Interested to hear NEYers Opinions

trebmal · March 2011

I will admit I thought the same thing on the match.com deal but he openly told her hed been a member on the site a while before they met & he still gets emails but doesn't have any info in a profile or a photo. I won't lie, I did some heavy research after that came up & I didn't find him on there.

luvdncn90 · March 2011

I have been with my BF for 3 years and we love each other and are planning on getting married but right now just isn't the right time for marriage for a factor of reasons. I love him very much and although I feel ready and he's not quite there yet, I feel no need to rush him. I have no doubt in my heart that we are going to get married, I have no doubt that he loves me, and I know that wating until he is 100 percent ready is important for both of us. My previous BF kept telling me he wasn't ready for a serious relationship and my instinct told me he never would be, so I ended it. It was the best choice I ever made. With my ex I had doubts, with my current BF I have no doubts at all.

If she has any doubts in her heart that he wants to marry her and she feels it in her gut, it's probably for the best that they are breaking up. Women can be dense creatures sometimes but I always trust our intution. She knows whast's best for her and in the end you have to just trust that she is making the right decision.

trebmal · March 2011

Luv, that really just made me tear up. I truly appreciate those words. If yo u don't mind can you share how you cope or is just knowing enough for you? I'm not going to give her any advice until/unless she asks but for my own personal situation right now I would love knowing how you deal. If PM is better I understand. Thanks a ton!!!

leia1979 · March 2011

Trebmal, I'd say just be there for your friend right now. Let her vent, cry, or whatever she needs to do, and just be supportive. It's hard for outsiders to know exactly what was going on in that relationship.

To me, "not on the same page" can mean one person wants marriage and kids and the other might not sure that's what he/she wants with anyone. I dated a guy for 2.5 years who was convinced I would one day change my mind about kids (he wanted them, I didn't). I bet he thought we would eventually be on the same page.

caitlin.cave · March 2011

The thing I'm most concerned about reading this is that she said she was a failure because she wasn't engaged, married, or popping out kids. I know there's a lot of pressure to do these things, but it's not a good reason to get married to the wrong guy.

Having said that, I don't know whether they're compatible or not because I don't know them, but I personally think it's really important to be secure in yourself before undertaking huge commitments like this. An engagement/marriage should happen because it's the right time and the right man, not because you have a set time-line and this is the guy you're currently with. It can't be the right time for two people as a couple if one of them is not ready.

In your position, I wouldn't necessarily offer her any kind of advice on the actual relationship, but I would encourage her to find worth in herself for something other than her ovaries.

trebmal · March 2011

UPDATE, Sarah (friend) called me last night. We talked for a long time and she is feeling better and admitted she "might have over reacted" by saying it's all or nothing. I didn't really advise her on anything in particular but I did ask her what exactly Todd said and she admitted that she was so hurt she couldn't really remember. So I pointed out if she really has all these spectacular feelings for him wouldn't it be worth it to wait it out, even if only a few months and see what happens? She agreed and said she didn't really want to be without him but she is sooooo scared she won't have kids, blah blah blah. She went on and on about that so I suggested if she wants to feel better then to go to her OB/GYN and have a "check up" and he/she will tell her if she has any issues to worry about. She's never really "tried" to get pregnant with all the charting and what not but did have a chemical pregnancy in the past so she's scared that's going to be an indicator of her future chances of having a child.
The only thing I repeated over and over was to TALK WITH HIM about it and not let it fester and stay calm and collected when doing so that way she knew what she was saying and could actually LISTEN to him when he was talking too.
So we shall see...Thanks again for all your advice, I am praying for her, she has a lot going on and I KNOW she's scared about a lot (which I will admit I pointed out how much this worrying is damaging her body from the inside out-I couldn't help it) but I'll just do my best to be a good friend and support her no matter what.

jaycee7389 · March 2011

IMO I think it's very natural for a woman to be worried about things like kids and her biological clock ticking, but rushing things won't do any good. As for the chemical pregnancy, 20% of all pregnancies result in spontaneous miscarriage (most of the time the woman isn't even aware that she is pregnant)...so I wouldn't worry TOO much that it is going to be a repeated event for her. Telling her to see her OB/GYN is probably the best move to reassure her that everything is okay. The only thing is though that because she hasn't been trying and failing at getting pregnant they might be hesitant to do certain testing.

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