To Look or Not to Look

SwanyGirly911 · July 2010

Do you look at your registry to see what you are going to get before your shower? Or just let it all be a surprise?

I have heard mixed feelings on this.

Patineuse1124 · July 2010

I'm a registry stalker and I don't think it really matters, as you don't know who got you the present (so there's a surprise there). It's not like the actual gifts purchased from your registry are that much of a surprise, after all you picked them out. Plus it's good to see what's being bought as you may want to add a few more things at different price points or based on what has been bought (i.e., I put some, but not all of the serving pieces for my dishes on my registry, but if it looks like all of the place settings are going to be purchased then I'll add some more pieces).

mags0607 · July 2010

I will admit that when it gets close to the wedding and the shower, I will look. Everyone that knows me, knows it too, so I really don't think its a big deal. That way you can add/remove things as needed.

quotequeen · July 2010

I am a stalker. But I kind of have to look because we put our china and flatware on both of our registries so as they get purchased I need to update the number on the other registry. (Really, that's just an excuse. I love seeing what people are buying!)

kristinanddan · July 2010

I stalked our registries. I told myself it was to make sure things weren't going out of stock, or if someone bought something but it wasn't quite what we registered for, to update our registry to reflect that we already had the item. Registry stalking = fun!

pandasquishy · July 2010

I didn't look before the shower because I wanted to be surprised. My mom was stalking it and kept telling me I was going to have an awesome shower and then it was a bit of a let down after her hype.

After the shower I stalked multiple times a day since I knew no one would be looking for my reaction while I was opening those presents.

clarereedy · July 2010

I check my registry daily!! (Okay, maybe twice a day!!) My shower is in three weeks and gifts are starting to come off. It's so much fun to see what is off each day, and like one of the previous posts said, I don't know who bought the presents. Unless, of course, I check the thank you card manager on the Macy's registry.

Karinabobina · July 2010

I hate surprises. I look everyday

)

shupiker · July 2010

I can't help myself. I look all the time. It takes some of the fun out of getting the gift, but then I make it a point to not tell my fiance and let him open it. I get a little bit of the joy back.

I think that while I like the convenience of managing my registry online, it's made it impossible for me to keep away. I am always connected to the internet and I come up with excuses to check the registry.

sabatron · July 2010

Not only do I stalk my own registry, but I stalk my friends'/acquaintances' registries too. I more or less look at theirs to get an idea of other things to put on ours. I'm such a creepo.

BSeashore · July 2010

I look all the time! But I registered at Macy's and 25% I registered for are "no longer available" so it is good to check to make sure you still have enough things still! And you don't have to look at who gave it to you if you want a surprise

ajohnston29 · July 2010

Here is a flip-side to this situation. I asked a good friend of mine to be a bridesmaid a few weeks after getting engaged... little did I know our entire friendship was about to change.

After my engagement she quit talking to me as much, and would get angry/upset whenever I discussed wedding plans. She would constantly ask me why I was starting my planning "already". We did have a year and a half to plan - but I was wanting to do a lot of fun little details. Details that didn't necessarily mean more $$, just more time. She would only talk about when her and her boyfriend were going to start ring shopping. (I don't know whether this was a sign of jealousy or what was going on.)

I have started bridesmaid dress shopping and have mentioned the fact that I have visited stores and she doesn't even acknowledge. She has not asked EVEN ONCE about my dress or the dresses I have picked out for the bridesmaids. She constantly brags about how cheap her wedding will be and has even put me down for visiting so many bridal shops looking for my dress.

I don't know what to do?

sabseay88 · July 2010

i also can not help myself.. i have been looking too.. my shower is in a couple weeks :-)

Carsonc27 · July 2010

I want it to be a surprise!!! There's no fun if you know ahead of time

jcaruana81 · July 2010

There is nothing wrong with peeking. I look a couple of times a week. It will still be a surprise since you don't know who is buying what.

sarah42nd · July 2010

I look alot more now then I use too because things change on there. Like some PPs said they dont have the product anymore .

ang&nate · July 2010

I have also looked. I know what items have been purchased but there is still the surprise of whether the gift will be given at the shower, wedding or mailed.

swelchphr · July 2010

I have stalker-tenancies, so I feel like if I start "occassionally" look at it, I'll be on it 24/7. So I've made the decision not to look at all because I want it to be a surprise.

micheller324 · July 2010

Total Stalker!!! I knew everything I was getting before I got to the shower

) Now I am looking at it for the wedding in 7 weeks! My FMI called and said we got a gift and that was the first thing I did...Check the registry to see what it was...

allison9115 · July 2010

I LOVE looking! I'm actually kind of addicted but it's fun this try and guess what someone might get you!!! Plus as someone stated earlier, we have our china on two registries and need to decrease quantities accordingly

dolesglory95 · July 2010

I did not look before the shower, but now that the wedding is only 36 days away, I find looking at the registeries is a nice distraction from those last minute wedding details.

ivoryflower · July 2010

I would totally peek at my wedding registry. I don't have one yet though... I'm still trying to convince my fiance to ELOPE. LOL.

ajohnston29 : It sounds like your friend is jealous, and that she can't handle the thought of your special day coming before hers. As painful as it sounds, you should maybe think of assigning her another role for the wedding. After all, helping to plan and being excited about all things wedding is bridesmaids/MOH duty. You want someone who is fully committed to you standing up with you on your big day. Besides, when you think about all the other people who are going to stress you out (for instance, my MIL wants to invite EVERYONE, and I want a small, 40 guest ceremony at most), you don't need to deal with the jealousy of your friend.

gwagner · July 2010

I think ivoryflower is right; a bridesmaid's job is to be there for the bride; if the bride needs help planning, really, the bridesmaid is her right hand!

Maybe have a lunch (or some kind of get together) with her and explain how you feel. Tell her that you know she's excited for her own engagement/wedding/whatnot, but you need to know that she is there for you and will be able to do her duties effectively.

I have a friend to is kind of like this; but thankfully, she's managing to be happy and very supportive for me (or at least keep up the appearances).

jodyharris · July 2010

So, Ive been looking but it looks like no one has bought anything, and we are three weeks away!!! Should I be freaking out yet???

flitter30 · July 2010

Jodyharris: I wouldn't freak out yet. My shower in in 2 weeks & only a few items are marked off of my registry so far. Don't forget some people wait til a week or so before to go shopping and some might not even remember to have the store mark off the item. I wouldn't worry too much...I doubt people will be showing up to your shower & wedding empty handed.

stever · July 2010

I registry stalked like crazy!

BewitchedBeckatha · July 2010

I'm a second marriage (he's a first) so I am reallly torn up about the whole registry thing. I almost feel like it's not fair to register. What is wrong with me? What do you think of the whole 2nd marriage thing?
Becky

golden1215 · July 2010

I registry stalk but I have a good excuse (I'd stalk even if I didn't though...) I have had to delete quite a few things that were discontinued and update many of my price ranges because gifts starting coming off month before my shower or the actual wedding

hyaksic · July 2010

I have to admit, I look at my registry daily....I would like to think it's to make sure "seasonal" items are removed when they are no longer available, but that's not really the truth!

CosetteG · July 2010

Aww that sucks! This should be such a happy joyous time for you and your friend should be SO stoked that she is not only a BRIDESMAID, but that you are getting married!!

Before you made her a bridesmaid, did you ever feel that this might happen? Is she the jealous type? Because from how you've described her actions, it screams jealousy. You are getting attention and she is not. Maybe she and her boyfriend aren't as happy as you and your fiance.

Try some psychology on her. Butter her up by telling her that you can't WAIT for her wedding and what a beautiful bride she'll make. If she softens up from those compliments, then she feels bad for her jealousy inspired actions towards you. If she is still snarky after those compliments....I wouldn't waste my time discussing any kind of detail with her besides the basics (since she IS your bridesmaid.)

Best of luck to you! Stay positive and realize that this is 99% jealousy. Its unfortunate, but it does happen.

sidney_22 · July 2010

The temptation to look is there for me. I think it's not a good idea to look though. I mean I made a list of what we would like and I think it will be exciting to see what we got off our list. Then I won't be playing at surprise when I open anything. Tempting, but I won't do it. It's like making a Christmas list and then searching in the closets to see what you got from everyone, it just ruins it, I think.

To Look or Not to Look

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