Is this tacky?

tommyandy · March 2010

The last few wedding invites we've received made us go 'WOO-HOO we got invited!' not 'Wow, look at the labels'

olivethomas · March 2010

I'm shuddering at this term "correctly." Says who? I am a graduate student in social psychology and I'm pretty sure that human beings' response to handwritten vs labeled envelopes has not been elucidated by science. Etiquette is just the consensus--not of everyone, but of traditionalists, otherwise there wouldn't be books and debates about it--as to the best way to make nice, and what is proper etiquette at one time is often seen as archaic, prude, or impractical only a few of years later (take not having sex before the wedding, or even throwing rice, which we've only recently figured out kills birds). To me, if something were "correct" it wouldn't be so subject to change or opinion. I do not remember how the last 4 wedding invitations that I received were addressed. But my grandmother does. She also remembers who got drunk, who wasn't invited, who had the ugliest centerpieces, the sluttiest dress. My point? If you're focusing on some detail, it's going to make an impression on you; if you're not, it's not. You can't predict who's going to be focusing on what, so...focus on what YOU think is important

banana468 · March 2010

[QUOTE]<font size="2">I think I might use address labels on my invites now just to weed out people like this.</font> [/QUOTE]

Seriously?? To WEED OUT?? I won't base my attendance on a label. It's on whether or not I love the couple.

However the OP asked what was proper.

Olivethomas, if you only focus on what YOU think is important, why have guests?

kwolla77 · March 2010

"I hope my guests will be able to tolerate my boorishness. I am quite the Neanderthal, really. Let us oafs all share a hearty guffaw over this conversation! "

lol.. i can't stop laughing at this comment..

seriously... if your guests are going to judge what type of wedding your going to have based on how you address their envelope, i feel bad for you... also, why would i want guests at my wedding who are going to attend to nit pick at every little detail... oh look they used off white napkins instead of white.. call the authorities!!!

when i receive an invitation, i just simply get excited that they chose to include me in their special day.. but thats just me.. .

it doesnt matter in the end.. everyone is going to have their day and do what they think is "right" at least in their minds... but honestly, i'm just saddened by the whole concept of this modern wedding scenario where its all about the bride and whatever she wants she gets because its the most important day of her life... i'm of the opinion that its just one day that is special because you are marrying someone you love and are excited to share that day with your family and friends because your going to embark on a new journey in life.... at least thats how our wedding is being planned

JenPhil6212 · March 2010

I didn't go with the traditional wedding at all. I didn't do anything in calligraphy because I am doing an Irish theme. I downloaded an Irish font and printed labels and stuck them on the strip and stick envelopes. The font is on everything I made, save the dates, invites, RSVP, Table signs. In my opinion people aren't going to look at the envelope or even remember it.

I also put the sitckers on the return envelopes too...

laurae84 · March 2010

Hahaha! What a discussion! I say, if you've got sloppy handwriting, use labels! I wouldn't bother my relatives by asking them to do the work for me. I wasn't even aware that people actually HIRE other people to do this!

One thing I will do is hand-write thank-you notes, as I believe that's a good way to show your appreciation for gifts--and handwriting isn't so essential on the inside of a card, since you're not dealing with the USPS.

For your enjoyment, I share with you an article on the very idea of "tackiness:"
http://offbeatbride.com/2008/07/tacky

At our wedding we'll be using (gasp) styrofoam plates, having (gasp) BBQ pork sandwiches, and many other atrocities! I haven't even THOUGHT about how I'll address the few invitations we're sending (locals get an announcement in the paper to avoid people being left out).

siorsolas · March 2010

Kwolla - glad I could make SOMEONE laugh

And I agree, a wedding is about sharing a special day with those you care about. Not that it isn't important for the bride and groom to be happy, or for the guests to feel welcome and appreciated - but in the end, it's all about spending the time together.

I'm also curious about the fact the invitations I bought at MIchaels came with matching address labels to stick on the outside, along with a Microsoft Word template for printing. Not that Gartner necessarily has bridal etiquitte down, but still...

shauni27 · March 2010

I agree with Abbiecobb that you know your guests better than anyone. Do what you think is appropriate for them and for your wedding. 85% of my guests will not know the difference between a label, handwritten, or printed on an envelope. Because I am going to be having a pretty casual rustic wedding, I will be doing labels, which as I said before, should be fine for my guests (we are a casual crowd). If I were doing a formal wedding, then I would do the handwritten professionally done addresses, which again, my guests probably wouldn't notice. It all can be decided by the theme of your party and the attitude of your guests. Either way, I am not sure if it is something to really stress about. Good luck!

jaclyndoherty · March 2010

You can buy caligraphy pens at a party store. I addressed all of my sister's wedding invitations and they came out great!

smcclain9986 · March 2010

I respect and understand the moderators point of view. Being that they are moderators they have more knowledge in weddings than most of us. However, I don't think the average person is as concerned with labels and formal wording as the rules would have us believe.

I don't recieve a wedding inviation and start picking it apart for everything they did wrong. "How dare they not write out my name?" "How dare they not say address me as this or that." I'm thinking, "I'm so happy for the couple," or "what an honor to be invited." I understand guests are importnant, but as for me and I think most average people, a label doesnt make me feel not important.

If you're like me and not having a super "formal" wedding, and don't have thousands and thousands of dollars to spend, some of the "rules" just have to be broken. I dont think its right to make people feel badly about themselves or their wedding invites over trivial things like this. If people are actually offended by you then they shouldn't come. I think that's the worst ""consequence" that will come if you do labels the way you want.

So relax, weddings should be fun too! You know yourself and your guests better than anyone here. Own your decision and don't let any rules and will surely change with the times make you feel like you are doing something wrong and not respecting your guests.

squirrly · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:72a96f7e-d65d-46d6-9684-454899121a18Post:cf46559c-38cf-4bac-a265-491b81e8da07">Re: Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I respect and understand the moderators point of view. Being that they are moderators they have more knowledge in weddings than most of us. However, I don't think the average person is as concerned with labels and formal wording as the rules would have us believe. I don't recieve a wedding inviation and start picking it apart for everything they did wrong. "How dare they not write out my name?" "How dare they not say address me as this or that." I'm thinking, "I'm so happy for the couple," or "what an honor to be invited." I understand guests are importnant, but as for me and I think most average people, a label doesnt make me feel not important.<strong> If you're like me and not having a super "formal" wedding, and don't have thousands and thousands of dollars to spend, some of the "rules" just have to be broken. I dont think its right to make people feel badly about themselves or their wedding invites over trivial things like this. </strong> If people are actually offended by you then they shouldn't come. I think that's the worst ""consequence" that will come if you do labels the way you want. So relax, weddings should be fun too! You know yourself and your guests better than anyone here. Own your decision and don't let any rules and will surely change with the times make you feel like you are doing something wrong and not respecting your guests.
Posted by smcclain9986[/QUOTE]

Ladies, I think you're missing the points that Banana and I were trying to make. Etiquette doesn't mean expensive. A calligraphy pen is less than a box of labels. Complicated invitations aren't required - just nice cardstock and the appropriate wording. The most formal of invitations are hand written note cards, in fact.

Like I said before - please do try to make yourself familiar with the "rules" before you send out invitations, etc., and think through all the options. It's not about necessarily following every single thing printed in the Crane's wedding etiquette guide, but about making the choices that are most accomodating for your guests at every possible opportunity. Just know what rules you're breaking and why they exist before you poo-poo them. If you look through my bio, my wedding is 2 months away, and there are a lot of non-traditional things we're doing. They are the best choices for us. But, I've taken care to be sure that any time I've deviated from strict etiquette, I've done so carefully and in keeping with the spirit, if not the letter, of the "law."

kmhickey78 · March 2010

Yes it is tacky! If you don't have the budget to print them then have someone with nice hand writting write the addresses out. Its your beautiful wedding invitation!!

janedoe1113a · March 2010

I'm the mod on the budget board and I certainly do not have a huge budget, and neither do most of the ladies who frequent my board. You do not need to have a huge budget to make your invitations look nice.

Terry&Patrick · March 2010

We did that for our invitations. We printed them on clear labels, you can't even see them. I personally think it looks nicer than handwritten ones, since the ink didn't bleed through. (We also had Seal-N-Sends.) No one has said anything bad, they all seem to like them. Besides, as others have said, no one will remember or care either way. If they do, they can get over it. My theory is: if they are really that concerned, they don't have to come.

classictwitch · March 2010

I plan on doing lables or printing right on the envelope in a script font. I don't have super attractive handwriting and neither does anyone who is helping me with the wedding. I REALLY don't think it matters whether it's handwritten or not. The most important thing is that you enjoy your day and love your future husband.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

I just don't think the labels look very nice. We printed directly on the envelope in a nice font, but had that not been an option, I would have sucked it up and written them as neatly as I could.

The invitation is the first impression your guests will get of your wedding. Even if your wedding isn't formal, don't you want it to be a good impression?

chloetutor · March 2010

Just recieved two wedding invitations: one hand addresses one not. Multiple commented on the one that wasn't. Bottom line: people are going to talk. Especially women suddenly become Emily Post when it comes to weddings. It just comes down to how thick your skin is and how much you care. Either have a devil-may-care attitude and enjoy your wedding or worry about pleasing everyone.

smcclain9986 · March 2010

I understand it doesnt cost more to write them out. I was just talking about other rules when I mentioned money. Like reply cards and the like that are the rules of wedding invites. No huge budget needed to make your invites look nice, but no handwriting needed to make them look nice either. Like I said, I value the mod's opinions and am not in your words "poo pooing" them. Everyone has their different opinions and we are just as enitled to ours even if they break the rules. I just feel like there is a lot of "shame on yous' for not adhering to rules that in the opinions of many are silly. Handwritting labels shouldnt make anyone feel like they arent respecting their guests. Of course that's just my opinion and everyone is entitled to theirs. Agree to disagree? Hopefully the writer of this question has seen both sides and can make an informed decision.

banana468 · March 2010

Squirrly summed it up so well!

It's an invitation. If you use a label is it the worst thing? No of course people won't say, "People who use labels molest collies."

BUT it's often not that hard to hand-address. My friend gave me a calligraphy kit (valued at under $20 I think) and I used it to address my invitations after teaching myself a basic font. It took time, but it was a minimal investment.

If you have the time to debate the matter, you have the time to address a few. Take your time and you'll be surprised with how lovely they can be.

AthenaJade · March 2010

You might be able to find someone that does caligraphy for actually very cheap ask around work, or through friends. Or even find a girl (they generally have nicer handwriting) to do it for you just get a really nice pen and have her address them.

If you're going to do the print out type, you might be able to print it directly onto the envelope and use a fancier font on the envelope than plain or times new roman!

ks3pink · March 2010

This is not tacky. Anyone who seriously remembers how invitations to other people's weddings were addressed has way to much time on their hands! I understand trying to save time - between school, work and a child I surely don't have much extra time! How my envelopes get addressed is the least of my worries -THEY ARE GOING IN THE TRASH for crying out loud! No one will care! Really they won't.

WGaches · March 2010

I never meant for this to turn into a debate. I'm going with labels. Printing them is not an option - they are shaped weird and won't feed into a printer properly. I do not have the time. I'm a graduate student completing research, writing a thesis, preparing to defend that thesis, and packing up my entire world because 3 days after our wedding we're moving a thousand miles away. I have kept my guests in mind through every step of the planning process, painstakingly at times. I asked a question to get some opinions - and I'm grateful for them. Now I understand that it will truly depend on the personal tastes of the guest. Everyone on my guest list knows where FI and I are in our lives; they understand our laid-back attitudes and that we really just want everyone to have fun. Please, do continue to debate this topic as much as you like; however, I'm going to print directly on labels, and stick them on my invitations, and mail them. I would prefer to spend time, money, and effort on other wedding details (like the wedding programs I designed, and arranging my own flowers).

Thank you ladies for the wide range of opinions and points of view!

squirrly · March 2010

WGaches, debate is ok! It's good for us, from time to time. If you're going to do the labels (and I understand why), try to use a really lovely font, if at all possible. Maybe even go for oversize labels, if you can, to give you room to "dress it up" a bit and make it feel more personalized, and really stand out from the rest of the mail your guests will be receiving.

In any case - best of luck!

dashenka14 · March 2010

I honestly don't think anyone will notice. I'm printing addresses on clear labels for my save the dates. If someone is offended by it? Well they obviously have nothing better to do.
I wouldn't worry about it at all. I'm sure your invites will look great no matter what you decide to do!

care5980 · March 2010

Hey I never pay attention to the envelopes! I was thinking that just to save time as well!

DezirayM · March 2010

I used labels for our very elegant invitations and they were perfectly fine. I was not going to spend loads of money to pay someone to write names/addresses for me, and my FI and I both have long work days, so hand writing was pretty much out of the question. We bought clear Avery lables for the outside and inner envelopes and picked a nice font. It was so much easier and still looked clean, plus I didn't have to worry about misspelling something and ruining an envelope. Just print another label!

sunshine31088 · March 2010

A few people had the argument that printing them is not as personal as hand-writing them. For everyone who thinks that...how is sending invitations to a calligrapher personal?! You are paying someone else to do the dirty work. I am taking the time to print directly onto my envelope and it is taking me a lot more time to do that then to send them off to someone else to do them.

Also, I hand made my invitations, from scratch. It took me HOURS in multiple sessions! If guests judge me because I didn't take the time on top of that to hand print them, that's messed up.

What people need to realize is that most of the "rules" are from decades ago. Times change. Get used to it!

banana468 · March 2010

Sunshine, I actually agree that it's not personal to have a calligrapher do them.

That's why I learned calligraphy myself.

Some rules are old - but taking the time to personalize your wedding isn't. Remember, it's not just about 'your colors' or your dress. The biggest way your wedding is personalized is by who is there.

JFH2010 · March 2010

This is a great thread, with some of the most refreshing posts I've seen. I am doing the tackiest of all tackys (loved the article, by the way) and doing online everything. I'm doing that because I am a staunch environmentalist, as are most of my friends, and it would be bizarre, out of character, and mostly unappreciated for us to send out formal paper invitations. Only you know your friends and family, so only you know if they will forever harbor a grudge because you did not (insert antiquated wedding protocol here). Personally, I couldn't begin to tell you how the invitations were addressed for ANY wedding I've been to, but if it's important to your circle of friends and family, then go for it. Otherwise do whatever feels right to you!

banana468 · March 2010

Just remember - some people won't necessarily say that doing e-invitations is all the convenient or environmentally friendly.

It takes energy and resources to make your computer and run it as it does for your guests. I totally get what you're saying about not using paper - but some can make that argument as well. (sorry - just a peeve of mine to say that the use of another item and electricity is greener).

Is this tacky?

Re: Is this tacky?

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