First hellos!

jaycee7389 · May 2011

*bats eyes* i'm starting to like you too..the cute kitteh helps

danimcg · May 2011

so, small clarificaiton i guess for my own benefit, altho it does relate... do you guys see discussing financial readiness, such as... we are at a point where it is feasible financially for us to get married, ok? or is it just, discussing finances and specifics of planning an actual wedding... which i agree should wait. when i orignially read what OP wrote I was thinking mostly of, ok we have enough money that we can manage married life, not necessarily about planning a wedding. sorry if that makes little to no sense...

jaycee7389 · May 2011

dani- i did mean in reference to financial readniess to planning the wedding. I would assume you don't really need to discuss whether or not you're ready financially to be married, as you can kind of figure that out based on where you are in life.

danimcg · May 2011

alright, just checking, i was kind of getting lost in all that, and since i sort of interpreted it a little wrong the first time i wanted to clear it up. and i feel like it would be possible for a couple to have to actually have a talk about where they want to be in life when they get married and make the determination about whether or not they are there, right? but it shouldn't involve planning for the actual wedding

becunning2 · May 2011

Cute kittens make everything loveable. Maybe Voldemort needs a kitten!

MLekathLEEN · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:2662a12f-1b41-4199-b3fa-1a0a127aa80b">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First hellos! : Ugh. This is so not true! Everyone keeps saying, "All you need is an agreement to be engaged and you're engaged." While I agree with this, so many of the girls who come on here stretch that to mean, "We know we're going to get married, so we must be engaged," which is totally NOT the right answer! <strong>Do you call him your fiancé? Does he agree you are, indeed, ENGAGED? Because if not, then you're not. </strong>As I mentioned before, BF and I know we want to get married. But, we both know that there needs to be a proposal for us to consider ourselves engaged. Because that proposal has not happened, we do not consider ourselves to be engaged. We've been together for over 7 years, lived together for almost 2 years, know we want to marry one another, and are not ENGAGED. I think we've been giving these chicks a little too much leeway with the "engagement' title. Obviously you can be engaged without a ring, but if you come on here saying you're NOT engaged, or "engaged to be eng****" (I didn't SAY IT), then you are NOT engaged!!! ETA: I posted this before you posted your ETA: MUTUALLY planning , but I still think that's a tricky one. Your BF can be planning with you (and who knows if it's bc he actually wants to), but still want the proposal before he considers the two of you officially engaged. Edited again for improper fiance spelling.
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

I don't IRL because the word creeps me out but he does agree we're engaged... I think. That is what this ring is for, right?11!!? Does this make my engagement half invalid? ;)

ADTonk · May 2011

Summer - I think what the girls are trying to tell you is that preplanning (which includes discussing wedding related finances, trying on dresses, getting "ideas" about anything wedding related, etc) will drive you BSC.

Another thing - if you're researching things and mentally deciding on color schemes and the details of your wedding, it's really disrespectful to your BF because you're not including him in the process and you're actually undermining his possibly upcoming proposal.

Bottom line - preplanning is not cool. Read the sticky thread at the top of the NEY board. Stop planning and enjoy your BF. When he proposes you're free to immerse yourself into the world of colors, favors, table linens, and dresses.

SKP82 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:d2ead969-534c-4573-b528-a747e9b1143a">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First hellos! : I don't IRL because the word creeps me out but he does agree we're engaged... I think. That is what this ring is for, right?11!!? Does this make my engagement half invalid? ;)
Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]

Bwahahaha! Why does that word creep you out? Now I'm curious as to what you call him.

cu97tiger · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:ce8fd3c4-ede9-4c01-b37c-592205bfe2cc">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]To the PP's: No, I definitely don't consider myself engaged, don't worry. Despite that,<strong> I don't see what's wrong with discussing first what is or is not financially feasible and if we're on the same page - not just for the wedding, but for our future</strong>.
Posted by Summerhaven[/QUOTE]

<div>Summer - I've been around here awhile and I have to say, I agree with you on this one. I think it is totally acceptable to discuss, in general terms, finances with respect to the (future) wedding. For me and my BF, we have a lot of financial decisions to make in the near future with respect to our housing situation, debt payoffs and yes, the wedding. We would be short-sighted to discuss finances and NOT discuss what we each expect the wedding to cost.</div><div>
</div><div>Now, there will be some ladies on here that will disagree wholeheartedly with that sentiment. I think the concern is that many ladies can't stop the 'pre-planning' at just finances. But hey, we're all human and getting us all to agree on ANYTHING is nearly impossible. Except how cute lolcats are.</div>

Bumbles18 · May 2011

I don't think THINKING about your plans is dangerous but once you start wanting to take it further i.e. trying on dresses, or it goes further than in your head - like telling friends/SO/family - that's dangerous!

I don't about other NEYs on here but I knew when I was getting carried away because I felt guilty! I think the fact that OP didn't feel comfortable trying a dress on just highlights that it wasn't right. I definitely agree with the majority that when you're engaged you either have a ring - AND HE PROPOSED! - or you have set a date and the ring's on it's way.

However, that seems to have detracted from the initial point - I'm also a newbie and it is great to meet other people going through or having gone through the same in the past. So welcome to you too!

lunarsongbird · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:2e52c6da-1a87-4e69-8fc9-1520c65b8f9e">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]Cute kittens make everything loveable. Maybe Voldemort needs a kitten!
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]

Voldermort has a kitty- haven't you heard? Here he is with his new owner: :)

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/13/13af3100-9fe8-4eeb-8d35-1b02866a0653.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '13af3100-9fe8-4eeb-8d35-1b02866a0653', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/13/13af3100-9fe8-4eeb-8d35-1b02866a0653.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

lunarsongbird · May 2011

Summer- I feel kinda like I encouraged you to be fed to the wolves. Oops. I thought if you were lurking- you would know these ladies would eat you alive for preplanning. Sorry. Hehe.

Although, if you have been lurking- you also know there are some amazing women on this board. So I hope you stick around if you see fit.

The girls just seem tough...no...actually- I think they are actually tough. LOL.

MLekathLEEN · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:e98421ea-133f-44db-a337-16689711d0da">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First hellos! : Bwahahaha! Why does that word creep you out? Now I'm curious as to what you call him.
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

I always feel awkward and it seems like such a uppity word. I want to ask for grey poupon after I say it, haha. I just call him boyfriend or Kyle. Sometimes manfriend if I'm feeling saucy and want to creep him out.

SKP82 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:778a4ee8-faec-4e0a-ad5b-b95cf72f651c">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]Summer- I feel kinda like I encouraged you to be fed to the wolves. Oops. I thought if you were lurking- you would know these ladies would eat you alive for preplanning. Sorry. Hehe. Although, if you have been lurking- you also know there are some amazing women on this board. So I hope you stick around if you see fit. The girls just seem tough...no...actually- I think they are actually tough. LOL.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/3/240292fb-fc26-4b55-83e7-63b4a228148f.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '240292fb-fc26-4b55-83e7-63b4a228148f', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/3/240292fb-fc26-4b55-83e7-63b4a228148f.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

SKP82 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:e981aebf-9750-4714-8f58-f2fe2944aee7">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First hellos! : I always feel awkward and it seems like such a uppity word. I want to ask for grey poupon after I say it, haha. I just call him boyfriend or Kyle. <strong>Sometimes manfriend if I'm feeling saucy and want to creep him out.
</strong>Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]

This is funny. Sometimes I call BF "that guy" or "the guy I live with."

I hated that BF used to sometimes call me his "lady friend." I would think, "I'm your f*&#! girlfriend, god d@mmi!t!!!"

desertsun · May 2011

I think that discussing finances is fine.

I'd even go so far as to say that updating your address book and thinking about how many guests you might have so that you can start setting up a budget for your wedding is fine even when you're NEY, as long as you and your BF are working on that together.

But taking that the next step to researching venues? Is too far.

I think OP got talked into trying dresses on by an overenthusiastic acquaintance, and she realized it wasn't right b/c it made her feel weird.

Summer, try not to take all this too personally. We discourage pre-planning b/c so many of us have been there, done that, and we know from personal experience that it does more harm than good.

Don't get scared off. The board is actually chock full of nice, funny girls who will help distract you while you're waiting for that proposal.

SeaTea02 · May 2011

Really though, you wont use 99% of the stuff you pick out now as far as colors/flowers/etc. Believe me.

sparkles88 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-hellos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c161457-56ec-4463-9e18-92ffe9d43d4ePost:20ab873e-77bd-4ec4-bf02-fc57ef21b563">Re: First hellos!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First hellos! : Summer - I've been around here awhile and I have to say, I agree with you on this one. I think it is totally acceptable to discuss, in general terms, finances with respect to the (future) wedding. For me and my BF, we have a lot of financial decisions to make in the near future with respect to our housing situation, debt payoffs and yes, the wedding. We would be short-sighted to discuss finances and NOT discuss what we each expect the wedding to cost. Now, there will be some ladies on here that will disagree wholeheartedly with that sentiment. I think the concern is that many ladies can't stop the 'pre-planning' at just finances. But hey, we're all human and getting us all to agree on ANYTHING is nearly impossible. Except how cute lolcats are.
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

I agree with you on this. I don't think it hurts to consider finances when making decisions. It also seems that most people have a general idea of how much a wedding might cost in their area, even if they haven't done any research on the matter. If a couple is sure they will be getting married relatively soon and someone wants an outlet to channel their wedding excitement into, I would rather it be towards saving money than trying on dresses or actually booking venues. I just don't think I can fault a person for considering financial ramifications.

Summerhaven · May 2011

Thanks to the later encouragement from some of the more recent posters, I really appreciate it. As far as some others commenting about editing my post being pointless since some things were already quoted, that information wasn't what I was worried about. I didn't want personal information out there that I originally felt comfortable posting. Now I don't feel comfortable thus far having information about me out here yet. This is the last time I'll be checking this thread, but thanks to anyone who had encouraging words.

First hellos!

Re: First hellos!

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