Facebook engagement etiquette

warzak23 · December 2011

hmm I guess I'm not sure why everyone is against posting things on FB? We were in the same boat, he had the ring and I was waiting to be proposed to. The night he did it we called our parents and siblings first. We also sent a few texts out to our closest friends and then I posted on FB that I was going to be a Wymer (his last name). Since the entire night was a surprise to me I did post photos after the weekend of some of the things we did and a photo of the ring etc. I have family and friends out of state so it was a nice way to show them how it happened. I personally don't have anything against sharing your news on FB if you use FB as a connection tool between friends and family like I do. I don't have people on my FB that I don't know so for me it was just an easy way of sharing our good news. I'd share my news with the whole world if I could

I was ecstatic and wanted everyone to know. To each there own but I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to share your story as long as you both are comfortable with how its done.

DavidKayla2012 · December 2011

We called our family & friends first freaking out of excitement..then about 30/45 minutes afterwards we made it FB official...STILL shaking of excitement!!

bekarain621 · December 2011

Well, when he proposed I was in the middle of facebook activities! So, we just changed our status right afterwards lol. We put up a ring shot shortly afterward because people honestly didn't believe that we were engaged! Although, he didn't tell his parents any of this engagement stuff, so they found out via facebook! How embarrassing! His mom got so upset, and his father hardly spoke to us when we went over there that night. It's understandable, though. We just didn't think about it beforehand, because we're the kind of people who don't mind finding things out on facebook. All is well, and now we're happily married.

krrystal · December 2011

I see nothing wrong with posting it right away - I was incredibly excited and wanted to tell everyone! I texted my close friends and called my immediate family first before updating Facebook.. but I'm one of those people who doesn't "friend" everyone I've ever met, either.

I posted a ring picture too, and yes, I was showing it off. You deserve to! It's your time in the spotlight! Everyone asked to see it anyway. And if you've been together six+ years, like me, you can't wait to tell people - and Facebook is the quickest way to do that! Our close friends got engaged shortly after we did, and were the complete opposite of us - no announcement, no ring picture, no relationship change - acting like it's no big deal and not exciting is kind of weird to me.

Everyone learns things on Facebook nowadays, anyway - it's how I communicate with most of my (not immediate) family and friends who live in other cities/states. Without it, I probably wouldn't talk to them except for holidays! But only you know how to handle it properly - if you're really close to your family and they would be offended if you didn't call - then wait to update Facebook.

Laneyhenry · December 2011

My FI and I called our families (grandparnets, siblings, parnets), on the next day .But that was after I put it on Facebook, we are also in college so it was just an easier way to contact everyone. But we had to personally call family members which took sometime. I would say, do whatever works for you. It completely depends on your situation.

meaghanmeredith · December 2011

My fiance and I called our parents first and told them to spread the word to family members, then called or texted close friends, and after that went in person to tell his grandparents (since they're here in Michigan and mine are back home in Ohio). That way we made sure we covered everyone who would be offended by not finding out from us directly before we changed our relationship status on the infamous Facebook. We didn't really need to post a status or anything because enough friends had already posted "Congratulations!" on our walls for people to figure out what had happened, and the updated relationship status just confirmed things. I personally didn't post a ring picture just because I couldn't do it justice with my camera and I like showing people in person, but I don't mind when other people post a picture or two.

I do agree with a number of others on this thread, though...keep the gushing to a minimum. All I've posted are a few of our engagement pictures, but a couple other friends of mine who are engaged are completely inundating Facebook with it...I'm glad they're happy, but it gets to be a little much.

Milsey32 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_tell-tuesday-118?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:8a659a76-742e-455d-8437-752be4d891c5Post:76d255a6-537c-4bbd-bda5-3e2f302c0e70">Re: Tell Us Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]My favorite vacation was Grand Cayman in June 2006. I came very close to never leaving by moving down there and working for a dive shop. I loved scuba diving nearly every day, the weather was perfect for me, and the atmosphere was fantastic. If I could go anywhere I'd go to Thailand. I've wanted to go for years now. I'd love to go jungle trekking in Asia and <strong>ride an elephant through a river.</strong>
Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]

<div>OMG THIS IS ON MY BUCKET LIST. </div>

katiemb1030 · December 2011

We were on vacation when we got engaged so we called our parents and told them first. We waited until we got back to tell everyone else (siblings, close friends, other close family members) so we weren't getting calls or texts every 5 minutes. It was nice to be able to enjoy being newly engaged and not having our phones going off constantly. Once we got back into town we made our rounds and told the people that are closest to us. We didn't post anything on FB until after we told our immediate family and close friends. We didn't want to hurt anyones feelings by having them find out on FB.

We didn't make a point to call the family members that we don't see often (aunts, uncle, cousins, second cousins...). We let them find out through FB or word of mouth. Our families are way too big to try to get in touch with everyone and personally tell them.

Just make sure you tell the people that are closest to you before you change your status or post anything else on facebook. You don't want to hurt anyones feelings by not telling the yourself! Good Luck!

MrsWill2Be · December 2011

My dad, mom, and younger sister all knew already, since FI had talked to my parents, and showed my sister the ring. We told my brothers, called his parents, my grandparents, and my aunts, and then changed our relationship statuses on FB later that night. I did post some ring shots just because people were asking to see it. Other than that, I have put a "4 months to go!" status, and posted our wedding website. Otherwise, I don't put anything wedding related on FB.

VJones1981 · December 2011

We got engaged on the first day of our vacation and called our closest family and friends, but asked them to please not post anything or tell anyone until we got home. There were people we wanted to tell that we didn't call right away for the simple fact that we were on vacation and didn't want to spend our entire trip on the phone. When we got home, we called everyone else that we thought should find out from us personally, then we changed both statuses on facebook.

I agree with some posts that say they don't like ring shots on face book. I said I wouldn't do it when I got engaged, but so many people asked that I put up one picture (Taken with a cell phone) just to get people to stop asking. In the end, it's up to you what you think is best.

SAYF · December 2011

I called my parents, my sisters, and my close friend that couldn't be at the party when my fiance proposed. She was supposed to be there, but she was sick. I changed my relationship status the next day and posted 1 ring picture to my photo album so people who wanted to see it could, but it wouldn't be in everyone's face. I don't think I've posted anything else about it on facebook since and its been almost a year. I think a ring pic is fine as long as its only 1 or 2 and its in your photo album, not your profile picture.

morganharding · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:a4fd20d3-44ee-4462-851e-7f6817980bdd">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know what the proper etiquette is (or if it even exists considering it's Facebook), but this is what I did. After I woke up from my proposal coma, I called my parents (who already knew). I then texted a pic of the ring to close friends/family. I spoke on the phone with those who called & then changed my status the next day. I got a flood of responses, but they were all from acquaintances. All my friends already knew. I didn't post a pic of the ring on FB, even though various posted on my wall asking me too.
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
This!<div>(it is almost exactly what we did)</div>

afolga2 · December 2011

I called my parents house ... and my mom answered I was screaming and cheering... my mom got my dad and they both were on the line all excited and congratulating me. My mom and dad both knew it was going to happen that night be T asked my dad at Christmas and showed them the ring.

I then texted/called my brother.. and he was excited as well. My grandma called me a few minutes later because my mom had called her!! Then we called T's parents and his Nanny was there... we all chatted and celebrated over the phone!

My friends found out the next time they talked to me.. and family found out from my parents. About a week or so later I changed my status on FB and to this day my silly fiancee hasn't accepted the request because he never goes on FB.

My advice about your question is.. FB is current and trendy now in 2011.. but 40- 50 years from now you'll remember the story of your engagement night.. make it special. No need to throw it up on FB immediately.

ginadog · December 2011

He proposed was on top of a mountain ridge so we could have called people (cell reception up there), but we enjoyed the moment just the two of us and called parents, siblings and close friends when we got back to the house. We did put photos online and change FB status. I don't live near any family, so this was a great way to share the moment and story with others since it's not like they can just swing by the house to say hi.

sj24 · December 2011

Hello! I was a little "old school" about wanting to announce it on FB. It was important to my fiancee and me that we call our close family and best friends first (and for some context, we got engaged on a Monday night). Then, the next morning we called more friends, and sent a few emails. I wanted to tell work people in person because my thought was, how many people will I get to actually see when they react? I was excited and wanted them to share in the excitment in "real time."

We waited to change our FB statuses until the end of that day - knowing our parents had helped spread the word to aunts/uncles/cousins, etc. We didn't want FB to be the way people who would be invited to the wedding find out about our happy news.

Kellykins12 · December 2011

We were on vacation when he proposed, we called our parents, grandparents and best friends the same day (best friends being the people who ended up being our wedding party). Everyone else that we're close to (aunts, uncles, the usual friday night party people, long lost high school bffs, friends from work) we sent an email saying how we wanted to share the news with them ourselves before our moms leaked it but long-distance calls on vacation would rack up a fortune and we'd hopefully talk as soon as we were home. We updated our Facebook a week later the day we came home and most people had the chance to see the email first.

TheCrimsonLily · December 2011

We did eventually post the ring pictures, largely because we have both lived abroad and have many good friends in Europe and the South Pacific who we may not get to see for several years--so if you have a lot of friends and family who are all over the country/world--I'd say it is a courtesy to share your photos so they can feel more involved.

We notified all of our close friends and family before posting our engagement on facebook--I think we waited about 4 or 5 days to make sure we got everyone.

I don't see any real issues with posting the picture/status, or about your engagement or wedding planning--but I would avoid asking for opinions. Too many hands in the pot, and most of them will get burned when you don't want to use their idea. Facebook is a TOOL and as long as it is used as such, I think it can be valuable. When it becomes more than a tool, then it becomes a problem.

redheadfsu · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:70df6b0f-fa64-41b8-a216-b457d7d6035e">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]We did eventually post the ring pictures, largely because we have both lived abroad and have many good friends in Europe and the South Pacific who we may not get to see for several years--so if you have a lot of friends and family who are all over the country/world--I'd say it is a courtesy to share your photos so they can feel more involved. We notified all of our close friends and family before posting our engagement on facebook--I think we waited about 4 or 5 days to make sure we got everyone. <strong>I don't see any real issues with posting the picture/status, or about your engagement or wedding planning</strong>--but I would avoid asking for opinions. Too many hands in the pot, and most of them will get burned when you don't want to use their idea. Facebook is a TOOL and as long as it is used as such, I think it can be valuable. When it becomes more than a tool, then it becomes a problem.
Posted by TheCrimsonLily[/QUOTE]

When you talk wedding on facebook all thousand of your friends assume they are invited. So it can cause headaches and hurt feelings about the guest list.

tsvetkov2020 · December 2011

Hi We got engaged on my birthday, and the next day I sent a email for the closest friends and family. Later on almost 10 days after I change my status on Facebook but also just close friends and family could see. My fiancé doesn't have Facebook and I also don't like the idea of posting personal things there, so we keep it very basic. Lastly I sent a picture of ring on the email but didn't post on facebook.

kgilmartin13 · December 2011

We were on a cruise when it happened, I called my parents from the boat on Thanksgiving as they knew he had the ring, just didn't know when he was going to do it. When we got back on that following Sunday, I made sure to call the people I wanted in my Bridal party, and close relatives. After all were notified via phone, then I updated pictures and changed my relationship status. I wanted to make sure no one important to me find out via text or facebook first, I wanted to tell them all myself. If you are waiting to tell everyone before it hits facebook make sure you let those who you are calling know so they don't ruin the surprise by posting a "congrats" on your wall. My sister in law almost ruined my surprise as she thought it would be a good idea to post congrats to your engagement and tagged myself and my fiance in the post. As said before, I was on a cruise ship and had to wait to tell people. Luckily only 1 of my friends saw it, and my mother got to her only 2 hours after it was posted and told her to remove the post from facebook as it was my news to tell.

melibennett · December 2011

Mostly everyone close to us already knew the engagement was going to happen. Still, we called or texted close family and friends right after. Then, before we went to celebrate, we changed our statuses on Facebook. Social media is a big deal in my life (I do PR), so Facebook is my source for sharing things. Later that night, we posted photos of us and a few of the ring. Then again, we are both pretty active users, and so are our friends, so we post a lot of photos on a regular basis. Photos of our engagement and our ring would get out anyways, so why not post them ourselves. Just be sure to notify your close family and friends. Who cares about the rest! And share your ring all you want, it's a happy and exciting symbol of love and your future!

meembrey · December 2011

We got engaged at the beginning of a cruise and didn't really have access to phones which was nice because we were able to enjoy the first few days before everyone knew and things got crazy. When we got back, I told my parents and siblings and closest friends that would most likely be in the wedding. My best friend was the one making the big deal about posting it on facebook so I gave her a specific date that she could send her congratulations via fb so that gave my fiance a few days to tell his parents. So we ended up changing our relationship status probably three weeks after we got engaged, I'd say...

I never posted a ring picture, I actually hate it when other people post a ring picture even when asked. I sent an email of the ring to my mom, my dad and my sister and everyone else will just have to see it at the wedding or if I see them earlier in person

Dasha1234 · December 2011

I knew that I was getting married, the both of our families knew, I was just in suspense about when I was getting my ring. My fiance' asked me to marry him in person but he also sent me a text with my ring still in the box asking me to marry him. The next day I posted my hand with my engagement saying Yes, yes, and Yes. I wanted the world to know that I was marrying the man that I was in love with. Afterwards the planning has been private. If I need anything from my ladies I inbox them a conversation message. As far as my FB friends I inboxed them also to get their address.FB is for me personally a way to get in touch with quicker.

proctorashleyn · December 2011

I became engaged 2 weeks ago and I had to think of the same thing. What I did was make it a point to tell my closest friends and family in person, and also ask them NOT to post anything about it on FB. My co-workers noticed right away, which is something I hadn't considered but ususually a group of women notice a sparkly ring right away. I simply told them the same thing and they were all very understanding and respected my wishes. My fiancee's family will be coming in from out of town for Christmas, and once we've told them in person, THEN we will make it FB offiicial. It has kind of taken a while, and I can't wait until it is actually facebook official! Hope this helps :-)

RastaCraig · December 2011

I would obviously tell people in person first and more than likely call instead of text because I think texts are so impersonal and almost rude for such an important event in your life. As soon as everybody was notified, I would then change the relationship status since everyone whose important already knows. And I don't think there's anything wrong with posting a ring picture at all! In fact, I only have close friends and family and several close aquaintances on facebook...so really, if I don't get to see those people often, I'm sure they would want to see the engagement ring! It's not like it's bragging, you're getting married for crying out loud! It's exciting and you should be proud of your ring. If anyone has a problem with that, then that's their issue and I could personally care less what others think about me! I love seeing my friends' rings...it makes me happy for them and I don't think it's unclassy or bragging in the least. So really, everybody has differing opinions on the matter. Just don't be ridiculous or snooty, and be proud and happy that you're getting married to such an amazing man! The final decision is up to you, so don't be conservative and stuck-up about the matter. Show your love with pride, but be tactful. Hope this helped!

Tomatillo821 · December 2011

Calls to close family & friends first, texts to a few other fairly close friends. I wanted to wait to say anything on Facebook until after telling my family at Thanksgiving, but my fiance changed his status, so I kind of had to go along with it.

It's not official unless it's on Facebook, you know. (ha!!)

As for ring shots, I put one up, but only after people kept requesting one (and I tagged some of his far-flung family in it so they could see). Generally, the ring shot doesn't appeal to me at ALL, but I got tired of people asking for one.

MandJS · December 2011

I called parents, grandparents, siblings, and close friends. We got engaged on my birthday, so I also told anyone who called me. We did a FB announcement the next day.

KelseyJade2013 · December 2011

I told everyone in person because I wanted our news to be personal. My parents actually invited everyone over for a get together before I left town and I got to tell everyone then. They thought they were just coming to spend time with me before I headed back home. They found out there why they were invited over. After I told my close family and friends I changed my relationship status on FB.

Facebook engagement etiquette

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