive him. Little stuff, I can let go, but I rarely forget. I have a really good memory. Not just for bad things, but for all kinds of random things. I remember a whole lot more than I should, and I occasionally will let that color my view of some people.
Posted by dmiller9274[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm in this camp. I will never ever forgive MIL for the shitt she did to her kids. Ever. Some things aren't meant to be forgiven, especially since she doesn't actually appear to be remoreseful.</div><div>
</div><div>Other stuff, I remember, but not in a "I'm going to hold a grudge against you forever" kind of way. Rather, if I know you completely fucked up a situation, I'm not going to get into a similar situation with you again. I look at it as a way to protect myself from getting pissed off again.</div>

chelseamb11 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:c978d284-b34e-48b4-977c-98da276c6df4">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]Chels, I'm going to chew on if I think it's a pride thing or not but I think you might be right - at least in some cases. Food for thought while I go off in search of lunch.
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying it's pride for everyone. I think it can be with me, but not always. It also depends on how emotionally invested I was in that person. Someon elike my ex, I gave him a year and a half of my life. Someone who insults me, say, on here? Yeah not so much. I usually move on from stuff like that pretty quickly, even if it's harsh.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

I think some situations are legit for holding grudges. Like if you were bullied or abused as a child, someone was stealing from you, etc, stuff like that. The stuff my mom hangs onto is just pithy crap. She is lucky she doesn't have any serious reasons to hold grudges. Not everyone is so blessed.

peekaboo2011 · May 2012

AATB, I agree. I usually consider myself to be pretty forgiving, and this happened several years ago. As time has gone on, I've gotten more and more bitter about it.

Normal things that annoy the piss out of me? I'll hold a grudge for maybe 3 days and I'm over it.

sherrbearr22 · May 2012

I don't hold grudges if someone does something to me. But if someone hurts someone I care about, I don't forget that shiitt!

Oh and hi ladies!!

Smash Adams · May 2012

I have a few grudges that I hold, currently. But they're totally legit. Generally, though, I don't think they're worth the energy. And if (when) I see XH in public, I plan to be entirely pleasant and polite, because I don't want him to think he's gotten the best of me.

Starmusica · May 2012

I don't know that I necessarily hold grudges but I have a hard time forgetting and even letting go. Trust is delicate thing.. I am going to totally sound like the dork I truly am but when I read your question.. this quote popped into my head- "my good opinion once lost is lost forever."

I hate this about myself and it's something I want to work on. It's unhealthy to hold on.

musicalsunlight · May 2012

People have done crappy things to me, but nothing has ever been enough for me to still hold a grudge against. I don't have the energy I guess.

My only exception is this kid I had to do a project with in college who royally fuucked over my grade in that class, and even after petitions from several advisors, the prof was an ass and didn't change it. Yeah, that one still chaps my ass because I deserved an A and got a C because of him.

sherrbearr22 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:88f4ecfd-234f-4a94-a10e-0a6476239528">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Sherr! Where have you been pretty lady?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Hey love! I was caught up with tax season and then I left for 2 weeks right after (to Mexico). So now I'm back and just trying to play catch up at work...but I can't concentrate!

Do you hold grudges?

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards