Hi Ladies!
It's been awhile since I've been on the knot boards! I may be married now but so often we become involved in friend's weddings and the advice found here is still helpful! I thought I'd leave some thoughts with you guys on getting rid of a bridesmaid. Though I did not get rid of one, I have been the one to be ridden of, haha!
Be thoughtful of your soon-to-be-ex-BM's feelings. She cared about you enough to decide to be your BM once, so show her the same care. When you asked her to be one, she agreed to at least buy a dress and show up that day!
Definitely
tell her (in person if you can) your change of mind! If you...
1) asked too many people to be your BM because you were too excited or you've lost a groomsman and want to keep the sides even - tell her you made the mistake and that while she is still special to you, you are limited in the number of BM you can have.
2) are not getting enough support from her as a BM (i.e. she's not staying involved or keeping up with what you ask) - tell her you notice that she's not available enough for what you need out of your BM's and that you don't want to be a Bridezillla who harps on her and stresses your friendship.
3) had a huge fight or falling out with her that you do not expect to be repaired in time - tell her that the bride-BM relationship is not working out and that you need to focus on your friendship with her instead and that her being your BM right now would stress that friendship.
But definitely
talk to her about it, she may not have the $ or time (or want) to do what you need anymore and she may
welcome the chance to bow out gracefully!! Remember, she cared about you enough to be you BM in the first place so she'll understand!!
If you care, here's my story in becoming an ex-BM
:
Edited for brevity:
I was asked by a dear friend to be one of her BMs shortly after her engagement. Four months later, something came up and she no longer wanted me as a BM.
But she
never said anything about it to me even though I assumed so. I should have asked her but it seemed awkward and presumptuous to ask her something that should have been so obvious!
Today I got my confirmation. Just out of chance, I came across a posting from her on a knot board where she asked if cutting me and not telling me was wrong:
The only response she got? "Good job cutting that BM loose!"
I believe the advice (or lack thereof) was bad! And in the end it was more hurtful to me that she never told me explicitly than it would have been on hearing the news that she couldn't/didn't want to include me...