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Chit Chat
Am i being unreasonable?
Disagreement over alcohol. Fi and I both don't drink and my family doesn't drink. We are paying for the wedding ourselves- me about 6-7k and him about 1000. I live at home so don't pay rent n can contribute more. He just informed me he wants there to be alcohol for his family.... I think that's ridiculous if they aren't giving us any money who cares? Basically his total contribution is going to getting his family alcohol. It's a Sunday afternoon wedding too like wtf. Ughhhhh help! Not trying to be controlling but this seems wack.
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Re: Am i being unreasonable?
Compromise is a good thing! Tell him how you feel but try to come up with a way that keeps both of you happy.
However, if it doesn't come down to it, having a dry wedding is absolutely fine.
I don't think alcohol is necessary at weddings, especially Sunday afternoon weddings, but if this is something your FI feels strongly about, it's worth at least a discussion. You don't have to have a complete open bar, maybe beer and wine is a good compromise.
Either way, it's his wedding too, and you guys should sit down and have a discussion about it.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
So, if providing some alcohol is within your budget, then my advice above stands. But if it's something you guys just can't afford, then that's a different story. Either way, you need to set a budget and go with it. And don't nickel and dime who is paying for what, or you're in for a world of hurt once you're married.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]Well, maybe look at it this way. If you DON'T provide alcohol, you're accommodating your family but not his. If you do, then you're accommodating his family and not hurting anyone in yours.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
Ditto.
If he wants booze and is willing to put up the money for it at <strong>his own wedding</strong> (You're not the only one getting married that day, you know), I think you need to just get over it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am i being unreasonable? : Ditto. If he wants booze and is willing to put up the money for it at his own wedding (You're not the only one getting married that day, you know), I think you need to just get over it.
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]
Well, I wouldn't go that far. I mean...it's THEIR wedding budget. It's not like he's making a set contribution to one particular thing like a parent might. I think they need to be in agreement, but I definitely think there are compromises to be had here.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am i being unreasonable? : Well, I wouldn't go that far. I mean...it's THEIR wedding budget. It's not like he's making a set contribution to one particular thing like a parent might. I think they need to be in agreement, but I definitely think there are compromises to be had here.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
I could be presuming a lot here, but I'm kind of reading the OP like she's saying "Well, <strong>I'm </strong>contributing x, and he's <strong>only</strong> contributing z", so to her, what she wants is more important, because she's spending more. Which is a pretty unreasonable attitude to me.
If this is normally how they view their money and that's how they want to do it, fine, but then I think he most certainly gets to say what he's spending "his" money on.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am i being unreasonable? : I could be presuming a lot here, but <strong>I'm kind of reading the OP like she's saying "Well, I'm contributing x, and he's only contributing z", so to her, what she wants is more important, because she's spending more. Which is a pretty unreasonable attitude to me.</strong> If this is normally how they view their money and that's how they want to do it, fine, but then I think he most certainly gets to say what he's spending "his" money on.
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]
You're not the only one that read it that way.
[QUOTE]Disagreement over alcohol. Fi and I both don't drink and my family doesn't drink. We are paying for the wedding ourselves- me about 6-7k and him about 1000. I live at home so don't pay rent n can contribute more. He just informed me he wants there to be alcohol for his family.... I think that's ridiculous if they aren't giving us any money who cares? Basically his total contribution is going to getting his family alcohol. It's a Sunday afternoon wedding too like wtf. Ughhhhh help! Not trying to be controlling but this seems wack.
Posted by Rachel405[/QUOTE]
I think his family shouldn't even be invited if they aren't helping pay for your wedding.
Does your FI also live at home?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am i being unreasonable? : I could be presuming a lot here, but I'm kind of reading the OP like she's saying "Well, I'm contributing x, and he's only contributing z", so to her, what she wants is more important, because she's spending more. Which is a pretty unreasonable attitude to me. If this is normally how they view their money and that's how they want to do it, fine, <strong>but then I think he most certainly gets to say what he's spending "his" money on.</strong>
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]
I agree that her attitude about who's spending more money is totally unreasonable. But the statement you made that I bolded is then the same thing, except just opposite. So, if you were saying that to make a point, then yes. But if not, I don't find that sort of attitude to be any better than OP's.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the tough love. I was being a brat. It is HIS wedding too. We decided to do 4 beer options and 2 whites and 2 reds, and paying by consumption. I appreciate all the comments.
Posted by Rachel405[/QUOTE]
Sounds like a great compromise! Hope ya'll have a blast! :)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am i being unreasonable? : I agree that her attitude about who's spending more money is totally unreasonable. But the statement you made that I bolded is then the same thing, except just opposite. So, if you were saying that to make a point, then yes. But if not, I don't find that sort of attitude to be any better than OP's.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
Had to disappear for errands, but yes, I was really just trying to make the point of how silly it sounded to view it like "My money vs. his money" thing when it comes. to a rather large joint expense. Guess I just fell victim to that whole "It sounded much more clear in my head than it did in print" thing, lol
OP, I'm really glad you guys were able to reach a good compromise that worked for both of you!
[QUOTE]In Response to Am i being unreasonable? : I think his family shouldn't even be invited if they aren't helping pay for your wedding. Does your FI also live at home?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
<div>Maybe his family can't afford to help pay. You can't exclude his family because they can't afford it! </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Am i being unreasonable? : I think his family shouldn't even be invited if they aren't helping pay for your wedding. Does your FI also live at home?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
I think this comment is a bit much. Lots of parents don't give a dime for their children's wedding. My parents are not contributing at all, and of course they will be there. I don't expect them to help pay, nor do I want them to help pay.
I think the OP and her fiance need to sit down and talk about this. How many guests would actually be drinking? How much money are the two of you willing to budget for alcohol? Where would the money come from?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am i being unreasonable? : I think this comment is a bit much. Lots of parents don't give a dime for their children's wedding. My parents are not contributing at all, and of course they will be there. I don't expect them to help pay, nor do I want them to help pay. I think the OP and her fiance need to sit down and talk about this. How many guests would actually be drinking? How much money are the two of you willing to budget for alcohol? Where would the money come from?
Posted by ChristineNB[/QUOTE]
I do believe that Ziti's comment was mean't to be read in the 'sarcasm font'. . .
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the tough love. I was being a brat. It is HIS wedding too. We decided to do 4 beer options and 2 whites and 2 reds, and paying by consumption. I appreciate all the comments.
Posted by Rachel405[/QUOTE]
Thanks for all the posts after this one but I think we settled it.