I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.

MindyMWM · October 2012

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peekaboo2011 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:7fc9b8e9-6705-4296-8114-be1534290410">Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I have a fairly unconventional way about going about our "engagement". We moved from the states to Canada for this graduate school studies and decided recently to get married. Being that he is a graduate student and I make very little money, we are planning on getting married in December when we visit our family for Christmas. We are planning on having a small, casual wedding where the friend who introduced us will marry us. Since my family is very traditional and my father expects my boyfriend to ask him before proposing and he hasn't gotten the ring yet, so we haven't told anyone. Being broke, we have been looking at cubic zirconia rings on E-bay for less than $100. <strong>He tells me that he wants to get me a nicer "real" ring after we move back to the states in three years and that we will have a "real" wedding in four or five years with my huge extended family, all of our friends, and everything else that goes with a big wedding.</strong> How would you feel in my situation? I feel okay with the cheap ring for now, but I still feel like I need to lie about what the ring is made of if any of my friends (especially my already married friends) ask. I know that we aren't going to have a fairy tale engagement since we made this decision together and he didn't get down on one knee, but I feel like others will feel sorry for me if I tell them how we went about everything. Thoughts?
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>1. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. As long as you love your ring, that's really all that matters.</div><div>
</div><div>2. RE: Bolded. Upgrading your ring when you can afford it is fine. But you only get ONE wedding. You can have a vow renewal, but generally that is best done for a milestone anniversary, or if something has happened where you "need" to renew your vows. You don't get to have a do-over wedding because you had a small, simple ceremony.</div>

K Everdeen12 · October 2012

If anyone judges what your ring is made of, they are jerks. I wouldn't lie about it though. That is weird to me. Like I have a palladium ring, not platinum (which is far more expensive and looks very similar). I wouldn't lie and say it's platinum.

As for your "real wedding" - the real one is when you exchange vows. I don't get why you think you can have another wedding in a few years - it would just be a vow renewal or anniversary party unless you got divorced in between. It seems like you just want to be married now, which is fine, but you can't really have it both ways.

Peaseblossom55 · October 2012

Don't worry about what anyone thinks as long as you are happy. I also believe you get one wedding however you decide to do it is your choice. Vow renewals are fine, as long as everyone knows it's a vow renewal and you don't hide the fact that you are already married.

If you think you might be unhappy with a smaller wedding or an unconventional ring why not wait until after grad school? Is there any rush to get married?

jorja86 · October 2012

You only get one wedding. If you want to renew your vows in 5 or 10 years without the big white dress, bridal party, and cake cutting, go for it. If you want to have all that for your wedding, wait until you can afford it. Is there a reason you HAVE to get married this December?

As far as the ring, if you are happy with it, who cares what other people think. You don't need to explain yourself to them, and anyone who asks what kind of gem is in your ring is classless and rude. I would respond with a simple, "Excuse me?" if that situation comes up.

Hummingbird125 · October 2012

I agree with everything the PP have said. If it were me, I would feel much more uncomfotable lying about what my ring is made of than just telling the truth - whatever it is. The point is - you're engaged! And everyone who loves you should be happy for you regardless of what your ring is made of. That said, you don't have to volunteer that information - and I doubt too many people will ask about it.

You don't get to do a wedding after being married for several years. Your wedding is when you get married. If you'd rather wait to be able to afford a big party, then wait a few years to get married. Honestly, I bet you'd feel pretty silly planning a "wedding" after being married for several years, and how could anyone in your family be expected to take it seriously? You can have a huge, awesome, party whenever you're ready to afford it - but don't wear a wedding dress, have a bridal party, or exchange vows after being married for a while - that's just strange.

JBSMADA10 · October 2012

If you already agreed to be married in December then you're engaged. If you wanted your dad's permission, you've already missed that step.

msuprincess04 · October 2012

As for the ring, have you considered a colored stone or even a white sapphire? They can be clear and set in white gold and look like a normal wedding ring. They also don't have the stigma of "cz" if that's what you are worried about. Sapphires are great alternative to traditional diamonds.

http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Miadora-10k-White-Gold-Created-White-Sapphire-Solitaire-Ring/4032164/product.html

You really need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, or did, or wants. It's about you and your FI. If you are mature enough to get married, then you are mature enough to set a budget, define realistic expectations, and have the wedding you want and can afford.

lennonkdc · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:ef47942b-729d-4c73-939e-f7c82f8596eb">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]It is so easy to say "don't worry what everyone else will think" when you are advizing someone else. The truth is that I don't care what passers-by think, but I do care about what my family and friends think. They are important to me and though it isn't their decision, <strong><u>I know some people will be heart broken (my sister) since we have been planning our weddings together since we were children.</u></strong> Since my boyfriend and I are out of country and I won't be able to find a teaching job (teaching jobs are difficult to find here as well as in the states) I cannot get my own work visa while I am living here, therefore after six months will not be allowed to live here. If we are not married, I would have to move back to the states while he is here in Canada for the next three years. That will not work for us. As far as asking my dad, I am a self proclaimed feminist who does not feel it is neccessary, but I know that my dad is getting older and is set in his ways. My boyfriend asking to marry me would make his year. I know that we are going about things in such a backwards manner, but I don't see anyway around it. To clarify, when I said "real" wedding, I meant a vow reknewal that would probably be planned for our fifth anniversary <strong><u>since it would take me a while to plan everything.</u></strong> This is such a difficult topic for me because of the family that I have. So many cousins etc. who have big family weddings, several extended family members, and a very traditional father. I have always been a bit of a black sheep and have been engaged and jilted before. The way we are going about things is not the way I had planned, but seems to make sense for us and our situation. <strong><u>I guess I am just having a difficult time letting go of the wedding I planned years ago with my ex that never happened and the wedding I imagined I would have.</u></strong>
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>1) unless you were planning on marring your sister there is no reason to have been planing a wedding with her since your childhood.</div><div>
</div><div>2) A wedding or a VR does not take five years to plan, no way, no how. </div><div>
</div><div>3) DING DING DING we have a winner! You don't seem to want a marriage as much as you want a WEDDING! Guess what, your not getting that wedding. Its so unfair to your current partner to even think this way. He's not some stand in actor in the role of groom. Your wedding day isn't a play, and if all you want is a big day where you are the center of attention then have a big birthday party and be done with it.</div><div>
</div><div>Here are your options, as I see them:</div><div>1) Elope now then have a nice cocktail party with family & friends back home, not a wedding reception- no big white dress, no wedding party, no first dance, just a chance to celebrate your marriage with those you love.</div><div>
</div><div>2) Do the long distance thing for 3 year, while you plan the 'Wedding of your dreams'. </div><div>
</div><div>3) Elope, tell no one, then have a wedding in 3 years. Then watch this all blow up in your face...</div>

audrewuh · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:ef47942b-729d-4c73-939e-f7c82f8596eb">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]It is so easy to say "don't worry what everyone else will think" when you are advizing someone else. The truth is that I don't care what passers-by think, but I do care about what my family and friends think. They are important to me and though it isn't their decision, I know some people will be heart broken (my sister) since we have been planning our weddings together since we were children. Since my boyfriend and I are out of country and I won't be able to find a teaching job (teaching jobs are difficult to find here as well as in the states) I cannot get my own work visa while I am living here, therefore after six months will not be allowed to live here. If we are not married, I would have to move back to the states while he is here in Canada for the next three years. That will not work for us. As far as asking my dad, I am a self proclaimed feminist who does not feel it is neccessary, but I know that my dad is getting older and is set in his ways. My boyfriend asking to marry me would make his year. I know that we are going about things in such a backwards manner, but I don't see anyway around it. To clarify, when I said "real" wedding, I meant a vow reknewal that would probably be planned for our fifth anniversary since it would take me a while to plan everything. This is such a difficult topic for me because of the family that I have. So many cousins etc. who have big family weddings, several extended family members, and a very traditional father. I have always been a bit of a black sheep and have been engaged and jilted before. The way we are going about things is not the way I had planned, but seems to make sense for us and our situation. I guess I am just having a difficult time letting go of the wedding I planned years ago with my ex that never happened and the wedding I imagined I would have.
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The whole visa thing does make things a little more, erm, complicated? Not as straight forward? </div><div>
</div><div>Everyone has covered my thoughts on the e-ring. You don't have to tell people what it is and a good CZ looks like a diamond for a while, and only a really rude person would ask if it was a diamond or not. </div><div>
</div><div>On the getmarriedrightthissecond thing:</div><div>
</div><div>a) decide, is it important to you that your BF ask your father (or inform your father of bf's decision)? It really sounds like it is, but you don't want to admit it. That's okay, let your BF call up your father and talk to him. </div><div>
</div><div>b) you can still involve your sister in wedding planning even if you're getting married over Christmas. I'm sure she'd love to help you. You can still have a beautiful, intimate wedding by Christmas when you go visit your family.</div><div>
</div><div>c) your visa expires in 6 months, why not get married in 8 months? Or 6 months? You said you're currently without a job, so maybe coming back to the states for a couple of months wouldn't be a bad thing. You can plan a beautiful, stellar wedding in this amount of time, no problem. </div><div>
</div><div>Your families have big weddings, so I'm sure they'll enjoy the change of having a small intimate wedding. You and your FI don't have to be like everyone else. Figure out what you want. </div><div>
</div><div>And, since we're on the topic, if you get married "on paper" for visa reasons at an embassy, as long as you're up front and honest with your guests about it, I don't see a HUGE issue in having a wedding months later. I do get how some people would feel uncomfortable about it, though. </div><div>
</div>

audrewuh · October 2012

Damn. I just spent a while crafting a kind and helpful reply, only to have OP DD.

That pisses me off.

MindyMWM · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:4dc12567-45c5-4932-b68a-f88d707b6727">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]As for the ring, have you considered a colored stone or even a white sapphire? They can be clear and set in white gold and look like a normal wedding ring. They also don't have the stigma of "cz" if that's what you are worried about. Sapphires are great alternative to traditional diamonds. <a href="http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Miadora-10k-White-Gold-Created-White-Sapphire-Solitaire-Ring/4032164/product.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Miadora-10k-White-Gold-Created-White-Sapphire-Solitaire-Ring/4032164/product.html</a> You really need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, or did, or wants. It's about you and your FI. If you are mature enough to get married, then you are mature enough to set a budget, define realistic expectations, and have the wedding you want and can afford.
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you for the advise and for being the only positive reply I have received</div>

audrewuh · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:0ca5ff2c-47ee-4d50-841a-837e1f471796">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement : Thank you for the <strong>advice </strong>and for being the only positive reply I have received
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>Whoa whoa whoa. What did I say that wasn't positive? </div><div>
</div><div>And FTFY. </div>

MindyMWM · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:9cccc0c0-98cd-4837-8939-6d3c66a051b6">Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.</a>:
[QUOTE]Damn. I just spent a while crafting a kind and helpful reply, only to have OP DD. That pisses me off.
Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

<div>Your message was kind and helpful and did show up.</div>

audrewuh · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:a4b58c33-d8e4-40d9-b624-d2c518a54f22">Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs. : Your message was kind and helpful and <strong>did show up.</strong>
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>No, but YOU deleted your OP. After being quoted. That's not polite to do on the internet.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: It's like you're saying we're not worth your time, which I gave to you, in an attempt to help. This is a message board and you're going to agree and disagree with a lot of people. It happens. But I encourage you to not give up on your thread so quickly. </div>

MindyMWM · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:0572f37e-9c55-4465-a1f7-8f852d6fd938">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement : Whoa whoa whoa. What did I say that wasn't positive? And FTFY.
Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know what FTFY or OP DD means. Also, the message after yours was sent before I received your messages.</div>

audrewuh · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:0e81dda5-c8a5-48ee-a00a-79d9e9c8a08b">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement : I don't know what FTFY or OP DD means. Also, the message after yours was sent before I received your messages.
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>FTFY: Fixed That For You</div><div>
</div><div>OP: Original Post(er)</div><div>
</div><div>DD: Dirty Delete (When you delete a post, especially an OP)</div>

cu97tiger · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:0ca5ff2c-47ee-4d50-841a-837e1f471796">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement : Thank you for the advise and for being the only positive reply I have received
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>Mindy - While some people might have been blunt, you got plenty of well-thought-out advice to your situation. It might not have been what you wanted to hear, but that doesnt make it 'not positive.' As it seems you're new here, I'll just let you know that deleting your post (also called DD) is considered rude after so many people responded. Also, since other people quoted your posts, they are still there for all to read.</div><div>
</div><div>Please, take what is said here with a grain of salt, it is a public internet forum and no one is going to agree on everything all the time. Best of luck with your engagement and wedding planning.</div>

MindyMWM · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:644a02ea-86b0-44a8-8d14-3f469241c4e6">Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs. : No, but YOU deleted your OP. After being quoted. That's not polite to do on the internet. ETA: It's like you're saying we're not worth your time, which I gave to you, in an attempt to help. This is a message board and you're going to agree and disagree with a lot of people. It happens. But I encourage you to not give up on your thread so quickly.
Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, I don't do this often and I received a very rude message from another person and was unable to erase everything. I decided to stop it before getting more shitty replies from hateful people. I appreciate your time, however you are one of the very few people that have posted anything constructive. I know I will disagree with people, but I don't want to sift through all the jerks on a supposedly positive wedding-y environment. It just doesn't make sense.</div>

cu97tiger · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:0bcf7a26-386e-4b84-b0bb-761b0364f0dc">Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs. : Sorry, I don't do this often and I received a very rude message from another person and was unable to erase everything. I decided to stop it before getting more shitty replies from hateful people. I appreciate your time, however you are one of the very few people that have posted anything constructive. I know I will disagree with people, but I don't want to sift through all the jerks on a supposedly positive wedding-y environment. It just doesn't make sense.
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm sorry, there was ONE reply that I thought might be a little abrasive, so where are all these SHITTY replies? And hateful people? And jerks? Calling us and our posts all of those derogatory names isn't exactly the way to build community. </div><div>
</div><div>And FTR (for the record), you did NOT receive verbal abuse, so I would suggest getting a thicker skin if you want to stay around. (That is helpful advice, NOT verbal abuse).</div>

audrewuh · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:0bcf7a26-386e-4b84-b0bb-761b0364f0dc">Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs. : Sorry, I don't do this often and I received a very rude message from another person and was unable to erase everything. I decided to stop it before getting more shitty replies from hateful people. I appreciate your time, however you are one of the very few people that have posted anything constructive. I know I will disagree with people, but I don't want to sift through all the jerks on a supposedly positive wedding-y environment. It just doesn't make sense.
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>Mindy, I encourage you to read what Tiger posted, as she hit the nail on the head. </div><div>
</div><div>May I suggest that TK (The Knot) forums may not be for you if you consider these responses to be "shitty" and "from hateful people." I actually know many of these women personally and they are not hateful by any means. </div><div>
</div><div>I do wish you and your BF the best of luck and encourage you to come back, if you would like. WeddingBee Boards may also be a great place for you to get feedback, as they are more likely to be based in sunshine and rainbows than reality. </div>

LaSak87 · October 2012

None of these replies were "mean" or "verbally abusive." Just because it's not what you want to hear doesn't mean there is anything wrong with what PP said. They are absolutely right. You opened yourself up on an internet forum and need to accept that not everyone will agree with you.

MindyMWM · October 2012

Well... as fun as this has been the beautiful thing about the internet is that I don't have to continue being scolded by others. Constructive advise helpful, being scolded in acronyms? Not so much. I will no longer be checking/commenting on this thread. Somehow blog communities and comments do not seem as catty as the ones here on The Knot.

I suppose it is my own fault, I should have done my homework and read some other threads before posting my own. I just read a few other threads and read the same sort of catty behavoir that I do not wish to participate in.

Thank you for the few of you that were helpful and kind in your responses - truly I wish you were the majority.

cu97tiger · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:81b9b7a2-89ad-4a9d-a48b-43b124c80f14">Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.</a>:
[QUOTE]Well... as fun as this has been the beautiful thing about the internet is that I don't have to continue being scolded by others. Constructive advise helpful, being scolded in acronyms? Not so much. I will no longer be checking/commenting on this thread. Somehow blog communities and comments do not seem as catty as the ones here on The Knot.<strong> I suppose it is my own fault, I should have done my homework and read some other threads before posting my own</strong>. I just read a few other threads and read the same sort of catty behavoir that I do not wish to participate in. Thank you for the few of you that were helpful and kind in your responses - <strong>truly I wish you were the majority</strong>.
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>1 - yes</div><div>2 - We actually were the majority. I have read and re-read this thread and if you don't read any tone into the posts, almost every single one was helpful and offering advice.</div><div>3 - We get used to writing in acronyms. There is a link at the top of the board with a handy dictionary for those acronyms. Or you could ask about them, but they aren't used to make you feel bad, so don't take it personally.</div>

audrewuh · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:81b9b7a2-89ad-4a9d-a48b-43b124c80f14">Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.</a>:
[QUOTE]Well... as fun as this has been the beautiful thing about the internet is that I don't have to continue being scolded by others. Constructive <strong>advise</strong> helpful, being scolded in acronyms? Not so much. I will no longer be checking/commenting on this thread. Somehow blog communities and comments do not seem as catty as the ones here on The Knot. <strong>I suppose it is my own fault, I should have done my homework and read some other threads before posting my own. </strong>I just read a few other threads and read the same sort of catty behavoir that I do not wish to participate in. Thank you for the few of you that were helpful and kind in your responses - <strong>truly I wish you were the majority.</strong>
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

A-D-V-I-C-E, not advise. Good lord.

<div>GASP!!</div><div>
</div><div>And for serious, you could have left your original post (or OP) up longer and gotten more varied responses, but nooooo, you just jumped off the deep end. </div>

peekaboo2011 · October 2012

I want to know who you thought was mean to you. Because really, I've got nothing.

Swazzle · October 2012

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement : Thank you for the <strong>advise </strong>and for being the only positive reply I have received
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

<div>[QUOTE]Well... as fun as this has been the beautiful thing about the internet is that I don't have to continue being scolded by others. Constructive <strong>advise </strong>helpful, being scolded in acronyms? Not so much. I will no longer be checking/commenting on this thread. Somehow blog communities and comments do not seem as catty as the ones here on The Knot. I suppose it is my own fault, I should have done my homework and read some other threads before posting my own. I just read a few other threads and read the same sort of catty behavoir that I do not wish to participate in. Thank you for the few of you that were helpful and kind in your responses - truly I wish you were the majority.
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>ADVICE. </div><div>
</div><div>It's not that difficult. </div>

Letstrythis1001 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-and-unconventional-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cc371551-fa9f-4580-aa5f-d1825f83330fPost:0ca5ff2c-47ee-4d50-841a-837e1f471796">Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cubic Zirconia Engagement Ring and Unconventional Engagement : Thank you for the advise and for being the only positive reply I have received
Posted by MindyMWM[/QUOTE]

Out of <em>all</em> the threads I have read on TK. This was by far the tamest. If you can't handle that, you've probably got bigger issues...

lennonkdc · October 2012

OP- I'm sorry, I was a bit short with you. In the end, people just want honesty. If you HAVE to get married, then be honest. IMHO having a smaller wedding, maybe not your big dream wedding, but something small with family, this Dec seems to be your best option. I personally don't agree with having a VR in five years so that you can get a 'do over' for the big fancy wedding you always wanted. But, hey, its a free country.

If it is more important to you to have a big lavish wedding then I would suggest waiting the 3 years to get married, when you can afford to have a big to-do. Yes, the distance will suck, but in the end you will have been working, have a good finical base and get to have the big wedding you want.

Also- IDK much about how visas work, but even if your BF was your H, I don't know that you could get a visa to stay if neither of you are Canadian citizens. I would check with the state department before you made any more plans either way.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2012

Whoa, I'm tardy to the party.

OP, you only get one wedding/engagement. And if you want it to be a certain way (ie. big and having tons of extended family, with a flashy diamond engagement ring proposal), then wait until you can actually CAN do that.

I don't see why you're not considering doing just that. Can you explain that to me?

catrb89 · October 2012

This couldn't be further from "verbal abuse". You really need to get thicker skin.
People aren't here to blow rainbows and sunshine up your butt. You asked a question, and they answered it. No one was rude, they were just honest.

I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.

Re: I came on here looking for help from fellow brides and just received verbal abuse and put downs.

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