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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...

I got married month's ago but this subject still bother's the crap out of my DH and I.  Not a single one of my bridesmaids got me a gift for my wedding, not even something as little as a card to say congratulations. These are long-time friends!  Ontop of that, they didn't even put any effort into my bachelorette party. One of them didn't even come! They took me out to a local bar-that was it. I asked if we could do dinner or bowling or something beforehand and I was told "if you don't like it don't come." They finally agreed that we could go out to dinner and took me to some sketch dive where I paid for my own meal and drinks. As we proceeded to the bar, I paid for my own cover and drinks to the 2 bars we went to.

 This whole situation irks me especially with my MOH. Not only has she been my best friend since birth, but for her wedding I had to spend an arm and a leg on the shower present, the wedding present and the Cache bridesmaid dress all while being a broke college student...and she didn't even ask me to be her Maid of Honor - that was a blow. I was underage for her bachelorette party so I didn't get to go to that. 

Instead of a shower, my DH and I had a Jack and Jill. My MOH was in charge of buying cups and plates and what-not and had the nerve to tell me that she didn't get paid for the $50 worth of cups and plates that she bought for our Jack & Jill so we had to pay her for it afterwards out of the money that we made.

On top of that,  my girls offered to help get things together the day before the wedding (it was all a DIY wedding at my house) and no one showed up to help! They came at 4:30 when the rehearsal dinner was at 5 asking if I needed help. Two of them even had the day off.

While my bridesmaids didn't do a darn thing, my husband's groomsmen set the whole tent up (lights, tables, chairs, flowers, tableclothes), helped with hours of yardwork in prepartion for the wedding, threw my husband an amazing bachelor party in Boston with limo transportation and the whole deal, AND they all pitched in together to get us a grill for our wedding present.

I am not one who expects gifts what-so-ever but these are long-time friends that didn't do a single special thing for my for my wedding. I actually cried over it for hours at the time of my wedding (not on my actual wedding day) and I will probably never say a word about it to them but it stills hurts and bothers me like crazy.

Whats your opinion?
«13

Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...

  • I had similar problems with my bridal party, which i tried talking about in another forum and the girls on there told me to get over myself. But Girl! I know how you feel, my wedding was on Saturday and my MOH was a complete you know what to me the whole day. She made everyone pay for decorations at the hotel for the bachelorette party and there were no decorations, she was late to everything including thirty mins late to rehearsal and she is a wedding coordinator. All in all i guess we just have to be happy we are married and don't have to have another wedding to deal with girls that don't care. It's funny what people expect of you but when its your turn they don't give it back in return. Hope you are having a wonderful marriage and realize that sometimes some friendships are not worth it to keep if they are not giving you back the same that you would do for them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:f9aef071-bb33-4c01-8b31-005b153b413f">Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I got married month's ago but this subject still bother's the crap out of my DH and I.  Not a single one of my bridesmaids got me a gift for my wedding, not even something as little as a card to say congratulations. These are long-time friends!  Ontop of that, they didn't even put any effort into my bachelorette party. One of them didn't even come! They took me out to a local bar-that was it. I asked if we could do dinner or bowling or something beforehand and I was told "if you don't like it don't come." They finally agreed that we could go out to dinner and took me to some sketch dive where I paid for my own meal and drinks. As we proceeded to the bar, I paid for my own cover and drinks to the 2 bars we went to.  This whole situation irks me especially with my MOH. Not only has she been my best friend since birth, but for her wedding I had to spend an arm and a leg on the shower present, the wedding present and the Cache bridesmaid dress all while being a broke college student...and she didn't even ask me to be her Maid of Honor - that was a blow. I was underage for her bachelorette party so I didn't get to go to that.  Instead of a shower, my DH and I had a Jack and Jill. My MOH was in charge of buying cups and plates and what-not and had the nerve to tell me that she didn't get paid for the $50 worth of cups and plates that she bought for our Jack & Jill so we had to pay her for it afterwards out of the money that we made. On top of that, I asked my girls for help getting things together the day before the wedding (it was all a DIY wedding at my house) and no one showed up to help! They came at 4:30 when the rehearsal dinner was at 5 asking if I needed help. Two of them even had the day off. While my bridesmaids didn't do a darn thing, my husband's groomsmen set the whole tent up (lights, tables, chairs, flowers, tableclothes), helped with hours of yardwork in prepartion for the wedding, threw my husband an amazing bachelor party in Boston with limo transportation and the whole deal, AND they all pitched in together to get us a grill for our wedding present. I am not one who expects gifts what-so-ever but these are long-time friends that didn't do a single special thing for my for my wedding. I actually cried over it for hours at the time of my wedding and I will probably never say a word about it to them but it stills hurts and bothers me like crazy. Whats your opinion?
    Posted by jessle830[/QUOTE]
    Your bridesmaids are required to do nothing short of buying the dress and showing up at the wedding. Any pre-wedding parties you received should be seen as an extra blessing, not a requirement. The fact that you're complaining about how you didn't EARN enough money from your party is absolutely ridiculous.

    Also, gifts should never be expected. You seem very gift gabby to me. What's more important? Your friendships with your BMs or the fact that they didn't get you a gift? Because right now it seems like you care about getting more and more stuff over your friendships. Your BMs already spent a whole lot of money on your wedding. Dresses, shoes, jewelry, etc - it's expensive.

    And the fact that you "cried for hours" on your wedding day about the fact that you didn't get a gift seems incredibly immature.
    image
    The Happiest 5K on the Planet! Color Run 2012
    "I think the threat of 'You've ticked off The Brides!' might do it." Anniversary LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:a742b9f1-33fa-478d-970a-2a37c899d1fa">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had similar problems with my bridal party, which i tried talking about in another forum and the girls on there told me to get over myself. But Girl! I know how you feel, my wedding was on Saturday and my MOH was a complete you know what to me the whole day. She made everyone pay for decorations at the hotel for the bachelorette party and there were no decorations, she was late to everything including thirty mins late to rehearsal and she is a wedding coordinator. All in all i guess we just have to be happy we are married and don't have to have another wedding to deal with girls that don't care. It's funny what people expect of you but when its your turn they don't give it back in return. Hope you are having a wonderful marriage and realize that sometimes some friendships are not worth it to keep if they are not giving you back the same that you would do for them.
    Posted by peanutkls[/QUOTE]
    Hahaha I just read your other post. No one on here is going to approve of this type of behavior. Except those who act the same way.

    You are not going to get any sympathy around these parts. Especially with your rotten attitude.
    image
    The Happiest 5K on the Planet! Color Run 2012
    "I think the threat of 'You've ticked off The Brides!' might do it." Anniversary LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • Thanks for understanding Peanut. I guess if you haven't been in the situation where you gave your best friend your all on her wedding day and she doesn't even give you a congratulations then you wouldn't understand.

    I don't recall complaining about how much money we earned at our Jack & Jill.

    I guess society just builds a lot of hype up about weddings and you have a vision in your head for so many years that when your friends don't make an effort or even show up for the events that kind of go with a wedding these days, you get disappointed.

    I made this wedding as cheap as possbile for my ladies because I khow how much it sucks to break the bank over a one-time bridesmaid dress - their dresses and shoes combined were only $30 and they could wear whatever jewerly they wanted so I really didn't ask much of anything from them.

    Why are people so catty on these boards? lol Now I know why I never post anything lol
    Lita31qrmarciaterry
  • Seriously, I think you need to get over yourself.  Yes, your wedding is the most important thing in your's and your H's lives at the moment, but your WP -who should be considered FRIENDS and not SLAVES - have other things going on in their lives.  Did you ever take the time to ask them how thigns were going in their lives?  BMs don't have any responsibilities other than getting a dress and showing up sober and on time the day of your wedding.  If they offer to throw you a shower/bachelorette - great!  If not, oh well.  Yes, there are things that BMs traditionally do, but those should never be expected.  

    I'm glad you are happy in your marraige though.
    image
  • Thats exactly how i feel, when some of us need to just come for support and other girls are rude. At least now I know I'm not the only one that feels that way! :) I'm no princess and I don't and didn't expect a ton from my BM or MOH but I did hope to have a little help and support. Which i did from them all except the one and they had no prob doing it. Just don't worry about what other people say that is rude they don't know you! :)
    marciaterry
  • I don't know why I bothered posting because things never come out right when your trying to tell a long story.

    I didn't expect my bridesmaids to be there. They had asked if I needed help and I said that we would be working all day getting things ready, they offered to help and told me that they'd be there between 12 and 1. I never asked or expected them to slave over me, they offered the help, I did some-what rely on the help that was offered and was bummed when they didn't show.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:76a11529-025f-4ff7-8be2-95bcd07dda75">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know why I bothered posting because things never come out right when your trying to tell a long story. I didn't expect my bridesmaids to be there. They had asked if I needed help and I said that we would be working all day getting things ready, they offered to help and told me that they'd be there between 12 and 1. I never asked or expected them to slave over me, they offered the help, I did some-what rely on the help that was offered and was bummed when they didn't show.
    Posted by jessle830[/QUOTE]
    That is reasonable.

    But I'm still stuck on the "crying for hours" because they didn't get you a gift.
    image
    The Happiest 5K on the Planet! Color Run 2012
    "I think the threat of 'You've ticked off The Brides!' might do it." Anniversary LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • So a few things- I admit that if none of my friends/bridesmaids got me any gift at all, I would be a little irked, but not ranting on a board about it. Ultimately, gifts are not required at all, I don't know what their income is and what they can afford. 

    Secondly, could it be that maybe you were asking them to do too much? I mean, I have a lot going on in my life right now and I am MOH and bridesmaid in 2 different weddings this summer and if I was expected to get gifts for both, pay for wedding showers, pay for your dinner and drinks for a bachelorette party as well as my own, and help you make stuff the day before the wedding...it would start to get overwhelming. We are talking about your friends spending a LOT of money on you for YOUR and your FI's wedding.

    It is easy to say "well I did that for my friend so she should have done it for me" but ultimately, big girls know that's not usually how the world works. 
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  • jessle830jessle830 member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2011
    Ugh, what I actually cried over was the attitude I got when I asked if we could get something to eat before going out to the bar and I got "if you don't like it then don't come".  I didn't cry over the gifts, I didn't cry over them not showing up to help like they offered, but at the end of it all, it was all somewhat overwhelming when you see what little your friends cared.

    So pretty much, what you are telling me is that when your best friend gets married all your going to do is buy the bridesmaid dress and show up when it's time to walk down the aisle?

    When my good friend gets married I'm going to be there for her all I can. I'm going to call her to see how she's doing and how everythings going, I'm going to help her with whatever I can help her with, I'm going to show up when I say I'm going to show up or at least call if I can't make it, and I'm going to give her the best girls night of her life at her bachelorette party. That's what a friend does! 

    That's all i'm saying...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:29f605f3-79d9-401d-89a0-5533ce0f39c8">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ugh, what I actually cried over was the attitude I got when I asked if we could get something to eat before going out to the bar and I got "if you don't like it then don't come".  I didn't cry over the gifts, I didn't cry over them not showing up to help like they offered, but at the end of it all, it was all somewhat overwhelming when you see what little your friends cared. So pretty much, what you are telling me is that when your best friend gets married all your going to do is buy the bridesmaid dress and show up when it's time to walk down the aisle? When my good friend gets married I'm going to be there for her all I can. I'm going to call her to see how she's doing and how everythings going, I'm going to help her with whatever I can help her with, I'm going to show up when I say I'm going to show up or at least call if I can't make it, and I'm going to give her the best time of her girls night of her life at her bachelorette party. That's what a friend does!  That's all i'm saying...
    Posted by jessle830[/QUOTE]
    No, that's not what I'm saying. If you do that for your friends, that's great! However, no bride can EXPECT her friends to go above and beyond for the wedding. It's immature and childish.

    And honestly, I wouldn't judge my friends based on whether or not they devoted an extensive amount of time/effort on my wedding or whether or not they bought me a gift. I love my friends for who they are, not what they give me.
    image
    The Happiest 5K on the Planet! Color Run 2012
    "I think the threat of 'You've ticked off The Brides!' might do it." Anniversary LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • Basically be the BM or MOH that you want. I figured you didn't cry becasue of those things. I cried the day of my wedding to but it was before make up and was becaseue i was being told things from my BM's that I didn't need to know. I think every Bride gets overwhelmed on their wedding day and the BM and MOH's are there to help make it a little easier for them not cause more problems. which in both our cases it seems like that did.
  • I do have to tell you though I did not get gifts from several of our Bridal Party however I believe that the cost of being in the wedding and being in it is a gift itself. :)
  • Dont worry about these girls on here, they will take any chance they get to criticize when all you really need is to vent...Thats why I dont post often anymore, its just not worth it! But that really sucks about your girls! Especially your MOH! I dont know what I would do if I were you.. I might actually bring it up lightly, otherwise you might always hold a lil grudge, and that would suck! GL to you I hope you feell better about all this soon! :)
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  • Jess,
    Ignore the others. Girls love to be catty for no reason around here. They also like put words in OPs mouths; don't let it get to you.
    I feel for you. It isn't about the gifts or the money the girls spent on your party; you feel hurt because of the lack of EFFORT the girls put in. There is no excuse for not giving a good friend a CARD on her wedding day. Cards can be made and don't need to cost any money at all.  I understand why some people cannot give gifts (and why they shouldn't be expected to), but there is absolutely no excuse for not taking a CARD to a wedding- THAT is poor etiquette. True friends make an effort to celebrate milestones in one another's lives, and that doesn't mean spending money. It means taking a few minutes out of your day to write down something meaningful. I am sorry that you friends passed you over like this.

  • I agree 100% with you. If my best friend did that to me I would be really hurt! Like you said I am going to try to be there 100% for her when she gets married and I would expect the same from her in return. That’s what friends do, they are there for each other! I want to help my friend make her wedding day the most amazing day she can imagine, and if that means I cant do it finically then I will be there for her in any other way I can. And I expect that from her, like anything friendship is a two way street, one cant give while the other takes it leaves people feeling the way you do. I would be extremely hurt if my best friend didn’t put forth any effort while I did tons for her wedding. (Remember ladies contributing to a wedding doesn’t always mean spending money!) Plus my best friend and I talk everyday and know exactly what we want and how much we are willing to contribute, when it does come time to start planning these sort of things, so neither one of us will be disappointed.

     

    And to the PP yes your fiancé is there for support but sometimes a girl wants the support of her friend… isn’t that what friends are for?? (along with other things of course)

     

    I think you all need to get off your high horses, stop being so Judgmental of everyone else, and maybe put yourselves in her shoes, if you wouldn’t be upset the way she is then maybe you have a different relationship with your MOH than she does, think of options before you blurt out your nasty comments.

     

     

    ANYWAY, if I were you I would just try and forget about it, whats done is done, if you bring it up to them now they may just get upset, plus there is nothing they can do about it now anyways, so just enjoy being married and try not to let it bother you Smile

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  • I don't think anyone is being catty.

    OP- it's not wrong to feel upset or disappointed, they are your feelings and you can feel whatever you'd like.  However, the part that becomes "right or wrong" is how you react to those feelings.  If you are hurt by their lack of participation, that's one thing, but if you end your friendships over it, that's a whole other thing.  I think you just need to reevaluate your priorities and think about how their actions really affected you.  Did it suck that they were so nanchalant about your pre-wedding stuff or the fact that they didn't get you a gift?  I'm sure it did, but when you really think about it, did it change how special your wedding day was?  I hope not.  I think if you tried thinking about the things they did do for you rather than the things they didn't do, that you'll be able to look back on your wedding with much fonder memories.
    Anniversary
  • Thanks jemmini, Ashley, Sunny, Horsevaulter and peanut for your kind opinions and thoughts! Whether you agree with my feelings or not, I greatly appreciate them :) 

    Ashley, you worded it perfectly and that's exactly how I feel. It's been 10 months since the wedding and trust me, I'm not holding any big grudge against anyone and I definitely haven't cut anyone out of my life but it's just always a thought in the back of my mind; especially lately when my best friend/MOH is pregnant and who gets called upon to do 50% of the work for the shower? Me of course :)

    I just feel that any relationship, whether it's with your husband or your friends, is all about give and take. You can only be the nice person and give so much without receiving anything back for so long until you break.
  • "True friends make an effort to celebrate milestones in one another's lives, and that doesn't mean spending money. It means taking a few minutes out of your day to write down something meaningful. I am sorry that you friends passed you over like this."

    I fail to see how spending the time to travel and be at the wedding, having a shower (Jack & Jill or not), having a bachelorette party, AND buying a dress/shoes (which, BTW, OP if you required specific shoes,  YOU should have paid for them, regardless of price) is not making an effort to celebrate milestones...

    ... it sounds like your BM's did exactly what they should have done and then some.


    And for the record, my best friend/MOH likely will not be here for a shower or a bachelorette party because she's in school almost 10 hours away from me. And I won't love her any less for it - she's my MOH because she's my best friend, not because I think she'll get me great gifts or throw me a great party. Likewise, another BM lives 8+ hours away at Vet School, and will likely miss any pre-party events that may or may not be planned (I'm not expecting a shower or bachelorette). Being that both girls are in college, I also don't expect gifts - because you know what? They have lives and their own bills to pay for, and traveling for a wedding/being in a wedding party can get expensive. One of my BM's is flying in from freaking CANADA for my wedding, so no, I don't expect her to be at any pre-party events either... or to get me a gift. Once again, I don't love them any less - they'll still be at my side for my wedding, which is the only thing that matters to me in asking them to be BM's.


    Man, you know it was a full moon when all of the bridezillas come out of the woodwork like this. Makes me sad.
  • Luckily for me my wedding party is amazing. I think they are more excited about the bridal shower and bachelorette party than I am! But I do understand what you are trying to say/mean and I feel for you. I would be hurt to if my friends acted as if they didn't care. Despite what other people think, it hurts to feel like those you care about and you know care about you choose not to act like it. Maybe it is just me but I always get excited when something awesome is happening for my friends, babies, weddings, graduating, etc. And sometimes we just need to vent or get a little support.

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    Knottie1428389114
  • I don't know if the original poster is still reading this: However, I think that when you ask someone to be a BM, you are asking them from help in planning, preparing and support on your wedding day. They are friends, I hope to be treated as I treat others. I can see that you are disappointed and I don't blame you.

    That being said, some of the other ladies posting are rude and there advice is not constructive. I posted a question awhile ago, to which I got really rude answers, I was looking for some constructive answers from women who have been in that situation or could give some insight, not to be called immature and stupid. Those comments are not needed and when it happen to me I was actually really annoyed.
     
    I hope you have had time to talk with your friends and really communicate that you were disappointed in there lack of support on your wedding day. Not because they didn't spend money, but it seems that the general lack of support for your life changing event really hurt your feelings. And I hope it works out for you 
    Knottie1428389114
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:f0dbb1de-2cce-4445-b4aa-d09e7a0e2d27">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know if the original poster is still reading this: However, I think that when you ask someone to be a BM, you are asking them from help in planning, preparing and support on your wedding day. They are friends, I hope to be treated as I treat others. I can see that you are disappointed and I don't blame you. That being said, some of the other ladies posting are rude and there advice is not constructive. I posted a question awhile ago, to which I got really rude answers, I was looking for some constructive answers from women who have been in that situation or could give some insight, not to be called immature and stupid. Those comments are not needed and when it happen to me I was actually really annoyed.   I hope you have had time to talk with your friends and really communicate that you were disappointed in there lack of support on your wedding day. Not because they didn't spend money, but it seems that the general lack of support for your life changing event really hurt your feelings. And I hope it works out for you 
    Posted by mbutucel[/QUOTE]

    I know how you feel I have been told I am tacky, rude, and that my centerpiece idea is childish and corny. I love our centerpieces and think they are cute, as do other people.
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    Knottie1435973653
  • If people are so sensitive to the opinions of others, then don't post on a public message board.

    Easy as that.
  • It sucks to be disappointed, especially if you were expecting more. Are you close with the girls you chose to be in your bridal party? Did you give them a chance to throw you a shower or did you just come out and say you were going to have a jack and jill?

    Something to always keep in mind while planning/talking about your wedding is no one is going to care about it as much as you do. 

  • Thanks again to the not-so-harsh ladies, greatly appreciated!

    I am super close to all of my bridesmaids, 2 of them being cousins/best friends since babies, one of them being my sister and the other being another close friend; the 4 of us are tight-knit. We also all live within 10 minutes of each other so there was no flying across the country to try and make it.

    We did tell everyone that we preferred a Jack and Jill because we had just built/moved into our house in March 2010 (wedding was in July 2010) and we actually didn't want or need any gifts.

    It just sucked that one of my bridesmaids (the one that's always a good time) asked me what I wanted to do for my bachelorette party and all I asked was to not just go out to a bar since I don't really drink. So the bachelorette party planner just ditched out on the planning and didn't even go out with us when we all went out = bummer.
  • I disagree with a lot of the responses here.  I've heard the "all they have to do is buy the dress and show up" 100 times on these boards, but I think you have every right to hope that your friends will want to help out a little bit or have a fun bach party for you.  IMO, it's not about the money, it's about the thought and consideration.  It sounds like you were making efforts to NOT have them spending a lot of money ($30 for attire...damn, I thought I was good for keeping my BM dresses under $100!).  Despite not having to shell out a lot, you were hoping they'd at least write you a card and/or help with some set-up especially if they had the day off.  All money talk aside, you are disappointed that they didn't treat you as you would have (and have) treated them by showing you some more support and being there as good friends should.

    I may have just put tons of words in your mouth...but basically I think the scenario you described is vent-worthy and some people are too quick to accuse others of being self-absorbed zillas.  All of my BMs are OOT so they can't physically help me with wedding things, but they threw me a fantastic bach party (not extravagant and costing tons of money...just put some thought into it and made it really fun), and have offered up emotional support and helpful opinions every step of the way...I'm sooo lucky to have them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:d9d66b3a-9e37-495b-888e-360a02bf0c6d">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for understanding Peanut. I guess if you haven't been in the situation where you gave your best friend your all on her wedding day and she doesn't even give you a congratulations then you wouldn't understand. I don't recall complaining about how much money we earned at our Jack & Jill. I guess society just builds a lot of hype up about weddings and you have a vision in your head for so many years that when your friends don't make an effort or even show up for the events that kind of go with a wedding these days, you get disappointed. I made this wedding as cheap as possbile for my ladies because I khow how much it sucks to break the bank over a one-time bridesmaid dress - their dresses and shoes combined were only $30 and they could wear whatever jewerly they wanted so I really didn't ask much of anything from them. Why are people so catty on these boards? lol Now I know why I never post anything lol
    Posted by jessle830[/QUOTE]

    I"ve never been in your situation but I would be upset too. These women are suppose to be their for you & true enough they are not obligated to do anything, but DAMN...you gave to your friends, so they should have  at least a put little effort in to your parties, especially if these women are GOOD FRIENDS!!  As PP stated only ppl who have no empathy for others or who would behavior accordingly would think this behavior is okay!
  • OP, I'm hoping that what you are upset over is the fact that you don't think your friends made an effort to be there for you, and not because they didn't spend money on you or follow your exact wishes to the letter.

    If that is the case, I can see why you would be disappointed if you had certain expectations and they didn't live up to them.  Yes, many people grow up with the idea that when you get married, you spend all kinds of time with your bridesmaids planning your wedding, getting things ready, and have a wild & crazy bachelorette party.  But it doesn't always work out that way.

    None of my bridesmaids helped with any of my wedding "projects" (mostly because they were all far away physically), and no one threw me a bachelorette party.  Was I a little surprised initially that my BM's weren't wanting to talk about my wedding with me much?  Maybe, but ultimately I got over it and planned my wedding with my husband and my family.  And my girls were there with me on my wedding day, and I knew they cared about me because they were there.

    In summary, I agree that you can be disappointed, but then you have a choice to stay annoyed and affect your relationship with your friends in the future, or just continue to be the best friend to them that you can be, and not expect everything to always be "fair".  Because honestly, it's not.  And often when we expect too much of those around us it just drives them further away or makes them less willing to go out of their way.  I suggest you let this go and move on.
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  • I think some of these girls are here waiting for something rude to write
  • Was that directed at me?  Because I was honestly trying to help, by sharing that not every bride gets what she is expecting (including me), but sometimes in life you have to deal and move on.  Maybe your expectations were unrealistic.  And if they weren't, getting annoyed at your friends won't make them better friends, will it?

    I apologize if you found that rude.  It was not meant to be.
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