Donation Card Placement

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

We are not giving favors, we are going to donate instead, but we want our guests to know we donated without coming off like we are the greatest people ever.

I'm not sure if we should frame the cards and put one at each table or if we should not frame it and leave one at each pllate.

What I'm trying to go for is subtlety and not like, "look at us we donated, we are freakin angels" lol. I know it's a nice gesture but we don't want to come off as conceited about it.

I'm thinking frame option- but do you feel people would notice that and read it? I've never cared about not getting a favor personally, but I am sure there are some ppl who would be like "what? no favor?" and perhaps they don't see the card.

What's the best place for this card to go?

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

A lot of people donate around here- I dont want my guests to have some crappy favor- I think this is something more meaningful. Maybe we will just have a frame by the escort cards...? I guess they don't really have to know but it's nice to know that the bride and groom you are there supporting are not just looking for your money... cuz we could care less about that, we just want to be married and share it with family & friends.

QueerFemme · October 2012

I agree with everyone else. Donating to a cause you believe in is awesome, and it's fabulous, and it's NOT a favor to your guests. So, somehow indicating that you are donating in lieu of a favor, or in place of a favor, etc. is going to come across as VERY AWish, no matter how hard you try for it not to be.

Donate to your cause, and skip favors if you are using your favor "budget" to make the donation, but you don't need to announce it in any way.

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:a01c3033-858d-40b4-94f7-b8e78e024176">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>A lot of people donate around here</strong>- <strong>I dont want my guests to have some crappy favor-</strong> I think this is something more meaningful. Maybe we will just have a frame by the escort cards...? I guess they don't really have to know but it<strong>'s nice to know that the bride and groom you are there supporting are not just looking for your money</strong>... cuz we could care less about that, we just want to be married and share it with family & friends.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Then don't give them a crappy favor. Also, people may not agree with your choice of organizations that you are donating to. For example, everyone wants to get rid of breast cancer, but I do NOT support the Komen organization. I also know a dog rescue that I had previously donated to, that I thought was awesome. Turns out, they were picking up stray dogs, getting donations to support them, and selling them without vaccines, etc. There was always a chance that one of my guests had that information before me and would have been offended by my choice to donate to them.

Your heart is in the right place, I'm sure. But, this is generally just a bad idea.

Also, if these people are at your wedding, chances are, they already know you aren't just looking for their money.

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:f74d5708-ebb0-4e17-a4db-1f60b8fa5f14">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : I have NEVER assumed my friends and family whose wedding's I've attended have only been looking for my money and I didn't need them to AW how altruistic they are for me to feel that way. Jesus Christ how poorly do you think of your guests?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

My guests are great- but I have been to weddings where I thought they were after my $$ b/c I really wasn't friends with the couple and I was like "why in the world did they even invite me?" I guess I shouldn't have gone but I like weddings.

Thanks for the input everyone- maybe I will scrap the card idea and just know we did a good thing.

I think though it's fine for b&g to donate to an organization of their choosing but what is NOT ok is for the b&g to donate to an organization on YOUR behalf... cuz I had that happen too and I was like "wtf" b/c my name was associated with something and I didn't know about it or asked if it was ok.

krichards0527 · October 2012

Yikes now I'm confused.

I planned on doing the whole 'in lieu of favors' thing and donating to Special Olympics since it is an organization that is very important to me, my FI, and our families. My brother is an SO athelete and I coach/volunteer. SO has really nice cards to put on the tables. I didnt know it was such a hot issue- I just thought it was an alternative to more traditional items like candy, cake pops, etc. I was thinking about doing some candy (chocolates or something) with the card as well.

Whenever I have mentioned the favors, no one has said anything about it, but perhaps they were just being polite? Why is this a popular option on sites to buy wedding favors and on organization's websites if it is thought so poorly of? I am not trying to be sarcastic and please dont read into it- I am honestly just asking because I don't know.

Thanks for the insight- I am definitely thinking twice.

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

krichards- you are from the same area of the country that I am- donations are certainly very common here over favors. I feel the same way you do- I have never felt or looked at a donation card poorly. If it's something passionate to the couple, great. who gives a hoot if *I* like it? It's their wedding anyhow... but some people this rubs the wrong way, that's why I asked.

lls31 · October 2012

I'm curious as to why this is looked down upon also. I'm wondering if OwningAHome is right and it's a regional thing because I'm near her area as well (northeastern PA). I've been to quite a few weddings where the B & G made a donation in lieu of favors and either put cards on the tables or a sign by the escort cards. As a guest, I never took offense to this and I never thought the B & G were showing off by doing so. And I don't recall any guests around me making a fuss about it either.

QueerFemme · October 2012

The thing is, donations aren't wholly uncommon here either, on this side of the country, that doesn't mean people aren't offended by it. And even if they DO think it's a bad idea... they likely won't say "hey, don't donate to that organization in lieu of, or in place of my favor !!! That organization SUCKS!"

that's what we are here for.

sarabellam · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:7c3943b7-fafb-4259-b68b-ef720b8b2835">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is this a popular option on sites to buy wedding favors <strong>and on organization's websites if it is thought so poorly of</strong>? I am not trying to be sarcastic and please dont read into it- I am honestly just asking because I don't know. Thanks for the insight- I am definitely thinking twice.
Posted by krichards0527[/QUOTE]
Um, maybe because the organization is trying to raise money? If someone were to donate money to say, Westboro Baptist church "in my honor" in lieu of a wedding favor, I would be hella pissed.

lls31 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:25625ea0-54f5-46ea-8c59-1fc6af6ee706">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : This is a terrible argument. I have certainly been unhappy with or outright offended by the actions of the hosts at weddings. However I'm polite enough not to go around complaining to the rest of the guests about it. Just because no one is actively complaining does not mean people are in full support.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>I wasn't arguing anything. I just mentioned what I observed. In my group of friends, if someone sees something we like or don't like, it usually comes up in conversation. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm also not saying that I'm for or against the donation cards. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: If the card says the donation was made in MY name, then that's another story. To me, that's not cool.</div><div>
</div>

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:10cefba8-2d3d-4250-a4fd-3f87df844dbd">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]The problems with donation cards are 1. As PP stated, some people choose not to give money to organizations for varying reasons. If you choose to give money "in their name," you've basically forced a donation upon them which can be very offensive. 2. Telling someone you donated in lieu of getting them a favor is akin to saying "I was going to get you this birthday present but I gave it to someone else instead." You didn't HAVE to get the gift in the first place so why rub it in that they were going to get something until you decided otherwise? 3. Many people feel donations are private matters. I donate to certain organizations because I want to support those organizations. I don't need a pat on the back for having done it. The only reason to announce the donation is for that pat ion the back which rubs a lot of people the wrong way. I'm sure other ladies could post other reasons. FTR I have also been to weddings where this is done so it's not regional. I was offended at the choice of charity at one wedding since it was a charity I had actively decided not to support due to misappropriation of funds within the organization and the donation was made <strong>"in my name."
</strong>Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

I would never donate to any organization in someone else's name. We will be donating in OUR names only- so I don't think that would offend anyone. I mean, if it's not my name, donate to the I hate bunnies charity for all I care.

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:25625ea0-54f5-46ea-8c59-1fc6af6ee706">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : This is a terrible argument. I have certainly been unhappy with or outright offended by the actions of the hosts at weddings. However<strong> <u>I'm polite enough</u></strong> not to go around complaining to the rest of the guests about it. Just because no one is actively complaining does not mean people are in full support.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

I'm positive this is the first time I've seen you refer to yourself as polite. ;)

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:12958fe4-8b11-49b5-9d5c-315674e20f94">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : It will probably be the last ;-) But you're wrong. I would still be offended if a gift to me was a donation to a charity I don't support.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

But the gift to you is the reception... yes? Favours are not required ever. I'm not arguing, just interesting to see different perspectives- b/c it's not in my name, I don't really care where they choose to give their money to.

lls31 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:e2b17866-e6c6-4de4-bd3e-304a817fbd5f">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : That argument is used to justify all sorts of actions which is why I called it an argument.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>I also wasn't trying to justify any actions. Honestly. I'm not trying to say the donation cards are right or wrong. Just saying that I personally don't take offense to it (unless they claim that the donation was made in MY name) and that the friends seated with and around me didn't mention that they were offended (and it's likely that they would've mentioned it if they WERE offended).</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

lls31 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:17ffedc2-e63b-4843-9a7e-bebeeb7802e9">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Please read #2 in my previous reply again. It addressed this. 2. Telling someone you donated in lieu of getting them a favor is akin to saying "I was going to get you this birthday present but I gave it to someone else instead." You didn't HAVE to get the gift in the first place so why rub it in that they were going to get something until you decided otherwise?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>This is a great point.</div>

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:17ffedc2-e63b-4843-9a7e-bebeeb7802e9">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Please read #2 in my previous reply again. It addressed this. 2. Telling someone you donated in lieu of getting them a favor is akin to saying "I was going to get you this birthday present but I gave it to someone else instead." You didn't HAVE to get the gift in the first place so why rub it in that they were going to get something until you decided otherwise?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Ok, I get what you are saying.. so if we remove "in lieu of favors", then would it still matter?, b/c they were never going to get favors in the first place.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:d485966a-1c75-4aca-9e34-23f248b56437">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Ok, I get what you are saying.. so if we remove "in lieu of favors", then would it still matter?, b/c they were never going to get favors in the first place.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Announcing that you've made a donation to charity is a AW move no matter the setting. It is something that should remain private.

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:d7e04ca0-64fc-4121-a0b2-6fb6df9d581f">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Announcing that you've made a donation to charity is a AW move no matter the setting. It is something that should remain private.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

hmmm... ok so should I give favors then? I hate favors- I just always think they are super cheesy and not really anything I'd want.

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

By the way, what does AW mean?

courtski2004 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:edfbf338-2ebe-4ce7-9386-4301882ce542">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Um, maybe because the organization is trying to raise money? <strong>If someone were to donate money to say, Westboro Baptist church "in my honor" in lieu of a wedding favor, I would be hella pissed</strong>.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

I would also re-think my relationship with the couple if this is who they chose to donate to!

The thing that really would rub me the wrong way about it is that everyone has different reasons for donating to specific charities and avoiding others that I would prefer to donate to a cause of my choice in my own name. I don't want my name attached to someone else's tax write-off.
It is a generous gesture, but I don't think it needs to be made known to the guests. Most people I know don't expect favors anyway, so I wouldn't need an explaination for why I didn't get one.

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:e69f4895-5362-4b3f-872e-373a4b818ae4">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]By the way, what does AW mean?
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

AW = Attention Whore.

If you really can't think of anything that you wouldn't enjoy as a guest, then just skip the favors, and don't bother with the donation (or still bother with the donation, but don't make an announcement).

But, seriously, there are TONS of favors that people really would love. Anything edible that guests can take home are usually a big hit. Cookies, truffles, candies, caramel corn, etc. etc. etc. You can still skip them if you'd like, because, as you mentioned, favors are never required. But, there are a ton of options that people really WOULD enjoy if you wanted to give favors.

lls31 · October 2012

I usually end up forgetting my favor at the table, whether it's edible or not. I really don't think they're necessary.

courtski2004 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:078e2ec3-5653-4f0b-a954-a32465ed3184">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : hmmm... ok so should I give favors then? I hate favors- I just always think they are super cheesy and not really anything I'd want.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

I don't think that you have to do anything--if you're passionate about donating, you should still donate the funds that you would otherwise use toward favors. The setiment that people are expressing here is that advertising that you did donate in your guests names is what you would probably want to nix.

If you decide to give tangible favors, I agree that edible favors are the best way to go. We did a flavored popcorn bar as the favors for our guests, and it was a huge hit. There were 5 different flavors and we provided small chinese take out boxes so they could have something sweet to take home with them.

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:4cdfbbe1-ced2-4d7f-9841-480b10f2517d">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]I usually end up forgetting my favor at the table, whether it's edible or not. <strong>I really don't think they're necessary.
</strong>Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

Me neither b/c I never got a favor that I thought wow, I'd be sad if I didn't have this. Most fvors I have gotten got left there or thrown out. I don't eat sweets so even that I wouldn't want.

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:357083c6-9012-48bc-9c36-510908ec9a74">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Baby carrot favors!
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

hahaha well most people do like sweets... I just don't... but it's not my favor so I guess it doesn't matter.

QueerFemme · October 2012

We did a candy/cookie buffet as well as organic honey favors. We ordered it directly from a bee farm (Is that what they are called?! I dunno), instead of one of the big wedding favor factories.

I honestly didn't expect the honey to go over as well as it did, but people still are talking about it a month+ later and asking if we had any leftover. Apparantly, honey has different flavors, and people really enjoyed this one. Who knew?!

I also got a message from the mother one of my flower girls (who was 3)... and she asked her mom not to use the honey in her tea, because it was "from cwistina's wedding... and it was special"!

So.. anyway... favors can be awesome.

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

I get what you all are saying- my opinions may be different than most peoples- I'd rather have the b&g donate in their names and let me know they did that then receive some incredibly awesome favor. I dunno, tangible items can't really compare to good gestures of the heart- but that is me.

I guess we can still donate and think of a good non-cheesy favor that will probably get left there anyway. Siiiigh

StephBeanWed61502 · October 2012

I haven't read the whole thread, but I an from the same area as OP, and at the ONE wedding that did this out of the half dozen or so I have been to in the last 3 years, the bride and groim got judged hardcore for doing this. It was behind their backs, and they still think it went over swimmingly. It did not.

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:7ab3f649-d7ee-47a6-a5dc-d8cc8c2684dd">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]I get what you all are saying- my opinions may be different than most peoples- I'd rather have the b&g donate in their names and let me know they did that then receive some incredibly awesome favor. I dunno, tangible items can't really compare to good gestures of the heart- but that is me. I guess we can still donate and think of a good non-cheesy favor that will probably get left there anyway. Siiiigh
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Seriously... you are overthinking this. If you don't like any of the favors you see, or you can't think of something to make, just skip the favors. But, if you really want to do favors, spend some time looking around or come up with your own fantabulous idea of something you think most people might enjoy.

And make your donation... but, there is absolutely, no reason, not never, that a bride and groom should be letting you know that they made a donation. It IS an AWish move, whether people will say it to your face or not.

When I was about 21 and really started actively engaging in politics, etc., I once made a donation to the AIDS foundation as a gift to my family for xmas, in addition to their normal xmas gifts. I'm like, how can people be against curing AIDS, right?? My stepfather said "why did you do that?? I don't have AIDS."

At the time, I was like, what an asshat... he doesn't get it. But, honestly... he was right. If I wanted to donate to the AIDS foundation, fabulous... but, it has absolutely nothing to do with my family, or christmas, or anything else, (including a wedding).

OwningAHome1981 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_donation-card-placement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f41398e-dc03-4412-b15f-94dc3752984bPost:b7febb28-6d75-46b4-a539-269208d5647d">Re: Donation Card Placement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation Card Placement : Seriously... you are overthinking this. If you don't like any of the favors you see, or you can't think of something to make, just skip the favors. But, if you really want to do favors, spend some time looking around or come up with your own fantabulous idea of something you think most people might enjoy. And make your donation... but, there is absolutely, no reason, not never, that a bride and groom should be letting you know that they made a donation. It IS an AWish move, whether people will say it to your face or not. When I was about 21 and really started actively engaging in politics, etc., I once made a donation to the AIDS foundation as a gift to my family for xmas, in addition to their normal xmas gifts. I'm like, how can people be against curing AIDS, right?? My stepfather said "why did you do that?? I don't have AIDS." At the time, I was like, what an asshat... he doesn't get it. But, honestly... he was right. If I wanted to donate to the AIDS foundation, fabulous... but, it has absolutely nothing to do with my family, or christmas, or anything else, (including a wedding).
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

True.

The foundations we are donating to are foundations that affected people in our family. My grandfather died of leukemia so we are donating to the leukemia and lymphoma society and then FI's uncle died of a spinal injury so we are going to donate to a spinal cord injury foundation.

Your stepdad may be right with his comment, but in this case our donation DOES effect our family. I'm sure that doesn't change anything, we probably wont do the card, but this case is different b/c these causes matter to our families. I know it doesn't matter to all of our guests but it's not like it matters to no one.

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