Why can't they just order their dresses???

marianne1245 · June 2010

Let me start by saying that I have tried to be an easy bride. When it came to bridesmaid dresses I told my bridesmaid that they could pick any dress they wanted from David's Bridal as long as it was in the color that I had picked. I didn't care if the dresses were long, short, sleeveless, etc. I didn't even care if more than one bridesmaid had the same dress. I wanted them to be comfortable. I thought the easier I made it for the bridesmaid the more they would want to be a party of the wedding. I was so wrong!

I told my bridesmaids back in the beginning of March that they had to order their bridesmaid dresses by the end of May. I figured I needed to give them plenty of time to save money and get this done. All of them said that they wanted to go on their own to get the dresses because their schedules are so hectic already. I was fine with that until I went to David's Briday on June 3rd and was told that out of my 7 bridesmaids 0 had ordered their dresses. Are you kidding me? The excuse for most of them is that they wanted to lose more weight before they ordered their dresses. I understand that everyone wants to look their best but there are deadlines for a reason. I don't want the stress of someone not getting their dress on time.

So, I had to try a new approach. I sent out an email to them with two dates for all of us to get together and order the dresses together. I think this is the only way I can be sure it will get done. My MOH says I'm being bitchy and should just relax because my wedding isn't until October.

What bothers me the most is that I was a bridesmaid for 3 of them. I did everything they wanted. I would never have pushed the deadline and disrespected the bride like that.

Am I unreasonable in being upset?

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:36b3664b-f7dc-4b83-a490-0889ecdd24a1">Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]Let me start by saying that I have tried to be an easy bride. When it came to bridesmaid dresses I told my bridesmaid that they could pick any dress they wanted from David's Bridal as long as it was in the color that I had picked. I didn't care if the dresses were long, short, sleeveless, etc. I didn't even care if more than one bridesmaid had the same dress. I wanted them to be comfortable. I thought the easier I made it for the bridesmaid the more they would want to be a party of the wedding. I was so wrong! I told my bridesmaids back in the beginning of March that they had to order their bridesmaid dresses by the end of May. I figured I needed to give them plenty of time to save money and get this done. All of them said that they wanted to go on their own to get the dresses because their schedules are so hectic already. I was fine with that until I went to David's Briday on June 3rd and was told that out of my 7 bridesmaids 0 had ordered their dresses. Are you kidding me? The excuse for most of them is that they wanted to lose more weight before they ordered their dresses. I understand that everyone wants to look their best but there are deadlines for a reason. I don't want the stress of someone not getting their dress on time. So, I had to try a new approach. I sent out an email to them with two dates for all of us to get together and order the dresses together. I think this is the only way I can be sure it will get done. My MOH says I'm being bitchy and should just relax because my wedding isn't until October. What bothers me the most is that I was a bridesmaid for 3 of them. I did everything they wanted. I would never have pushed the deadline and disrespected the bride like that. <strong>Am I unreasonable in being upset?</strong>
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]

Since your wedding isn't until October 22, yes.
They'll get their dresses in plenty of time if they order in the next 4-6 weeks. That would still give them 12-13 weeks to get the dresses in but most likely, they'll be able to get something off the rack or just need to wait about 3-4 weeks for an order to come in.

megk8oz · June 2010

Well, if you're allowing them to get whatever they want from David's Bridal, just as long as it's in the color of your choice, I don't really see the big deal on having them ordered now for your October wedding. Most of them will probably be able to go into any David's a week before the wedding and buy something off the rack.

I'm not saying I would wait until a week before the wedding to buy my dress if I was in the BP, but really, if I was looking to lose some weight, and the wedding was 5 months away, and I really only had to meet a color requirement, I wouldn't be too happy about being forced to order a dress now, and then have to pay to alter it severely if I lost said weight.

If everybody was going to be in the same dress, that might be different, but you're really only asking for a specific color from David's Bridal. My little sister literally a week before my wedding had to get a brand new specific dress from them (Long story short, she needed to go a size up and waited very long about going about doing so and all of my girls were in the same dress). She had to call up 4 different stores, and pay for a "rush" on the alterations, but day of the wedding, she was in the right dress, and it properly fit her.

Take a deep breath and just trust that your girls will be able to take care it. You've got more than enough time.

emilyinchile · June 2010

If 3 are already married (plus maybe more), they probably realize that your "deadline" is totally arbitrary. There is no need to order dresses now for an Oct wedding. It's frustrating that they would just not order if they'd agreed to do so, but that's a pretty minor issue. Find out from David's Bridal the last day they can order dresses and have them guaranteed to arrive, then give your BMs that date - realizing that as PPs said, because David's often has dresses in stock, they could realistically go shopping after that date and be fine.

bablingbrooke · June 2010

That's ridiculous. They don't need 5 months to get alterations. And it may not have been enough time for them to save up. Plus, to give them an arbitrary deadline that makes YOU feel good is really micromanaging and borderline bridezilla. The shop can tell them when they need to order to get them in time, and they are on their own for alterations.

Frankly, your MOH is right on. You do need to chill out. As pps said, since they're already married, they know when you actually need to buy a dress and know that they don't have to go yet. They have been through this before. Listen to brides who have already been there.

Stop micromanaging them. Stop hassling them. You're going to wind up with a bunch of very pissed off BMs if you continue down this road.

ETA: Also, being a bride does not mean that the BMs are required to do whatever you say. If it's not reasonable, they won't do it. This isn't reasonable, so they aren't doing it. You may have decided to do some unreasonable things anyway, but they aren't.

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

If it were anyone other than David's, I'd say that yes, they'd probably need to order relatively soon. However, David's usually has a very large selection of dresses in stock, and if you're in a metro area (which it appears you are), the girls have a lot of different locations to check. Especially if it only needs to be in a certain color. Thus, you're totally out of line.

Stop treating your friends like children.

duckie1905 · June 2010

With your requirements they could probably walk into any David's the day before your wedding and find a dress. There is no need for you to be up their butts about it now, or ever.

Let it go.

mbcdefg · June 2010

Plus, don't forget that new or practically new David's Bridal dresses can be found on eBay, Craigslist or thrift shops. Because BMs wear them once and then want to get rid of them. So if your only requirement is that they get a certain color, they can easily find a dress in a number of places. Maybe even borrow one from a friend who wore it in someone else's wedding.

loop0406 · June 2010

They have plenty of time in my opinion.

My MOH hasn't even looked at dresses since she's trying to lose weight and my wedding is in Sept.

As long as the dress gets purchased in time for wedding, no need to stress

marianne1245 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:362bc990-0537-42db-a411-5be0201e38de">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]That's ridiculous. They don't need 5 months to get alterations. And it may not have been enough time for them to save up. Plus, to give them an arbitrary deadline that makes YOU feel good is really micromanaging and borderline bridezilla. The shop can tell them when they need to order to get them in time, and they are on their own for alterations. Frankly, your MOH is right on. You do need to chill out. As pps said, since they're already married, they know when you actually need to buy a dress and know that they don't have to go yet. They have been through this before. Listen to brides who have already been there. Stop micromanaging them. Stop hassling them. You're going to wind up with a bunch of very pissed off BMs if you continue down this road. ETA: Also, being a bride does not mean that the BMs are required to do whatever you say. If it's not reasonable, they won't do it. This isn't reasonable, so they aren't doing it. You may have decided to do some unreasonable things anyway, but they aren't.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

First, it is only 4 months until my wedding. Second, I did talk to David's Bridal about the timeframe for ordering the dresses. They informed me that the color I chose has been hard for them to get in. They gave me an estimate of 12-15 weeks. I know you can usually go in and buy a dress of the rack if you are a small size. My bridesmaids are all different sizes. Most of them have large chests which require a size that isn't usually readily available on the rack.

I am not hassling my bridesmaid nor am I micromanaging them. I sent them one email in March with the details and the deadline for ordering the dresses. They each told me they would order them in that timeframe when the email was sent out. Not one of them advised me that it would be too soon to order the dresses. That was months ago. I hadn't discussed it with them again until I found out the deadline had passed and no one had ordered their dresses. All I did when I found out was send out another email with two dates (at the end of June) when we would get together at the store and order the dresses. They responded saying they had wanted to lose weight before ordering. I didnt' argue with them. I just asked that they order the dress on either of the dates or by the end of June.

I was far from a bridezilla and not even close to being unreasonable.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:3aba2087-8eb8-46b5-ab18-0544706984cb">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why can't they just order their dresses??? : First, it is only 4 months until my wedding. Second, I did talk to David's Bridal about the timeframe for ordering the dresses. They informed me that the color I chose has been hard for them to get in. They gave me an estimate of 12-15 weeks. I know you can usually go in and buy a dress of the rack if you are a small size. My bridesmaids are all different sizes. Most of them have large chests which require a size that isn't usually readily available on the rack. I am not hassling my bridesmaid nor am I micromanaging them. I sent them one email in March with the details and the deadline for ordering the dresses. They each told me they would order them in that timeframe when the email was sent out. Not one of them advised me that it would be too soon to order the dresses. That was months ago. I hadn't discussed it with them again until I found out the deadline had passed and no one had ordered their dresses. All I did when I found out was send out another email with two dates (at the end of June) when we would get together at the store and order the dresses. They responded saying they had wanted to lose weight before ordering. I didnt' argue with them. I just asked that they order the dress on either of the dates or by the end of June. I was far from a bridezilla and not even close to being unreasonable.
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]

If you believe you weren't unreasonable, why did you post on the boards asking if people thought you were?

bablingbrooke · June 2010

Finding the dresses is up to them, not for you to manage and monitor. That's why your MOH called you a biitch and told you to settle down. If they fail to get it, they fail to get it. But I bet you anything they will.

Do you really think your best friends are going to screw you and not get their dresses? Do you honestly think that's going to happen? Do you really distrust your friends so much? THAT is why they are getting offended and THAT is why you need to chill out.

Also, I'd be VERY surprised if DB had one color that is "especially hard" to get. They sell the damn thing, I bet they can get it in. I wore a DB dress in a wedding, I was told it would take 12 weeks, it arrived in 7. What's the color--bet you anything someone here used it and can tell you whether it is such a "special" color that it takes extra time.

duckie1905 · June 2010

If you thought what you were doing was completely justified why even bother to post?

Okay, so if you've given them a deadline of the end of June why is this even an issue now? It is June 6th. They have 24 days in which to order the dresses. There is no need for a get together and no need for anything else to be mentioned. You gave them the date. At this point it is up to them to order or up to them to find a dress if they don't order in time.

Worry about something else.

marianne1245 · June 2010

I posted on the boards asking if it was unreasonable because I thought I would get the understanding of other brides who are going through the same thing. I never thought I would be getting attacked for just trying to meet the deadline that the store gave me.

mbcdefg · June 2010

Who "attacked" you?

bablingbrooke · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:567ea941-7a76-4bb7-bfbc-7c8c92cc8138">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]I posted on the boards asking if it was unreasonable because I thought I would get the understanding of other brides who are going through the same thing. I never thought I would be getting attacked for just trying to meet the deadline that the store gave me.
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]
You got the understanding of other brides who have been through this and are telling you, you are being unreasonable.<div>
</div><div>You just wanted validation: Poor marianne, it's her speshul day and the BMs are so mean to not do what she says! </div>

marianne1245 · June 2010

Wow, all I can say is that I can't believe how much I seem to have offended everyone here. I am sorry that I posted about something that was weighing on my mind. I am sure that every stress that each of you has had about your weddings has been HUGE. I'm sure that at no time did you post about anything that others might think isn't worth their time.

The difference between you and me is that if I read a posting that I thought was unreasonable or insignificant I would just shake my head and read something else. I would never jump down the throat of someone who expressed that they were stressed. I would never want someone to feel worse than they already do.

I guess I thought the purposes of these boards was different. At the least I thought if someone disagreed with me they would say so in a nice way. I never expected the harsh responses I received. Like I said before this was my first time posting and probably my last.

duckie1905 · June 2010

How were you "attacked?"

You asked if you were being unreasonable. We said yes. So because you didn't like to hear that you are acting inappropriately that amounts to an attack?

I think not.

and no, I never freaked out about their dresses. They knew the requirements and they were grown women. There was no need for me to say a thing after giving them the info. They were responsible enough to get it done. If they dropped the ball they wouldn't have been in the wedding. Would it have sucked? Yes but luckily they were all mature enough to make sure they did what had to be done.

ETA: don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya

marianne1245 · June 2010

The color is Sangria. Maybe the store was exaggerating on the timeline for ordering but I don't want to take the chance. I'm sure each of you felt the same way for your weddings.

marianne1245 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:c107bea6-ddb9-4dff-8501-f5645a87ba43">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]If you thought what you were doing was completely justified why even bother to post? Okay, so if you've given them a deadline of the end of June why is this even an issue now? It is June 6th. They have 24 days in which to order the dresses. There is no need for a get together and no need for anything else to be mentioned. You gave them the date. At this point it is up to them to order or up to them to find a dress if they don't order in time. Worry about something else.
Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]

I gave them the deadline of the end of May. When they didnt' meet that deadline I picked two dates at the end of June to meet. I would never only give them a week's notice for having to order the dress, that is why I stretched it to the end of June. So, yes it's only June 6th but they should have been ordered by May 31st.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:63101d5c-3e39-4858-a8f8-92163d67369b">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, all I can say is that I can't believe how much I seem to have offended everyone here. I am sorry that I posted about something that was weighing on my mind. I am sure that every stress that each of you has had about your weddings has been HUGE. I'm sure that at no time did you post about anything that others might think isn't worth their time. The difference between you and me is that if I read a posting that I thought was unreasonable or insignificant I would just shake my head and read something else. I would never jump down the throat of someone who expressed that they were stressed. I would never want someone to feel worse than they already do. I guess I thought the purposes of these boards was different. At the least I thought if someone disagreed with me they would say so in a nice way. I never expected the harsh responses I received. Like I said before this was my first time posting and probably my last.
Posted by marianne1245[/QUOTE]
No one is offended and the replies were full of helpful advice. Obviously, no one thought your problem was insignificant or you wouldn't have received any replies. You are the one who came back defensively and said that you weren't being unreasonable when you originally asked if you were so people then said that you were looking for validation.

duckie1905 · June 2010

So again, do you not trust these women to be adults? Give them the info, set the date, and then leave it alone. If they don't get their dresses by the wedding day they've removed themselves from the WP. Give them the info and stop worrying about it.

marianne1245 · June 2010

When I hear words like Bridezilla,k bitch and accusations that I am hassling the bridesmaids and micromanaging them then yes, I feel attacked. There is a much nicer way of saying that you disagree.

I wasn't looking for any "poor Marianne". If you knew me then you would know that I dont' think of the wedding as "my day". I have been accussed of being anti- bride like. Family complains that I don't talk about the wedding enough.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2010

FWIW, I had a 4 month engagement and had no problems with dresses. My aunt and my niece were my MOH and BM. I asked them to find something that they would be comfortable in and hopefully, something that they would be able to use again. My aunt picked out a nice dress from Dillards and my niece's came from the Easter section in Target. They were both in sage and worked perfectly together even though they weren't purchased together.

bablingbrooke · June 2010

You said your MOH called you a biitch. No one called you one.

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

Sangria is probably one of DB's most popular colors. The salespeople were being what's referred to as "pushy." You were being what's referred to as "gullible."

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:d98f5793-41e4-4912-8823-bbdf3b8cdae0">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]Sangria is probably one of DB's most popular colors. The salespeople were being what's referred to as "pushy." You were being what's referred to as "gullible."
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Ditto. They're trying to guarantee a sale.

marianne1245 · June 2010

Yes, I believe that they are all adults. Most of my bridesmaids are family. It would devasting to my fiance if his sisters weren't in the wedding. I also know how most of them are. They are procrastinators. They admit it. One of them even said she is "the type of person who needs a kick in the ass to get something done".

I would never think they were trying to screw me. I just know that they delay and delay and then rush at the last minute to do things. I'm not talking just wedding things. The only thing I've ever asked them to do for the wedding is order their dresses. I'm talking birthday parties, family dinners, etc.

duckie1905 · June 2010

I'm sorry, who called you a bitch? Except for your MOH.

marianne1245 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-just-order-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a0a9c71c-f954-4ac6-998a-0b42a81df2d3Post:d98f5793-41e4-4912-8823-bbdf3b8cdae0">Re: Why can't they just order their dresses???</a>:
[QUOTE]Sangria is probably one of DB's most popular colors. The salespeople were being what's referred to as "pushy." You were being what's referred to as "gullible."
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I wasn't gullible. I already said that I thought it could be inaccurate. I just don't want to take the chance. My bridesmaids can't order off the rack so they will all have to be special ordered. Are you saying if it was your wedding you would really take the chance and not listen to the store?

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

Yes, I tend not to take my advice from people who work on commission, especially when doing so is pissing off my closest friends.

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